I'm convinced he will come back. Is this normal?

[antimanchild]

We were together 15 months, broke up 11 weeks ago, NC for 10 weeks. We are both 27. Neither of us have tried reaching out. For the most part, I've been focusing on me and trying to be a better person. I've gotten to a point where I'm happy most days but still miss him terribly for a few moments on a daily basis. Then I pick back up and continue to focus on moving forward.

 

All that being said, a small piece of me is still convinced that he will come back. We had a strong bond (our friends would tell us how weirdly alike we were, and we would marvel at that fact too) but fought (about non-deal breakers) and broke up because he wasn't in love with me, which I suspect is because he needs to grow up and is a textbook manchild - the cause for most of our fights. I don't even think I'd take him back at this point, but who knows.

 

I still wonder about him. People tell me to go with my gut. My gut says he will be back, maybe not soon, but at some point. I'm not asking for the likelihood that he will be back, but I just want to know if this gut feeling of KNOWING he will be back is normal? Or am I just a dumpee in serious denial?

Edited November 28, 2015 by antimanchild

[Qboro90]

Sometimes we have that feeling of "they'll be back eventually" based on what we know about our partners. For example, those couples who break up and get back together over and over and over again? When they break up for the 5th time in 6 months, it's normal for one person to know that their partner will eventually come back to them.

 

However with you I think that it's more about your hopeful projection that he will grow up and reach out to you that's manifesting rather than the actual likelihood that he will. The fact that he hasn't contacted you since the break up, means he's not going to in the coming weeks either. If he wanted to reconcile, you wouldn't heard from him by now.

 

Also, you said one of the reasons you broke up was Bc "he wasn't in love with you". Sorry to have to say this, but he's not going to fall in love with you suddenly, especially when he's not interacting with you at all. 11 weeks is long enough for him to realize if he misses you more than he thought or had stronger feelings for you now that you're out of his life. That hasn't happened, so it's very unlikely to happen going forward. Best advise for you is to come to terms with the fact that he's not coming back. And you wouldn't want to date someone who doesn't love you anyways, so focus on yourself like you have, and just chalk this up to another step in your life you had to go through.

[casey.lives]

the feeling of knowing like any other feeling.. is only relevant if it's followed by facts among others things. However, feelings are uncontrollable and you just live through them and accept them for what they are.. A quarter of the experience. I never put stock of feelings alone - NEVER

[mightycpa]

... he wasn't in love with me, which I suspect is because he needs to grow up ... Or am I just a dumpee in serious denial?

Denial. The bolded statement betrays the mental gymnastics you're doing to avoid the ugly truth, which is that even if he grew up tomorrow, he still wouldn't love you, which means he isn't coming back... at least not for long.

 

My advice would be to swallow hard, stiffen that backbone, and begin the process of your rational mind taking over for your heart until it gets with the program again.

[marky00]

I get this feeling quite often to and i'm like 9 months post breakup.

 

Its hard to explain why but in my case I have 2 specific reasons.

 

1) My ex is pretty selfish and I think that selfishness could facilitate her reaching out in a couple of years. Shes the type to be selfish enough to see past what damage she caused and come back when it suits her. Shes from a developing country and I supported her financially through the relationship.

 

2) Since the relationship was almost 10 years, friendship became a huge aspect of the relationship. Sure she must have fell out of love to some extent but it was the long-distance and some personal issues that crept up in my life that made it harder for me to positively contribute to the relationship as I would have liked to. She knows about those issues but for some reason didn't want to factor them in.

 

Still gonna keep going NC and continue to heal. What i said above is based on gut feeling and in the past that has usually be right.

Edited November 28, 2015 by marky00

[lana-banana]

It may not be normal per se, but it's probably not uncommon. I would have to agree it's a kind of delusion.

 

There is an exceptionally eloquent, compelling poster on these forums whose immature boyfriend ended their relationship after three years. She was convinced he would make contact with her eventually, if only to apologize or try to be friends. She knew woth a scientific certainty that he would reach out. He didn't. Not after six months, one year, two years...Watching her come to terms with the realization that he is well and truly gone, with no interest in rekindling any kind of relationship, has been heartwrenching.

 

It is fine to want someone to contact you, but "knowing" it only sets you up for extreme pain down the road. It's healthier to face the worst now.

[DJOkawari]

I had this feeling before. Many times with this same ex i "knew" she'd contact me after a certain amount of time...well she did. The result? I'm still posting on loveshack...she's had someone new for months.

 

I was 100% correct about the timing of her reaching out each time though, so I can write home about that. I think you can know your ex really well but getting back with someone who was okay with leaving you is always the longest of long shots. Lots of cautionary tales of mistreated people who heaped extra pain on themselves for absolutely no reason. It's hard enough, losing the love of your life, you don't need to make it harder.

 

Though for me, it was manifested in my mind in a way I couldn't remove it...maybe you can know it is unwise to wait and still be stuck waiting. I believe that's just something you'll have to go through. It's the harder road to travel but I don't think people have much of a choice in if they are to travel it or not.

Edited November 28, 2015 by DJOkawari