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Prompt: Rebounds?


anonymousbear00101100

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anonymousbear00101100

My ex and I broke up a few weeks ago. I immediately decided to start getting girls numbers, and I got about 4 or 5 in the first days. However, talking to them started to make me feel bad (I'm not sure if it was guilt or just depression), so I just decided to stop.

 

On the other side, my ex (as I later found out when we met up and talked) has started to talking to a couple of guys. One in particular she has hung out with just about every day, even making out with him once. She said she felt bad and didn't like it, and now just wants to be alone for a few months because she realized she was leading him on.

 

This originally made me a bit jealous, and I wanted to go out and sleep with someone to one up her, but I decided this was probably really unhealthy. I decided I would take the high road, but with the holiday break coming up, future loneliness is making me rethink my decision.

 

So my question to all of you is:

 

What is your experience with rebounds? What level of relationship (flirting, casual sex, significant other, etc.), and which level do you recommend? Did it help you? Did you ever feel depressed/guilty? Do you feel like it accelerated or decelerated your recovery process? I just really don't know if I did the right thing, or if I should try to jump back in again.

Edited by rjblak13
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Rebounds distract you from the task of reflecting on the expired relationship; determining your role in its demise, and how you want to and plan to avoid following a similar pattern in your next relationship.

 

Now, if the person rebounding is the dumper, then there's a chance they've done this introspection before leaving the relationship. I still don't think it's wise to get involved in a rebound, unless both parties are aware and accepting that it's to be a short-lived affair with little likelihood of growing into something substantial and lasting.

 

For the person who was dumped, I think they're generally terrible. What you're experiencing is one of the reasons why. People tell you to get back out there, but the emotions associated with the breakup are still so raw for you that rebounding is usually going to do nothing for your recovery, other than maybe provide temporary relief.

 

I do think that after a certain while, it's healthy and necessary to put yourself back out there and be open to meeting new people. The key is to avoid the urge to turn this into a competition with the ex. In other words, don't feel like you have to move on to a new person just because they may have. To me, moving on doesn't necessarily require meeting someone new. It's the act of working toward indifference about your ex.

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anonymousbear00101100
Rebounds distract you from the task of reflecting on the expired relationship; determining your role in its demise, and how you want to and plan to avoid following a similar pattern in your next relationship.

 

Now, if the person rebounding is the dumper, then there's a chance they've done this introspection before leaving the relationship. I still don't think it's wise to get involved in a rebound, unless both parties are aware and accepting that it's to be a short-lived affair with little likelihood of growing into something substantial and lasting.

 

For the person who was dumped, I think they're generally terrible. What you're experiencing is one of the reasons why. People tell you to get back out there, but the emotions associated with the breakup are still so raw for you that rebounding is usually going to do nothing for your recovery, other than maybe provide temporary relief.

 

I do think that after a certain while, it's healthy and necessary to put yourself back out there and be open to meeting new people. The key is to avoid the urge to turn this into a competition with the ex. In other words, don't feel like you have to move on to a new person just because they may have. To me, moving on doesn't necessarily require meeting someone new. It's the act of working toward indifference about your ex.

 

Thank you for the advice. She is likely doing it because she has (and I hate to sound cliche) "Daddy Issues". Her dad and mom split when she was little, and has had a revolving door of step dads ever since. Her mom also shows little compassion. She turns to others (such as myself) to validate herself. Sometimes that makes me angry, and sometimes I just feel bad for her.

 

I'm just trying to focus on me and what's best for my recovery. Sometimes, though, it's just so hard to try and be alone when I know she's out there with other guys.

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