Emmee Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hello Friends! Info Were together with my exGF for about eight months. She was very in love with me for six of those months. Lost attraction because I was needy, clingy and insecure. I know that now analyzing the relationship. Breaking up she said shes not sure if shes in love with me anymore but loves me as a person and do not want to lose me. She wants to stay friends and all that other bull**** Story line. GF broke up with me about a month ago. After that I made some of the misstakes that they list in the guides. Begged a little, emotional, spilled my heart out, you know the drill. Heres what happend the following weeks after the breakup… We hooked up spent three consecutive weekends together. 1st weekend (one week after the BU). Her picking up some of the stuff she left at my house. We end up in bed, stay together for the whole weekend. Having an overall awesome time, like nothing ever happend. Afterwords I ask “what does this mean” She says we still broken up. I get a little upset but not as much as first time. 2nd weekend (two weeks after BU). Same story pretty much. This time I try to play it cool (it gets to her). When the weekend comes to an end. I tell her I still got feelings and I dont want to see her if she do not want to be exclusive with me. She says shes not sure of her feelings and agrees with me that its probably a good idea to not talk for a while. So she can figure out her feelings. I (we) start no contact after that 3rd weekend, (third week after BU) I held the no contact. I slept with another girl on Friday. Saturday I go out. Meet my ex randomly in the club. Of course we sleep together she stays Saturday/Sunday. Monday she tells me she thinks its for the best if we dont see eachother no more and that it feels wierd. Again I tell her im still in love. Now shes 100% sure shes not in love with me, starts crying alot telling me im the greatest guy ever etc. This time im very calm, no big emotions. We make out for 5 minutes and we say goodbye. Here we are today. Ten days or so in to the no contact. My feelings for her have cooled a little. Im definitly not over her and I still want her back. She contacted me Monday because she was worried. Actually she heard some stuff from a mutual friend that the right reaction was to be worried. I didnt answer the calls or the text. Other that that her intrest seems low (no trying to make me jealous etc) During this whole time I have been working out alot and working on my mental state. Feeling better and better. If it does not work out im going to be fine and I have learned alot from this whole experience. My plan is to wait 1-2weeks more, make contact (im 99% sure she will reply). Meet up for something casual. Show her im in good shape and that I have changed alot. Dont spill my emotions all over her and hopefully sneak myself in to her heart once again. So what do you think? Do I still have a chance? Should I go the full 30 days? All advice, thoughts and help is needed! Thanks and goodluck you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I personally don't think this is a great idea. A few weeks isn't long enough for most people to see sustainable changes Take the full 30 days and really get some space from her. She knows how you feel, so you don't need to re-iterate that. If she really fell out of love, you won't be able to sneak back in to her heart. I've fallen out of love before and once I had, I didn't look at the guy in the same light. But I suppose some of this depends on why she thinks her feelings changed. I know she told you she's not sure if she loves you, but did she give any specifics? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmee Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 No specifics She doenst love my the same way I love her anymore. Pretty sure she lost attraction. Because I changed and got scared and bacame needy, clingy, insecure. Not the way I used to be. I know she still likes me alot as a person. But fell out of love with me because I acted like a complete loser Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Bad Plan. Take that energy and pump it into meeting new people. Leave the ex behind., 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anonymousbear00101100 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 This sounds like exactly what happened to me, though it's only been a couple of weeks for me. I opened up to her and told her I changed but it didn't matter. I should have waited 30 days, and now it seems like I wasted my opportunity. Regardless, I know it's hard man. You're thinking "I was clingy and needy and that ruined our relationship." I thought the same thing. But did you ever consider why you felt that way? Did you ever consider her actions made you feel that way? It's easy to analyze it as all your fault, because you're vulnerable and lonely and sad and bargaining right now. Don't put everything on yourself. The truth is, if she had done a better job making you feel loved and appreciated, there would have never been a need to be clingy. You will find a woman who will treat you that way, there's plenty of them out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmee Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 (edited) Thanks for advice! yeah maybe I should try to find another girl. At the moment im not intrested. I know couple weeks isnt long enough to see change. However only after two weeks of hooking up back and forth. She said I was changed, more like I used to be in the beginning. That my posture had gotten better. That she missed the old me etc. That gave me hope and I got clingy again and blew it I will stay in NC for atleast twenty-one days. Well see what happends. I know she has a lot of faults and that me being clingy and needy was not only on me. Still thinks her good sides makes up for it and if I played it diffrent, this time things would be diffrent. Even tho im 29 this was my first real relationship and I made alot of newbie misstakes for sure. If she contacts me should I keep ignoring or should I answer and keep it short and play it cool? Think she needs to know that im over her for this to work. Can I use mutual friends or socialmedia to my advantage somehow? Hate that the holidays comes up feels like it will be harder to maneuver a comeback during that time... Lets do this! Edited November 27, 2015 by Emmee Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Thanks for advice! yeah maybe I should try to find another girl. At the moment im not intrested. I know couple weeks isnt long enough to see change. However only after two weeks of hooking up back and forth. She said I was changed, more like I used to be in the beginning. That my posture had gotten better. That she missed the old me etc. That gave me hope and I got clingy again and blew it I will stay in NC for atleast twenty-one days. Well see what happends. I know she has a lot of faults and that me being clingy and needy was not only on me. Still thinks her good sides makes up for it and if I played it diffrent, this time things would be diffrent. Even tho im 29 this was my first real relationship and I made alot of newbie misstakes for sure. If she contacts me should I keep ignoring or should I answer and keep it short and play it cool? Think she needs to know that im over her for this to work. Can I use mutual friends or socialmedia to my advantage somehow? Hate that the holidays comes up feels like it will be harder to maneuver a comeback during that time... Lets do this! No, because she'll see right through it and - to be very blunt - you're too old for games like that. Leave that for the highchool crowd. Adult relationships require honest and open communication. The truth is there's no point in her contacting you unless she is willing to work on reconciliation with you, and I would tell her as much. If she's contacting you just to keep a door open and sleep with you when she pleases, you'll never be able to really move on. If she contacts you, I would let her know once that unless she wants to work towards rebuilding a relationship with you, you'd prefer not to hear from her because it's not conducive to moving on from her. Because really, if she is serious about breaking up with you then you will eventually need to cut that cord anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 (edited) Bad idea. People don't change in a few weeks. You are who you are, she didn't like it so she left. She used you for a bit of comfort afterwards but she's made it clear that it's over. 2 weeks is NOTHING and she will see right through your attempts of "casual." Here's an example from me. I was dating a guy not so long ago (it was casual, not a relationship but just going out etc). I wasn't into him anymore because he became far too clingy and would literally try to force me to kiss him (ugh!). So I called it off. 2 weeks later he asks can we hang out. My thoughts were: are you kidding me? I just told you 2 weeks ago that I wasn't feeling it, why would that have changed now? Your ex will have the same mindset. Trust me, don't waste your time. She will meet up with you for coffee, sex or whatever else, then drop the same line "it's still over." Don't let her do that. You might think your feelings are cooling now but you're still holding on to small hope, you need to let that go so that the real healing can start. Just go cold turkey. If there's ANY chance of her running back, it's you treating her like she's old news. Change for yourself not for her. Edited November 27, 2015 by Meli22 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmee Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Yes I am who I am, in the end I wasnt the guy that I used to be. Understand why she lost attraction even if she made me this way or whatever happend. I will stay in NC for now. So my chance for reconciliation are none? even with 30days and a diffrent mindset? Thanks for advice, it hurts but though love is what I need Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Again, 30 days is no time at all. You just need to accept the situation, carry on with your life and if she has a change of heart you'll know about it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmee Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 Sucks, ill just accept the situation and quit trying. She tried to contact me again yesterday. Telling me she had some problems with her internet or whatever. Obviously I did not answer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts