Your destiny is not tied to those who walk away from you

[DontBreakEven]

It's a quote I want to make my Facebook status ... but I won't. I'm too old and wise to know that when you share about a breakup on social media, 90% of the readers are gossiping about you, and the other 10% don't give a sh*t. There is only one real person who I want to get the message - and if that person wanted to talk to me, she would.

 

She hasn't.

 

Long story short, because I'm unsure if I ever even posted it on here, but about 7 months ago, my live-in girlfriend of 1 year got in her car and drove 2000 miles away back to her hometown. She just didn't want to stay here anymore. She wanted to be back in her hometown which she had left years prior, to be near her family. She claimed she didn't want to break up, and it was tearing her apart ... but I mean, she still left, so I don't know how torn up she really was or not.

 

Anyway, it's been 2 months No Contact (5 long months of back and forth drama after she left).

 

I'm struggling. All my past hurts are coming back to the surface and making me feel extremely bitter. There is another post floating around about where your exes are now, and I contributed, and it made me realize that I'm pissed off.

 

It all started 7 years ago when my fiance called off our engagement a few months before the wedding. It was totally out of the blue and crushed me. I think it was the single-most defining moment in my life thus far - that's how hard it hit me. It changed my life in many ways, with the most cathartic being that 6 months after he left me, I explored a part of my sexuality that I had been denying my whole life, and I took the steps to coming out of the closet.

 

After that, I thought things would be so much easier, as surely dating women wouldn't be near as heart wrenching. I could not have been more wrong, of course. My first girlfriend completely put me through the wringer (see BPD posts on here). I lost 25 pounds and was just shell shocked. Oddly enough, years later, we are best of friends, but she got help and we both had growing up to do. My next girlfriend cheated on me with an acquaintance of mine, and they have been together ever since. The girl I met after all that, I thought was my "reward" for going through all the bullsh*t. Not so much. I spent 2 years with her going back and forth until I finally proposed to her, she accepted, and then a week later she left home and never came back (I believe I started this screen name due to that relationship).

 

So, that's 2 broken engagements, with some mini-heartbreaks in between. After I finally got over the second engagement, I tried to learn to love myself. I did extensive therapy, and really looked within to see what maybe I was doing wrong to contribute to this string of, abandonments, basically. And then once I felt good and healthy, I started dating again. I was doing well, I thought, weeding out the people with the glaring red flags. And then I met my current ex. She presented me with a couple red flags, but for whatever reason, I turned them green as I was so drawn to her. And her to me. And we were together for year before she told me she was going to move away. It's a ridiculously long story, and she supposedly wanted me to come with her (I don't believe that in retrospect, as she presented it in a way that made it not really even plausible for me to realistically go with her).

 

But anyway, she is there, and I am here, and I find myself alone again, wondering just what my destiny is supposed to be. It is not tied to those who have walked away from me ... yet they have all walked away from me in some form or another, so what exactly is it tied to? Working day in/day out until I'm dead? Marrying my cat? Yes, I've become cynical. I read somewhere that a cynic is a wounded idealist. And I can agree with that. Still doesn't help that I'm a cynic. Anyway, thanks for reading.

[AspenBaldwin]

''Your destiny is not tied to those who walk away from you''

and you waited all this time to tell me that?

 

I've been feeling bad my whole life because people are always leaving me and now you come to show me thy wisdom.

 

Bit late isn't it?

[casey.lives]

What are you looking to get out of his thread?

Edited November 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude~T

[casey.lives]

the best part about your life .. is that the people who don't want to be there ARE ACTUALLY GONE!!!! being surrounded by ..or staying "in touch" with people who OUGHT to be gone ...- is a far bleeping worse!!! clingers .. can destroy happiness with their selfishness. People who leave are considered more kind and caring, by my standards.

[basil67]

Perhaps you still have more work to do in learning how to avoid dating people who it's not going to work out with. Despite all the therapy, you did ignore the red flags of your last girlfriend - and you need to take responsibility for this and learn further.

 

Out of curiosity, how did it come about that she left you rather than you going back home with her? Were there other problems in the relationship?

[mightycpa]

I think that you'd have to agree that the BF who called off the wedding allowed both of you to dodge a major bullet, wouldn't you?

 

I mean, can you imagine if you'd gotten married, and you turned out to be completely different than what he'd imagined he was getting? That would have been a total cluster**** for the both of you, and I think him especially. You'd have walked away with better self-knowledge. He'd have walked away feeling robbed and betrayed.

[casey.lives]

relationships are not things to be "imagined" ....you're either IN it or NOT!!!!!