Is she stringing me along or does she still want me?

[fgriffin127]

My ex and I were in a relationship for 3 years. We met at junior college and after about a year and a half into our relationship I transferred to finish school for a baseball scholarship in Colorado while she stayed home in California. We did a year of distance while I was away at school. It sucked but we got through it and we spent good time over the summer and during breaks from school. About a month into our final year of distance she broke up with me. It really blind sided me because she ALWAYS talked about getting married and having kids and it was both of our first serious relationship. I flew home a week later to try and mend things but I wasn't able to change her mind. Throughout the entire breakup I tried to go NC but the longest she could go without calling or texting me was a day and I always caved when she called. It almost felt like we were still together still because we still stayed in contact the entire time.

 

Right after we broke up she was on tinder and within 3 weeks of the breakup she had sex with a guy she met on tinder multiple times. She also had sex with one of my Junior College baseball teammates who had always been a dick to her and is someone I greatly dislike. This really hurt me because she is the only girl I have had sex with and she had only had sex with 1 guy before me. About 2 weeks ago she called me crying and confessed all of this to me saying she wanted to get back together. At that time I told her we could talk when I get home. I am currently home for the week of thanksgiving right now.

 

I agreed to let her pick me up from the airport and to try and work on things again. Things were going good between us until I decided to snoop on her phone. I found out that she had sent a nudie to another guy just days before I got home and was still talking to the guy from tinder even though he just got deployed 2 weeks ago and she had told me she had stopped talking to him.

 

I called her out on this telling her I was done and called her all sorts of names I probably should not have. After this, she freaked out and was on her knees begging me to give things another shot saying how sorry she was and how I'm the only one she wants. A day later I caved and agreed to give her 1 final chance.

 

She now just came to me saying how she is only 90% sure she wants me and there is still something holding her back. She wants to try and find that missing piece with me but can't guarantee anything. I honestly don't think she's over the tinder guy because he was new and exciting.

 

I am so torn on what to do. I feel like even after everything she's put me through I still love her would be with her but I don't like the situation she's putting me in. Should I have more self respect than to try and work on things even if she doesn't want to give me 100%?

 

 

Edit: I also found when she I was snooping that she texted her best friend saying sex with the Tinder guy was amazing but the recent sex with me was good but not great.

[LoveIsMyReligion]

If your girlfriend sleeps with another guy after being with you, you and her were not meant to be. Best damn advice I'v ever gotten.

[Oregon_Dude]

I also found when she I was snooping that she texted her best friend saying sex with the Tinder guy was amazing but the recent sex with me was good but not great.

Jesus f*cking Christ.

 

Yes, OP, stay with her. Because self-respect.

[7121157]

First off, I'm sorry you are going thru this. I know the feeling all to well. A lot of people on here will probably tell you to just drop her and find someone better. The one thing Ive learned is, your mind might know what the right thing to do is, but your heart still wants what it wants. I honestly think you should try and let her go. She is putting you thru these situations you dont need to be in. At this point, you might even have trust issues with the relationship, if you give it another good. I suggest really really thinking about it. Is the juice worth the squeeze? Will the situation of your ex having intimate moments with other people going to bother you forever, or can you let that go? These are all questions you have to ask yourself.

 

Everything is different now... I strongly suggest working on yourself and seeing what else the world has to offer. If you feel later down the line the relationship is worth another shot, then go for it. I just think right now isnt the right time. She isnt in the right place when she keeps putting these situations on you. Stay strong and most importantly, take care of the most important person... YOU!

[anonymousbear00101100]

Dump her. Block her on social media, block her number. Never see this woman again. Do you really want to be with someone who would do all of those things to you, even if you weren't dating? That's not the mother of your children. She seems really immature and childish. She's using you to validate herself because she feels lonely.

 

I know the distance was hard, and being broken up with over distance is the worst thing (happened to me a few weeks ago) because you never really can get an accurate read on their emotional state. But you need to recognize what you want from a relationship, and it seems like she isn't it. Separate your feelings. Do you want her because she is the one? Or do you want her because being with her is easier than going through a breakup? That feeling changes when you begin to feel lonely or sad, but really think "Is she the one I want to spend my life with?"

 

You're a D1 baseball player (I assumed CU), girls will go crazy over you. You haven't been available for a number of years in college. You haven't met all of the other wonderful, beautiful, and honest women out there yet. Let yourself heal over Thanksgiving, finals, and winter break. Just be alone for a while and work on yourself. I don't recommend rebound sex. Hold yourself to a higher standard than her. She's below you. Then come back in the second semester, and start meeting new people. I guarantee you will have met someone 1000 times more attractive, more mature, and more loyal by the summer.

[anonymousbear00101100]

The one thing Ive learned is, your mind might know what the right thing to do is, but your heart still wants what it wants.

 

Exactly. 100%.

[S2B]

She's not made you her priority. She's used you as her option/backup plan.

 

 

You would get over her faster if you blocked her completely from all forms of contact and focused on gals that make you a priority.

 

 

She's shown you exactly who she is and it doesn't look like a good match for what you prefer. No use wasting MORE time expecting her to change.

 

She's been a douche...let her be a douche without you having to watch her be so mean.

[fgriffin127]

Thank you everyone...I think this was exactly what I needed to hear. As hard as it is I just need to bite the bullet and move on because she doesn't deserve me. I want to find someone who will make me a priority again!

 

Rjblak, thank you for the advice. I don't feel like I want anyone else at the moment so I think letting myself heal first is the best course of action.