Plove Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 I've been reading everyone's stories for a while. I've mine to share. Infact I'm going to make a diary out of mine, and try to update it at least once a week. I've been in and out of a relationship for 4.5 going on 5yrs, we're in our mid 20s and went from best friends in undergrad to a relationship. After college, we both had to to go to grad schl and the stress and expectations from the type of grad profs we embarked on made us argue a lot and we decided to end the "official" relationship. Alot of it stemmed from my part cause he was in grad schl b4 me, and never really told me about how stressed it was, and I'd act immature about relationship issues and bring them up at all the wrong times. I craved being the center of attention, and put a fit when it wasnt necessary. This had to do with age, I was barely 21 when we "officially" broke up, and if it was now, it all would have been different because I would know how to act. Anyway we remained close, and at times got back together off and on, even when he wanted a break, I would be there trying to rush back into something, so it never really helped, cause it never gave him the chance to miss me really, cause I was alway there, seeing him, calling him multiple times a day, and all that. The sad thing is that we are much too close, and so I know 2005 is going to be a decisive part as to where we finally end this going back and forth. I've decided that its either now or never. He graduates and becomes a Dr in a few months and I had promised him a while back that I was going to take him on an exotic trip when he gets done, we both love to travel and have traveled a lot together. I also just read the McDonald ebook "How to stop a divorce"(which is great for any relationship, not only marriages) and I've realized that I do NEED to distance myself from him, and make him miss me. We do a lot of things for each other, so I know he's going to really feel it. He had suggested in the past that since he's unsure about what exactly he wants out of life, mybe it might be best for me to date others, and waaay b4 that to take a break where we could just be friends, nothing attached, and each time I'd "break" that. It would have been the best thing for us then becos even his best friend thought/still thinks thats what will make us grow to appreciate each other even more. I realized I've a lot more to worry about, and so focsingmyself on other things. It'll be hard but its doable, there's so much I've not been doing becos of my time and attention on him. For example, I didnt call him all day today, left a message telling him I finally agree with his decision, i wanted distance and to see other people. I acted nonchalant when he called me, and he called 3x tonight (wish me luck on a big exam 2morrow) even for some odd reason (LOL, maybe this distance thing is working!!). We got into an argument yesterday, and he had said we needed to talk, and I told him we'd talk after my exam. I know maybe 2morrow after my exam, he'll be all sympathetic and say that "yes maybe a break is good, that we'll see where it goes, who knows" I know i've been way too clingy lately and I think this will be a step in the right direction. Last time I attempted this method briefly it worked, but I never stuck with it. I had given him a hug after seeing him, and yeah sometimes or rather most of times we kiss , and we wanted to put an end to it, he did and I didnt really, but this time, I looked him in the face, wished him well, just gave him a hug and walked to my car, and that must have taken him by surprise becos he walked to my car, had this soppy look on his face(like a kid that wasnt sure if he'd be reprimanded for what he was doing) and reached in and kissed me. This was funny becos usually it never happens that way. We're about an hr away and see once a week, but I dont plan on seeing him for a long while now, even though we were supposed to go out in 2weeks to celebrate a recent accomplishment of his, but now I dont think I'll do it, maybe unless he begs or keeps asking for me to do that Even with valentine's coming up, we've celebrated the last 6 at least with each other, but I'm staying away from that too, unless he begs or insists that I come I still want to go on the trip and thats not for a while away, because we both have always wanted to go to that island for individual reasons. I do know know that making him miss me is going to be the best thing ever, sometimes u dont realize how good u have it, till it is gone. Ok back to studying for my exam, I'll keep u all posted. It's going to be hard not to call, and it was hard tonight to act normal and nonchalant, if I can keep at it for a week even, I know he'll be really surprised. I dont know how he'll take the fact that "his best friend is missing", since he claims I'm the one who knows the most about him, the only girl who has ever seen him cry, and the one person who he says has touched his life, made him a better man. I do know that I wont be the one calling him, I'm following the rules of the McDonald ebook, when he does bring up the talk, I'll agree with everything he suggests, and end it at that. DON'T dont call, return his calls but keep it brief wait for him to call beg him to get things back right tell him I love you Ask him how he feels about the issue dont be clingy do all the things he's used to u doing, make him want u argue set up dates be quick to come around if he insists, always have the upper hand. DO stay away do other things (schl, hobbies) become a better person agree with his suggestions, if he says time apart is good, say yes, I think so too act nonchalant about how ur dealing with not really seeing him keep conversations brief, make him feel like something is missing, or that he doesnt really know whats going on in your life like he used to. go on dates but only if he insists, make him feel like he's the one initiating it Link to post Share on other sites
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