Tips on How to Get Over Your Ex

[PC96]

Hey guys! So it's been a week or so since I've been on here and I've learned so much! I just wanted to share with everyone here, some tips on how to move on from your ex. Everyone is different and is in a different emotional state so this may not work for you, but you are going to have to be open minded and try to see beyond your current situation.

 

First Week

You will miss this person terribly. This is your most vulnerable emotional state! You will not be yourself. DO NOT, under any circumstances contact your ex. No matter how they feel or what they say. DON'T plan out anything. Meaning don't plan to contact him or her with a letter or message or whatever. It is very easy to get tunnel vision. You may think saying something or doing something is the right thing to do. But if you really want to handle this breakup MATURELY and the right way. Trust me. DO NOT CONTACT. Don't hold your feelings in. Cry if you want to cry. Let your feelings enter but don't let them consume you. It is NATURAL to feel SO bad after. Don't worry almost everyone feels that way. You are not alone. But what you do in this week will determine the rest of your breakup experience. KEEP THAT IN MIND. You do NOT want to be that crazy, desperate ex. So don't contact them. Put away/give your friend or throw away things that will remind you of your ex. It may be hard but it is necessary.

 

Second Week to a Month

 

Your mind will take you on an emotional roller coaster. You will feel any emotions ranging from sadness, to frustration, to anger, to nostalgia, to desperation. Some may even feel happy or liberated. Your mind will run over all the things that could have been fixed in the relationship and what you could have done better. You may make up excuses on why you acted a certain way or why they acted a certain way. You may feel like you are 100% CERTAIN that if you say something or do something, things will get better and you will stop feeling this pain. You will think of all the good memories you had and want them back. Every once in a while you will reach a point of acceptance. That the relationship is over and that no one is at fault. THIS IS THE GOAL. Reach acceptance. It is ESSENTIAL that you make a list of all the things that you did not like about your ex and the relationship. Be real with yourself. This may be hard, but keep the list going. Try to read it everyday. You will eventually come to the realization that the breakup was no ones fault. Keep in a mind that a healthy relationship does not mean that you have to painstakingly try to fix everything that is wrong. There is no need to force and deny incompatibility. Once a breakup occurs, it is REALLY hard to get back to the way things were. One person, will always be the one asking for someone back. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, I'm just saying that there was a certain amount of trust broken and if someone gives up once on something, it's really easy for them to give up again.

Also remember that YOU are in control of your own happiness. If you give him or her the power to bring you your happiness back, you are giving up on yourself. You are saying that your life is not good enough. That you don't love yourself enough. If that is the case and you feel that way, you DEFINITELY need to stay broken up. You need to love your own life first. Or else you will become codependent on them. Meaning that him or her EQUALS happiness. That is SO UNHEALTHY.

 

A Month to 3 Months

Some people get over the other person in this stage. That does not mean that they have stopped thinking about them, but they have accepted that the relationship is over. That they have gotten closure either from the other person or from themselves. You NEED to forgive him or her and yourself for whatever you both did. You both are HUMAN, you make MISTAKES. Leave the past in the past. Don't dwell. A lot of people in this stage feel like they are ready to be in contact with their ex. I personally feel like that is not the best idea. Even if both of you are okay, emotionally stable and don't want to be together anymore, there is no benefit to knowing what is going on in their lives. Trust me, you don't want to know about the dates they've been going on, or the binge hooking up, or whatever. Don't plan on contacting them after you "think" that you are over them. Planning is the worst. It makes you think about them an unnecessary amount. They are still on your mind. If you plan on contacting someone a month after NC, then you will be thinking about the timeline. Planning a day to contact them. Don't do that. DO NOT rush into a relationship for the wrong reasons. That means, no revenge, don't do it to get rid of your loneliness. Find solace in your friends, MAKE friends, do activities, KEEP BUSY. Your ex may pop into your mind a few times a day. Read your list! Shake it off and move on with your day. You will miss them from time to time. That is normal. But you have reached a point where the pain is bearable and you can handle it.

 

IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER

Be positive! Think that you will get through it.

Speak to your friends, family or whoever you are close to. If you don't have anyone, just use these forums or go see a counselor! People are here to help!

Don't get addicted to these forums(I've been there) Reading through everyones problems could bring back old memories or feelings. Take some time off breakup forums after a few weeks.

Don't worry about what the other person is feeling or doing. You guys are not together anymore. You can't force them or convince them to feel a certain way.

Sometimes they will not give you closure. Don't beg for it. Find closure within yourself.

Be happy that you went through the experience and that you've learned from it!

There is no need to be overly apologetic. If you REALLY want to apologize. Apologize once, get it out of your system and don't apologize again.

DO NOT for any reason, tell the other person that you miss them. This will only cause confusion.

 

Good luck everyone! This is going to be one hell of a ride. But you will get through it. It's going to take however long you need it to take. Be accepting of yourself and realize that you are going through something almost everyone will go through in one point in their lives. I love you all!

[Juzzy]

Hey guys! So it's been a week or so since I've been on here and I've learned so much! I just wanted to share with everyone here, some tips on how to move on from your ex. Everyone is different and is in a different emotional state so this may not work for you, but you are going to have to be open minded and try to see beyond your current situation.

 

First Week

You will miss this person terribly. This is your most vulnerable emotional state! You will not be yourself. DO NOT, under any circumstances contact your ex. No matter how they feel or what they say. DON'T plan out anything. Meaning don't plan to contact him or her with a letter or message or whatever. It is very easy to get tunnel vision. You may think saying something or doing something is the right thing to do. But if you really want to handle this breakup MATURELY and the right way. Trust me. DO NOT CONTACT. Don't hold your feelings in. Cry if you want to cry. Let your feelings enter but don't let them consume you. It is NATURAL to feel SO bad after. Don't worry almost everyone feels that way. You are not alone. But what you do in this week will determine the rest of your breakup experience. KEEP THAT IN MIND. You do NOT want to be that crazy, desperate ex. So don't contact them. Put away/give your friend or throw away things that will remind you of your ex. It may be hard but it is necessary.

 

Second Week to a Month

 

Your mind will take you on an emotional roller coaster. You will feel any emotions ranging from sadness, to frustration, to anger, to nostalgia, to desperation. Some may even feel happy or liberated. Your mind will run over all the things that could have been fixed in the relationship and what you could have done better. You may make up excuses on why you acted a certain way or why they acted a certain way. You may feel like you are 100% CERTAIN that if you say something or do something, things will get better and you will stop feeling this pain. You will think of all the good memories you had and want them back. Every once in a while you will reach a point of acceptance. That the relationship is over and that no one is at fault. THIS IS THE GOAL. Reach acceptance. It is ESSENTIAL that you make a list of all the things that you did not like about your ex and the relationship. Be real with yourself. This may be hard, but keep the list going. Try to read it everyday. You will eventually come to the realization that the breakup was no ones fault. Keep in a mind that a healthy relationship does not mean that you have to painstakingly try to fix everything that is wrong. There is no need to force and deny incompatibility. Once a breakup occurs, it is REALLY hard to get back to the way things were. One person, will always be the one asking for someone back. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, I'm just saying that there was a certain amount of trust broken and if someone gives up once on something, it's really easy for them to give up again.

Also remember that YOU are in control of your own happiness. If you give him or her the power to bring you your happiness back, you are giving up on yourself. You are saying that your life is not good enough. That you don't love yourself enough. If that is the case and you feel that way, you DEFINITELY need to stay broken up. You need to love your own life first. Or else you will become codependent on them. Meaning that him or her EQUALS happiness. That is SO UNHEALTHY.

 

A Month to 3 Months

Some people get over the other person in this stage. That does not mean that they have stopped thinking about them, but they have accepted that the relationship is over. That they have gotten closure either from the other person or from themselves. You NEED to forgive him or her and yourself for whatever you both did. You both are HUMAN, you make MISTAKES. Leave the past in the past. Don't dwell. A lot of people in this stage feel like they are ready to be in contact with their ex. I personally feel like that is not the best idea. Even if both of you are okay, emotionally stable and don't want to be together anymore, there is no benefit to knowing what is going on in their lives. Trust me, you don't want to know about the dates they've been going on, or the binge hooking up, or whatever. Don't plan on contacting them after you "think" that you are over them. Planning is the worst. It makes you think about them an unnecessary amount. They are still on your mind. If you plan on contacting someone a month after NC, then you will be thinking about the timeline. Planning a day to contact them. Don't do that. DO NOT rush into a relationship for the wrong reasons. That means, no revenge, don't do it to get rid of your loneliness. Find solace in your friends, MAKE friends, do activities, KEEP BUSY. Your ex may pop into your mind a few times a day. Read your list! Shake it off and move on with your day. You will miss them from time to time. That is normal. But you have reached a point where the pain is bearable and you can handle it.

 

IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER

Be positive! Think that you will get through it.

Speak to your friends, family or whoever you are close to. If you don't have anyone, just use these forums or go see a counselor! People are here to help!

Don't get addicted to these forums(I've been there) Reading through everyones problems could bring back old memories or feelings. Take some time off breakup forums after a few weeks.

Don't worry about what the other person is feeling or doing. You guys are not together anymore. You can't force them or convince them to feel a certain way.

Sometimes they will not give you closure. Don't beg for it. Find closure within yourself.

Be happy that you went through the experience and that you've learned from it!

There is no need to be overly apologetic. If you REALLY want to apologize. Apologize once, get it out of your system and don't apologize again.

DO NOT for any reason, tell the other person that you miss them. This will only cause confusion.

 

Good luck everyone! This is going to be one hell of a ride. But you will get through it. It's going to take however long you need it to take. Be accepting of yourself and realize that you are going through something almost everyone will go through in one point in their lives. I love you all!

 

Great advice...

 

What do you do if you realize your faults and how that pushed the other person away and frustrated them enough to BU with you? Not saying that it means getting back together...but if you truly feel like your behavior and actions over an incident (minor) was stupid enough, and you get help for your issues in order to better yourself and that opens the door to reconciliation?

[PC96]

Honestly. It really depends on the situation. I can't give you solid advice. But I can tell you that it is really easy to convince yourself that things can be fixed if you apologized for some things and promise to fix them. Almost everyone does that. I did that. Trust me haha. If you made mistakes that frustrated her, then apologize to get it off your chest. But DO NOT ask for her back. Just let her know that you wanted to apologize but respects her decision and the breakup. Take some time off and don't think about reconciliation. That can really mess a persons mind up. Remember to start making that list of things that you don't like about her and keep it going. See how your emotions and feelings towards the situation change and then make a decision. Things are much clearer after a period of time when you don't think about reconciliation. Remember! Don't plan on anything. Don't play mind games. Take some time and just focus on making your own life better. Good luck man!

[Juzzy]

So what initiated the break up was when she felt (for the last time) that i am too clingy and dont let her have freedom with regards to going out as i can at times be insecure.... She wasnt wrong

 

In retrospect i look back and (yes i am seeing a therapist) i was far too reliant on her for my happiness and didn't respect her freedom. We have been living together the past 10 months, ever since we moved town together, all our family aren't with us but she does have a lot of friends in our new city whereas i have a couple.

 

It has been building up the past month and the last time blew her over the edge. I didnt fight it and let it happen because i knew something needed to change. Its only been a week now and yes I have hope, but i know where my flaws lie now and I am actively delving back into my past to find out where they came from (with assistance from therapist).

 

I am seeing her tomorrow to "clear the air" and I need to collect the last of my things. I dont know yet what I am going to say but rather own up to my issues that i had been denying for so long. I plan on writing this all down and reading it to her rather than thumb suck and change tone as the convo progresses.

 

She doesn't communicate her feelings very well and bottles them up until they explode. She knows and has admitted this.And i have the added challenge that her best friend for some reason actively pushes her not to be with me , although her best friend has repeatedly told her that i am good for her....but the frustration my ex has expressed to her over my insecurities may have changed that.

 

I am getting better day by day, but I have hope. the odds are stacked against me, but I do want to try again

[Meli22]

It's different for every person and every situation. Each detail of a relationship and its break up, tied in with the persons natural mindset will determine how they get over it. It's important to not compare yourself to how others get over it but just give yourself time. I think time, although cliche, is the only answer to getting over someone. Been 7 months for me and although I'm generally happy and nowhere near as bad as I was a few months back, I wouldn't say I'm indifferent towards my ex.

[PC96]

I agree. It is different for everyone. But as a general rule of thumb, I don't think anyone should plan anything. Especially in an emotional state. It can really give a person tunnel vision. I didn't say indifference haha. That is only necessary if you are having a difficult time getting over your ex and it is a very one sided breakup. Just to get control over your life again.

 

I would advise you not to write your speech or letter to your girlfriend right now. Regardless of how you feel. Obviously, it is really easy to ignore my advice as I have done the same to other people. All I can say is to keep thinking about your relationship for a week or two(all aspects of it) and then make a decision. Don't read off of a letter haha. I have actually done the same! It seems very ingenuine and is just not a good decision