Not sure if I should leave him

[Premiere]

My boyfriend is currently away at boot camp. I haven't seen or spoken to him in almost three months. Essentially I've had almost no contact with him outside of occasional letters.

 

Spending the summer without him made me realize how much I enjoy my freedom. I've had the best time of my life these past few months, and I did it all without him. I've also had time to reflect on our relationship. Every time I've thought about him, I can't help but think about the negative things I've glossed over or brushed off in the past. The gut feeling that something's just off with us is a lot harder to ignore.

 

He's a great guy. He's funny, affectionate, and loves me dearly. But we just don't connect on a deeper level. We're not truly satisfied with each others company unless we're preoccupied with a movie or sex or something to do. We've never really just talked and when we try to, it feels forced. Often it's like we simply go through the motions, as if we're together only because we're so familiar with each other. Don't get me wrong; he can make me laugh and I'm happy around him, but our relationship just isn't as fulfilling as I want it to be.

 

I still love him. But this summer has showed me how great life could be without him. We have so much going for us, and nothing's distinctly wrong, but I can't help but feel like there are better matches for me out there. I don't want to settle but I don't want to lose such a good guy, either. What should I do? What do I say to him when he comes back? Is there any way to work it out? I don't know where to go from here.

[Pyramidsong]

The title states 'Not Sure if i should leave him'

 

I think judging by your words you've already made that decision.

 

If the Cons outweigh the positives then yes, i think it may be time to move on.

 

And just a note, you say you have enjoyed your freedom and summer, if you truly loved someone you would spend that time with them and have memories together, not think about how great your life has been when your loved one isn't sharing it with you.

 

If you think its worth sticking around, talk to him, communication and trust is key to a happy relationship.

 

If not cut your losses and enjoy your freedom.

 

I think deep down you know exactly what your gonna do and i can bet my house i know the what the answer is, your just scared of breaking his heart.

 

If your not invested then you have strike the blow and think about whats best for you.

 

Good luck.

 

PyramidSong.

[Christos]

You don't love him. At least not as a man. We never make thoughts of abandoning a person we love.

 

What is happening is that you didn't love him enough to wait for him, you found some other guys, maybe had ONS or a fling (that's what most women mean when they say "how great was life without him"), and now you think there is better.

 

Even if not, you want to do it now.

 

Of course, what is bothering you, is the thought that he is indeed a good guy, and he indeed loves you, and you are worried what will happen if the grass is not greener on the other side. You would just LOVE an insurance "take me back" policy, wouldn't you?

 

And of course, his feelings mean nothing to you. That he loves you mean nothing. You obviously aren't going to think about breaking his heart, when there is "better" waiting for you out there...

 

In my opinion, and having been in your man's position recently, i say go for it and never look back. He will feel a lot of pain, but it will make him stronger, eventually he will get free from your memories and will find a better woman than you.

[ExpatInItaly]

It seems that you love him in that you care about him and his well-being, but you are not in love with him anymore.

 

When you spend more time reflecting on the negatives, it's time to move on.

[FancyFace]

Let the man go and find someone who not only loves him, but is in love with him and woud never even think of leaving him, especially when there is nothing evidently wrong with him or the re

 

You are holding onto him because he is a good guy and you are scared you wont find someone like him out there. Think about how you would feel if you were in his shoes where someone that you care about deeply is only staying with you out of fear of the single life sucking as opposed to the fact that they really love, value and cherish you.

 

Do the right thing and let him go find his happiness somewhere else coz from the looks of things, you are robbing him of that opportunity by selfishly holding onto him out of fear and not love.

[HandsomeBoh]

I'm sorry I'm sure you're going through something somewhere somehow but I have no ability to sympathise with your situation. And I can't help but think of you as a bad person, even though I'm sure you mean well somehow.

 

I am a military officer, I have been through the military life and I can tell you it is nothing like you can possibly imagine. The stress, the atmosphere, the complete lack of freedom, combine to create nothing short of absolute misery. And you do nothing to understand the nonsense he endures everyday.

 

Notwithstanding that, he loves you so much and yet you treat him like some kind of disposable object there to fulfill your selfish needs. You don't deserve to have someone like him, and the least you can do is not to sugarcoat it. Make no mistake you are the BAD GUY in this situation.

[Gus Grimly]

I agree with HandsomeBoh, I was in the Army and I remember Bootcamp. It was hell. You have no idea what kind of head trip they are doing to the guy. You are probably constantly on his mind, you are the thing that gets him through those hard days. He probably lives to receive a letter from you.

 

That's irrelevant, though. Guess what? You chose to be with him. You must have known for a long time that you didn't connect on a deeper intellectual level. You should have figured that out by the second date. Why continue on with the charade if you felt unsatisfied? You seem kinda shallow in your selfish overture to rid yourself of him only after discovering the joys of single life.

 

No one is faulting you if you find him dull and want a man who can placate your thirst for something a little more sophisticated. I just think your timing is just awful. *shrug*