Completely Devestated

[alexbaby16]

I don't think I can handle this. I am feeling completely gutted and am breaking down in tears throughout the day.

 

I am trying to accept that our relationship is over. I know it is. At least for now. And there's that!! That little glimmer of hope that it can 'be' again in the future. Makes me want to scream.

 

Today the pain is completely intense. I can't focus on work, or think of anything else.

 

The waves of emotions are coming fast and furious today. The smallest things are affecting me. I woke up this morning and for a second I didn't remember...but as soon as I did the waterworks were there.

 

Sometimes, I don't think that I can do it. I just want the pain to stop.

 

I need some peace from this. It's been two long months of breaking-up. Realizing that I am losing everything. Having no where to live for me and my daughter. Remarking to myself how just two months ago I was comfortable and secure in my life and where I was living and that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man. 8 weeks later, every single thing in my life is different.

 

I honestly don't think that I can handle it anymore. I am broken. Completely and utterly broken.

 

He's the only one that can make me feel at ease and at peace. When I am with him, I feel like I can breathe. When he is gone I feel that I am gasping for air.

 

How do I go from being in a relationship with my best friend, to being utterly alone and devastated and having no one to talk to about it...because he was my person. He was the one that I would talk to about everything.

 

I can't imagine a year from now or 5 years from now that this pain will be gone. I have loved and lost in the past. But I have never loved this intensely before. My previous relationships evoke a twinge of emotion here and there...what the hell is this relationship going to evoke in me??

 

I just want to go to sleep and either wake up from this nightmare or never wake up again.

[StalwartMind]

You take each day at a time and slowly piece together a new life bit by bit. In despair we rarely think with clarity, as the pain overshadows most sensible thoughts. It's easy to forget that the world is full of wonderful people, but before you met your current partner, or even previous ones, you had a life too. None of us know when a kind, awesome, inspiring or just in general pleasant soul will enter our life and make us want to live again.

 

It's the fewest of us who love uncertainty and not knowing where we'll be. Finding someone to talk, who will care and listen can be a challenge but not impossible. Never underestimate genuine kindness as it is out there, and certainly even on this board too.

 

There is no shame in asking for any kind of help, no matter where or with what. It may seem unbearable currently, but this is rather natural when you feel like you've lost everything that understood you and gave you comfort. Most humans aren't made to deal with things by themselves, and while you are currently vulnerable, it is also the time it's best to open up to someone. Naturally the most ideal thing is to have a friend or some family, but there are strangers as well who can aid you, if professional help is not an option or specifically required.

 

Don't try to rush yourself with anything, even if you do want this feeling to go away, it's important that you process it fully. It can be hard to accept certain realities, but sooner or later we need to or we'll remain stuck where we are. I know none of this is very helpful like a remedy that can make all your hurting go away, but when it comes to relationship, there is typically nothing but time and will, that can make you get through this. It's okay to feel at your lowest low, but you must pick yourself up and battle through it.

[d0nnivain]

Breathe & pull yourself together. You have to hold it together to get through your business day. Your boss doesn't care about your relationship

 

 

Second you realize that break ups hurt & healing takes time. You have a broken heart If you broke your arm you would expect to be in a cast for 6-8 weeks so you can't expect this healing will be quick. Give yourself time & permission to grieve but after work.

[alexbaby16]

I think that part of my devastation is how the end is playing out. All of this started on July 11th with a fight. From then on....we were back an forth about making every thing work. Professing our love and admitting mistakes, etc. Trying to find a common ground that we could build from.

 

Then two weeks ago in the midst of trying to figure every thing out, the fiance loses his job. I can't cover the rent myself in this overpriced rental market, so that propels us to have to move apart. I think that if our relationship hadn't been in the place it was we would have worked to try to find a way to stay together.

 

But, maybe the universe was unwilling to let this lesson whatever it may be go unheeded. So here we are, giving notice on our place today, and the reality that our life together is really over, that our future doesn't exist is kicking me in my teeth. I went to get dressed for work today and as I stood in the closet looking for something to wear I got a flash 'oh I can wear that when we go to...' then I remember that there is no more 'we'...no more 'us'. Our future is gone.

 

I am not ready to say goodbye. I am not ready for this to be over. I can't face it and I can't accept it. I have no choice, I know. How do you accept that it's over? How do you say goodbye to the one you love that has your heart. He has my heart and my soul. I love him.

[Maggie4]

I don't know your story. The info you gave, sounded like "the economy (job loss + overpriced rental) ended your relationship". You broke up for a reason. I don't know what that is. Maybe you can still solve all these problems?

[alexbaby16]

We were both in our early 40's when we became a couple. We both had children from our previous marriages. His daughter was 13 (and special needs) and mine was 15 (I also had a 21 year old who moved on her own when we decided to combine households) when we moved in together. We were impetuous and didn't work out all the logistics of cohabitation with kids and there was a lot of information regarding his daughter that was not divulged at the start.

 

Needless to say the hardships of raising kids got in the middle and there was a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. He is the type that hates conflict...so he would let things fester and never bring them up...so there was no way to make changes. Then he said he reached a point that he couldn't deal with it anymore and blew up.

 

How am I supposed to know that things are reaching a breaking point if they are never even brought up or brought up in passing. I would think if it were something so important that it would be life changing that a serious conversation in warranted before it reaches critical mass.

 

So, lack of communication and hurt feelings and let downs all brought us to where we were....trying to find a way to make it work. Then, that is when he lost his job. So we felt that we didn't have much choice other than to move apart. For me personally, I would have found a way to make it work. He said that if he hadn't lost his job he would want to make it work, but feels like less of a man now that he is unemployed. He still tells me he loves me and that he doesn't want it to be over...but yet he isn't finding a way to stay together. Is that a hint? The going got tough...so he got going??

 

I could borrow money and we could cover the rent next month. He borrowed money to cover the rent this month. We could make it work. It wouldn't be easy....and it would be expensive...but we could do it.

 

I just want to wake up from this damn nightmare.