Left for another guy

[Deano1991]

Hello, long story very short. I was in love with a girl for 6 years and she was the love of my life, it was one of those relationships where there was definitely more love from my side than from hers.

 

 

We got engaged earlier this year, and it had been the happiest day in my life. Unfortunately, only a month later she breaks off the engagement stating she simply "didn't have any feelings towards me anymore" and at first it was hard to believe and I had no clue why she was doing that. Very soon after that, maybe 3 weeks, or a month, I heard she was in a relationship with a guy from work and they are now either getting engaged, or are already engaged, I stopped asking because sometimes it's better not to know.

 

 

Now the thing is, it has been 6 months and a half since the break-up, and every single day, I am thinking of her, every minute of everyday. I feel tortured to say the least, especially the thought of her with this new guy and how they are, what they do, etc.

 

 

It's been 6 months and a half and I am still very in love with her, will this ever fade away? Will I stop feeling this excruciating pain every time her and her new guy come to mind? I really don't see that happening. I just feel like part of me will always have to feel like I couldn't get the girl I was madly in love with and feel pain over the fact she is with another guy.

 

 

Appreciate your help.. thanks a lot guys.

 

 

Thanks

[scubasteve]

Go hardcore NC, she showed you her true colors. Be thankful you didn't get married or have kids.

[mightycpa]

Joe, you deserve somebody who loves you just as much as you love them. This one-sided situation, if you had felt it before, is not a sign you can ignore. Never let that go on too long, lest you find yourself where you find yourself.

 

Yes, you'll survive, you'll be happy again, and you'll probably love somebody else in the future, maybe even more than this one. It just takes some time to start accepting your new reality.

 

It sounds like she was settling for you, which is actually good news. It means you're a good enough guy to get women who don't actually love you to consider marrying you. That speaks volumes about you, and it bodes well for your future love life.

 

Anyway, so she was about to settle, and as it often happens to people who have made that decision, somebody came along who caught her eye. For all you know, it is a subconscious defense mechanism to force her to leave a relationship she didn't really want to keep. Or maybe she just got lucky. Either way, put it behind you. Flash-in-the-pan relationships like her new one (engaged after six months tops?) generally don't last, and as a result, there is a decent (not guaranteed) chance she'll realize what a good catch you were, and will want to reclaim her place.

 

It was one-sided, to hear you tell it, so don't let that happen. Stay as far away as possible, and don't look back.

[Liono84]

OUCH MAN. I'm really sorry to hear that. I can't imagine the pain you're going through.

 

Here's a few pieces of advice I;ll share with you.

 

1) It's perfectly normal to feel the way you feel. Of course, it takes time, but at some point, it's not about time healing these wounds, it's about you healing you. Ya have to accept the fact it's over and move the F on. If you continue to feel sorry for yourself and ask why, how, when, you will NEVER get over her and always feel this way. Think of it as someone who is battling for their life. Some ppl give in while others fight and overcome a deadly disease because they have strong will power.

 

2) Would you really want someone like this back in your life? I mean, really?? Think about it, man. It's better this happened now, then say, when you got married and she wanted a divorce, or worse, got married, had kids and she wanted a divorce. You can't deny the inevitable. A person who does something like that is bound to do something like this eventually. You can never trust a person like that ever again. It's one thing to be in a relationship and a guy/girl breaks up with you, but it's something entirely different when you've been with someone for 6 freaking years and been engaged for someone to not only dump you, but dump you and get with someone else.

 

Go out there and meet other women. You will find someone better.

[Deano1991]

Hello guys,

 

 

Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate that.

 

 

And yes, I really don't know what happened. I mean it gets me doubting myself so much as to if I didn't give enough, or if I wasen't good enough, and all sorts of thoughts.

 

 

Thing is, ever since she broke off the engagement, not once has she tried to contact me, in almost 7 months now, not once has she showed any signs or regret or guilt for what she did.

 

 

It drives me crazy how the one person I had invested everything I had in, can just throw you away and run to someone else.

[mtnbiker3000]

Here is a technique we discussed today in my No More Mr Nice Guy group:

1. State the situation you are not happy with. This should be concrete and concise.
   
2. List as specifically as possible all the ways you are responsible for the situation being what it is. Spend the most time on this step. If you find yourself being general get more specific and try to note examples.
   
3. State clearly what you’re no longer willing to do.
   
4. State you new vision for how you want to move forward in the relationship.
   
5. Ask the other person to share their vision.
   

 

I know it doesn't help much now, but use it the next time you find yourself in a position you are not happy with... The beauty of this type of technique is that it is all about you. You are not blaming or attacking your partner, rather putting in terms of "you"...

Edited August 31, 2015 by mtnbiker3000

[Nowhereinparticular]

 

Thing is, ever since she broke off the engagement, not once has she tried to contact me, in almost 7 months now, not once has she showed any signs or regret or guilt for what she did.

 

 

 

First of all just cutting someone out of your life like that sounds a little nuts so it's probably better that it happened sooner rather than later because you wouldn't want to be with someone capable of doing that anyway.

 

 

Second, while it's difficult that she never got in touch it may actually be a Blessing in disguise. My ex left after 5 years for someone else but she keeps getting in touch tells and is trying to be "friends" all while sending me mixed signals. Makes moving on that much harder because I have to force myself to cut her out even though she is being nice.

[Gus Grimly]

...... there is a decent (not guaranteed) chance she'll realize what a good catch you were, and will want to reclaim her place.

This is what I pray happens with my Ex, and yes it's not a guarantee but knowing her the way I do it's probably a given. Though she's far too prideful and stubborn to ever come crawling back.

 

The great thing having been in the lion's den and escaped are those feelings do start to fade. I didn't sit around hoping and waiting, I got my butt busy working on myself, talking to women, going on a few dates, rediscovering passions that were lost for the sake of the relationship and making plans for the future. Stuff like that. I went to the doctor I was so distraught they put me on Prozac. I threw that poison in the garbage, I didn't need drugs, I did it myself. You can too. Just listen to the wisdom you'll receive from this forum. Trust me, the people here are some of the most caring, understanding and wise you'll ever meet. This place is a beacon of hope for us all.

[huang]

Hello OP,

 

I know how you feel. I was dating this girl for 4 years. She was my first love. We were both 17 when we met each other. We eventually went to different universities, but we were only 1 hour away from each other. Three weeks ago while I was on vacation with my parents, she texted me and said she lost her feelings towards me. Finally, she told me she has feelings for her co-worker and he confessed to her.

 

She found the best opportunity to leave me because she knows that if I was in town, I will hop on the next bus to see her right away. Not only I was heartbroken, but I felt so betrayed. Throughout the whole summer I felt she was different. Her phone was constantly buzzing and it was the same guy over and over again. But I trusted her so I ignored my gut feeling.

 

She always said she loves me more, but I realized that people change. And she changed, for the worst. Worst of all, 2 days after our breakup, she posted on facebook how, "life goes on", and "Take a chance, you never know what might happen". Last few days ago, she posted a picture of her holding her new boyfriend's hand on instagram.

 

I can't believe she did something like that. Dumping me through text is bad enough already, please don't rub **** on my face. I realize she is no longer the girl I fell in love with and I have to move on even though i still love her.

 

OP, I know it is hard. Sometimes I look through our past photos and I start crying. Every day I have flashbacks of her. It is strange how 30 days ago I was eating dinner with her and her mother.

 

If you want revenge, have a good life and build a successful career. The day you are loaded with $$$, it will be the day she regrets leaving you

 

Best of luck

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Been there, done that and have the scars to prove it. My ex - fiancé of 5 years dumped me for another guy (even though she lied about that), moved in with the guy and is now pregnant by him...after 3 months. I've never heard a word out of her and don't expect to. Even better, I'm to the point that I don't WANT to. I don't need people like that in my life and you don't either. I'm not saying I don't miss her sometimes, but the person I miss is dead and gone. I don't miss the new her at all. Eventually, you won't either. Hang in there.

[foolinlove79]

I was in a similar situation. I know it is a horrible feeling and you wonder how they can treat you this way. You have to change your mindset. Dont give her this power over you. She isnt pining away over you is she. She has merrily gone on with her life. It really is a choice. You need to tell yourself she is gone and not coming back and you are better off. And believe that..

[Deano1991]

Hello guys,

 

 

Thanks a lot for your replies, and I'm sorry to all those who have been through something similar to what I have been through.

 

 

It's just so hard, I feel stuck like my life has come to a stop, and I can't seem to get out of this loop.

 

 

Everyone around me, especially adults, tell me she will regret this decision in the long run, and although it dosent' make a difference anymore as we will never get back together, part of me does wish she regrets this decision in the future, just for the sake of feeling like I was good enough.

[Samuel_22]

Hello, long story very short. I was in love with a girl for 6 years and she was the love of my life, it was one of those relationships where there was definitely more love from my side than from hers.

 

 

We got engaged earlier this year, and it had been the happiest day in my life. Unfortunately, only a month later she breaks off the engagement stating she simply "didn't have any feelings towards me anymore" and at first it was hard to believe and I had no clue why she was doing that. Very soon after that, maybe 3 weeks, or a month, I heard she was in a relationship with a guy from work and they are now either getting engaged, or are already engaged, I stopped asking because sometimes it's better not to know.

 

 

Now the thing is, it has been 6 months and a half since the break-up, and every single day, I am thinking of her, every minute of everyday. I feel tortured to say the least, especially the thought of her with this new guy and how they are, what they do, etc.

 

 

It's been 6 months and a half and I am still very in love with her, will this ever fade away? Will I stop feeling this excruciating pain every time her and her new guy come to mind? I really don't see that happening. I just feel like part of me will always have to feel like I couldn't get the girl I was madly in love with and feel pain over the fact she is with another guy.

 

 

Appreciate your help.. thanks a lot guys.

 

 

Thanks

NAHHHH! come off it mate!!! it really depends on you!!! I think you are the only one prolonging the process of healing here! your saying you still love her? you do? why? because she left you for another guy? because you gave her roses and she made hatred out of their thorns? huh? another story where a man loves a woman who was a bitch, yes she was a bitch! I would shout at you day in and day out, until you wake up! until you get what is going on!!! have the courage, stand up on your feet, and show the world what you are made of! anything that reminds of that bitch should be buried 6 feet under the ground, hey your ex is just like a can on the street! keep kicking it and you will carry the burden forever! shoot it away and spit on it once forever! start a new life. now tell me you still love that backstabber, and I will blow your head out myself!!! before your saying I don't get you blah blah, I was dumped by the one I was in love 3 weeks ago, she broke up with me for her fuc**** ex!!!

Edited September 1, 2015 by Samuel_22

[foolinlove79]

Hello guys,

 

 

Thanks a lot for your replies, and I'm sorry to all those who have been through something similar to what I have been through.

 

 

It's just so hard, I feel stuck like my life has come to a stop, and I can't seem to get out of this loop.

 

 

Everyone around me, especially adults, tell me she will regret this decision in the long run, and although it dosent' make a difference anymore as we will never get back together, part of me does wish she regrets this decision in the future, just for the sake of feeling like I was good enough.

 

Nope.nope.nope....this is not a good attitude mate. Lets say hypothetically speaking sometime down thr track she does regret it. What real difference will this make to your life? You cant get back together cos the rs is so broken now. So what getting some external validation is going to make you feel good enough.

 

Mate you got to realise that on your own!!! Find it in yourself. Who is she to be the judge of your worth.

 

Its easier said then done but you got to move on. Stop thinking about her and obsessing about what HAS happened. You cant change it now. But you can work on yourself and your own life. Dont let another person determine your worth.