Jackson1 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I have been flirting with my co-worker ( semi-boss ) for awhile over the past year. We finally decided to go out for drinks and then to the beach. Her birthday was coming up and I decided to spoiler her,so I took her out to an expensive restaurant and bought her a diamond necklace as a gift. She was very appreciative and we had a blast. We then ended up sleeping together. Everything was so magical. The look in her eyes were filled with desire. She told me early on that she wanted to take things slow and eventually put an end to it. Two days later was her birthday and I sent her flowers to work. She messaged me and said it was too hard to let go of me so we started to see each other even more. She told me to never let her go again and she said she wanted a future with me. The next two weeks we were together was beautiful and filled with happiness. Then one day after spending the night she just stopped texting me. I messaged her about 10pm when she got out of work and she never responded. I told her I was worried and to just let me know she was alright. She texted me at 2am and said " I'm ok ". She is never up that late unless we were hanging out or making love. I asked her if we were still spending our day off together and she replied " I just can't ". I asked her why and she said " I need to be on my own and I understand if your upset and you can hate me if you want. I should have never let us get this far and didn't mean to hurt you. You deserve better than me ! " . She has not wrote to me since and is avoiding me at work. Our connection was like something I have never seen. We laughed constantly and she even said she had never been so happy with someone before. She has been separated for 10 months from her husband and had a relationship right after her separation with an old friend of hers that went badly. She also told me that she had a "FWB" right before we started hanging out. So I know her emotions are all over the place right now. I don't want to lose her and would like to continue what we had when she is ready for something like that again. It just wasn't the right time for us and would hate to see her throw it away and find someone else later. I know I overwhelmed her with everything and that is my fault. What should I do ? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 You don't have a choice. That's sometimes kind of nice cos then you don't have a decision to make. So you will not have doubt or regret. There is nothing you can do. And you don't know enough information to try to do anything anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 You deserve better than me ! I agree with her, you probably will do a lot better. She's wishy-washy because she was having problems coping, seeing you is an easy fix but won't correct the problems that persist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jackson1 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 The odd thing is that for 3 weeks she was so happy and even planning a future at some level. She was just giving me oil massages and embracing me 5 days ago. I know she needs space and time and always did, but if thats the case then why doesn't she just say " We need to stop for awhile until I get my head together and maybe try later when I'm ready". Instead of claiming to be so in love with me and never wanting me to let go and then 24hrs later avoid me like the plague and not even talk to me. She treats me like I cheated on her or something. She has a key to my house and a diamond necklace and has not given either one of them back yet. Does that mean anything ? Today I broke down and asked if we could get a drink after work " as friends " , like we always use to do. She replied " I have plans with some close friends tonight. But we will sometime though ". I said " ok thanks. Hope your doing alright." She replied " Hope you are too" . And that was it. I have realized she is probably totally done with what we had and will never give us a chance again. For some strange reason she went from "all in" to " all out " in 48hrs ! And the only reason I can think of is that a coworker saw us out one day together which is against policy. She is probably afraid of getting fired. We discussed the issue before and she was very easy to say she would just transfer to a different store if it came to that. Which just confirmed how serious she was about us. Very odd situation and it kills me to think it's over before it even got started because I didn't give her more space early on, but like I said she was making most of the plans anyway. I always told her she could do what she wants when she wants. I am truly heartbroken and am breaking down constantly. I know its a matter of time before she starts sleeping with someone else to fill the void. And why do that when she had me. Makes no sense ! Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Just give her space and go nc it's totaly impossible to know what's going through their minds , gping no contact is the best way for you both at the moment and one of two things will happen , she will make a genuine gesture to reach out and try and male it work ,or you will never hear from her again ,anything in between is a waste of time and will prolong the pain your feeling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jackson1 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I kind of went out on a limb and finalized everything to find some peace in my own mind. This is what I wrote her this morning : Hey You ! LoL .... Just wanted to say thank you for doing what you did. These past few days have been an eye opener for me. I realized how fast we were going and how damaging that could have been in the long run. You saw what I couldn't ! I think because I had thought about you for so long that when we finally got together, I was overwhelmed with it. You told me you needed to take things slow and I didn't listen and certainly wasn't being a friend like you needed me to be and for that I am truly sorry ! I will never put you in that situation again and that I promise. This should have remained friends or FWB or whatever it was supposed to be for the time. I think we got caught up in the connection because it felt so good and there was so much passion with it. In saying that , don't for a second think that I don't have those feelings for you or that I don't love you because I do. I just know now that some cards should be left in your hand and not on the table. I absolutely know that it is not the right time for us to be that emotionally involved. What we have is all around special and would be amazing when the time is right. You have many issues to resolve among yourself and evidently I do too. Hopefully someday when we are ready ,we can start over and take it much slower. Know that I am here as a friend whenever and for whatever you need. If you ever need to talk about stuff on your mind , don't hesitate to call anytime, because you know I will listen and give you the best advice I can.. If you just need someone to hug or lay with because your lonely, don't hesitate to call,it will remain on a friend level ! If your just horny and need some meaningless sex ( because we had great sex ! ) LoL... Don't hesitate to call ! I can be your friend and leave all the emotions at the door. I just want to be a friend that you need at any level and no pressure, guilt, commitment or expectations will come with that. I will let you figure that part out on your own. I won't message you anymore because I respect and value your personal space and if you choose to ever hang out again it will be on your terms and time. I just wanted to say I am sorry and none of this was your fault, so carry no guilt about it ! Your the best and I miss hanging out with you and talking. We always had a fun time. Ease your mind and get happy ! All will be good ! Hope your having a great day. Luv ya Please tell me what you think about what I sent her. I appreciate all your insights !~ Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 That letter is no good. You should have given her space. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Reading that letter made me want to send one to my ex ,buy then seeing gus's comment instantly made me snap out of the lovey dover trance that letter put me and I could imaging it would make an ex feel like "this guy just won't let up !" And push them away more ,But who knows she might love that letter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I have been flirting with my co-worker ( semi-boss ) for awhile over the past year. We finally decided to go out for drinks and then to the beach. Her birthday was coming up and I decided to spoiler her,so I took her out to an expensive restaurant and bought her a diamond necklace as a gift. I can't get past this. You bought her a diamond necklace on one of your 1st dates? Are you nuts? She was wrong for accepting such a lavish gift. The fact that she kept it & then dumped you, tells me she is not a quality person & she has questionable integrity. Given the poor judgment you have both exercised to date, I think since she is your "semi"-boss & this is a work place start, you two should stay away from each other. It see this ending in one or both of you getting in legal trouble. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I can't get past this. You bought her a diamond necklace on one of your 1st dates? Are you nuts? She was wrong for accepting such a lavish gift. The fact that she kept it & then dumped you, tells me she is not a quality person & she has questionable integrity. Thanks for pointing that out. No one said anything about it before, but I'm in full agreement. Tomfoolery right there, big time. I think flowers is a bit much on a first date. Sheesh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jackson1 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 She really was very hesitant on accepting the gifts. I did it because I wanted to. She had been going through a rough time recently with medical issues and her divorce and she has no family here. I guess I just wanted her to feel special on her birthday. I have always been like that though since I was 15 yrs old. Money is just an object to me but making someone feel special is worth millions. Odd thing is when she tried to call it quits before, she was going to give the necklace back and is still was her first priority. This time she hasn't mentioned it. I'm sure I will find it in my locker soon . I think she is just letting things cool off first. She really is a good person and cares and out everyone. She has and out ton of friends for support and is really fun to be around. I just think she has alot on her plate right now, past and present and I just completely tipped her over the edge. I know she is completely done with me and I and bound coming to terms with that. I'm sure it is for the best. It just sucks that now she treats my like a total stranger at work and even kind of like an enemy. If I look at her she gives me a look of disgust if she looks at me at all. She does everything she can to avoid me. I feel like I did something wrong to her in her mind. Odd thing is that I just left her arms 4 days ago and she was still praising me. I'm sure she is mad that I messaged her wondering why this ended this way but what does she expect when she just stops talking to me and doesn't explain anything ? I feel like I deserve some kind of explanation just to make sense of it all ! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 OP...you didn't really send her that letter, did you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 If someone tells you its over, it is over and you have to back off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jackson1 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I know that now and intend on avoiding her at all costs. I have realized the damage I have done ! Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 TC, I have to be honest your letter was really cringy and you probably shouldn't have sent it as right now she doesn't really want to talk or have anything to do with you. Otherwise she would've contacted you and/or talked with you. The fact that she is avoiding you is definitely a sign that she doesn't want to connect with you. Just go NC for now and see what happens, if she decides to look for you she will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 OK quat. I have to ask. WHAT THE H*LL IS TC?! Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I know that now and intend on avoiding her at all costs. I have realized the damage I have done ! Thanks... I'm not sure that you've caused any real damage, but you really do need to back off and let her be. Spend some time contemplating the differences between loving, wanting, and needing. Its important to understand those differences. Those three things are related, but they're not different words for the same thing. Really reflect on that. It will help you to understand yourself (and others) better. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 She really was very hesitant on accepting the gifts. I did it because I wanted to. She had been going through a rough time recently with medical issues and her divorce and she has no family here. I guess I just wanted her to feel special on her birthday. I have always been like that though since I was 15 yrs old. Money is just an object to me but making someone feel special is worth millions. Odd thing is when she tried to call it quits before, she was going to give the necklace back and is still was her first priority. This time she hasn't mentioned it. I'm sure I will find it in my locker soon . I think she is just letting things cool off first. She really is a good person and cares and out everyone. She has and out ton of friends for support and is really fun to be around. I just think she has alot on her plate right now, past and present and I just completely tipped her over the edge. I know she is completely done with me and I and bound coming to terms with that. I'm sure it is for the best. It just sucks that now she treats my like a total stranger at work and even kind of like an enemy. If I look at her she gives me a look of disgust if she looks at me at all. She does everything she can to avoid me. I feel like I did something wrong to her in her mind. Odd thing is that I just left her arms 4 days ago and she was still praising me. I'm sure she is mad that I messaged her wondering why this ended this way but what does she expect when she just stops talking to me and doesn't explain anything ? I feel like I deserve some kind of explanation just to make sense of it all ! Buying expensive gifts is completely inappropriate at the beginning. It's very pushy and can make a woman feel like she's being bought. You can't always go hard in the paint -- you have to work up to these things gradually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 OK quat. I have to ask. WHAT THE H*LL IS TC?! Thread Creator I think. OP (original poster) is the term I prefer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Thread Creator I think. OP (original poster) is the term I prefer.Thanks. It's been driving me insane. Stick with the established lingo, people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 (edited) That e-mail was extremely cringe-worth but I can't fault you too much. I sent some gosh-awful emotional emails to my ex after he broke up with me. I was cleaning out my inbox a week ago and came across his responses to emails I had sent so I read some of the stuff I wrote and boy did I laugh and think "what the hell was I thinking?" Some were so bad, I couldn't bring myself to read the entire thing and deleted them (for shame!). Emotions can do a number on you and I commend people who can implement NC immediately after someone breaks up with them, especially after being blindsided. But the good thing is, it's never too late to go NC and move on and that's just what you need to do. You can resist, kick, scream, perform grandiose acts of love, send Shakespearean sonnets declaring your undying love and affection and none of that will bring the person back and sometimes even if it does, it doesn't last. Move on for your own sanity and emotional well-being. Edited August 31, 2015 by pidgeon1010 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Oh, what an awful letter Why didn't you get feedback before sending it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jackson1 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 So just to let you know, she actually responded to my message. She said " Thank you for sending me this. I needed you to try and understand and I'm glad you are doing just that. Losing your friendship is something I never want to have happen. I am still so sorry. You are very special to me and I love you. Hope you enjoy your days off even though it's crappy weather. Be well and thank you again. " I really think someone else is in the picture, but i guess that's irrelevant now ! Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Well then, case closed. Now go NC and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jackson1 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 I'm not sure that you've caused any real damage, but you really do need to back off and let her be. Spend some time contemplating the differences between loving, wanting, and needing. Its important to understand those differences. Those three things are related, but they're not different words for the same thing. Really reflect on that. It will help you to understand yourself (and others) better. Take care. I think it was all 3 actually. I wanted her because she is a really great person and easy to talk to . I loved her when we actually became close and intimate. And I needed her to stay because she made me very happy every time I was with her. I have been single for years. I have been on many dates and none were what I was looking for. She was ! I certainly didn't fill their heads full of **** and tell them they were. We had an amazing bond that I didn't think could be broke. She would look at me with watery eyes and tell me to never leave her. She said she wanted to show me what it means to be loved for the rest of my life and for 3 weeks she did. We could break out in laughter at everything . When we went to bed she would lay her head on my chest and just hold me and tell me how good it made her feel. I have been cheated on by every relationship I have ever had, so to get my expectations up is very rare. She even once said , " I can't believe how all those girls could just let you go , it's just too good ! " Well I guess now she knows because she's now one of them. See thats the part I can't wrap my head around. They all have told me that they have never felt so special. All of them have said it was the best sex of their life. And all have told me to never give up on them. And ALL of them have left me soon after and usually for another guy. But for what reason ? If it was so good and I know it was, why leave ? The next guys haven't been better looking, treated them as special or done anything better than I have. So why leave ? It makes no sense !!! Link to post Share on other sites
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