NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 So, many of you guys know my story, but I haven't been online in a while so I'll give a brief summary to start. I'm 18 and just graduated high school headed to college next year. Last April, I started dating this girl and we fell head over heels in love with one another. It was amazing in every way. She even said she wanted to spend her life with me and all that jazz. After around 14 months of amazing dating, she starts to become cold and distant and just flat out mean to me, saying things like "I would rather spend time with friends than you." So, we took a break, she came crying back, we broke up, she came crying back, and then she broke up with me again. Immediately following the breakup, I made a lot of mistakes, as it was my first ever break up of this magnitute. I called and texted her, texted her friends, and sent her letters and things. Then, I went to her house with flowers hoping to get her back, all to no avail (obviously). So, after this she blocked me on all communcations. I started seeing a therapist, as i was extremely sad about the breakup. One of the things i asked the therapist was if I should send her a letter apologizing for my actions after the breakup and thanking her for our time together. I wrote this letter very platonically after I was feeling far less sad about the breakup. The therapist agreed that sending her this letter was a good idea. So anyway, today I went to her house with the plan of dropping off the letter in her mailbox along with some things she had left at my house but had made no move to collect. I had absolutely zero intention of actually coming into contact with her, and the letter makes this clear. I get to her house, put the letter in the mailbox and the items, and start walking back to my car. As I walk to my car, she pulls up in her car with two of her friends. I am mortified, as obviously it looks like I'm creeping on her house or something. Anyway, she pulls into her driveway and her friends come to the driveway and i talk to one of them, saying that I was not trying to be creepy at all, I was simply dropping her stuff off and leaving immediately. The friend says she understands, and we talk about life for a bit and then I get into my car and leave. As I'm leaving, the friend I was talking to runs inside, presumably to tell my ex everything that was said. Obviously, this interaction mortifies me. I was feeling really good, it's been nearly a month since the breakup and more than 3 weeks of NC. Essentially, i would say i was 85% over this girl. The letter I wrote was a sincere apology for the way I acted and a thank you. Now obviously she and her friends think I'm creepy or a stalker, when that was not my intention at all in any way. Obviously I'm not going to attempt to contact her in any way, but I just thought i'd come here and vent and ask for advice? Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My advice= Go into college single and ENJOY! Do not harbor any ill will towards her,she's doing the same. Focus on your future...not your past. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I couldn't disagree with your therapist more. There was no value in writing her any letter. If you wanted to write down your thoughts about her and the relationship to get it off your chest, that's fine. You just never mail it. I know you're very young too. Going to her house to drop her things off in person was a bit much. You should of returned her things to a neutral friend. It would appear your hope was to run into her. My advice. Don't contact her again and don't reply to her if she contacts you. As mentioned already, you're heading to college single my man! Go tear it up and get some notches on your best post! Sow your oats while your young. I guarantee you ex will be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 my main concern is that she and her friends saw me just walk towards my car from her front door and had no idea i just came to drop off a friendly apology note and instead they obviously think i'm creeping on her and stalking her or something... That's what I'm concerned about most, and I don't know what to do about it. I purposely tried to go over there when I thought she would be busy or out of hte house so that I could just put the note in the mailbox and walk away, but now this happened. It's making me worried that she thinks i'm a huge creep, and others too Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I think they'll figure it out, especially when they all see the stuff you returned and read that letter together. You'll probably earn a big collective AWWWWW!Besides, you're about to leave that whole world behind, if you've got an ounce of ambition. The truth is that the only one of those girls who'll think about you for more than a day are the ones that really like you. Other than that, you're barely a memory. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 I doubt she even read the letter now. She probably thinks I'm a psychopathic stalker. When she pulled in to her driveway as I was walking out, she sent her two friends to talk to me and she stayed behind. She definitely hates me now, which sucks because my letter really was just apologizing for mistakes i made immediately following the break up and extending a thank you to her. I bet she walked inside and ripped up the letter Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 You know that what you did was above board. While I too would have advised against the letter what's done is done. You gave her stuff back & now you are free & clear to move on to the next phase of your life: college. Go with a clear conscience & enjoy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I can't give you any advice on damage control, but offer you a perspective---It's not that bad. Don't sweat it. In a very near future, this will be one of those silly little embarrassing childhood memories you can fondly remember over a drink with your buddies. I'm not a mom, but if I had a son, I would like him to be as sweet and considerate like you. You are only 18, and mistakes are allowed as long as you learn from them. (Seriously, people, I mean grownup people, make mistakes that are far worse than the little booboo you just made. Don't worry!). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Find another therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I'm also concerned about what other people are going to be told by both her and her friends... Even though my intentions weren't at all bad, she and her friends will probably tell people i was being creepy and i don't want people to know me as the "creep" Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Best piece of advice I can give you is stop worrying what other people think about you. They don't walk on water either and believe me they have their scars and warts too. Your a young kid and your best bet is stop the contact with her and move on. All of this is in the past now and now' s the time to be looking forward to your future. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I'm also concerned about what other people are going to be told by both her and her friends... Even though my intentions weren't at all bad, she and her friends will probably tell people i was being creepy and i don't want people to know me as the "creep" One of the worst things you're going to go through at your age, is to understand that you really should not care what people think. As long as what you do does not bring pain to someone, then screw what they think. You're not a creep. You were trying to be a stand up guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I don't want her to spread that I did this creepy thing, and then for it to get around to my friends and have them judge me for it. That's my concern. I don't particularly care about what her friends think at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Man... I'm feeling really sad and worried this morning.. Even though i am going to college in a few weeks, I don't want my high school friends to know me as "that creepy guy" who wouldn't take no for an answer, especially because that's not what I was trying to do at all. Ugh. All I was trying to do was drop off her things and the letter I wrote her and leave without looking back, but now this happens. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 If Nah, I was just dropping her **** off at her place doesn't end the discussion with your friends, then they're not very good friends. Besides, unless you're going to the same university, you're going to drift apart from these people. Plus, I'm telling you, even if she says it, and even if they believe her, it's not going to mean much to them. They don't really care. If my buddy's ex told me that he was stalking her by finding excuses to go over to her house, I wouldn't care too much, and I wouldn't automatically take her side. If you're that worried about it, next time you see them, tell them that you took the final breakup step and returned the last of her stuff, and now it's done, and you're ready to go find some new pussy. When they hear her tell it, they'll nod knowingly and roll their eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 The worst is realizing how bad it must have looked from her perspective... immediately following the breakup i did some crazy things out of sadness and a first love breakup, and then didn't talk to her for a month. And then one day she rolls up to her house with friends and sees me there waalking back form her door. Must have been creepy as hell, and I know that's what it looked like. =( Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 One of our mutual friends who is good friends with me stopped talking to me today... Now I'm worried she told the mutual friend and now that friend thinks I'm a creepy weirdo when my intentions were nothing but positive. Link to post Share on other sites
always.1985 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I really do think you are torturing yourself here by worrying too much over nothing. All you did was drop her stuff off. Perhaps there may have been a better way of doing so but its certainly not creepy. Seriously If I were one of your friends I would give you a slap round the face and tell you to man up. I'm joking, obviously I wouldn't slap you Seriously though....let it go. If your friend isn't talking to you because you dropped some stuff off at your ex's house....they aren't a very good friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 that may be what I was doing, but to them it just looked like i was creeping... Also, there was the apology note, and I don't know how well that was received if even read at all. It was a very nice note though... Link to post Share on other sites
always.1985 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Well as long as you know your intentions were good that's all that matters It's always nice to know you have been the better person. Link to post Share on other sites
RocketQueen Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Life is one big lesson. I've got 20 years on you and I can say hand on heart I've made myself cringe since my ex split up with me in December, don't give yourself a hard time at this hard time, what's done is done. Try not to care what people think- their take on the situation really doesn't matter, you know your intentions were good. Go off to college and have a good time, you owe it to yourself to make the best of it. To quote Dr Suess : be who you are and say what you feel because those Who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 When I think of somebody creeping, I imagine their arms up like a T-Rex, and they are prancing stealthily with their knees up high in the air... Were you doing that? Because if you weren't, I don't think you were creeping at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I agree with CPA. You're putting wwwaaayyy to much thought into this. It's not a big deal. You have an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson from this at a very early age. Learn to NOT worry about what others think. You're life will be so much better. As CPA stated, you won't remember this in another week nor will she or whoever she shared it with. Now, if you find any other reasons to contact her or run into her again, you will be that creepy guy. Vanish from that girls life. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Dude, stop stressing. Have to look at it as what your sole intention for doing that was. You had some of her stuff that didn't belong to you and you dropped of a letter with your final goodbye. That's it! That's all it was. Now, stick to your guns and apply exactly what you said in that letter and do a hard NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 My son just graduated high school and is starting college also. I'll tell you the same thing I'd tell him. Don't worry about what other people think just do what you feel is right. Also think 4 years from now....will any of this matter. You'll be in a completely different part of your life. Everything you experience you learn from and it makes you smarter and better. Go to college single, study hard and set a goal for yourself. Good luck!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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