Happines Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Hi guys, It's been exactly a month since I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years...he did some things that after living together I decided to move out as I realised that it's affecting me a lot mentally and I simply felt unloved and lonely...I moved out and he told me he will seek help from doctors due to his behaviour and depression and the antidepressants he is taking and he will sort himself out because he wants nothing more just how to b with me as he never felt about anymore like that before...I told him that if he will definitely go to doctor I will come with him and that I am willing to work through the things if he will finally put some effort (he said many times he will seek help but he never did) however I was very clear wit him that if things remain the same then I don't want to suffer any more because I struggled more then enough already in the past two years... Anyways within the first day he removed our relationship status on Facebook then had me blocked on watsup so I would not see how much he is chatting with girl...this showed me that once again he was telling me lies so I told him we should no longer talk to each other...few days after that I went to pick my last things up and he didn't even let me which I guess means he was already with someone there but simply told me he could not bear seeing me inside like before...anyways it was clear he already has someone even know he said it was not true So it's been a month since I left...3 weeks of totally no contact...I am finding so hard to believe that he just moved on like that even know he was telling me he could not imagine his life without me...I feel completely heart broken because I did really love him and I hoped that maybe he will finally do something about his behaviour I guess it showed me how little he cared for me and that in reality I didn't mean much and was just convenience I try to stay positive...I work loads I go spend time with friends family try to do things...even started learning to play guitar...have therapist session in a weeks time...but no matter what I do it keeps coming and coming and I think it got actually worse because now I realised he actually never loved me and I was just convenience...it really is breaking my heart but I so want to get better I just can't seem to find a way I would appreciate any kind of advice from someone who went through similar things and what helped you the most when in those horrible days when u are totally lost Many thanks guys Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 You don't know he moved on. He's doing things to make himself feel better. It doesn't mean he didn't care & it doesn't invalidate your relationship. It just means he is rebounding but it doesn't matter. His healing is not your concern. Focus on your healing. I woudl do a lot of new things I didn't previously have time for. I'd clean my house or rearrange it. I'd get a hair cut. I'd buy some new clothes. I'd take a class. Just go out & do things. Experience life. I would wallow some too. Drown my sorrows. .. sometimes with wine or with ice cream. I'd surround myself with positive friends. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I did school, work, sports, drugs, alcohol, other girls, hanging out with friends, going to parties, volunteer work, writing letters (never sent), crying, talking about it, not talking about it, self-examination, obsessing, I'd say I pretty much did everything except go back to the ex and stalk her. Didn't do those two things. Oh, and a whole lot of resisting my desires. I resisted a lot. Nothing made me particularly happy for a while. Some activities were better/more fun than others, but everything I did contributed to my sanity and my progress, because my actual life didn't center around whether or not she was there. I think what helped the most were successes, large and small. Getting an A in a class, getting a raise, winning a game, running a mile, running 5 miles, having a great time, being with a new girl, etc., etc., all of the successes helped a lot. Doing the work necessary to get my CPA, knowing I had a shot, then actually passing the exam, it all helped. Going into business for myself. Accomplishment. Wins. Success. Feeling the love from within. That's what I did to get better. It took some time, but I came to terms with everything. That happened in stages, not all at once. Then one day, I felt ok. Some time after that, I fell in love again, and some time after that, I found myself back at square one. Rinse, lather, repeat. I know that last bit makes it sound hopeless, but it isn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Go NC Find yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Inspira Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Gym. Eating healthy foods you got freshed and cooked yourself (none of that processed or frozen meals). Cutting all negative thoughts and activities. You start to look and feel great. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Your healing isn't going to be on a straight linear path. It has many ups and downs, but generally in an upward trend. There will be times when you feel worse than you did before and be very discouraged, thinking "I should be far along in my healing by now." But it's to be expected, and it's important to know that you are still getting closer to being healed each day you maintain NC. For me, it helped to learn about phases of grieving the loss of romantic love/phases of broken heart. There are different versions of this, but it typically includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You can look it up online or go get a whole book about it. Just knowing that what I was feeling was normal and that there is an end to this helped me tremendously. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul86 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Aside from reading and exercising - I would recommend journaling (get a really nice diary and pen and get writing, pen to paper), and posting as much as you need to on LS (vent, offer advice, be a pillar of strength for others who need you.) Link to post Share on other sites
Melencolia Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 i spend time with myself, loving myself again. workout, meeting friends the more i feel down, the more i will make myself look good, not for them but for myself because i know i deserve to be happy. you too Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happines Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Hi guys, Thank you so so much for your advices. I am really trying to stay busy...I work like 12 hours per day at least I go meet friends plan holiday play guitar and just try not to think about him...I think I was mentally preparing for moving out and a possibility of break up but I was not ready for him to move on so fast especially when he was saying I mean the world to him and he will seek help...no wander they say that actions speak louder then words I think for me is worst at night and mornings because I was so used to him...we slept together nearly every night for more then a year so when I wake up all alone I get super sad and I start missing him...and get all the negative thoughts Thanks again for all the help...it's always good to hear that other people actually got over it and can b happy now Link to post Share on other sites
mr9396 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 As someone who is going through something similar, I share your pain and appreciate the advice on this page. I'll be sure to post what helps me once I start to feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
mimiMobile Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 What I did to make myself better: 1. Joined Crossfit and attended 4-5x a week. Body transformed and I kept taking photos of my emerging abs. I don't know why but it had a really empowering effect. 2. Joined a sports league, in my case volleyball. First few weeks sucked because every time I'd play, I"d think of him but eventually I made friends and the sport became fun again. 3. Took up painting hobby, followed an online video tutorial and posted my paintings online and got lots of positive feedback from friends, it made me feel good to have a talent validated. Honestly, working out is the #1 thing that helped. Crossfit was awesome because it's intense and I cried during my workouts a lot (because I kept thinking about my ex). No one thought it was weird. You lift heavy crap and throw it around and I let a lot of my feelings out. It's liberating. Plus...abs... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happines Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Problem for me is that I work super long hours...most of the time I am stuck at work from 8am to 8pm and by the time I get home it's like 9pm by which I am exhausted... But I asked if I could join the gym at work as we have massive one so maybe wil go there in the mornings or during lunch time...and every weekend I plan to do something with friends or family...planed few holiday with friends so I get to visit Italy New York and France in the theft upcoming 6 months for skiing and adventures... I think my problem is that I let this relationship go for way too long and it affected me psychologicly really badly and that's why I will b seeing therapist...I don't want to go on any sort if medication so I hope to find my way to happiness with friends and family Link to post Share on other sites
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