Ex emailed me this eight hours ago. Do I respond?

[drade]

Last night, one of my friends posted a picture of my ex on her snapchat feed. I clicked it, and was not happy. I messaged me friend, telling her it was unecesasry and that I don't want to see that stuff. I also told her that my ex, which she legimitely has and continues to do, talk crap about this friend. My ex even told me I wasn't allowed to go to her grad party . My friend was slightly drunk, and took it as "pick her or me"." I talked to my friend today and we are cool, she said it really isn't a big deal that I just need to work on my outbursts. Here is the email

 

"Just want to clarify... I thought that we had a very nice conversation and I was very willing to respect your requests and you appeared to be willing to also respect mine... My understanding was that we left things on civil terms and that we were able to move forward and work on ourselves and be excited to speak with each other in the future.

 

Where my understanding must have been lost was when you basically make friends feel like **** for being friends with each other....... And when we tell people that we were talking **** about our friends???

 

I am completely flabbergasted by the way you have been acting. If you are having a problem I would wish that you'd come to me. We have mutual friends..... Please stop making everyone feel like they have to choose between me or you? That is not fair to them nor is it fair to me. Please realize your own faults in this situation and take the necessary actions to remove yourself from public social media if that is what you require to get over me.

 

I'm still here to help if you need me."

 

 

I have been no contact for six days, the LONGEST since 37 days of breaking up. I am nowhere near close to over this girl. I cried today just thinking about her.

 

Do I respond? Or does it even matter? She's not a piece of my life anymore, and I really don't want to talk to her anytime soon. She is living her life like she should, dancing, drinking, having fun. I'm still pretty miserable.

 

I don't want her to help me. Why would I want someone who dumped me and punished me like a dog to help me? She needs to realize her faults here to.

Edited July 5, 2015 by drade

[itstupid]

Truth is, you made a mistake by doing what you did. Like she said, you both have friends in common and you will have to deal with it or get away from those people at least until you've healed.

 

If you don't want to talk to her, don't, but at least think about what you did and tell her what you've figured out, you know, because it wasn't a very nice thing to do... But is normal because when you are hurt, these things happen and she should understand.

 

Anyway, i hope things get better for you, good luck

[drade]

Truth is, you made a mistake by doing what you did. Like she said, you both have friends in common and you will have to deal with it or get away from those people at least until you've healed.

 

If you don't want to talk to her, don't, but at least think about what you did and tell her what you've figured out, you know, because it wasn't a very nice thing to do... But is normal because when you are hurt, these things happen and she should understand.

 

Anyway, i hope things get better for you, good luck

 

I know it wasn't right what I did. I've been seeing too much of her on social media due to our mutual friends ( i have literally block and unfriended several people temporarily so I don't have to see any of it ). Last night, I just kind of had the last straw, all weeks pictures of her drinking and having a great time. Sadly I took it out on a friend who was with my ex at the time. My friend knows my ex doesn't like her, and isn't real with her, but my ex thinks their friendship is fine. That's their problem, not mine. I would love to talk to her, apologize, let her know my actions weren't wise and I continue to get upset when I see her, which in turn makes it hard for me to control myself.

 

But at the same time, If I talk to her, I am back to square one. If I don't, she will continue to be upset, and get angry if I don't talk to her. The thing is, this breakup has taken a toll on my mental and physical health. I am finally starting to get back up without talking to her. This is a setback for me either way. What is the most adult thing to do? Talk to her? But she treats me like crap, and is clearly over the relationship (the last sentence says it all).

Edited July 5, 2015 by drade

[itstupid]

I know it wasn't right what I did. I've been seeing too much of her on social media due to our mutual friends ( i have literally block and unfriended several people temporarily so I don't have to see any of it ). Last night, I just kind of had the last straw, all weeks pictures of her drinking and having a great time. Sadly I took it out on a friend who was with my ex at the time. My friend knows my ex doesn't like her, and isn't real with her, but my ex thinks their friendship is fine. That's their problem, not mine. I would love to talk to her, apologize, let her know my actions weren't wise and I continue to get upset when I see her, which in turn makes it hard for me to control myself.

 

But at the same time, If I talk to her, I am back to square one. If I don't, she will continue to be upset, and get angry if I don't talk to her.

 

It'd be better if you talk to her, it would be the right thing to do... You know it is.

 

As fot the social media, i would suspend my account for a while if i were you... But if you don't want to go around without accounts on facebook, twitter or whatever, stop following these people for a while... It's gonna be impossible for you to get better if all you see is her "having fun" or getting drunk...

 

I did so... I still check his twitter account sometimes (we broke up a few weeks ago)... But trust me, is much less painful when you don't get to see them ALL THE TIME. It makes it easier to endure.

[Satu]

Take a holiday from social media - its all nonsense anyway.

[drade]

Satu I have.

 

 

As far as the right thing to do ? Yes. But for right now, I need time and will reflect on this email at a later time and maybe reach out. For myself, I can't talk to her right now. I'm just getting into a slightly better place. She may resent me more, but if my sanity is still unstable, I think the last thing to do would to reach out to her and apologize / makes amends . It would set me back

[pidgeon1010]

I agree with Satu. Also I don't think you should respond. It happened, she found out, she got her feelings out. End of story. It's not like you committed some cardinal sin. This is all silly. I totally agree with your sentiments re her comments about helping if you need it. She wants to come off as the saint/angel and paint you as the one whose life is in disarray because you can't cope with your emotions. If you need someone to help you, talk to a neutral person. You do need to work on yourself so taking a break from social media may be best.

[lollipopspot]

I would write to her:

"I'm sorry; it won't happen again."

 

The end. And then stop doing that. Don't talk to mutual friends about her. Move on with your life. If you need to talk about her, talk about her with people who aren't her friends too. It puts people in a really awkward situation to be in the middle of a breakup. They don't know who to believe, and even if you say something that's true but negative about your ex, it makes you look bad to your mutual friends. They won't trust you if you badmouth her like that - they'll think that if you have a falling out that you'll start spilling their secrets too.

[aloneinaz]

DO not reply to that. Man, she came across with a chip on her shoulder and to suggest that "she's here to help you"? I threw up in my mouth!

 

 

Dude, I'd so ignore her for the rest of my life. My pride would of kicked into overdrive. You need to seriously avoid social media. I also wouldn't be inclined to hang out w/co friends or share ANYTHING with them about how you're doing, etc..

 

 

Don't reply. Vanish from her life. If she contacts you again, ignore her. If she stops getting any response or reactions from you, that will deflate her ego.

[mightycpa]

Not only should you not respond, you shouldn't read the emails. Set up your account so that they go straight to the trash.

 

Your ex is right about the way you react, and that you need to eliminate the temptation. If your mutual friends take pictures of her and glorify her new freedom, and it bothers you, then you simply need to remove that from your life. Block as much stuff as you need to.

 

Maybe you should spend some time with NOT MUTUAL friends. I don't know, but these mutual friends don't seem to be a good thing for you.

[Zapbasket]

DO not reply to that. Man, she came across with a chip on her shoulder and to suggest that "she's here to help you"? I threw up in my mouth!

 

 

Dude, I'd so ignore her for the rest of my life. My pride would of kicked into overdrive. You need to seriously avoid social media. I also wouldn't be inclined to hang out w/co friends or share ANYTHING with them about how you're doing, etc..

 

 

Don't reply. Vanish from her life. If she contacts you again, ignore her. If she stops getting any response or reactions from you, that will deflate her ego.

 

THIS. Definitely don't respond. She was beyond condescending and I'd not egg that on one more iota. You were wrong in how you acted about the picture, but it's done now, so marshal your pride and be sure she never hears from or about you again.

 

She doesn't sound like a great prize, anyway.

[Chi townD]

I agree. Just ignore her. She sounds kind of full of herself anyways. Don't feed her ego!

[candie13]

It's ok, drade, you're the bad guy, everyone understood that. Now she needs to take a break! The Common friends are yours too and you can Talk to them as much as you like, it's not up to approve anything you do.

 

She should get a life! IMHO, she's protesting a little bit much, that is no way or tone to use when talking to you. There's a saying in French: "qui s'excuse, s'accuse". Stay chilled. She looks and acts like an inconsiderate, immature attention & drama seeking person. She is walking all over you, mate !

 

Plus She knows you are telling the truth, that must piss her off further more.

 

In all honesty, give that chick a break and focus On yourself & yourself alone ! Stay No Contact. It'll get a lot better in another week's time, trust me !

 

Stay strong and focus on getting back on your feet!

[drade]

Yes, I was the bad guy with several things in the past. But that doesn't mean I have a lot of empathy for this person. However, I do feel like she is blowing this out of proportion. It was something small, my friend literally said that night to me and her it's not a big deal, it was just frustrating how I went about it. I hung out with that same friend six hours after she left the place my ex was at. What does that tell you?

 

I feel good and bad about getting this email. I feel good because I have not responded, I am sticking to my NC and my healing time. I feel bad because I do care about her, and more importantly, that she KNOWS I am weak and vulnerable right now. What chick wants someone like that? I don't need your help, I need to help myself, and that's what I am trying to do. I would never want her help after all that has happened between the both of us. Once again, our breakup showed her true colors.

 

I told her that I was open to the idea of friendship, but I needed time to step away, and if she needed anything she could call. Well, i ended up blocking her number last week, and I am sure she is angry about that. I was her friend for 32 days after our relationship ended, and I not only felt like she was punishing me, but I felt like I lost my pride, dignity, and respect for myself. From her sexual comments and teases, to her physical sexual acts, talking me down, complaining about me, giving me false hope, emotionally screwing me, I realized that I don't want to be friends, ever. You know what she told me? "I can trust you as a friend but not in a relationship. I don't trust liars. I give the time, energy, and effort to those who are worth it, and to me at this moment, your not because of what you did." I'm not a doormat, an emotional tampon, a tennis ball. I am a man who made a mistake, an act of betrayal in the form of NOT phyiscal cheating and or sexting. I made my first life mistake in a relationship, I have accepted it, and I am now trying to move on and better myself.

 

If I call or message her, these last six days of no contact would be ruined. My progress would be back to square one. She was out having an amazing week this week drinking having fun probably dancing with guys. Your right, it's not my problem, I shouldn't think about it, she has every right to live her life. What was I doing? Struggling to hold myself together, struggling at work, constantly thinking about her, not taking care of myself. I have done this for over a month, and I just don't see the point in doing this to myself with someone who continues to tell me ways to get over her, yet offers the hand of help and friendship if needed.

 

I am a bigger and better person.

 

It's ok, drade, you're the bad guy, everyone understood that. Now she needs to take a break! The Common friends are yours too and you can Talk to them as much as you like, it's not up to approve anything you do.

 

She should get a life! IMHO, she's protesting a little bit much, that is no way or tone to use when talking to you. There's a saying in French: "qui s'excuse, s'accuse". Stay chilled. She looks and acts like an inconsiderate, immature attention & drama seeking person. She is walking all over you, mate !

 

Plus She knows you are telling the truth, that must piss her off further more.

 

In all honesty, give that chick a break and focus On yourself & yourself alone ! Stay No Contact. It'll get a lot better in another week's time, trust me !

 

Stay strong and focus on getting back on your feet!

[candie13]

Listen, I know you don't want to hear this, but everyone hurts in a break up. Not just the dumpee, the dumper too. It's never really black or white, there are a lot of emotions to be handled and reactions, and yes, it is hard, especially if there were feelings, at some point.

 

What I am trying to say is that it's normal to feel anger when it comes to her, just don't get mad at her. Because when anger goes away, you'll only miss her further more. Try to accept that she doesn't know what the hell she's doing to begin with. She's in denial, if you ask me. Parading on all the social media, having "fun", that's her way of dealing with it. Your way is grieving. IT is the shortest, healthiest road from where you are to healing.

 

Just don't think she doesn't have any feelings or that there is no hurt from her either. She may not show it, but she is not a robot. She's not inhumane. Try to think of her and of yourself with some compassion. You're going through a rough time... stay away from her and you're gonna get better, eventually.

[54JA]

She sounds like she's trying to make herself sound like she's better than you. Yuck, totally overlooking how inappropriately she acted after your breakup. It's almost like she's looking for opportunities to show off her "moral" superiority or something. She knew you still have feelings for her, so she should have understood that whatever you said, was out of hurt. Compassionate and the right thing to do was to ignore it. Although what you did was not the smartest thing, but her email is like kicking the man that is already down. I can picture her friends (not the mutual ones) high-fiving her, saying "you told him!"

 

There is no shame in being weak or being vulnerable. Like everyone says, it's natural to feel anger, too. Like the above post says, you are being human. Hang in there.

[drade]

This is why I come to this forum. Sometimes I make impulsive outburst actions like I just did this weekend. I feel so guilty and angry at myself for acting that way. But in really upset over the whole breakup and loosing her. I was entangled in the friend trap thing for 30 days post breakup and that really dented my self confidence, self respect, and self worth.

 

I do really care about her, but she's so far gone it's not even funny. She's living her life, whether she thinks about me once a week or once a day, she's gone.

 

I'd like to apologize to her and be civil again. But I can't do that right now. It's been a measly seven days since we last talked. I'm sure she is really frustrated and angry, and expected me to call after that email. But I can't. Why does this make me feel so guilty even though she didn't respect nor treat me the best during the breakup? She said I was dead to her, I was stupid, an ass, a lair, emotionally immature, not husband material, and so much more. She then proceeds to tell me that she is in love with me , then says go date other girls and if you want to have sex call me, use to tell me she would picture me on top of her, her family hates me and I've tried to get the chance to apologize to each and everyone of them for my mistake and thank them for letting me be a part of their lives. She has to hide talking or hanging out with me to her sisters

 

It's like I really am dead to her. She thought if we were to meet up in the future id be excited? How can I be excited to see someone who I've wanted to badly more than anyone and have been through so much emotional torture by both people?

 

She always told me she would be jealous of the next girl I dated due to re fact of what I've learned and have worked on through all of this. Maybe she's right. I know it's over and I've accepted that what I did after the breakup only pushed her away more, but from day one she didn't trust me, and still doesn't, what relationship and or friendship can survive without the core component of trust ?

 

This is the first time in 37 days I've had the willpower to not call or text her and speak, apologize, bicker, or whatever. And this will power has a lot to do with the members here on loveshack. You all have taught me it's sometimes better to break away from the addiction of love and wants, when sometimes it's better to just let it go.

 

She sounds like she's trying to make herself sound like she's better than you. Yuck, totally overlooking how inappropriately she acted after your breakup. It's almost like she's looking for opportunities to show off her "moral" superiority or something. She knew you still have feelings for her, so she should have understood that whatever you said, was out of hurt. Compassionate and the right thing to do was to ignore it. Although what you did was not the smartest thing, but her email is like kicking the man that is already down. I can picture her friends (not the mutual ones) high-fiving her, saying "you told him!"

 

There is no shame in being weak or being vulnerable. Like everyone says, it's natural to feel anger, too. Like the above post says, you are being human. Hang in there.

Edited July 7, 2015 by drade

[drade]

Its been two weeks since I spoke to her. And ten days since that email.

 

 

I am doing slightly better. Made some new friends, going out with a girl friend tomorrow who I haven't really connected with, but have been mutual friends forever.

 

Focusing more on work and my family. Starting to quit smoking, plan on going back to the gym next monday.

 

Still think about her daily, which I understand is normal especially this fresh off the press.

 

But there is one thing I can't really handle right now.... The fact that I never emailed her back, I never apologized, she knows me to be this person who always acknowledges their wrong doings and calls to apologize and make the necessary strides to improve whatever relationship there is remaining.

 

 

I mean, I know what NC is all about. I did it for three years with my last ex. But for some reason, I just feel like if I called her, after ten days of reflecting on my most previous action, i'd feel better about my current situation. I have no expectations, or any validation that she will even care, and if she didn't, that doesn't make a difference to how I feel, it's over, i got dumped, i became clingy needy and acted like a complete emotional d bag during that month of our breakup.

 

But I am a good guy, I have integrity (even though im the reason this has all happened), i've made some good strides these past two weeks. Yes it fresh, you cant change or improve THAT much in such a little time.

 

 

Do I call to tell her : hey, i got your email last week, I needed some time to reflect and process my actions regarding the fourth of july weekend. It's really hard to say I am sorry, because I have redundantly said it. But I just want you to know that I never really took your feelings into consideration, i was too focused on you dumping me, seeing myself as the victim, when in reality I am the villian. I am starting to realize the hurt I have caused you, I want to stop all this nonsense so one day you and I can be civil and mutual, whether it be friends or foes.

 

 

something along the lines of that... thoughts?

[irishguy]

No you are doing good , dont break the no contact.Stop caring about what she thinks anymore.

[candie13]

false sense of security, mate. Really. Weeks 2 to 3 are really bad. The next big hurdle will be week 5 to 6.

 

If you care to listen... it's your mind playing tricks on you. Don't listen to it. Fixate ONE rule and one rule alone: STICK to NO CONTACT no matter what. Really. You will not regret it. She ain't going anywhere, is she? So just say to yourself: I'll call her at the end of week 3. If I feel the same way, I will call her after week 3. You'll feel better today and it will give you the strength to continue with this.

 

Calling is dangerous, there always is the danger of not controlling the conversation, breaking down and sobbing. Why call and not text or email ?

[54JA]

You have been doing so good!!! I agree with everyone. Don't contact her about the email. You have been doing so great. I really don't believe what you did was that bad. It was just a little mistake you made in the heat of the moment. It doesn't warrant a heart-felt, deeply reflective apology. The important thing that came out of this was that you realized it was a mistake and corrected your behavior. You are just having a hard time because she doesn't know this/you can't let her know this. But that is something that you need to get used to. No matter what you have done/changed/accomplished, you need to accept with the fact that she will have no idea what is going on in your life anymore, and THAT'S OK!! It's almost like when someone dies. You had a fight with this person before she died but you never had a chance to apologize. You have to somehow deal with this uncomfortable feeling of unfinished business, unacknowledged, unrecognized amends you made. You have to learn to accept and be OK with the fact that nothing you do will be recognized by her. I know it's very dissatisfying and uncomfortable, but this is NC. Plus, she is not dead. Plus, plus, what you did was not so bad. She's a big girl and will be able to move on. When the time is right, perhaps a few years from now, if it still bothers you, you can let her know then, but not now or anytime soon. Hang in there buddy! Stay strong!!

[drade]

You all are right. Stick to NC. Plain and simple. It's still very fresh. And yes what I did regarding the Fourth of July was not the biggest mistake but still was totally unnecessary. More importantly, I've learned from it and it won't happen again. I know the problem I am having is that I'm holding onto some irrelevant non existent hope. I know it's over for now, and maybe forever. I know how much I've hurt her and she knows how much I've been hurt too. This is one girl, and probably the only one, that I will reach out to in the very very future (like 1+year). She's a great person, even though she emotionally screwed me after she dumped me, in reality I forced her to dump me ... I betrayed her with that text. I did something to someone who did nothing wrong to me. I've been battling a lot of emotions and guilt and resentment towards myself. Now that I'm becoming less self absorbed, I'm starting to think of the hurt I've put her through. I couldn't imagine seeing someone I loved acting out, blocking every line of communication, I always told her I'd never walk away, and when I did, she got so upset but told me she understood. She told me that I'm a person that's not far down her list to contact people in general.

 

But in still really hurting. But I'm doing the necessary things to get past this. You know LS, I've dramatically changed within. 50 days may not seem that long to change, but I have really reflected on myself with the help of my therapist. I'm less self centered less self absorbed and put others first. I'm also reconnecting with old friends and have met three new friends. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone, dropping old bad habits like video gaming, playing children's card games, not being active, smoking less cigarettes every day...

 

This is one of the cases where I truly believe that my actions and wrong doings could have made the bond in our relationship solid. However with her trust issues, I didn't give her that 110% I should have. Maybe in the future (we are both 23) things could shift and work out. But it would require a lot of time and space, and not just myself, but her, working on ourselves.

 

I am excited to speak to the future her. If she reaches out in the future I may reply. But Ive come to the point where I realize as the dumpee and the one who caused the breakup, that I shouldn't initiate contact (even though I told her weeks ago I would call her when I'm ready to talk). Maybe in that 1+ year time who knows

 

We made an agreement of NC. She said she would respect my wishes, which she has done this far. Sadly i haven't with that slip up but that will never happen again.

 

If others are reading this, learn from my wrong doings, when a relationship is over, simply and respectfully cut the cord then and there if it's truly over. Don't go into the agonizing torture I put myself through with the friend card for a month. I lost my sense of self, who I was, and became this clingy overwhelming overbearing childish boy. It's insane what emotions can do, and if you lack the willpower like I did in that situation. It's all in the past, look forward, not back.

Edited July 15, 2015 by drade

[Chi townD]

Are ya done feeling sorry for yourself yet?

 

 

I didn't do this, or didn't do that. It was all my fault. I betrayed her with that text...blah...blah...

 

 

The fact is, you didn't do sh*t out of the ordinary. You were dumped! You are allowed to feel hurt! You're allowed to feel angry!! You saw something that triggered you and you lashed out WHICH IS A NORMAL RESPONSE! Because if it wasn't understandable then that friend would have written you off! But, you apologized to the person the next day and he/she understood and things are good between the two of you. Why? Because they UNDERSTAND you're going through a lot of crap right now!!!!

 

 

Okay, you want to beat yourself up because you weren't boyfriend of the year, then that's on you. But, know that there are two people that make up the relationship. Therefore, you can own up to 50% of the problems that cause the demise of the relationship. Therefore, she should own the other 50%. Is she doing that? Not by what I can see in that email! She's Mother Teresa! She does no wrong! You're the one that's acting like a crazy asshat while she's sitting pretty and farting rainbows!

 

 

Okay, so blowing up at the friend, was it wrong? Yes. Was it normal behavior for someone that's hurting? YES! You had a knee jerk reaction. That's all. And that's understandable and your friend knows it! So, stop beating yourself up.

[drade]

Yeah. I know, my friends understand the ***** i've been going through. My ex however, sees at as intentional acts I feel like. Listen, I learned I am not that intact with my emotions. This is something I have been working on, REAL hard this past month. So I lashed out, but your exactly right, I called my friend the next day, hung out, made amends, and dropped everything / put it in our past.

 

My ex girlfriend, is never wrong. She always said in our relationship that she will always be right, and will always have the last word in any argument or discussion. When I told her about the pros and cons list my therapist had me write (when we were "friends" for that month), out of all 10 cons, she only agreed with one. Jokingly said I'm perfect, but not really, but really I am. She always use to say "men like to be told what to do." Well, not this guy. I don't care who you are, the only one who tells me what to do is my manager.

 

Looking back on our relationship, I felt kinda pressured with some things. She was very good at listening and providing a shoulder to lean on. But at the same time, I feel like I was spoken down to at times. One of the last things she ever told me was "for someone so smart, your really dumb."

 

I've never let a girl get under my skin like this, let a lone someone I barely knew prior to our relationship, and only dated for five months. I guess that saying that goes something like "you dont realize how important somethign is until its gone," or however it goes it quite true for my situation.

 

 

However, in just six months, I was going to go to two family weddings, talked about moving out, she always told me she wanted to be a house wive and wanted three boys, and had all their names written out (never liked any names i provided). It's like she has the big plan, this big american dream plan, like we all do, but I feel like **** went way to fast, considering I just graduated college and got a huge important job that I started half way into our relationship.

 

I was told by her that I was material enough to have kids with, but not "husband material." **** burns, but I am 23. I have a lot to learn, a lot to gain, and a lot to loose. I don't think I am husband material at all right now, maybe in a few years.

 

This is how my mind is working, and it NEEDS to stop. I've done well with NC, blocked EVERYTHING. I am going out in an hour to go eat pizza (on the shore) with a girl friend of mine who i've really never connected with.

 

I have a bomb ass job, security, a dependable family, dependable friends, i don't do drugs nor do I drink, and I am not the ugliest bird in the tree. So why is this still haunting me? Jeese, it was easier for me to get over a three year relationship compared to this one.

 

She says I have gained so much from this breakup, she is jealous for the next girl I meet, she is jealous for how good of a person I am going to become. But you know what. I was a great person before I met her and while I was dating her. I made a stupid mistake of texting a girl. My first life lesson in a relationship, i've been the one to get hurt in the past, now I hurt someone. But even so, I am still a great guy. I am still loyal, trustworthy, and dependable regardless of the hiccough mistake I made during that relationship. Something wasn't right, and now I am starting to really see how I ended up texting that girl back.

 

In the grand scheme of things, this minor sin, this act of betrayal, has been blown way out of proportion by both myself and her. It happened, it wasn't infidelity, but to someone who has trust issues its totally unacceptable, or even in general. But if I was worth it, if she really did love me, which she claimed she was both in love with me and loved me , she would of looked through her ****ty past, looked at me, and given me a chance if I was worth it. I told her the reason I am not speaking to you, is because I am not worth anything to you at this point. You say you can trust me as a friend but not a BF, yet you still seduce me, tell me personal things, send me mixed signals. Just toying with my mind. I can't be friends with someone who doesn't trust me, and who looks down at me. I understand her self respect, but ****, I didn't respect myself at all. I let her walk alll over me. I'll never forget the day I laid in my room all butthurt when she was at the wedding, posting pictures on her facebook, and even showing me them in person like "look how good we all look." I literally wanted to blow up. Who does that **** to someone who is still madly in love with you? I unfriended her on facebook that day, and she messaged me all upset like why did you unfriend me? Are you ****ting me? She just didn't and doesn't get it. She is one to suppress her emotions, to not feel anything, to not have to revisit being emotional. She has done this all her life, I think it's actually an extremely negative way to cope. She doesn't think so. On the other hand, I face my emotions, my speculations, and my thoughts. It helps me get to know myself better, become more mentally capable of handling situations like this, and allows my emotional maturity to skyrocket.

 

 

Oh life lessons....

 

 

 

 

Are ya done feeling sorry for yourself yet?

 

 

I didn't do this, or didn't do that. It was all my fault. I betrayed her with that text...blah...blah...

 

 

The fact is, you didn't do sh*t out of the ordinary. You were dumped! You are allowed to feel hurt! You're allowed to feel angry!! You saw something that triggered you and you lashed out WHICH IS A NORMAL RESPONSE! Because if it wasn't understandable then that friend would have written you off! But, you apologized to the person the next day and he/she understood and things are good between the two of you. Why? Because they UNDERSTAND you're going through a lot of crap right now!!!!

 

 

Okay, you want to beat yourself up because you weren't boyfriend of the year, then that's on you. But, know that there are two people that make up the relationship. Therefore, you can own up to 50% of the problems that cause the demise of the relationship. Therefore, she should own the other 50%. Is she doing that? Not by what I can see in that email! She's Mother Teresa! She does no wrong! You're the one that's acting like a crazy asshat while she's sitting pretty and farting rainbows!

 

 

Okay, so blowing up at the friend, was it wrong? Yes. Was it normal behavior for someone that's hurting? YES! You had a knee jerk reaction. That's all. And that's understandable and your friend knows it! So, stop beating yourself up.

Edited July 15, 2015 by drade

[Chi townD]

The only thing she got right about you is that you're not Husband material. And I totally agree. But, I can understand that you could never be husband material to such a stuck up bitch like her! The reason why you're not "husband material" to her is because YOU WON'T KISS HER ASS! Hell, she probably wanted you to try to get her higher on that pedestal so you wouldn't need to bend over and kiss it because it would be right in your face.

 

 

After reading that, I really think you dodged a bullet.