geronimo Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Its going to be about 7 months post BU for me, I f*cked up and broke NC a couple months ago and we have been in intermittent contact ever since. I have made it clear to her that I won't be just friends with her and in our last conversation we both confessed that we had feelings for eachother but she is still in her new relationship (even though she claims that her and the guy barely talk and she is just seeing if that would change or else she's going to break it off) but she said that the reason we broke up was cuz of her parents not being ok with my religion and she said that this problem is still going to be there if we get back together. I told her that if we truly wanted to make it work we could. Anyways we left the last conversation without discussing that any further, she said she wanted to see me and i said that wouldn't be a good idea, but maybe later on this month (as I'm leaving for a little while, so it might be ok to see her). I don't know what she's playing at, I dont want to be second choice where if it doesn't work out with her new bf and she comes back to me. I don't feel like thats the situation as she keeps saying our relationship meant alot to her and she knows she wont be able to find anything better. I don't want to keep feeding into her thats why I dont contact her anymore. But I still love her so much, we were both eachothers first and we were in a 5 year relationship. I'm thinking of maybe going to see her before I leave and lay it all down for her that I do want to get back together with her and if thats not what she wants then we need to cut ties cuz I can't be her friend. F*ck this is so hard, idk why I can't get over her. Link to post Share on other sites
kasop Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 You cant get over her because your not in NC. Cut all ties, block her on everything, and close the door. Unless she finds a way to contact u and is % 100 sure she wants a new relationship and puts the ball in your court dont talk to her. You can get over her. But you have to actively take her out of your life and give yourself the time to heal. Its going to take awhile coming from a 5 year relationship but it can be done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 I know I need to do that but I feel like she's scared. Also, we kinda did talk about getting back together like i said but she said she's more worried about her parents cuz that problem is always going to be there. I tried to reassure her that we can make it work but idk. I guess i should stop being stupid and look at her actions instead of her words, she says she still loves me and everything but she is still with this guy. I dont know why, i called her out on it and told her she's being an idiot and wasting her time but she said she doesn't know and that he's a nice guy. I don't want to be making her decisions for her so i left it at that. I guess i should just go back to full NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 You need to find your self respect and put it back in your body. She is dating someone new. Regardless of what she tells you, since she is not broken up with him, that makes you number 2. Who wants to be someone's second choice? Go proper NC. Block her on evetyhing and heal yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 So I found out that she broke up with her bf, but she hasn't reached out to me. Is that a bad thing? I don't know if I should reach out to her cuz we promised eachother that whoever leaves first will contact the other person, cuz we're both supposed to go on vacation soon. I'm waiting to see if she will contact me first but I don't know. I would have thought from our last convo that she would contact me esp if she broke up with her bf. Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 So I found out that she broke up with her bf, but she hasn't reached out to me. Is that a bad thing? I don't know if I should reach out to her cuz we promised eachother that whoever leaves first will contact the other person, cuz we're both supposed to go on vacation soon. I'm waiting to see if she will contact me first but I don't know. I would have thought from our last convo that she would contact me esp if she broke up with her bf. How did you find out she broke up with him? I don't know if I should reach out to her cuz we promised eachother that whoever leaves first will contact the other person I don't get this. Were you also in a relationship? I may be misreading but what do you mean by "whoever leaves first"? Whatever the case may be, I would not reach out to her first. You don't know the circumstances of the break up, you don't know why she hasn't reached out to you first, etc. You should hang back until she initiates contact. It doesn't seem like you ever went full contact to move on. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to get back in a relationship with you or breaks up with you again shortly after reconciliation. I assume you haven't changed your religion, have you? If the "problem" still exists, the chances for a reconciliation and a "happily ever after" are very slim. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 So I found out that she broke up with her bf, but she hasn't reached out to me. Is that a bad thing? I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing, but I do know this. It is a reliable indicator that she's completely done with you. Sometimes, people swing back around to an ex, not that this works out, but at least you know they were still connected to you in some way. Those that don't reach out severed the cord a long time ago. Good? Bad? Who cares? DONE. That's what you need to care about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 She's actually being very unfair with you. She should let you go so you can find your own happiness. NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 How did you find out she broke up with him? I don't know if I should reach out to her cuz we promised eachother that whoever leaves first will contact the other person I don't get this. Were you also in a relationship? I may be misreading but what do you mean by "whoever leaves first"? Whatever the case may be, I would not reach out to her first. You don't know the circumstances of the break up, you don't know why she hasn't reached out to you first, etc. You should hang back until she initiates contact. It doesn't seem like you ever went full contact to move on. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to get back in a relationship with you or breaks up with you again shortly after reconciliation. I assume you haven't changed your religion, have you? If the "problem" still exists, the chances for a reconciliation and a "happily ever after" are very slim. I found out through some friends, and she has deleted their pics from her social media (also heard this since I deleted her off everything when we broke up). Sorry i should have worded the "whoever leaves first" correctly. My ex and I spoke to eachother on the phone about 2-3 weeks ago and this is when she told me that she still loves me and probably always will (cuz we were eachothers first loves) and that we had a great RS and all that bs, some talk of us getting back together came up but she said that the reason for us breakup up was the parents/religion which would still be a problem, i told her i dont want to fight about that again cuz we're no longer together. But to me its not a problem as i know alot of couples who go through what her and i have to and they make it out fine, I guess she just has to be willing to do that, which she isn't. So going back to "whoever leaves first" was cuz both her and I have things coming up in the next month where we would be leaving the country for a month or so, and she kept saying she wanted to meet up with me when we last spoke, but I told her that wasn't a good idea, but as a compromise I said I guess we can see eachother when one of us leaves, and whoever leaves first would just contact the other person and set a date to meet up. @Mighty, dude what you're saying is exactly what I was thinking but it would be so weird that this is the case considering the fact that we talked just a few weeks ago and things were the exact opposite. The few friends that I have told have said that its probably early in her breakup and also she is a very passive aggressive person so thats why she isn't reaching out yet (not that they want me to get back with her). @Satu, i agree with you man, but the thing is I still love this girl very much and from our last conversation she told me that she has also learnt alot and matured (even tho i would still say she is pretty immature) but yeah. If there was a chance of us getting back together and her truly wanting to reconcile and make it last, i would want to take it. Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I hate to be negative because I am sucker for romance but you keep focusing on the parts of your last conversation with her that gives you some hope and disregarding the really crucial part, which is everything she said after "BUT." Couples may work through religious differences but she is unwilling to go against her parents. She broke up with you because of this and has told you the problem still exists. She didn't want to let you go fully but she also didn't want to get back in a relationship with you. Is this the limbo you want to be in, indefinitely? You should be more concerned about your healing and moving on. Frankly, she would be doing you a favor if you never hear from her again. If she does reconnect, you two NEED to discuss the religion issue (you didn't want to discuss the last time because you realize it is the point of contention). It seems to be the only way forward. Best wishes! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author geronimo Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I hate to be negative because I am sucker for romance but you keep focusing on the parts of your last conversation with her that gives you some hope and disregarding the really crucial part, which is everything she said after "BUT." Couples may work through religious differences but she is unwilling to go against her parents. She broke up with you because of this and has told you the problem still exists. She didn't want to let you go fully but she also didn't want to get back in a relationship with you. Is this the limbo you want to be in, indefinitely? You should be more concerned about your healing and moving on. Frankly, she would be doing you a favor if you never hear from her again. If she does reconnect, you two NEED to discuss the religion issue (you didn't want to discuss the last time because you realize it is the point of contention). It seems to be the only way forward. Best wishes! I agree with you 100% I guess we would have to see if she contacts me at all to begin with cuz she hasn't done so yet. But yea if it does come down to it we would have to figure out this whole religion mess before getting into another relationship. It's just bothering me that she hasn't contacted me yet. Maybe she's embarrassed but idk maybe mighty was right and she is fully over me and doesn't care to even reach back again Link to post Share on other sites
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