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-   -   NC Success story - Ex came back (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/531826-nc-success-story-ex-came-back)

hunk 4th June 2015 10:37 PM

NC Success story - Ex came back
 
As the title of this thread basically says it. The ex that brought me to LS, some 4 years ago, has messaged me basically pouring her heart out. I was sitting at my desk writing a paper and my phone went off, I instantly recognized her number, even after 4 years. I have NO idea how she got it.

She's spoken about how "we've both grown, how time apart and other relationships has made her realize what she wants out of life and out of a partner and that we were both young and neither of us had any idea what we were doing. She said she forgives me for being a lousy boyfriend and that the connection we had and feelings she has/had for me overrides any stupid mistakes either of us made in the past and that she can't stop thinking about me and wants an adult relationship starting slowly if i'm willing to give it a shot. She said "Most of all I just miss talking to you. I haven't connected with anyone like I did with you". If I had received this message a few years ago I would've had a heart attack and thought I was dreaming.

She said not speaking for so long was extremely difficult and it felt like she'd completely lost someone she cared deeply for - translation = NC worked.

The real success story here isn't her messaging me though. I don't want her back anymore. I feel nothing for her. I honestly don't care - translation = NC worked.

I won't be responding to her message. I don't even have it in me to write up a response of any sort because I just don't care. I don't think I'm even over the pain she inflicted on me, even after all these years. I am certain however I do not want a relationship with her ever again. I went through so much misery and pain over this girl, it consumed me for years and irreparably destroyed my perception of her as a person. I have no feelings left for her as I completely convinced myself we would never be back together, and I allowed myself to slowly view her as being gone, even dead.

I don't want to inspire false hope here - the point of this post was to show that no contact is the indisputable best course of action post break up, and that time completely heals all wounds. I'm still in a bit of shock, I've only given myself a couple of hours to digest the message. It is mindblowing to compare the way I feel now receiving this to the way I would've felt ~3 years ago.

This forum is a special place, thank you to everyone here. Ask me anything.

mightycpa 4th June 2015 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hunk (Post 6362303)
As the title of this thread basically says it. The ex that brought me to LS, some 4 years ago, has messaged me basically pouring her heart out. I was sitting at my desk writing a paper and my phone went off, I instantly recognized her number, even after 4 years. I have NO idea how she got it.

She's spoken about how "we've both grown, how time apart and other relationships has made her realize what she wants out of life and out of a partner and that we were both young and neither of us had any idea what we were doing. She said she forgives me for being a lousy boyfriend and that the connection we had and feelings she has/had for me overrides any stupid mistakes either of us made in the past and that she can't stop thinking about me and wants an adult relationship starting slowly if i'm willing to give it a shot. She said "Most of all I just miss talking to you. I haven't connected with anyone like I did with you". If I had received this message a few years ago I would've had a heart attack and thought I was dreaming.

She said not speaking for so long was extremely difficult and it felt like she'd completely lost someone she cared deeply for - translation = NC worked.

The real success story here isn't her messaging me though. I don't want her back anymore. I feel nothing for her. I honestly don't care - translation = NC worked.

I won't be responding to her message. I don't even have it in me to write up a response of any sort because I just don't care. I don't think I'm even over the pain she inflicted on me, even after all these years. I am certain however I do not want a relationship with her ever again. I went through so much misery and pain over this girl, it consumed me for years and irreparably destroyed my perception of her as a person. I have no feelings left for her as I completely convinced myself we would never be back together, and I allowed myself to slowly view her as being gone, even dead.

I don't want to inspire false hope here - the point of this post was to show that no contact is the indisputable best course of action post break up, and that time completely heals all wounds. I'm still in a bit of shock, I've only given myself a couple of hours to digest the message. It is mindblowing to compare the way I feel now receiving this to the way I would've felt ~3 years ago.

This forum is a special place, thank you to everyone here. Ask me anything.

Hulk, I'd like to make a small correction to your post, lest you lead someone astray:


Quote:

She said not speaking for so long was extremely difficult and it felt like she'd completely lost someone she cared deeply for - translation = NC worked.
No. That's not what NC is for. That's just a byproduct, and neither here nor there.

Quote:

The real success story here isn't her messaging me though. I don't want her back anymore. I feel nothing for her. I honestly don't care - translation = NC worked.
There you go. Congratulations, and Atta pepper!

hunk 4th June 2015 10:44 PM

I was trying to highlight NC basically being the "one size fits all" - you are guaranteed to heal no matter what, if they're going to come back it will only be through NC, and if they don't come back you're still guaranteed to heal.

Again, not trying to inspire false hope, just thought i'd share.

lauri 4th June 2015 10:49 PM

I don't think her contacting you means much..no offense. My ex said the exact same things and it was all because she started to realize she lost something good...but that's only because things didn't work out with the guy she left me for.

Many exes have come back after NC, but rarely has it ever worked after they have. My opinion is once it is done, it's done forever.

The only reason why NC worked is because it made you indifferent and you didn't get sucked into a negative cycle / situation with your ex. Congrats on getting to that point.

mightycpa 4th June 2015 10:50 PM

Geez, did I really say HULK? As in the incredible one?

Sorry, dude. :lmao:

mightycpa 4th June 2015 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lauri (Post 6362315)
I don't think her contacting you means much..no offense. My ex said the exact same things and it was all because she started to realize she lost something good...but that's only because things didn't work out with the guy she left me for.

Many exes have come back after NC, but rarely has it ever worked after they have. My opinion is once it is done, it's done forever.

The only reason why NC worked is because it made you indifferent and you didn't get sucked into a negative cycle / situation with your ex. Congrats on getting to that point.

I don't know.. after four years, with a VM saying she'd be willing to try again? It takes a lot of desperation or courage to leave that message right out of the gate after so long. She shouldn't have done it that way, though, not if she was actually hoping for some success.

She should have shown up at his doorstep, and given him that heart attack.

hunk 4th June 2015 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lauri (Post 6362315)
I don't think her contacting you means much..no offense. My ex said the exact same things and it was all because she started to realize she lost something good...but that's only because things didn't work out with the guy she left me for.

Many exes have come back after NC, but rarely has it ever worked after they have. My opinion is once it is done, it's done forever.

The only reason why NC worked is because it made you indifferent and you didn't get sucked into a negative cycle / situation with your ex. Congrats on getting to that point.

I'm not too sure, this message was pretty out there. She just dumped it all on me. I agree with you when you say it rarely works out, but in terms of her intentions they're pretty damn clear with this message. She even said "i understand this is alot to take in so don't feel pressured to respond instantly or at all if you don't feel like it" at the end. But yes, NC made me completely indifferent, and for that reason I will always advocate it for almost every single break-up circumstance.

aloneinaz 4th June 2015 11:42 PM

I agree with hulk. The first and main benefit of NC is for the dumper to heal. It allows them to immediately start to put distance between the relationship and themselves. It's not to "punish" the dumper. Its for the dumped to process what happened and start the path to recovery.


The bi-product of NC and or VANISHING from the dumper is it takes the power from the dumper. The dumped isn't lavishing adulation and attention on them anymore. It's messes with the dumpers mind. They think the dumped must not of been into them that much. It hurts their ego and knocks the chip off their shoulder. They also realize that they may never hear or see the dumped again which means they lose there plan b.


What's odd about this contact is the time frame. Usually the dumper reappears after the dumped vanished from their lives around 5-6 months. In that time, the dumper dated, maybe had a short relationship or two and realized what they had wasn't that bad. The dumped also become more attractive (in some cases) as there's a mystery about them and the fact that the immediately went NC and vanished from the dumpers life.


My crazy ex reappeared after 5 1/2 months. She ended us. I said Ok and left her place. She NEVER heard another word from me EVER. Like the Hulk, I told my ex NO THANKS to me taking her back.


Proud of you HULK. I'd flat ignore her. As this site demonstrates, reconciliations rarely work. They only re-open the wounds and provide a second opportunity to go thru all the pain and BS as the first time.

hunk 5th June 2015 12:11 AM

Completely agree, az. The sad thing about this is that all it's seem to have done is just make me upset again about my most recent failed relationship. I completely and irreparably destroyed a relationship with a girl who was perfect for me BECAUSE i wasn't over this ex, the one who has now come back and I no longer want. I pushed the right human away from me while hoping the wrong human that pushed me away would come back to me. How completely twisted the world is. :lmao::lmao:

erklat 5th June 2015 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lauri (Post 6362315)
I don't think her contacting you means much..no offense. My ex said the exact same things and it was all because she started to realize she lost something good...but that's only because things didn't work out with the guy she left me for.

Many exes have come back after NC, but rarely has it ever worked after they have. My opinion is once it is done, it's done forever.

The only reason why NC worked is because it made you indifferent and you didn't get sucked into a negative cycle / situation with your ex. Congrats on getting to that point.

There is no after nc. Nc is a permanent state.

Very inspiring post hunk!

darkbloom 5th June 2015 12:18 AM

Your posts always make me feel better hunk! Yay for you being over it and not responding. I envy that.

hunk 5th June 2015 12:33 AM

you'll get there DB. It only took me so long because I refused to cut her out of my life completely. If i'd done this when I should've it would've taken nowhere near the time it did. Stay strong.

imbax 5th June 2015 12:35 AM

Your post is very inspirational for me hunk. I am starting NC again for the second period and hopefully the last again. All the best for you man!

foolinlove79 5th June 2015 1:54 AM

The only way to do nc is to think of it forever. None of this 30 days 60 days crap. You can win them back. And IF they do contact you the best response is no response. ..

ManyDissapoint 5th June 2015 2:23 AM

This is beautiful. FOUR years! I know you are 100% over her because you don't even mention how you couldn't trust her. She's not even in her thoughts. You're not even tempted to rip her a new ********* or tell her how awful of a person she is. That's some pretty admirable indifference at this point.

Good job dude. Really good job.


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