soulforge2013 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I walked away from a 4 month relationship just recently.. when i look back now some things or incidents come to mind, that i clearly should not have ignored.. We had a petty little incident at my house, which resulted in her being a bit rude towards me, and mocking me.. i decided to call her out & told her she needs to calm down & quit making a drama out of nothing.. i did not shout or raise my voice at her, just told her calmly not to mock me. she then went a bit quiet on me for an hour, then later on she started accusing me of not treating her like a guest in my house.. and that i made her feel uncomfortable & i was horrible to her.. i felt like she was trying to shame me! i explained to her, that she was rude towards me & its only normal for me to point that out to her.. but i did not want to argue with her, so i stayed quiet.. she later asked me for a cuddle & then we made up.. but later that night we did not have sex, she said she was tired, so i knew something was still up with her! the next day she went home & i believed everything was ok with us again.. i normally get a text message from her, letting me know that she got home okay.. but i got no text message from her! i sent her a text later that night, we had a little chat, but she seemed a little distant.. then the next morning i sent her another text, and i just said "good morning hope you have a good day at work" she replied back to me.. after that i decided to back off a little & let her text me.. as i had already texted her twice in two days & i did not want to come across as being desperate or needy.. i never heard anything from her that day, or the day after.. after 6 days of radio silence i received this text off her below HER - Hi i thought we was getting along fine, and i had a nice weekend with you.. but this no contact from you is not good.. i had a feeling you would not want to see me again.. i did want to text you, but i had a feeling you would not want me to. anyhow thanx for sharing your time with me, good luck & hope your ok. x the funny thing is, i did text her two days in a row.. she could have quite easily in those six days, sent me a text just asking how i was, or how my day was going? why disappear for six days maybe she was expecting me to chase her..also in that text she is not asking me what happened or wanting to sort things out.. it sounds like she is walking away, but indirectly making it look like it was me whom did the walking away? like an idiot i started texting her again & we started seeing each other again.. would you class this as a red flag? i don't think its normal to disappear for six days, when in a relationship, after this point i became quite wary of her, i felt like she could be playing games, or she could be a manipulater Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Trust your gut, I wish I did 3 Link to post Share on other sites
soulforge Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 My gut told me, that incident did not feel right.. when your seeing someone in a relationship u don't just disappear for 6 days.. Some kind of power games going on here Link to post Share on other sites
Thecondor1991 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Agreed. Trust you gut. If you feel something is wrong don't wait for it to come along. Try and handle it before it creates a much bigger problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Trust your damn gut 100% 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 18 Years back , I was in the same situation .... I didn't trust my gut ; and now I am stuck with 3 kids ... just trust your gut . Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I agree with everyone else. Also, the fact that she mocked you stuck with me. That's cruel and immature. What happened exactly? It sounds like she knew she messed up and tried to shift the blame to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 She didn't like the way you treated her at your house, she felt you were horrible to her and and made her feel uncomfortable. But YOU cut the contact and YOU didn't text her back after she replied to YOU, it was YOUR turn to text her and YOU didn't do it. After 6 days waiting, she gave you the "nice to meet you, see you around" message. SO... and... Where is the red flag? The message you take from this - Learn to treat women better and if they go cold on you and say you are treating them horribly, own your mistake and find out what is wrong and try to fix it, rather than sulk and assume they will pick up the pieces. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 honestly is sounds like her reaction to you putting her in her place was to feel meek and wait for you to engage with her, but you were waiting for her to engage with you so it all died. not sure if it was a red flag but it seemed like almost a misunderstanding and communication might have been the way thru it rather than NC... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 I agree with everyone else. Also, the fact that she mocked you stuck with me. That's cruel and immature. What happened exactly? It sounds like she knew she messed up and tried to shift the blame to you. it was over something really stupid & rather embarrassing lol we was having sex on the sofa & she accidentally tore the padding cushion off my NEW sofa.. after we finished lol i asked her to help me put it back on, and so she did. i did not blame her, or complain about it, but she may had felt a little embarrassed.. which is understandable.. here is the thing.. i am a little bit OCD i like my place nice and tidy & dirt free.. but i,m not overly obsessive about it. so after the sofa incident she started acting like, she is not allowed to sit down anywhere, and started to deliberately exaggerate the situation & make me feel uncomfortable like i have some kind of mental disorder lol.. she even said, you need therapy!! she was acting like she is not allowed to sit down on my sofa, to which i told her "look you need to calm down, i never once suggested your not allowed to sit down on my sofa, your exxagerating things now" she did not like me saying this.. she was making me feel very uncomfortable! so an hour later, she started an argument claiming that i am not treating her like a guest in my house.. that i had upset her!! i explained to her, that by mocking my condition you made me abit umcomfrotable & my intention was not to upset you at all.. i told her that i am not bothered about the sofa, its just the way you started mocking me & exaggerating the issue is what upset me, thats why i told you to calm down! what really bothered me was the fact... i was cooking meals for this girl every weekend when she stopped at my house.. i ran her baths, made she was comfortable & looked after.. then i have her accusing me of not treating her like a guest at my house? so this little petty stupid little incident lead to her vanishing for 6 days, then claiming that i did not bother with her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 She didn't like the way you treated her at your house, she felt you were horrible to her and and made her feel uncomfortable. But YOU cut the contact and YOU didn't text her back after she replied to YOU, it was YOUR turn to text her and YOU didn't do it. After 6 days waiting, she gave you the "nice to meet you, see you around" message. SO... and... Where is the red flag? The message you take from this - Learn to treat women better and if they go cold on you and say you are treating them horribly, own your mistake and find out what is wrong and try to fix it, rather than sulk and assume they will pick up the pieces. are you crazy??? or have you not read what i wrote... i did not drop contact with her.. i texted her two days straight in a row! i initiated conact with her for two days & get luke warm responses from her.. do i want to carry on texting her every single day like a needy desperate guy.. do i heck you obviously have read something completely different from what i wrote! Link to post Share on other sites
Stercrazy Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Yes I think it's a red flag. A couple usually has their moments but it what you choose to do afterwards that defines the relationship. Couples who truely care bout each other don't mind doing "the work" part of a relationship. Most of it revolves around communication. For whatever reason the 2 of you didn't talk for 6 days. That's not communication. So yeah.....I would probably move on as it doesn't seem as if you guys are compatible. Not saying it's a good thing or a bad thing....it just is what it is. She chose not to reach out so...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 She didn't like the way you treated her at your house, she felt you were horrible to her and and made her feel uncomfortable. But YOU cut the contact and YOU didn't text her back after she replied to YOU, it was YOUR turn to text her and YOU didn't do it. After 6 days waiting, she gave you the "nice to meet you, see you around" message. SO... and... Where is the red flag? The message you take from this - Learn to treat women better and if they go cold on you and say you are treating them horribly, own your mistake and find out what is wrong and try to fix it, rather than sulk and assume they will pick up the pieces. i used to cook for her every weekend, run baths for her.. she got ill at my house one weekend.. there was nobody to look after her, so she stayed at my house & i was cleaning up her sick after her?? i did everything for her in my house to make her comfortable.. does this sound like someone who was treating her horrible? her own words NO MAN HAS EVER TREATED ME AS NICE AS YOU HAVE i think you need to read my post again Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 are you crazy??? or have you not read what i wrote... i did not drop contact with her.. i texted her two days straight in a row! i initiated conact with her for two days & get luke warm responses from her.. do i want to carry on texting her every single day like a needy desperate guy.. do i heck you obviously have read something completely different from what i wrote! NO, the last text was hers, you said - "she replied back to me" - so the onus is on YOU to send the next text but YOU didn't send it. She waited 6 days for YOU to contact her, which YOU didn't do, so SHE decided to send you." Hi i thought we was getting along fine, and i had a nice weekend with you.. but this no contact from you is not good.. i had a feeling you would not want to see me again.. i did want to text you, but i had a feeling you would not want me to. anyhow thanx for sharing your time with me, good luck & hope your ok. x" YOU were annoyed and that is why you didn't send her the message. YOU felt SHE should apologise, but SHE felt told off and uncomfortable, and didn't feel confident that you even wanted to continue the relationship. When you didn't return her text for 6 days, she obviously assumed the worst and needed closure so she sent that closure message. i sent her a text later that night, we had a little chat, but she seemed a little distant..then the next morning i sent her another text, and i just said"good morning hope you have a good day at work"she replied back to me.. after that i decided to back off a little & let her text me.. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 i used to cook for her every weekend, run baths for her.. she got ill at my house one weekend.. there was nobody to look after her, so she stayed at my house & i was cleaning up her sick after her?? i did everything for her in my house to make her comfortable.. does this sound like someone who was treating her horrible? her own words NO MAN HAS EVER TREATED ME AS NICE AS YOU HAVE i think you need to read my post again ERM... " she started accusing me of not treating her like a guest in my house.. and that i made her feel uncomfortable & i was horrible to her.." Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 ERM... " she started accusing me of not treating her like a guest in my house.. and that i made her feel uncomfortable & i was horrible to her.." erm yes.. exactly my point... she started to play the victim instead of just apologizing & escalating the issue... its called manipulation? ever heard of that word? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 erm yes.. exactly my point... she started to play the victim instead of just apologizing & escalating the issue... its called manipulation? ever heard of that word? YOU don't really know how you made her feel, and neither do I. She perhaps is a drama queen, you perhaps massively overreacted to the damage to your sofa, I don't know I wasn't there, but the fact of the matter is that YOU cut contact with HER, and now YOU are here accusing her of manipulation. I am just a tad suspicious that you are still here trying to drum up support for your actions, over a relationship that only lasted 4 months and you split up over a month ago. Isn't it time to let go? If she was as bad as you continue to paint her in just about every post you post, why are you still bothered? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Stercrazy Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 As I stated previously......the fact is communication was broken......and neither party reached out to reconcile. That's the work part of sharing your life......communication and giving them time in your life. For whatever reason.....from who ever initiated it....communication broke. The arguements going back and forth have no value here. Stop staring at the brick and look at the building. Sorry to be blunt but it seems like the relationships is done......and that's ok. Who wants to be in a relationship where needs are not being met? Good Luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) Bottom line, she hasn't bothered to contact you for six days. You can't be bothered to suck it up and contact her. Call it done, this relationship is over. What's the point, it doesn't seem like either of you are overly invested... Edited May 31, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed personal message 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 This feels like a repetition of your thread last month. I find it hard to say something about the relation as to much is lost in translation. I got and get the feeling that both of you weren't communicating well. Becoming a good communicator also means learning how others perceive you - ask people - and always confirming if what you think you hear is right. I personally do not care if I look like 'a desperate pathetic loser' it that sends the message to the one I love. This again is an example of how we think others will perceive us. I personally do not care much about expected behaviour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 OP you took a very passive approach to the situation and sat back and expected her to contact you. As a woman, I would never do that either. I would expect my man to bring up the conversation and take the lead of the relationship. I think passivity in men in so common these days and some women still expect to have a man with good communication and leadership skills. This is the same reason my ex and i broke up and it was during a time when my dad died. She's not being manipulative. You cut contact so you're the one trying to manipulate the situation. Her approach was way better than mine. after my ex went 2 weeks without contacting me I mailed all his things UPS. Just the thought of a man going that long without checking on me made me very uncomfortable in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
hollycraze Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Nothing wrong...it's very normal in relationship... in Dating, it's called Push-n-Pull...I don't really know if she learnt Dating/Pick-up art for women or not...but she can make you emotionally attached to her! The proof: you're confused, right? sometimes you feel upset, don't you? My best advice: don't worry...if you want to, just do counter attack! Stop being emotional, make her feel confused! I'm a Dating coach...so this kind of thing is not a big deal to me... Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 clearly she's a pain in the ass, who can dish it out, but cannot take it. If someone's going to engage you in ridicule, then they ought to at least be able to take some fire without curling up like a potato bug. Link to post Share on other sites
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