brochacho Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 My girlfriend dumped me last week, because she had lost interest in me. She saw that I was really sad and decided to end it, because she had no feelings. For 11 months we had a very different kind of relationship and not necessarily the kind that anyone would want. I am a foster kid and I was brought into this house because this family was my brothers friend. They have taken us in and have been amazing to us. This family is the type that likes to get together a lot and go places and throw parties. I met my girlfriend through this family since she would always come over or we would go to her house. Over time We began to gain interest in each other and it was always difficult, because the family was always around when we were together. I got her number and we started to text. We texted every single day without getting bored and continued to become closer in person. Over the months we became close and I asked her out. We were dating in secret at first, but of course the family would catch on. They really did not let us do much at all. We would get crap for just sitting next to each other from her brother or my foster dad. They always tried to block in every single way possible. After some time of dating we just completely fell in love with each other. We would spend many hours on the phone and in person whenever we would see each other we would be as close as possible. There were troubles with being close since there is my jealous foster brother and he does not like us being together. We became closer and closer every single moment we had alone we would do as much as possible in terms of kissing holding hands and just trying to be boyfriend and girlfriend. We knew we would have to wait a while for things to get better as we needed trust to progress this relationship. I started to finally gain their trust and they would allow us to do more and more. I took her to prom and I picked her up from school (once, since this was recent). Her mom said I could even come over so things were starting to get a lot better. We did have arguments at time, I would complain about small things but every couple has arguments and these were nothing big. We finally got to the point where there is a lot more trust and we can do more and she loses interest in me. I feel so devastated, because we waited so long for this and it's too late. I am just so heart broken and I am trying everything in my power to make this relationship work. She said she loved me as a best friend, but we were friends the whole relationship. We did have many moments, but it was not consistent. I always make her happy when I see her and we have never argued in real life. I am so lost right now, because I still have to see her and she wants to be mature about this and be friends. She didn't completely deny the fact of getting back together, but at this moment she does not feel anything. She has helped me through so much in my life and made me so happy I can't see life without her. She said she'll always be here for me but she is not sure about getting back together. she is 17 and I am 19 and she is going to college next year and we were planning on doing a lot next year since we will have freedom. I do not want to give up on this, because I will continue to see her over the next year at least twice a week. She did agree to go on a date with me, but I am just waiting on a conformation from her mom. I feel that If I can show her how fun it can be when we have freedom that her interest will spark again. What should I do?? PLEASE HELP Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Sorry to hear about this. Not a lot you can do about it, brother. She is going to college next year. Long distance relationships basically don't work out, period. You're both so young. Realistically, had you kept trying to work it out, one or both of you would get grass is greener syndrome, and end up leaving for someone else. Truth is, she may have found someone else already, and that's what caused this. I am not saying this to hurt you. I am saying it so you understand it isn't your fault, nor your responsibility to fix. She made the choice, the ball isn't in your court. There's no move you can do, no words you can say to change it. Believe me, I've tried. And tried. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brochacho Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 (edited) Well we are going to the same college next year that's the thing and we've always been extremely open and honest the whole relationship she's not the type to leave someone for another person she always ignores the other guys but there are a lot of guys that are after her. I guess I will just take her on a date and just give her space after. Since I have to see her Idk if I should keep talking to her or not. I feel like I should so when I see her we can still be friends around each other I rather have that than to be depressed all the time around her. Edited May 18, 2015 by brochacho 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 You can't do anything. Do not be friends with her. Do not take her on a date. Do not say another word to her from this point forward. You can't MAKE someone be interested in you, that's a fact. Harsh as it is, you've lost her, it's game over, time to pick yourself up and get back out there again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brochacho Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 So when she comes over or I go over I just pretend she's not there? This is hard, because we all associate with one another and this is a very very close family. It would be easier if I didn't have to see her. On friday we are going on a three day trip together so yeah this is just so painful for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 You're in denial. Denial is a psychological defence against a truth that threatens to overwhelm or deeply wound us. This is what's under the denial: She will not live as a celibate. Sooner or later she will find a new lover. Take good care of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lizrd3000 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Well we are going to the same college next year that's the thing and we've always been extremely open and honest the whole relationship she's not the type to leave someone for another person she always ignores the other guys but there are a lot of guys that are after her. I guess I will just take her on a date and just give her space after. Since I have to see her Idk if I should keep talking to her or not. I feel like I should so when I see her we can still be friends around each other I rather have that than to be depressed all the time around her. I'm sorry, but I've learned that all girls will have GIGS at some point, and either decide it's better to stay or stray. but They'll Always consiously think about it. I doubt another person other than the person her/himself would know if (s)he'd leave someone for someone else. Trust me when I say this, follow the advice given from the proffesionals here, they're been through it all, even if you THINK that your situation is different. We all think like that at some point. I thought so too, but the reality is that relationships are different indeed but alot of things are actually the same. Do yourself a favor and go NC. I've gone 100% NC today too. Blocked her on FB, whatsapp, all that. It feels great, it kind of gives you some ''power'' so to say, ''power'' over yourself, instead of being at the mercy of your ex. This power is critical to have when you're so sad about the ending of a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I am sorry for your pain my friend. I am glad that you were able to develop a friendship with this young lady that eventually became more. Understand, however, that you are both young and these things happen. Most people date several people during their late teens and early twenties before they find their match. You cannot make her feel affection for you and you cannot make her love you. If you can handle the relationship as friends without expecting more than things can work. I started dating someone when I was 17 and it lasted for a while. During this time her brother and I became best friends. When we broke up, I still was around the family a lot. It was hard at the beginning but eventually we worked it out and became good friends as well. We still are. Accepting what the relationship is and not expecting more is the key. You are in my thoughts and prayers. By the way, I am so glad you found a great Foster family. You deserve it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I think age has a large part to play in this. You are both so young and I can promise the taste you have in women now will be different in 5 years. I was with a guy for 3 years from 17-20 which didn't work out. I look back and can't believe I ever dated him! He wasn't a terrible guy but my taste has just changed a lot. The fact she is going to college, she may not want the responsibility of a long distance relationship. I doubt this is personal or anything you have done wrong. It seems there was a lot of pressure from the start. You're going to be fine trust me, you are so young that you will look back on this as just a memory. I know you don't want to hear that right now but it's true. If in time she realises how much she misses you, she may be in touch. But for now just grieve this loss and get back to enjoying your youth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brochacho Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 thanks for the great advice guys honestly these have been a hard 6-7 months and im still having trouble. so we had moments at times but overall it has been us trying to work out our friendship. its difficult becsuse i still love her and im trying to set those feelings aside. i tried moving on i went on some dates but every single girl i ended up losing interest. It has been great except for the fact that i still love her soo yeah not sure what to do. we are going to the same college soon and im curious how that will work. she does still like me but not enough to date me. she said just go with the flow whatever happens happens.. but i keep messing things up because my feelings for her make me do stupid things :/. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I didn't have much time, so I didn't read anything but the headline. Has anybody this yet? STOP SEEING HER. I can't imagine that they haven't. Follow that advice, and great things will accrue from it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 thanks for the great advice guys honestly these have been a hard 6-7 months and im still having trouble. so we had moments at times but overall it has been us trying to work out our friendship. its difficult becsuse i still love her and im trying to set those feelings aside. i tried moving on i went on some dates but every single girl i ended up losing interest. It has been great except for the fact that i still love her soo yeah not sure what to do. we are going to the same college soon and im curious how that will work. she does still like me but not enough to date me. she said just go with the flow whatever happens happens.. but i keep messing things up because my feelings for her make me do stupid things :/. For example? I think you need to not be friends with her. It's clearly not working and you're not fully able to move on because you're still involved in her life. You can be civil to each other if and when you run into each other, but I would not try to build a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Why are you eager to be a slave in a loveless relationship??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anonymousbear00101100 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Why are you eager to be a slave in a loveless relationship??? The million dollar question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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