In love with girl and its comlicated

[foolishromantic]

ok, so a couple of months ago i fell in love with my bestfriend of 9 years girlfriend which ive known for 2 years. we all worked together and i ended up telling her how i feel and she told me she has feelings for me as well. we kept flirting and got closer and closer to eachother. we ended up having sex a couple times. after i asked her what we were exactly she ended up saying she didnt know and didnt know what she was doing. i became extremely emotonal and chose to tell my bestfriend i liked his girlfriend. also he was neglecting her and chose to play video games and talk with friends rather than spend time with her and i was the opposite. now after months of treating her like she wasnt there he now is spending time with her and paying attention to her. and because of her feelings for me and my feelings for her she is now ignoring and pretty much cutting me out of her life because she doesnt want to hurt him. i know deep down she wants to be with me and i can see it in her eyes.

 

i feel like she running from her feelings for me because shes afraid to end her 2 and half year relationship with a guy she doesnt want to hurt. i know i should just move on but i am helplessly in love with her to the point that i want to spend my life with her. i want to keep fighting for her but idk. my heart is completely in shreds and as much as i should hate her, i am still head over heels in love with her to the point i would call her my soulmate. we are practically the same person in every way, we would be perfect for eachother. but she want to try and fix her relationship with him knowing i would treat her better than anyone else could ever hope to. i would do anything for her. advice please

 

oh and its been two weeks with no contact so i tried to contact her through text to which she didnt respond. so i ended up confronting her while she was with him to ask her and she just couldnt respond and as she was walking away she looked back at me. i cant tell if she wants me to fight for her or not. and yes i know im crazy but thats what love does.

Edited May 5, 2015 by foolishromantic
add a few things

[SLee]

First off, I want to say that I'm sorry you're hurting.

 

My answer may not be what you want to hear, but I've been in this situation before. Only I was in the position your best friend in is.

 

What you and her are doing/have done is NOT COOL. You are NOT being a friend to your best friend. It actually kind of messed up, to say it frankly

 

My ex and I were together 3.5 years. Long story short, I noticed him getting very distant from me and it turned out he was texting my best friend of 10 years behind my back about anything and everything and had somewhat developed feelings for her and used her as an emotional replacement for me. Fortunately, that friend and I reconciled and she doesn't talk to him anymore. I learned her side of it and I know her really well. I was told by my ex that they cuddled while I was asleep in the next room, but my friend told me that it wasn't consensual and she was just too scared and freaked out to tell him to stop. They never had sex and were only around each other when I was there, but still.

 

My friend is seeing things more clearly now and has tremendous guilt over it. But with the ex out of the picture, we're repairing our friendship.

 

What I can say is this, you need to let her go. HE is in a relationship with her, not you. You really don't have a right to be involved in anyway other than being a friend to your friend. Their problems (the ignoring her on his part stuff, and stuff) isn't really any of your business and in no way gives you any right to be involved.

 

She made her choice. For whatever reason. Even if it is what you say, that she wants to be with him to not hurt him. I mean, her actions aren't justified either, she chose to cheat, but ultimately that's between him and her. That's not your concern or place. In my opinion, she's making the right choice by cutting you off.

 

I get it, feelings are really complicated and make tons of things messy, but the only way you're going to get passed this right now is to let her go. If they don't work out for whatever reason, be there for your friend. Believe me, I'm sure your friend is feeling a lot of betrayal and hurt right now over this. If this guy was your best friend, you'll be his friend. And doing this is NOT being a friend to him. If you keep this up, it's only going to get MESSIER and WORSE for EVERYONE INVOLVED.

 

You have the power to end this. They need to repair their relationship and work on them for whatever outcome. And fair warning, if it doesn't work out, you don't have a right to pursue her at least until everyone involved has completely moved on, including you, and some serious time has been taken. You need to let it go and stay uninvolved and keep your distance. Like I said it's going to get worse if you don't.

 

I don't think you're a bad person. I get it. Things happen, people mess up and things get messy and complicated. But this is your best friend of almost a decade, don't risk throwing away a friendship over this. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm only saying it because I don't want this to get worse for them and for YOU, and it will. I've been on the other end of this, and believe that is not territory you want to go in.

 

Work on yourself, do right by you, and stay away from this. You'll be better off in the end.

Edited May 5, 2015 by SLee