JesRabbit Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 (edited) I can't believe myself... I ruined my relationship with the man I love because of the hatred I have for his ex. First of all, when him and I first met, his ex used lies about me and stated that I practiced witchcraft, she got her friends to scold me about supposedly being a "home-wrecker." He didn't want anything to do with her and made it known to her BEFORE he started dating me and she even confessed this herself which is why I don't know why she felt like she was the victim. FAST FORWARD to 2 years>>>> His ex and the mother of his child moved on and found a new guy to be with. (At this point I felt like I had nothing to worry about). I thought moving on is what they BOTH wanted until the problems came after Christmas 2014. I think when she came over to his house with their daughter is when he realized he still loved her and never really loved me, so right after that is when I SUFFERED with him, I was so angry and hurt that I did things and said things that ruined me and him FOR GOOD. We WERE staying together, before the Christmas thing, but then he started leaving to his parent's house 3-4 nights a week to spend time with his daughter because his 'ex' told him she doesn't trust nor want me around their daughter. She threatened him and said if he does have me around, she will not let him see her. I LET this go on for some time until I felt like he was acting like I was the enemy. So I became emotional and verbally attacked him, the child's mother and the child. (I know, I'm the devil. THAT WAS THE TURNING POINT I asked him to forgive me and I did everything in my power for him to forgive me. I even helped him during a financial time when he didn't have clothes for his son and daughter and I was able to help him out since I worked in a clothing store and had a 25% discount. We continued to date and things got better at first, but he NEVER forgave me. He started mistreating me and treating me horribly for this grudge he still holds against me. He even asked the mother of his child back out which caused me to lash out on her on numerous occasions. The reason we aren't together now is because I ended it because I realized he will never forgive me, but I love him so much. We were working on starting a family but he swear I only wanted a family but not him, but everytime we had sex he would go off in me, every single time. I once told him I might not be able to get pregnant due to my polycystic ovaries and he was in denial. I was getting mixed signals about what he really wants. His actions showed he wanted a child with me, but his mouth said otherwise. My problem is that I still love him and the only thing that ruined us was my lashing out because of my uncontrollably emotions. When I become hurt, I become angry. And when I'm angry I verbally attack people. (I know a shame). It's like I think he still loves me, but he wants to bury it because of what I have done. What should I do? Edited May 4, 2015 by JesRabbit Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 You should move on. The abuse towards his child is absolutely unacceptable. It probably made it seem like the nonsense his ex said about you is true. If I had an ex and his gf was abusive toward my child, I would not allow her near the person. You need to examine why you would verbally abuse an innocent child. If you react this way out of anger, it's really bad. We all get angry from time to time. Just apologise for what you did to all of them and put them behind and move forward. I'm not sure how you think you two could continue in a relationship. Can I ask if you're from a culture /country where people have a belief in witchcraft? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 This relationship sank with all hands on board. No survivors. No contact. Ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JesRabbit Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 You should move on. The abuse towards his child is absolutely unacceptable. It probably made it seem like the nonsense his ex said about you is true. If I had an ex and his gf was abusive toward my child, I would not allow her near the person. You need to examine why you would verbally abuse an innocent child. If you react this way out of anger, it's really bad. We all get angry from time to time. Just apologise for what you did to all of them and put them behind and move forward. I'm not sure how you think you two could continue in a relationship. Can I ask if you're from a culture /country where people have a belief in witchcraft? No, I am American and I don't do witchcraft. His child's mother just flat out lied on me and people still believe it. As far as me verbally abusing the child, I know I was wrong and we all make mistakes. But I still held anger for the child's mother because her lies caused me great damage in my relationship, but in the end I hung myself. However, I do still love him. I am moving on, but I hope he forgives me one day but as hard is it may be for him to believe, I was willing to love his children like my own. But putting myself in his shoes, I can see the flaw and where I killed it all for good. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Definitely just let this one go. He is clearly not over his ex, and that relationship will affect yours. If he still loves her, has a child with her, and puts weight in what she says... he's not done with that relationship. In addition, you've put yourself in the enemy camp by verbally abusing all of them.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 No, I am American and I don't do witchcraft. His child's mother just flat out lied on me and people still believe it. As far as me verbally abusing the child, I know I was wrong and we all make mistakes. But I still held anger for the child's mother because her lies caused me great damage in my relationship, but in the end I hung myself. However, I do still love him. I am moving on, but I hope he forgives me one day but as hard is it may be for him to believe, I was willing to love his children like my own. But putting myself in his shoes, I can see the flaw and where I killed it all for good. No. You don't get to use a "but" statement here. You behaved inappropriately toward a child who has nothing to do with your and your ex's problems. What you should be doing is asking yourself why on earth you can't control yourself better than that. What did you say to this child? As the others said, it's over. You've just confirmed to him that you cannot be trusted around his child. His ex was right to be worried, apparently. Start No Contact immediately and learn to get a hold of your angry tirades. No child deserves that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JesRabbit Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 No. You don't get to use a "but" statement here. You behaved inappropriately toward a child who has nothing to do with your and your ex's problems. What you should be doing is asking yourself why on earth you can't control yourself better than that. What did you say to this child? As the others said, it's over. You've just confirmed to him that you cannot be trusted around his child. His ex was right to be worried, apparently. Start No Contact immediately and learn to get a hold of your angry tirades. No child deserves that. I didn't say anything directly to his child but I told him that's why the child will grow up looking like the mother, fat and with a big head. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I didn't say anything directly to his child but I told him that's why the child will grow up looking like the mother, fat and with a big head. There is absolutely NO excuse for saying **** like that. What is wrong with you? Why would you think that was an okay thing to say about ANYONE'S child???? Do not ever contact this man again. Leave him and his children alone. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JesRabbit Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 There is absolutely NO excuse for saying **** like that. What is wrong with you? Why would you think that was an okay thing to say about ANYONE'S child???? Do not ever contact this man again. Leave him and his children alone. I know I was wrong but I'm still confused as to why he still tells me he loves me and tries to give me a baby of my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 My problem is that I still love him and the only thing that ruined us was my lashing out because of my uncontrollably emotions. When I become hurt, I become angry. And when I'm angry I verbally attack people. (I know a shame). It's like I think he still loves me, but he wants to bury it because of what I have done. What should I do? 1) Start working on this right here. Get professional help if you need it (I think you do). 2) Never message this guy again. Leave him and his kids alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 A little advice; don't start something with men who are still tied up in their old relationship. He was never fully with you, which resulted in you attempting all the more to "pull him over", even to the point of keeping him via pregnancy if necessary until it escalated to the point where you became abusive towards a child. You can't keep a person, even if you were pregnant today he would still have left. You being abusive/insulting to a kid is also a big red flag; and it has nothing to do with "mistakes". You want to know why he tells you he loves you? So he can keep you on the side. Why he wants to impregnate you? Because it's a fetish for many men. If you want to be a single mother go ahead. Do demand child support though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I can totally relate with the ex wives. My recent ex's wife caused so many problems for us. I had so much anger and resentment toward her that I think it negatively affected our relationship. They didn't have children, but even when she got engaged to someone else she would still be around. I was paranoid all the time. I never confronted her nor even talked to her, but in retrospect I wish I had. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 1) Start working on this right here. Get professional help if you need it (I think you do). 2) Never message this guy again. Leave him and his kids alone. We all get hurt and angry at times, but most of us don't resort to insulting a child. I agree you need professional help to deal with your anger. This kind of lack of control can land you in big trouble. I hope you find a better way of handling things, because you can see how this hasn't worked out for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 An adult needs to be able to modulate their emotions That means that we need to be able to stop anger turning into rage, dislike into hate, etc. That is something that some people find harder than others. Some people never learn how to do it. Therapy is advisable. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Reading some back story - looks like he's very much connected to the mother of his child. It's not wise to be around any kids when you can't control how you behave/your anger. Please do work on yourself to help with your anger. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I didn't say anything directly to his child but I told him that's why the child will grow up looking like the mother, fat and with a big head. That's really unkind. Vey unkind to say anything even remotely close to this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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