Maybe someone has been here before?..

[bradwhite411]

My ex dumped me out of the blue a week and two days ago. She told me she alot of things I know are true and I do believe her reasoning. It was not fighting or anything like that. Actually we had the best healthiest relationship I have ever had. I wasn't needy after the breakup nor before. I sent her a text the day after it all happend since we lived together and both moved asking if she was okay. She responded right away asking about me. Then day 2 she messaged me. Day 3 I got into a car accident and called her. (Because I didn't want her hearing from our mutual friend that I was in the wreck with and overly panicking. She dropped what she was doing and tried to see me. I told her no. Then I sent a text saying sorry to have called you like I said I just didn't want you to hear from (mutalfriend). She responded "I'm glad you called I missed your voice". I said "just know I'm okay, I'll let you get back to whatever". Then she tried to keep it going which I didn't do. Day 4 she messaged me saying hey, how are you? I respond I'm good you? She said I'm "okay" then ranted how one part of her wants me and the other wants to be single. It was a long and depressing text. So I just said "I understand". She then over apologizes and then tells me she is going to let me go now. I said "okay see ya". So it's been almost exactly since that last day 4 message. So I need to know if I might have a chance if I keep no contact. The girl really loves me truly but wants space and it will be hard giving her both by being there for her and not being there for her at the same time... if you catch my drift. I feel like over time she will ask me how I am doing. If I do not respond to any of the bs text will I be doing great?

[Fufu]

I'm just curious, is your horoscope Aquarius?

 

Based on your story, I really don't know if she really wants to break up with you or she kinda wants some attention from you. It's quite mind-boggling.

 

I think you probably have to ask yourself if you really love her and see being in a long-term relationship with you.

 

It's either all in or all out. Don't get stuck in between.

[ZiggyZoo]

You don't go NC to try and make your ex miss you, if thta's what you're going for. That's BS manipulation and isn't the basis for any healthy reconciliation. You go NC when the relationship is done and you are getting through the heartbreak and all that. Your ex sounds like she wants to be single, but doesn't want to go through the pain and loneliness of a breakup. This isn't any reason to stay in any relationship, and you should ask yourself if you want to be with someone who's just there so she's not alone.

[Satu]

*So I need to know if I might have a chance if I keep no contact.

 

*NC is not a tool for getting someone to want to be with you.

 

NC is to give you a clear space without distraction from the ex, and without further upset occurring, so that you can work on your yourself, and do some healing.

 

If someone *loves* someone, but wants to whatever degree to be single, there's virtually no chance of a partnership working out.

 

To have a relationship that works, both partners have to want it 100%.

[bradwhite411]

None of this is manipulation. She ENDED the relationship. With me for good. Me going no contact is to work on myself and not hurt myself further more with months of hope. I really at this point would like to hope that she will want what we had back. We were so close and trust me as a guy that has been in awful relationships this was relationshop was healthy. So I don't want to contact because I want her to really truly miss this relationship. She said that part of her wants to be with me and the other part wants to party, flirt, and be single. That hurts so bad to take in because they are completely the opposite in wants. So what should I do here? This isn't about me being a bad guy. This is more about her pass and the fact that she wants it back, but also might want me later down the road.

[HBK3317]

Yeah, the thing is once you go NC you DO NOT CONTACT. Nope. None. Zero. Nada. Never.

 

The whole NC process is to heal Your heart and get your emotions in check. It takes time, a lot of time but as everyone says on this site, This too shall pass!

 

Also dude, if this girl wants to be a free spirited woman let her go. Let her experience all the the wilderness of his world. You will find someone who values you more than her stupid partying ways, trust me.

 

So I will advice just go full on NC and let the healing game begin.

[bradwhite411]

I just want to know if maybe she'll miss me or regret her decision?

Edited April 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ZiggyZoo]

Your relationship is over, your job now is to focus on yourself and your recovery.

[mtnbiker3000]

You need to understand something. We're all on here for the same reasons. We all "knew" our relationships better than anyone. We all thought they were unique snowflakes and no one could possibly understand the depth and passion. They were not. They were all very similar, and so is yours. Nothing difficult to understand here.

 

Who cares if she regrets her decision, or misses you. She dumped you. Do you really want to be with someone who has decided their life is better without you in it? Even if she did come back, how long until it happens again?

 

Sorry for your loss, but time to move on!!! Don't be anyone's backup plan or second prize. Ever!!!

[badpenny]

Okay my gf broke up with me because of anxiety, stress, depression and not being happy on her own.

Sorry, just this bit, I don't get.... If she wasn't 'happy being on her own'... why is she not still with you?

 

And I really hate to break it to you, but the main reason that she broke up with you, while certainly provoked by those emotions, is actually far simpler:

She didn't want to do this any more, and wasn't into you as much as you believe.

Honey, trust me, had she been, she would still be working it with you, right?

 

We dated for 8 months and she loved me so dearly the same way I loved her.

No, she didn't. Or else this would still be up and running...

 

We didn't argue or fight. We were both in bad relationships before and we learned a lot and it felt like we were meant to be together forever.

You may need to consider that you were her rebound....

 

When she ended it she cried so bad and literally poured her heart out to me.

About what? Why would she pour her heart out to someone who she's dumping? If she felt so devastated, the heart outpouring would have been to explain things and work on progress... but pouring your heart out is not a pe-cursor to dumping someone... I'm not sure I get that at all...

 

I didn't act as a crazy guy I accepted her decision and new I could not to be the one to change it.

Further evidence that if her mind was made up, her feelings for you didn't match your perception of them.

 

It's been a week and a few days now and I'm giving her time to really focus on herself, but I hurt everyday because I would hope she maybe missing me soon and regretting her decision.

This part is so sad; it's tragic.

So many dumpees yearn to be missed by their dumpers. They are desperate to know something still exists, something still lives within their hearts.

Yeah, it does, but it's mostly fed by the guilt of having dumped you.

In spite of having had their hearts well and truly shattered, they want to kid themselves that their ex- is really still H over H in love with them, which means they'll be back soon.... right?

Wrong.

 

Please keep the negative comments off.

I'm sorry, but there's nothing 'negative' about the above, except via what you may see, because I've just been honest with you, and much as it may smart - and I accept it may - the truth is never negative.

 

I know our relationship personally. I just want to know if maybe she'll miss me or regret her decision?

This sentence is self-contradictory.

 

You're asking us if she will miss you or regret her decision, yet you know your relationship personally?

In other words, you are so much better acquainted with her, and you know her best - but you need to ask perfect strangers what is going to happen?

 

But you don't want the naysayers?

 

 

So really, I think you're in the preliminary stages of dumped-fog.

The advice given to those dumped is to never initiate contact with a dumper, again.

Believe me, very soon, she will miss your attention and be in touch, but as the NC Guide so succinctly points out, breadcrumbs are to feed the dumper's ego and appease their guilt. They're not for your benefit, it's for theirs.

 

And she'll sprinkle some soon enough, once you determine to maintain total radio silence....

[SLee]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. As HBK3317 said, do NOT contact her. Also, I do have to ask how old are you/she if you're both younger (teenage/college aged/early 20s) than her behavior is kind of normal. Many, MANY people that age feel the urge to go explore and "have fun" and "party" and whatever. Most of them grow out of it eventually. She's also probably confused. She probably does genuinely care, but that urge to go out and flirt/party is too much to resist. It's not necessarily a BAD thing. Like I said, lots of people do things like this, but it speaks more to your maturity and more to her IMmaturity.

 

Bottom line is, don't respond. She doesn't want to be with you. You don't owe her replies or emotional support or anything. So don't. Do things for you. You seem of good character. Someone will come along who values that.

[bradwhite411]

So if I go NC and don't manipulate will that help me. One to get over her and two to make her realize she had me. She did this before and it didn't bother me and we actually got back together but this was more along the lines of talking stage rather than dating...

Edited April 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Itspointless]

she ended things with me a week and a few days ago because she has a hard time commiting.[...] She has serious problems that she needs to fix before dating.[...] She did this before and it didn't bother me and we actually got back together but this was more along the lines of talking stage rather than dating...

Does she need a lot of alone time and has she problems with trust? Did she by any chance ever say to you that she is just as happy alone?

 

Was she already depressed?

 

edit: she wants to party, never mind ...

Edited April 20, 2015 by Itspointless

[Lurkeraspect]

It sounds like she just doesn't want to be in a relationship. Not with you and not with anyone. You said it; she wants to be single. Trust that. She ended things once before and you got back togehter, seems like you just went round two with a girl who isn't (at this time) relationship material. All the hoping and wishing in the world won't fix that.

 

Yes, please go and remain NC and seek out a woman (not a girl) who wants the same things you do.

[ZiggyZoo]

So if I go NC and don't manipulate will that help me. One to get over her and two to make her realize she had me.

 

OK, doing NC so she'll miss you IS being manipulative.

Edited April 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mtnbiker3000]

...and two to make her realize she had me.

 

Not to be mean, but... she already realizes she had you. She doesn't want you.

 

In fact, I would wager that the fact that she did know she had you may have turned her off to you. People lose attraction for another very rapidly when they know the other is 100% willing and available. You present no challenge and no mystery.

 

Read this book: No More Mr Nice Guy, by Robert Glover...

[mightycpa]

Do you have a chance? Sure you do! The only thing is that your chances are slim.

 

The part of her that wants to be single has taken over. Pretty soon, it will completely take over.

 

Your decision boils down to this:

 

Either you can put up with seeing her with other guys, and be her friend, or you can't. It is pretty much that simple, because she will see other guys, and the only real question is whether or not you'll be there to witness it. After that, it is certainly possible that she'll want you again. She probably won't but she won't know until she's had at least one other guy to scratch that itch she's feeling.

 

NC is so that you can avoid that, and learn that you don't actually need her. It won't make her heart grow fonder. As the dumper, she may get angry, or she may get sympathetic, but one way or another, NC will make her understand that she shouldn't really talk to you anymore.

 

Now you just have to decide what you want.

[Fufu]

I just want to know if maybe she'll miss me or regret her decision?

 

We are not her. You are not her.

We and You will never know what she think and feel.

 

Doesn't matter, you don't live your life because of her. You live your life for yourself.

 

 

If I love a man truly, I wouldn't play mind games with him. (hahaha, I shall make your life terrible by making you guess if I love you or not)

I hope you get the drift.

Edited April 20, 2015 by Fufu

[HBK3317]

Dude I completely get where you are coming from, I myself had this query will she ever miss me? Will she think about all the time we were with each other?

 

Bro you will have to believe that No she doesn't miss you, No she does not remember the time you were together and No she is not regretting her decision. This is the only way you let go of the hope of her coming back to you. Am I correct ? You are still holding on to that one ounce of hope that she might realise her mistake and come back, are you not?

 

Well that has to go plain and simple. You need to come to terms with this as soon as possible if you ever want to be sane again. I know it's hard, heck I myself even after seven months of NC sometimes find myself thinking what could have been and it kills me a little inside every time. It's hard dude but it's the first step towards the Healing roller coaster.