Missing them when you shouldn't

[toffeecream77]

I know my ex wasn't right for me. This has helped me to move on. But it's bittersweet because I miss him, our relationship and our old life soooo much.

 

Any tips on how to deal with this?

[Cinnamonstix]

I think you're on the right track. Just keep reminding yourself that you are probably missing the beginning/honeymoon phase of the relationship, which is such a small portion. So many times people stay in bad relationships much longer than they should as they long for the person that they met and the way things were. But those days and that person is gone.

 

You are that much closer to finding a partner who is good for you who you can find sustainable happiness with. Try to see it as an adventure that you are now open to because you are single...you never know who that next person you will fall in love will be or when you will meet him/her and that is pretty damn exciting.

[ZiggyZoo]

I'd suggest dropping the "shouldn't" from your thinking. If you miss him, miss him and don't beat yourself up about it. Almost every relationship had it's good times as well as the bad, and there's nothing wrong with remembering them. You know that there were valid reasons for not being together, but it's ok to be sad too.

[ravfour4]

I felt that way this morning, I went out with a group of friends last night that reminded me of the setting where we first met and then did a few outdoor activities today that we also loved to do together. Almost everytime I feel like I need to text her, I look down and I have some basic nonchalant text from her...happened again today.

 

After working out and hanging with friends I finally responded and feel a lot better after getting out and about and eating a tasty dinner USually for the first like 20 min or so after I feel anxious about getting a reply, then I forget about it and am sometimes pleasantly surprised later or I just get some lame ass bland reply.

Edited April 18, 2015 by ravfour4

[SLee]

I feel this exactly. I was recently dumped (3.5 year long relationship) and I always start missing him especially when I'm off alone or going about my business. I miss how I'd text him all the time about my day to day life and we shared everything. It's really rough.

 

The best advice I've gotten for this type of thing is to make a list of things you didn't like about the EX. Did they instigate stupid fights? Were they lazy and unmotivated? Did they get a dumb haircut? I know that all sounds superficial and dumb and wouldn't matter if you were together, but you're not together. So you can do whatever you want.

 

I did that and I look at it or add to it when I miss him. Like how he always had to "win" in arguments. How he was emotionally immature. How he never stood up for me when his family was rude (unintentionally) to me. How he acted juvenile a lot of the time. The list goes on. It reminds of everything that DID bother me during the relationship and made me angry. Things I addressed, but he never changed. Stuff like that.

 

Even have friends and family joined in if you wanted. My close friends, though they liked him and he's not a bad person, had some to add!

[Fufu]

You missed those "moments" with him. You will somehow get over it, you may remember but your heart will no longer yearn for it.

[toffeecream77]

...of knowing that they probably never loved you.

 

How to deal with this?

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

That's a great question. I wish I could straight up tell you the answer but it's not so black and white. Everyone copes differently, the same person may cope in a different way for two separate, but very similar situations as well.