3 years on & off.. Finally over?

[Marvin1]

Okay so I've recently broke up with my girlfriend (first love)about 3 to 4 weeks ago, because she was emotionally detaching herself from me. Hanging out with friends, not initiating contact, quit calling me babe, staying out all night and not replying to my texts until she felt like coming home.. Honestly it was hurting me way too much to keep going on. I was the dumper, but honestly feel like the dumpee. Right after the break up I took all my stuff and got out of there as soon as possible.. She kept the dog I bought for us, which I go see occasionally without her knowing. I went NC right away, did my grieving, the break up still fresh trying to keep myself active. At this point I still want her back, but not willing to humiliate myself again. Which is why I'm in NC, for myself and for us. I may look happy on my fb and gram profiles, don't post anything that makes it look like I'm going through it, but inside im really sad and depressed. I recently posted a picture with another girl which most likely sparked my ex to contact me.

NC for about a month I received this message and had this short convo with her

1:00 am Her "This is finally it. I'm giving Mikeila & Zulieka your stuff and after that, we will no longer speak. I'm glad you're happy, as well as I am. The past years have been wonderful with you and I hope you have a beautiful future. Have a nice life, Marvin. Good bye and take care,"

Prob on left some socks and a pair of pants

I replied in the morning "I'm glad you're happy I respect your decision, and stand by it like I always have.."

Her "it's for the best.."

Me "Like I said I just want you to be happy and hope the best, nothing less. I would like it if we met up and talked about it, but if not that's okay too.."

In which she didn't reply.. I'm really sad, why would she send me that? What is going on? Is she really done with everything?

[SLee]

That's really hard and I'm sorry for what you're going through. As is good with any advice you receive, take mine with a grain of salt.

 

First and foremost, you broke up with her. You ended the relationship.

 

What you need to do is stop posting the pictures with other women to "spark her" to contact you. Stop seeing the dog without her knowledge. Get a new pet if you can/want. Pets are really helpful in these situations.

 

The only way you could get her back, if that's what you want, is to send a very clear direct message about getting back together. She's likely in a lot of pain as well. She was recently broken up with after a 3 year relationship. She may reject you, she may not. I don't know obviously, but if that's what you want you can't wait for her to come to you because you're the one who initiated the break up. Like I said, if you want her back, you need to be CLEAR that that is what you want as in telling her straight up "I want to get back together". No games, no tricks, no schemes.

 

Like I said, she's in pain. Mind you, I was dumped after a relationship of about the same length. She's trying to move on. The only thing that could help is straight up telling her how you feel.

 

Don't worry too much about humiliating yourself. You need to decide if you want her back, forgive her mistakes, and actually have a relationship. If she rejects you, you go no contact and move on. That's about all I can tell you.

[ZiggyZoo]

Yeah, she's done. She's just trying to save her self-respect and move on gracefully. You dumped her, you made that decision, now the only thing left is to respect her wishes and leave her alone. Don't be one of those dumpers who sends up BS breadcrumbs and messes with the dumpee's recovery. You coming back and telling her that you made a mistake after all this time is selfish. She's had to take the last few weeks and start getting over this heartbreak. You coming in because it's again what YOU want is wrong.

 

And go true NC, if she hasn't already. You weren't before, if she could see your pictures or could still message you somehow. Leave the dog alone, you aren't a part of that relationship anymore.

[Itspointless]

You dumped her, you made that decision, now the only thing left is to respect her wishes and leave her alone. [...] You coming in because it's again what YOU want is wrong..

Hm, yes and no. It does not seem that there was a time he did not want her. Perhaps he has done it, I don't know, but before breaking up he should have told her that he felt neglected and that there basically were two choices: work on the relation together or one he did not want, breaking-up.

 

Marvin, do not make up stories, that is no good for you or her. Unfortunately when things or done they often can not be reverted back. You also should leave the dog alone, sorry.

[Marvin1]

Thanks for everybody replying, it's really appreciated.

Let me add a little more info:

So before the break up, I did talk to her about what was going on. I was feeling neglected. She wasn't the same anymore, she stopped doing the little things she used to do. She wanted the relationship to end, so I was the one holding on to what was left. I wanted to make it work, but it was too late. She had already ended the relationship along time ago, thus making me feel like the dumpee. I had enough of her not putting up her end, I was getting hurt too much. so I left. I still love her, but she doesn't want to be with me. Why did she contact me if she really wanted it to be over? She should have just left me alone, she has done enough. She's messing with my head and she knows it. She always does this once she starts seeing me happy again.

As for the dog, I would be the one taking care of her all the time. While my ex was out partying, with friends, smoking weed, ect. She didn't take care of the dog, I did. I bought her everything, she was my child. That dog was my everything. Really hard to let of something that I spent so much on

Edited April 18, 2015 by Marvin1

[ZiggyZoo]

Maybe she was contacting you so she didn't feel like a jerk just going NC out of nowhere. Or maybe she was waiting for you to give her an ego boost and talk her out of it. Who knows? Bottom line, it sounds like you have a lot of very valid reasons for not continuing the relationship. I know this early part is hard, but hang in there. Everyone freaks out immediately post-breakup, even those in terrible relationships. You've lost something familiar, it's normal. But soon enough, you'll get used to the idea and you'll see that you are going to be happier this way.