ManyDissapoint Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 "I would like to know why you are removing your presence from the internet. I was surprised and sad to see that you deleted your fb profile. I know I requested we not talk. And I have an inkling you've moved on - which is fine. I want you to be doing well. I just want to know that you are okay. Thanks" Just got my first "breadcrumb". This is the first communication she has ever initiated since she broke up with me back in early November. We did have LC for a month or so but always me initiating. My interpretation: I did not delete my FB, I merely blocked her and her brother on FB two days ago (because I was tired of FB suggesting that I add her as a friend -- I did not do any FB creeping being well aware of how psychologically damaging it can be). She has no reason to have any 'inklings' about anything -- she assumed I moved on immediately right after the breakup because she was projecting her own feelings onto me and she couldn't fathom that I was committed to her and I actually have integrity and deep emotions unlike her. Listen to this psychopathic drivel. It's all about her. Six sentences that start with the word "I". So selfish. She wants to make sure I'm still pining over her and that I haven't replaced her with someone else -- there's no room in her ego for that. She doesn't care a lick for me. Pain is a wonderful teacher, and I have learned to see through this crap. Obviously will not be responding, but I just thought I'd give another example of breadcrumbs out to the community. Stay strong brothers. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Good job, boss!! Let her fret this one out. Hopefully this will help others. Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Loving your outlook on this one man. Was worried I was gonna read that you'd sent her something back and you were checking in with us to see if it was "ok". I've had almost identical messages from one of my exes. It's cringeworthy and maddening - as you said it's literally six sentences starting with "I". It's insulting she sent you this message, and if i received that now it would take alot of my integrity not to just tell her to "f*** off". You're spot on with your interpretation, she doesn't care about you, imagine yourself in her mind as this "thing" that she wants to still have control and influence over - you're not even a person to her. This message is basically her channeling her insecurities and directing them at you and has absolutely nothing to do with her caring about you or wanting you back. "Checking if you're ok"? "I want you to be doing well"? give me a ****ing break man. Do not ever respond to this s h i t. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManyDissapoint Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Thanks guys! I never expected to ever get a breadcrumb. And I never expected that if I got one it would actually make me feel better. Feeling better than I have in a long time. It feels amazing to start to be able to see who she really is, unfettered by emotions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 You're handling it great! Be ready for a few follow ups, possibly getting angry that you're not responding... Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 If that was via text then why not block her on your phone then you don't have to worry about it and can continue to move on. Good on you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManyDissapoint Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 It was an email. Already have her blocked on Skype and FB now as stated. If she messages me any more I will consider blocking her emails as well. As for now I feel surprisingly confident and fine handling her little mind games so it doesn't bother me. As petty as it might sound I would not like to give her the satisfaction of blocking her after one email because she would be reassured that she had an effect on me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Ha, I thought it was going to be a "what do I do now" post too. Nice to see someone who's followed NC and has seen how it works for their benefit. Good for you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Surprisingly delightful thread. Good job OP! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 "I would like to know why you are removing your presence from the internet. I was surprised and sad to see that you deleted your fb profile. I know I requested we not talk. And I have an inkling you've moved on - which is fine. I want you to be doing well. I just want to know that you are okay. Thanks" :sick: I think the most frustrating part about what she sent is that SHE was the one who suggested you guys not talk. Sure she dumped you, but she still wants to make sure that you're doing okay. What a great girl! A lot of guys would probably respond to a message like that. It seems innocent enough, but it really isn't. You don't owe her any explanation for how you choose to move on. You are your only priority right now, and you're doing a great job by not responding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Well handled! Kudos to you,sir! Link to post Share on other sites
Bing Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Agreeing with all the above. Stay strong brother, wish I'd had your strength a couple weeks back. I got my first breadcrumb in person, two days after she saw me out with another woman. First contact by her in two months of my crappy attempts at NC (broke twice, once on purpose and once on accident after 2 weeks of begging) The first night she came to where she knew I would be and gave me some reassuring (but meaningless) words and I blew her off. Next day she came in again and me (being a dummy) reengaged her but was trying to put on a front and be the 'bigger man'. The hook was set. NExt day I'm back to square one, feeling bad about how I treated her and thinking maybe she wanted to reconnect, so sent her a text saying we could talk if she wanted, otherwise hope she was doing well. She replied with some nice words and that was that. Makes me sick to see how much control I'm still giving her over my feelings. IGNORE. BLOCK. DELETE. I am deactivating my FB page for the next few weeks to clear my head and avoid temptation to snoop, because it's time to focus on ME after spending so long being miserable and focusing my energy on HER. That's not my job anymore, turns out it never was. We got this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManyDissapoint Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Hi guys, I don't have much of a meaningful update here as nothing has really changed since I posted this. However I have recently started doubting my decision to ignore this breadcrumb based on the following rationale: My ex is an extremely proud person who rarely if ever apologizes or reveals her true emotions when she feels exposed. I know she was probably just fishing for information and wanted to see if I was in another relationship in order to satisfy her curiosity and ego, but there is that 1% chance that she has some thought of reconciliation but is just to proud and guarded to admit it unless she already knows I would be interested in that. Logically I know that this is an extremely unfair dynamic for her to force on me, but damn my heart sometimes gets the better of me. I do want her back but only if she proved to me that she is able to recognize her destructive behaviors and somehow convince me that she's changed. Just reading the above I feel kind of silly. Just hoping for any encouragement or new interpretations of her actual breadcrumb. I have not replied to her and in fact was 100% resolute up until a couple days ago. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Hi guys, I don't have much of a meaningful update here as nothing has really changed since I posted this. However I have recently started doubting my decision to ignore this breadcrumb based on the following rationale: My ex is an extremely proud person who rarely if ever apologizes or reveals her true emotions when she feels exposed. I know she was probably just fishing for information and wanted to see if I was in another relationship in order to satisfy her curiosity and ego, but there is that 1% chance that she has some thought of reconciliation but is just to proud and guarded to admit it unless she already knows I would be interested in that. Logically I know that this is an extremely unfair dynamic for her to force on me, but damn my heart sometimes gets the better of me. I do want her back but only if she proved to me that she is able to recognize her destructive behaviors and somehow convince me that she's changed. Just reading the above I feel kind of silly. Just hoping for any encouragement or new interpretations of her actual breadcrumb. I have not replied to her and in fact was 100% resolute up until a couple days ago. Thoughts? Stay strong, ignore the breadcrumb. Go get a nice loaf of bread, you deserve this (not breadcrumb sir) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManyDissapoint Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 I had a couple days of waffling on this one, but I have reaffirmed my decision not to respond. There is, after all, nothing really to say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Good for you. This is why it's SO IMPORTANT to block your ex everywhere -- email, phone, every site and app you use. It might feel like a thrill, or flattering, to get the breadcrumbs.... but they're so insidious, as you've seen. They fester and play with your emotions and make you consider reaching out.... That's why TRUE No Contact means not only refraining from contacting your ex.... but also just as importantly blocking all means your ex has of contacting you! You can do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManyDissapoint Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Good for you. This is why it's SO IMPORTANT to block your ex everywhere -- email, phone, every site and app you use. It might feel like a thrill, or flattering, to get the breadcrumbs.... but they're so insidious, as you've seen. They fester and play with your emotions and make you consider reaching out.... That's why TRUE No Contact means not only refraining from contacting your ex.... but also just as importantly blocking all means your ex has of contacting you! You can do it. Festering, insidious things! Not sure if I'm ready to block her completely yet. It's also impossible to completely block her. I do confess that I'm kind of waiting to see what breadcrumb might be next. It's like watching a traffic accident. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 It's never impossible to block, you can always change your number or email address. Like watching a traffic accident? I think not.... I think you're a bit more invested than just passively watching something from a distance. I think you're still curious.... still holding on to hope.... still wanting to see if she's going to reach out to you again. And THAT my friend is the insidious nature of breadcrumbs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManyDissapoint Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 It's never impossible to block, you can always change your number or email address. Like watching a traffic accident? I think not.... I think you're a bit more invested than just passively watching something from a distance. I think you're still curious.... still holding on to hope.... still wanting to see if she's going to reach out to you again. And THAT my friend is the insidious nature of breadcrumbs. Unfortunately changing my cell and business landline (where she knows she can contact me and what hours) are not really viable options as it would create a lot of problems. Thousands spent on advertising then to change the number would be bad! Fortunately, she's a coward and wouldn't dare call me in 100 years! Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Check with your cell phone and landline providers about blocking, many will do this for a small fee. Also there are apps you can buy that will block, depending on what kind of phone you use. It's easy to block someone's emails. I use Gmail and it's just a matter of setting up a filter so all incoming emails from a certain address go straight to the trash. Really.... have you even TRIED to find ways of blocking her, or are you just making excuses here? Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 What initially was such a positive and uplifting thread has now left me feeling a little sick to my stomach, and worried the OP is gonna end up back at square one after all his initial good work. Perhaps a warning to all who think they are ready to handle contact from an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManyDissapoint Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Check with your cell phone and landline providers about blocking, many will do this for a small fee. Also there are apps you can buy that will block, depending on what kind of phone you use. It's easy to block someone's emails. I use Gmail and it's just a matter of setting up a filter so all incoming emails from a certain address go straight to the trash. Really.... have you even TRIED to find ways of blocking her, or are you just making excuses here? I don't have her phone number since she moved country although I think I have an idea how to dig it up come to think of it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ManyDissapoint Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 What initially was such a positive and uplifting thread has now left me feeling a little sick to my stomach, and worried the OP is gonna end up back at square one after all his initial good work. Perhaps a warning to all who think they are ready to handle contact from an ex. That bad huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 That bad huh? IF you leave the door open..... .... exes will continue to walk through it anytime they're feeling bored/lonely/unloved. Breadcrumbs are funny on one level... but truly, they'll drag you down over time and mess with your head and tempt you to reach out or cling to false hope. Go No Contact and stick to it -- that means closing all doors and access they may have to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Price2Play Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) IF you leave the door open..... .... exes will continue to walk through it anytime they're feeling bored/lonely/unloved. Breadcrumbs are funny on one level... but truly, they'll drag you down over time and mess with your head and tempt you to reach out or cling to false hope. Go No Contact and stick to it -- that means closing all doors and access they may have to you. Absolute golden truth Ruby. Breadcrumbs are self-serving, ego driven hole. It's as simple as that. Some* woman love the attention & the thought that someone else is pining for them. Even if they have a new BF! That & they really don't comprehend that other person is being tortued in a sense. I truely think they enjoy being loved more so than loving others, besides children of course. Men & woman don't love in the same ways....just my 2 cents. 17 days NC, 1crumb ignored...going strong! Edited April 22, 2015 by Price2Play 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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