savagechic Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Well my story is rather lengthy, I apologize. I was married for 7 years, married when I turned 18, and as soon as we divorced I jumped right into this new relationship. He and I have had a very tumultuous relationship. I've stood by him through him putting his hands on me, being unfaithful, not so much cheating but I would catch him on dating websites and talking to girls, I know he made out at a bar with some girl, and she was sending him nude pictures, writing all of this out and knowing that I still stayed makes me seem so foolish. But during all of this we made progress, small progress but I could see him changing for the good. We have broken up and gotten back together so many times, it's nuts. Well in 2013 he ended up getting a DUI and got arrested. I stood by his side through it, he completely did a 180 after that, and it's been so good for the past two years. Although I haven't really gotten over all the things in the past. We got engaged a little over a year ago, and we bought a house. Last year I entered a custody battle with my ex husband, and that has been very very stressful. Well he has continually told me that he's unhappy, that I am always so negative and that I am too controlling and I will never trust him so he can never marry me. Which there is truth to all of that. Unfortunately the things that have happened in the past have molded me into this person. I do always want to know where he is going what he is doing I do look at his phone from time to time, although it's not what I used to do. About three weeks ago I went to Texas, he was supposed to come but financially he decided to not come, he went down to his moms to stay for the weekend. That Sat night I went to bed early because I was traveling all day, and Sunday morning I could not get a hold of him, not until 12 in the afternoon, and his friend called me and was worried about him because he was calling them at 4 a.m...so right then I know he was up drinking...which he had told me he was quitting after all the things we had been through, but when i talked to him he just lied...and ended up getting really angry and ended things with me. There is more to the story but I'm just gonna give you the basics of all of this. We continued to text back and forth while I was in Texas, when I came home we decided we would try to make it work, but he said I needed to lay off of him a little more. Then while cleaning the house up there was money laying on the counter so I went to go put it into his wallet for him and found $1000 in cash. I didn't say anything to him at first and waited to see if he told me where it came from. Nothing, even when we sat down to do bills, he still said nothing. Finally I told him I saw it, and he just continued to lie to my face. Still won't tell me where he got it from. I also realized a few days later he has locked his phone again. So i went crazy, all of the emotions of when he was lying and cheating before came back, because he always would lock his phone. Well that was it for both of us, he is done he said. He can't do this anymore and we are over. He seems to be handling it better than I am. He leaves every weekend and goes down to his moms, doesn't text me or call me all weekend, then comes back Sunday night and wants to talk to me and flirt with me, and try to sleep with me, and tell me he still loves me, he says its hard to be around me because just looking at me he knows he is vulnerable with me...We have to stay living together for the time being because of financial issues with the house, but it's killing me. I am in the fog right now, trying to cope with all of this. My heart is broken into a million pieces. I told him last night that I'm going to stay away from him as much as possible in the house, because he says he leaves to stay away from me, so he needs to do the same while i am there, even though it's killing me. I love him so much. 5 years...I know I just need to move on...and accept it all, and I do at times, sometimes I'm ok with it, because I don't want to always feel like I am looking over my shoulder with him, but it's really really hard. Ok, enough venting, it felt good to get that all out, even though there is a lot more that goes into it, but thats the basics of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You need to break up, sell your house, be on your own for a while and learn how to build relationships based on trust again. Ho you do that is up to you. Carry on as you are and you will continue to be miserable. You can not trust him. It is that simple. It will not get better if you stay. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author savagechic Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 I am trying, it's just so hard after 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I am trying, it's just so hard after 5 years. Well you have a choice. 1. Let it go on another 5 and soon you will be into 10 years by which stage you will probably have to deal with small children, herpes or some other STD, greater financial hardship and another 5 years of being treated like poop or 2. Make a plan, sort it out, spend a year or two healing, learning how to trust and WHO to trust, getting yourself back on your feet and learning how to be the person you want to be... before you start jumping into bed with other loosers, know who you are and respect yourself as a person so you attract people who are respectful towards you... So tell me - its your choice. Where do you want to be in 5 years time? Your the one with the power to change it not me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You can make it through this! You have a good head on your shoulders and keep trucking as you know is the right thing to do, and soon you will be looking back on this as a memory. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Let us know how you are getting on and keep in touch. These boards are here for good times as well as bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author savagechic Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Thank you, I definitely will! Link to post Share on other sites
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