Jonp219 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 How long did it take you to get over your break up, and what did you do to contribute to your healing? Was there ever reconciliation? Did you find someone who you thought was better than your ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I healed at a different pace after each break up. Some were quick. Others took longer. If you try to use another person to get over your break up that is a rebound relationship, nothing more. Be sensitive about this. At a minimum you have to give yourself some time to grieve the loss of the relationship. How long is up to you but acknowledge the change. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 How long did it take you to get over your break up, and what did you do to contribute to your healing? Was there ever reconciliation? Did you find someone who you thought was better than your ex? Depends on whether I loved her or not. If not, a day. If so, a hell of a lot longer than 7 weeks. I think the shortest was six months. Hang in there. Exercise, distractions (sports, activities, partying) and new girls... lots of new girls, but no talk of love.Never.The next serious ones were always better than the last. But I didn't always latch on, just because. That's what taught me that there was more to it than just the person's qualities. I should have fallen in love a lot more times than I did, if it was just about that. Be patient, the ride can be fun while you wait for the next great thing to come along. Speaking of distraction, you should shut this computer off and go out and find something to do. Stop thinking about it for a while, believe me, there will be plenty of time for that later. When you do start to feel bad, either distract yourself more, or if it is time to feel bad, then just give in to it. FEEL BAD. I cried every damn day for six months for the one that took me the LEAST TIME to get over. You just have to ride it out, but it is very important not to let it consume your entire day. I used to save mine up for the nights and the next mornings. Exhausting! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Speaking of distraction, you should shut this computer off and go out and find something to do. Stop thinking about it for a while, believe me, there will be plenty of time for that later. Do this OP....seriously! You're going to drive yourself insane over this! Let it be what it is and accept it for just that...what it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Do this OP....seriously! You're going to drive yourself insane over this! Let it be what it is and accept it for just that...what it is. I can't I'm at work right now. I get off at 4 and believe me I'll have plenty of time to get my head clear today lol. I'm going to watch event with my brother and some friends later at home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Was a much simpler breakup "world" before cell phones,social media,ect.. Once it was over...it was over.. Those were the days! I also used to walk 3miles, uphill,both ways,in the snow,to school! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Was a much simpler breakup "world" before cell phones,social media,ect.. Once it was over...it was over.. Those were the days! I also used to walk 3miles, uphill,both ways,in the snow,to school! Sure was... although I do remember dreading two things - when the phone rang, and going to get the mail. But, you could go away and you'd get away from it. That helped me a lot, not knowing, not having it in my face every day. Now, you can be 3000 miles away and know exactly what's going on. Ugh! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Depends on whether I loved her or not. If not, a day. If so, a hell of a lot longer than 7 weeks. I think the shortest was six months. Hang in there. Exercise, distractions (sports, activities, partying) and new girls... lots of new girls, but no talk of love.Never.The next serious ones were always better than the last. But I didn't always latch on, just because. That's what taught me that there was more to it than just the person's qualities. I should have fallen in love a lot more times than I did, if it was just about that. Be patient, the ride can be fun while you wait for the next great thing to come along. Speaking of distraction, you should shut this computer off and go out and find something to do. Stop thinking about it for a while, believe me, there will be plenty of time for that later. When you do start to feel bad, either distract yourself more, or if it is time to feel bad, then just give in to it. FEEL BAD. I cried every damn day for six months for the one that took me the LEAST TIME to get over. You just have to ride it out, but it is very important not to let it consume your entire day. I used to save mine up for the nights and the next mornings. Exhausting! I read a few articles saying that distractions are just that, distractions. They don't help fix the issue they just alleviate the problem for the time being. It's better to immerse yourself in something that is achievement orientated. One thing that started doing is testing my push-up capabilities. When I go home and do some light workouts I try to beat the most push-ups I can do by 1 every other day. I'm already in school and that's a drag, but doing alright in all my classes. I could do more but I don't know what else to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I read a few articles saying that distractions are just that, distractions. They don't help fix the issue they just alleviate the problem for the time being. It's better to immerse yourself in something that is achievement orientated. One thing that started doing is testing my push-up capabilities. When I go home and do some light workouts I try to beat the most push-ups I can do by 1 every other day. I'm already in school and that's a drag, but doing alright in all my classes. I could do more but I don't know what else to do. Hangout with friends and family..See if anyone in your "inner circle" needs some help with something in their lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Hangout with friends and family..See if anyone in your "inner circle" needs some help with something in their lives. I do all that. I hang out with my friends as much as I can, and the only family I have is my brother and mother and see them everyday. Last week me and a group of friends helped another friend move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 One thing that started doing is testing my push-up capabilities. When I go home and do some light workouts I try to beat the most push-ups I can do by 1 every other day. I'm already in school and that's a drag, but doing alright in all my classes. I could do more but I don't know what else to do.Those are three fine distractions. By distractions, I mean something that you can immerse yourself into... not walking alone on the street window shopping, but things like you've mentioned, or even a favorite video game. Your reaction to being dumped is essentially withdrawal from an addiction. The part of your brain that tells you to stop doing something (drugs, eating, love) is not working very well right now against the onslaught of brain chemicals that are pouring out, stimulated by mere thoughts of her. You're jonesing, basically. Powerful distractions can help, because they are new activities that cause the secretion of "feel-good" brain chemicals that counteract the ones that are bring you down and causing the cravings. Exercise is one of them. Learning is another. Video games are another. All of these activities have the capacity to allow you to immerse yourself, with reward in each of them. Things like hanging out with your pals isn't attention-consuming.. so it doesn't work as well, unless you're skydiving or playing paintball or soccer or something. The more of that kind of stuff you do, the better, because you will, slowly but surely, diminish your cravings for this girl. I don't know what you do at this job, but if there is a way to really get into it, and do well, then you ought to do that too. It will be good for you as a distraction, and also, you might get a promotion and make more money. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesgar Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I moved on when I found someone else to love. Sometimes it took years...Each person was not necessarily better than the last. I would say at least 4-5 months before I could start being comfortable with myself again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Took me exactly eleven months to recover. I did it the right way though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Took me exactly eleven months to recover. I did it the right way though. Hookers and blow? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 No. It's all documented here how heartbreak lead me to becoming self content, cured my Codependency, brought my studies to finish and eventually recently landed my dream job, among many other things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 No. It's all documented here how heartbreak lead me to becoming self content, cured my Codependency, brought my studies to finish and eventually recently landed my dream job, among many other things. How did it cure your codependency? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 It took me just under two years, but after healing I was much happier than I'd ever been. I still am. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 It took me just under two years, but after healing I was much happier than I'd ever been. I still am. How long was your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 How long did it take you to get over your break up, and what did you do to contribute to your healing? it took me a little less than two years (almost 8 years lasted the relationship) to reach the holy level of indifference. i went NC but i didn't avoid him or any news about him. so it didn't come as a shock to see him happy with someone else and moving on with his life. so for me, not avoiding reality and staying in my little "acting like nothing happened" box, seeing life moving on & others moving... it helped. showed me that i need to move on, too. helped me to accept the reality and the harsh truth. for me, killing the hope entirely and NOT having fantasies about reconciliation helped. Was there ever reconciliation? no. Did you find someone who you thought was better than your ex? yes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 How long was your relationship? Married for eight years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 it took me a little less than two years (almost 8 years lasted the relationship) to reach the holy level of indifference. i went NC but i didn't avoid him or any news about him. so it didn't come as a shock to see him happy with someone else and moving on with his life. so for me, not avoiding reality and staying in my little "acting like nothing happened" box, seeing life moving on & others moving... it helped. showed me that i need to move on, too. helped me to accept the reality and the harsh truth. for me, killing the hope entirely and NOT having fantasies about reconciliation helped. no. yes. I can't imagine seeing my ex with someone else. I think my heart would completely stop. Just the thought of it brings back the fond memories I had with her, it makes me cringe a little. Link to post Share on other sites
kayla73 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 How long did it take you to get over your break up, and what did you do to contribute to your healing? It took me about a year to get over it. I changed some things in my life afterwards that I didn't like. I went out with friends more often. I focused on eating healthier and exercising. Was there ever reconciliation? No. I've seen him in the store a few times, but no chit chat. Typical strangers. Did you find someone who you thought was better than your ex? Better for me, absolutely! Link to post Share on other sites
OneBigIdgit Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 My ex wife and I were married 21 yrs. It took me around 2 yrs to be able to see her and not feel anything. Ths current ex is a work in progress. We've been apart 2 1/2 months. I never dreamed that I cared so much for her. I rarely dream and I even more rarely remember them but I dream about her almost every night. Its a weird phenomena for me because they are such vivid dreams that I entirely remember. I didn't think I'd ever care for someone as much as I did my wife but I don't remember dreaming about her. I remember intense physical pain that I never knew existed just from emotions. I have a lightweight case of the physical pain with this ex but continuous vivid dreams. It doesn't take much to trigger the emotions and start to miss badly and hurt but I am at the point where I can be distracted from missing her. I sure wish that she was the one distracting me Link to post Share on other sites
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