Anyone feel like they were in relationship with a BPD?

[Navajo46]

Read this. It helped me cause it is my ex to a T.

 

AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline.

[BlackbirdSong]

OMG I think this article was written about me and my ex. I knew it all along, but didn't want to admit it. I'm still in denial...

[Navajo46]

I felt the same way after I read it... it was like a timeline through my relationship with this last girl and it gave me a lot of insight as to who she really is.

 

Hang in there buddy... I am still hurting too.

[Otter2569]

Didnt read the whole article but saved it for later... My last two exGf's were crazy but they kept coming back for more and I kept taking them back. So who is really crazy. The last one (ended this morning) was overly emotional and bad bouts with depression... I wonder who is crazy - them or me for sticking around as long as i did!!!

[Otter2569]

I am NOT a BPD kind of guy..luckily. But my last two GFs were crazy: an insecure, jealous, nympho and one with depression (I suspect other stuff too).

 

Once I see something strange I start to withdraw but it can go on way longer than it should.

 

For some reason I like closure and hate ending on bad terms. You cant reason with a crazy person but I try until I am exhausted but when I hit my limit I cut and run like nobodys business.

[BlackbirdSong]

Is anybody on these boards an expert regarding BPD?

 

My ex has a whole range of issues:

1) Father was very distant her whole life

2) American mom-Iranian father, very traditional, yet non-loving childhood experience

3) Ex diagnosed and treated for severe depression five years ago

4) Ex diagnosed and treated for ODD years ago

5) very insecure about her looks (although she's flat out gorgeous)

6) always felt insecure when I would get a new job because she said that I would meet somebody younger and prettier than her (which I always thought was weird)

7) made mountains over molehills pretty much about everything

8) has difficulty making and keeping friends (only likes to have 5 people in her life at any one time)

9) her mind is always thinking so she seems imprisoned in her own thoughts

10) lack of empathy at times (thus why I called her the Ice Princess)

11) extremely indecisive pretty much about everything

12) whenever feeling stressed or overwhelmed, instead of talking about it, she runs away

13) always has another dude lined up to jump from relationship to relationship

14) hypersexual

15) never been in a relationship that lasted more than 2 years

 

Despite all that.....like a moron, I still love her to death...

[regine_phalange]

I was in a relationship with what I think was a big case of BPD mixed with sociopathy and narcissism. I was younger, and extremely patient with people back then.

 

This ex was addicted to drama. He would evoke a fight out of nowhere just to get an affirmation that I loved him through a negation.

 

His emotion regulating capability was one of a 3 year old kid. He would get angry over trivial things and explode. He was terribly afraid of rejection. When he was sad his emotions hurt him physically. He was suicidal when rejected. Or he would feel so happy it was infectious.

 

He changed fast from totally loving someone to undermining them. People he knew (behind their back), his family, and of course me. One day he loved me, the next he hated me, without me doing something. He said terrible things about me when he was angry.

 

He withheld sex because he wanted to punish me for me not moving to his country yet.

 

And I would pity him if it weren't for other, worse things that he did to me and to other women after me. But he pays for them right here, just by having to live with himself.

[Elsa281]

I have been in a relationship with NPD...

We've been together for 3 years and it ended 3 months ago.

I knew it all along and even talked about it with my therapist...

Nothing have worked for me, these kind of people are usually really unique, attractive, exciting and addicting.

And the rehab is so so painful... Even when you know who they really are...

[Navajo46]

It's because they make you feel sooooo good in the beginning. Like you are the light of their life. In the moment they might even truly actually feel like it. That's what I miss. She would constantly tell me how perfect and amazing I was and be sweeter than anyone that I have ever been with, and tell you how much they miss you sooo much without you there. But, then fast forward to the most foul mouthed human being that I have ever met. She was turning me into something that I am not. A person like this cannot receive complements because deep down they hate themselves. I used to tell her all the time how beautiful and smart she was and she said nobody has ever told her that and then tell me to shup up... lol. I have never yelled at someone like I have yelled at her because she would just push me to the brink. She is a decent looking girl but nothing really special in that category.

 

I ignored all the signs in the beginning, functioning alcoholic, neediness and dependency, her pretty ridiculous promiscuity (she slept around quite a bit) apparently and jumped from one dude to another. I was a rebound myself I guess that lasted 7 months. It was almost like I wanted to rescue who from all the bad choices that she made or something?!

 

Unbelievable that I miss this girl, but I miss the emotions she made me feel in the beginning. The good thing though is a person like this won't ever look back. She is with a new victim and repeating the cycle with him. But, it gives me comfort that I won't have to deal with a text or a phone call in the future and it puts a definitive exclamation point on things being over because I will NEVER contact this girl again in any way.

[BlackbirdSong]

She would constantly tell me how perfect and amazing I was and be sweeter than anyone that I have ever been with, and tell you how much they miss you sooo much without you there.

 

My ex was the exact same way. I couldn't get enough.

 

A person like this cannot receive complements because deep down they hate themselves. I used to tell her all the time how beautiful and smart she was and she said nobody has ever told her that

 

I used to tell her how beautiful she was (and she is), but she never accepted it or felt good about it. She always said that she never felt pretty enough. In fact, when she left me she said she needed to work on feeling pretty independently (dumbest thing I've ever heard).

 

I ignored all the signs in the beginning, functioning alcoholic, neediness and dependency, her pretty ridiculous promiscuity (she slept around quite a bit) apparently and jumped from one dude to another.

 

When I first met her, she was heavy into drinking, smoking, and partying. It almost got to the point where I was thinking to myself that this was definitely not going to work (Looking back, I should have listened to my gut). However, due to my healthy lifestyle she started to change. She stopped drinking and smoking basically cold turkey, and started going to the gym with me. She became very dependent and I loved it. She also told me about how promiscuous she was in the past (which obviously worried me, but I thought I was with a changed woman so it didn't matter).

 

Unbelievable that I miss this girl, but I miss the emotions she made me feel in the beginning. The good thing though is a person like this won't ever look back.

 

I still miss her a ton, but as you say, she probably won't ever look back. This gives me a lot of mixed emotions as on one hand, I'll forever be upset that she didn't reach out and/or want to give us another chance, but on the other, I realize that I don't want to live on an emotional roller coaster my entire life, in a game that I will ultimately lose.

 

This really sucks.

[Navajo46]

I know it sucks man. With all the ups and downs the hardest part is always when I find they are with someone else, cause you think they are better than you. How are they making it work when you couldn't. But, time to start progressing. Remember what I said before it's not that they are better than us, but that they fulfill the needs that we couldn't no matter how unhealthy they are. I did everything for this girl while we were together... woke up every morning that we were together to make her breakfast, warm her car up, take her dog out all so we could spend time together and she could have more time for herself. She would tell me I was too good to her. But, it was more important to have someone that wants to go out with her to drink all the time and can just be there 24/7. Now she has that and nothing I did will even be thought about ever. I honestly have made peace with that.

[Navajo46]

Honestly, once you actually realize and accept that they ARE NOT thinking about you, it gets easier. Half the battle is we all get caught up in "wondering" whether or not they are. She is over me and I have finally accepted that. It sucks, but I am finally willing to accept reality. I'm sure I will still have ups and downs but it will get easier.

[dreamingoftigers]

This article and others pops up on here from time to time.

 

I am guess you are not a psychiatrist.

 

And everyone on here's ex is either "BPD or a Narcissist."

 

Reality is that an ex that is more invested than you is going to appear like a BPD person and an ex that is cold and detached is going to look like a narcissist.

 

And frankly BPD and Narcissists often pair up.

 

The better idea is to look at yourself and move your own life forward not using your ex as an excuse to your own detriment.

 

So, look at yourself, are you a narcissist?

 

If not, good. Otherwise, deal with that.

 

Then move forward.

[dreamingoftigers]

By the way,

 

some of what you guys are describing as BPD is not....quite BPD.

 

One clearly said treated for ODD.

 

I would guess that that person had ODD.

 

Another mentioned a lot of addictions and partying then getting into a relationship and changing.

 

My husband did the same thing, he used the relationship like a quit smoking/drinking patch. But neither one of us realized it at the time. Not a strong foundation and if one hasn't resolved their underlying addictions issues, they are bound to crop up again because a person cannot live vicariously through you and many addicts who suddenly quit do not do a bunch of self-exploration and redefining themselves and their values.

 

BPD is one of the most vilified disorders in relationships, however the clinical instance of it is nowhere near as common as it is talked about. (Think about the 1/3 of school children in the US who at one time have been recommended to be placed on Ritalin, a tad high, no?)

[Navajo46]

See now here is where I draw the line with someone like you. Let me ask you your own question. Are you a psychiatrist or psychotherapist... most likely not. And now you are diagnosing ODD. But you have the gall to come on here and analyze as if you have been in my situation. If you notice the title it says has anyone ever felt like they were in a relationship with a BPD. That is not a clinical diagnosis only an opinion of many articles and different things that I have seen that fit the situation to a T. I am simply trying to understand actions that are not normal or anything that I have went through in my entire life. These are dysfunctional things that I have just recently went through that go beyond being promiscuous which sometimes comes with young age (I was).

 

I did not infer or make a judgement about anyone on here being a psychiatrist or anything of that nature... so for you to come on here and try to infer that is ridiculous to me. Bottom line is that I am trying to understand the situation that I just went through and grow and get over it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Is anybody on these boards an expert regarding BPD?

 

My ex has a whole range of issues:

1) Father was very distant her whole life

2) American mom-Iranian father, very traditional, yet non-loving childhood experience

3) Ex diagnosed and treated for severe depression five years ago

4) Ex diagnosed and treated for ODD years ago

5) very insecure about her looks (although she's flat out gorgeous)

6) always felt insecure when I would get a new job because she said that I would meet somebody younger and prettier than her (which I always thought was weird)

7) made mountains over molehills pretty much about everything

8) has difficulty making and keeping friends (only likes to have 5 people in her life at any one time)

9) her mind is always thinking so she seems imprisoned in her own thoughts

10) lack of empathy at times (thus why I called her the Ice Princess)

11) extremely indecisive pretty much about everything

12) whenever feeling stressed or overwhelmed, instead of talking about it, she runs away

13) always has another dude lined up to jump from relationship to relationship

14) hypersexual

15) never been in a relationship that lasted more than 2 years

 

Despite all that.....like a moron, I still love her to death...

 

See above. /facepalm.

[dreamingoftigers]

See now here is where I draw the line with someone like you. Let me ask you your own question. Are you a psychiatrist or psychotherapist... most likely not. And now you are diagnosing ODD. But you have the gall to come on here and analyze as if you have been in my situation. If you notice the title it says has anyone ever felt like they were in a relationship with a BPD. That is not a clinical diagnosis only an opinion of many articles and different things that I have seen that fit the situation to a T. I am simply trying to understand actions that are not normal or anything that I have went through in my entire life. These are dysfunctional things that I have just recently went through that go beyond being promiscuous which sometimes comes with young age (I was).

 

I did not infer or make a judgement about anyone on here being a psychiatrist or anything of that nature... so for you to come on here and try to infer that is ridiculous to me. Bottom line is that I am trying to understand the situation that I just went through and grow and get over it.

 

Someone like me?

I would suspect my husband to have it. I was diagnosed at age 20 with it.

 

I had treatment. I no longer qualify and have not relapsed in 10+ years.

That's WHY I comment. That article contains misinformation as well.

 

Such as "borderline disordered person doesn't experience remorse." This is not accurate whatsoever. And doesn't track with anything else clinical I have ever encountered about the disorder. There's LOTS more, but I am not going back through it. (Just due to length, not validity).

 

Guess what?

 

These threads about it come up ALL OF THE TIME.

 

A lot of them are not particularly good, a lot of them are accusatory.

A lot of them turn into "my ex had it" when as I stated...... a LOT of people may appear to have these traits depending on your vantage point. That's why diagnosis is best left to a professional. And frankly, I think the only sure way is a SPECT scan. But good luck finding a partner who has had that done.

 

It would be a much better idea to avoid someone with traits that you find unstable and incompatible than potentially fixating on what disorder they may or may not have had.

 

In my husband's case, I don't like that he won't take responsibility for his messiness (this is very much a minor issue compared with many others). If I were to date again, I would look for someone that was responsible with their space and didn't expect me to look after their garbage etc. day after day.

[BlackbirdSong]

See above. /facepalm.

 

I meant OCD, not ODD.