Shetland Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Hey LS, My ex and I broke up 2 months ago while she was on a month long study abroad program and I've been doing NC for that period of time. Both 22 years old. Completely blindsided, everything was hugs and kisses until the breakup and she just turned cold. She texted me a week ago with some small talk and I told her politely that I was still not in a capacity to talk. ( Probably should not have even responded at all I know) She tells me she understands, but wanted to talk to me through the phone. I accepted because I thought she was having second thoughts or maybe she wanted to return some stuff. ( I know, I know) Turns out, she wanted wanted me to hear from her that she's already seeing someone that she met abroad. She said that she didn't want to me find out through other sources. She made it clear that her breaking up with me while she was abroad was unrelated to the new guy even though I've heard from friends that they were getting really close during the trip. It makes no sense because when she first broke the news, much of our separation was due to how she wanted time to be single and focus on herself and for her career. And when she spoke to me recently, she seemed to ignore all that and emphasize that she simply lost feelings for me. She knows I've turned off all social media so I could heal and that I wouldn't be exposed to that type of info. She made it sound like she was doing the right thing telling me, but I feel she's just trying to alleviate guilt even though she knows that that kinda news would hurt me. I know I shouldn't have responded LS, so don't rail on me for making that mistake. My questions are: 1. Is it possible that her breaking up with me abroad has nothing to do with her seeing another guy in the same program a month after? Is it just some bizarre coincidence and there was no emotional cheating? 2. Was her contacting me about this new relationship a gesture of decency, or an action that stemmed from guilt? 3. This guy would be her 5th relationship in 6 years. My friends just say she is just very confused with life and emotionally unstable. Sometime though, I engage myself in self-blame for the end of the relationship. Does her actions seem to be emotionally unstable? Is there anything wrong with me? Sorry for the long read Help much Appreciated =) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I want to be single is just an excuse when the new person pops up so soon. the reality is she wanted to be single long enough to date him. The very small silver lining is that you are a good judge of character in that she broke up with you rather than cheat. It still sucks & it still hurts but going forward you have the ability to attract women with integrity. Hang on to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Your story is quite similar to mine. My ex went away to volunteer for 10 weeks, when she got back she dumped me. I asked her who the other guy was, she admitted she got close to someone and if we weren't together something might've happened. The only difference being, she couldn't be with this guy even though she broke up with me for him, as he lives in a different country stricken with poverty. I think she did emotionally cheat on you yes, but at least she didn't act on it and kiss him or anything. Like the other poster said, she broke up with you rather than cheat, which is what my ex did. Also, she did break up with you for this guy, it's no coincidence she's seeing him now. Just go NC on her, she's young and one thng I've learned myself is that people can't control their feelings. If her feelings for you have gone and developed for this other guy, what is she supposed to do? she can't help it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shetland Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 I know, I can't control her feelings and she is still young. She's not a bad person, but I'm just so disappointed in her actions. It just seems quite insensitive and selfish. We were on the tail end of our honey moon phase, but what came out was a wonderful friendship that was built on respect and laughter. I know passion doesn't last forever, but isn't a great friendship the basis of a lasting relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
youngpistol Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 sounds like she met him on the trip, dumped you for him, and then called you to make you feel bad. But yeah from what you said she seems extremely unstable and is not ready to settle down. You should consider yourself lucky and I feel somewhat bad for the new guy for what he got himself into. Looks like your the diamond that fell outta her pocket, and the best thing that will ever happen to her. She will get it 7x over. Head up man, your way better off. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) Hey LS, My ex and I broke up 2 months ago while she was on a month long study abroad program and I've been doing NC for that period of time. Both 22 years old. Completely blindsided, everything was hugs and kisses until the breakup and she just turned cold. She texted me a week ago with some small talk and I told her politely that I was still not in a capacity to talk. ( Probably should not have even responded at all I know) She tells me she understands, but wanted to talk to me through the phone. I accepted because I thought she was having second thoughts or maybe she wanted to return some stuff. ( I know, I know) Turns out, she wanted wanted me to hear from her that she's already seeing someone that she met abroad. She said that she didn't want to me find out through other sources. She made it clear that her breaking up with me while she was abroad was unrelated to the new guy even though I've heard from friends that they were getting really close during the trip. It makes no sense because when she first broke the news, much of our separation was due to how she wanted time to be single and focus on herself and for her career. And when she spoke to me recently, she seemed to ignore all that and emphasize that she simply lost feelings for me. She knows I've turned off all social media so I could heal and that I wouldn't be exposed to that type of info. She made it sound like she was doing the right thing telling me, but I feel she's just trying to alleviate guilt even though she knows that that kinda news would hurt me. I know I shouldn't have responded LS, so don't rail on me for making that mistake. My questions are: 1. Is it possible that her breaking up with me abroad has nothing to do with her seeing another guy in the same program a month after? Is it just some bizarre coincidence and there was no emotional cheating? 2. Was her contacting me about this new relationship a gesture of decency, or an action that stemmed from guilt? 3. This guy would be her 5th relationship in 6 years. My friends just say she is just very confused with life and emotionally unstable. Sometime though, I engage myself in self-blame for the end of the relationship. Does her actions seem to be emotionally unstable? Is there anything wrong with me? Sorry for the long read Help much Appreciated =) You know, it is certainly possible that she is telling the truth. It is unlikely, but it is possible. 1) She may have broken up with you once she was away from you for a while, and realized she didn't miss you or have feelings for you, and it had nothing to do with him. She may have known this person, then once having been free, she turned her sights on him. Maybe she was feeling down after breaking up, and he gave her a good "cheering up" one night, and they've been together ever since. Unlikely, but certainly possible. 2) If you have mutual friends, or if she thought you were still following her on social media, then it was probably a gesture of decency. When your ex is interested in someone else, the last thing they feel is guilt - even if they cheated on you. 3) Her actions are not necessarily emotionally unstable. It may simply be that she likes boys, so she throws in with them quickly and then once she gets to know them better, she finds incompatibility. The fact that she is in serial relationships does speak to the fact that she bounces back pretty quickly. Actually, I think that's healthy. Maybe she doesn't want to "slut around", so she picks a boyfriend until someone better comes along. Maybe she's never felt deep love for any of them, including you. Or maybe an early one broke her heart, and she hasn't been the same since, bouncing from guy to guy, never finding satisfaction. Is there something wrong with you? Maybe. Who knows? If you did something wrong, or you acted in a way you don't like during this past relationship, then just learn from it, change it, and move forward. No need to dwell on your idiosyncrasies unless you're unsatisfied with them. You just need to find a match, and someone who can overlook all the minor flaws. We all have them, so it's not unusual. Edited March 29, 2015 by mightycpa Link to post Share on other sites
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