How to move past the pain

[Snow_Queen]

I rarely post here but I could use some advice. I tried to include details which may help for any advice given.

 

Recently, I experienced a breakup with no closure. He vanished just out of the blue one day. We dated for several months but he was the first guy I fully trusted since being single after my divorce. It's been 3 years since my divorce but had a few relationships in that time.

 

When I met my ex bf, I knew I had found what I had long been searching for. It was something I felt deep within my heart. I know that sounds surreal but it's how I felt. We shared many interests and he always talked about the future. I felt loved until close to the end when he became cold and distant. It was shortly after when he vanished.

 

Now I'm left with a terrible pain from not having any closure. It's only been a week since he left but the pain seems to increase as times goes by. I didn't even know he had left until he wouldn't take my calls or texts. How can I make the heartache subside? This is the first time I've experienced this kind of breakup. Has anyone gone through something similar? How do I cope? I just can't process what happened. I've been left with so much pain and a broken heart.

[SycamoreCircle]

How can I make the heartache subside? This is the first time I've experienced this kind of breakup. Has anyone gone through something similar? How do I cope? I just can't process what happened. I've been left with so much pain and a broken heart.

You can't make the heartache subside. Many people on this forum, including myself, have been blindsided. You allow yourself to feel what comes naturally. You rely on people close to you that care about you. Talk to them. Grieve with them. Your vulnerability can strengthen those relationships. Read other people's stories on LS. Write your feelings here. By helping and being supportive to others, you learn how to deal with your own pain. With time and NC, the wounds will heal.

[bigtrouble]

I rarely post here but I could use some advice. I tried to include details which may help for any advice given.

 

Recently, I experienced a breakup with no closure. He vanished just out of the blue one day. We dated for several months but he was the first guy I fully trusted since being single after my divorce. It's been 3 years since my divorce but had a few relationships in that time.

 

When I met my ex bf, I knew I had found what I had long been searching for. It was something I felt deep within my heart. I know that sounds surreal but it's how I felt. We shared many interests and he always talked about the future. I felt loved until close to the end when he became cold and distant. It was shortly after when he vanished.

 

Now I'm left with a terrible pain from not having any closure. It's only been a week since he left but the pain seems to increase as times goes by. I didn't even know he had left until he wouldn't take my calls or texts. How can I make the heartache subside? This is the first time I've experienced this kind of breakup. Has anyone gone through something similar? How do I cope? I just can't process what happened. I've been left with so much pain and a broken heart.

 

The pain comes from loving him, missing him and feeling lonely again...

Sad to say there is no medicine or cure for that...

Most of us here never had closure...

I wouldn't know the reason he vanished...

 

But mostly they do care, and don't want to hurt you with goodbyes...

And most times they are just into something else or someone...

Just remember you are a wonderful and lovable person...

Lest he would not have spent time with you...

 

He left not because of you, its all about him...

I know its difficult but you will get there...

Its his loss...

[Jessie1231]

I got divorced three years ago. I dated plenty since then, but I only felt truly connected and in love with my last boyfriend. He was amazing and had been since the second we met. He loved planning our future, he spent every available second with me, he seemed to adore me. I mean it was honestly like a fairy tale.

 

He loved romantic trips, so he planned this romantic week to a few places in Europe and to me it was absolutely amazing. Apparently it was not to him, because he broke up with me at Heathrow while we were waiting for our flight back to the US. Seriously. Who does that? I cried off and on the entire way back. It made that flight seem like at least twenty hours. We managed to make up on the flight back (I guess he wanted to make his trip back a little easier which is understandable). So we get back and I go back to work the next day, we break up by text and he disappears.

 

He was NOT ever supposed to be this way. I honestly didn't think he had it in his heart to be this way. I believed that he did love me and did want a future. We had little arguments but nothing major. But overnight he became a different person who seemed to forget he ever cared about me at all. I was heartbroken. I stayed in bed for I don't know how many days. I kept hoping I would hear from him but it never happened.

 

What I learned is that you have to trust that time will make it better. You will be sad, but eventually you'll have a somewhat good day where maybe you don't think about him as much or you don't cry. And that day will make you realize that somehow you'll get back to feeling normal without him in your life. It's been two months since we broke up, and I learned through online stalking (horrible thing to do) that he's in another relationship and now takes her on the romantic trips that were once mine. Yes, it hurts a little to know but overall I was surprised that I wasn't as devastated as I was so afraid I would be.

 

I have dated some since him, but honestly I did it too soon and only managed to compare the guys to him which is a bad thing. So take your time on dating. I hated coming home from dates and feeling no connection to the guy I had gone out with. It only made me more sure I would never be in love like I was with him.

 

My point is to take your time with everything. Accept that you'll be sad for a while, accept that you'll need to wait on dating for a bit. But trust that everything you're feeling, someone else has felt before and they made it through just fine. Trust that you'll feel better eventually because you will. I do, and two months ago I had that blind sided, heart broken, devastated feeling like you've got now. It sucks, but it does get better.

[Snow_Queen]

All of the advice is greatly appreciated. Part of me knows that there is still a chance to regain that feeling with someone new. Still, it hurts to loose the person I loved which I know is part of the normal grieving process.

 

At least I can look back and say that I learned a few things about myself after this relationship. It's more than just having some common interests. It takes so much more.

 

Right now, I'm taking it one day at a time by keeping my mind off of him and on things that make me happy. It also helps to just break down and cry it out to release that sadness. It's like taking a weight off my shoulders.