SethDamien Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Gf of 3 years dumped me a year ago. she told me we could still be friends. I was foolish enough to agree on a basis of winning her back. It was the most foolish thing i have ever done. During this furlow, we always hanged out together, drank coffee together every morning and we keep on talking about our day just like before. But althroughout these times, i always hinted to her i still have affections for her. 3 months ago, she started texting this guy from work (were officemates by the way). And i started to pick up the signals. They were seeing each other weekly and kept texting each other till 2-4 in the morning and i started to panic. I know i no longer have the right to complain And it makes it 10x more painful Fast forward to present, the pain is still there. Right now, i know theyre out dating again (i know because were living next door apartment and she's not home) I guess im having mixed emotions. She keeps on telling me theyre not an item but is open to the possibility of them being a couple in the future... i know i should have never butted in. I know your answers will be "get outta there", "stop talking to her", "go NC or youll go insane"... but keeping her out of my head is really hard. I keep on thinking "what could have been", of "how to get her back". But also, i think i opened more than +30 online articles on "how to move on", and "how to forget her". Im not sure whether im desperate in winning her back, or desperate in moving on... i really need to stop. I feel im losing my sanity. I just want to take the pain away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 and another thing, how do i tell my ex to change her facebook password? I knew the password before we broke up. I guess she forgot she gave it to me and just assumed i never knew it. Im always tempted to read their messeages. The most painful words i heard so far was her message to the guy that "being with him feels like heaven". But everything is just limited to "i like you" and "i miss you". ugh. I want to control myself from peeping. How do tell her to change her password? I know the best in me tells me to be honest with her, but i cant afford anymore to get her mad at me. Link to post Share on other sites
Blaqwynter Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I read msg's from my ex, and as painful as it was, it was the truth that set me free, because without the truth, I would have been deadlocked in wonder and sorrow. Maybe all you need to do is move away, or find a new love interest. Usually that sets the ex's off, and they at times may return to you once they see that you're dating someone else. If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you its yours... Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 U did a big mistake in the beginning by accepting her friendship thas why you didnt moved on....and about the password, don't say anything, just stop, youre not a stalker. She doesnt even care about your feeling because if she did she would have change it by now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Stop the friendship right now, and never be friends with a woman whom you like and doesn't feel the same way. Move on and work hard on yourself and your happiness. With time, you'll forget about this girl and never be someone's doormat again. Sure you've read this alot in the online articles, but it's the only way that works. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 I read msg's from my ex, and as painful as it was, it was the truth that set me free, because without the truth, I would have been deadlocked in wonder and sorrow. Maybe all you need to do is move away, or find a new love interest. Usually that sets the ex's off, and they at times may return to you once they see that you're dating someone else. If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you its yours... Yep. i actually thought about dating other women. But to be honest, im not that good with girls ;-) my relationship with my now ex was brought up by friendship so i guess i was lucky with her. Dating is an unfamiliar territory for me. But im open to it. No serious commitment though as it may hurt the other party. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Lots of dumpers want to be friends with the dumpee, because some feel guilty, some want the friendship, but not the relationship, and some just don't want to be labelled "the nasty b*tch/b*st*rd that dumped me". If friendshp can be maintained, then the dmper feels better about themselves, feels less guilty and can sleep better at night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 U did a big mistake in the beginning by accepting her friendship thas why you didnt moved on....and about the password, don't say anything, just stop, youre not a stalker. She doesnt even care about your feeling because if she did she would have change it by now. Yup, she told me i was lucky enough to be her friend despite what ive done. We broke up because we were fighting and i needed to vent out, so i went out with her friend (over dinner) - still my fault though. She broke up with me after she discovered our meeting - 6 months after it happened. For a moment, i actually believed her. I was desperate enough to be at her side. I knew someday some guy is gonna sweep her off her feet, and she wont be burdened with guilt or conscience because she has an excuse - "were just friends anyway right?" Your signature really hit me hard! Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 U did a big mistake in the beginning by accepting her friendship thas why you didnt moved on....and about the password, don't say anything, just stop, youre not a stalker. She doesnt even care about your feeling because if she did she would have change it by now. Your ex and (yes) new BF's FB messages are only going to get "worse". That crushing pain you say you have in your chest? THAT will get worse just seeing the mushy things they say to each other, the things they do together, etc. Don't allow that negativity into your heart and mind. Quit stalking her FB. She knows you have her password and can see all of that and as David87 stated, she doesn't care. Why deal with someone who would hurt you like that on purpose? Control the narrative by leaving her to her silly drama. Do go NC and away from her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Invictus01 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Yeah, dude, that whole friends thing was a bad move. 99% of the time people don't even mean it. A couple of years ago I had a girl extend me this generous offer which I declined. Almost a year later, when she was begging me to give her a second chance, I asked her "You really didn't mean it when you said you really wanted to remain friends, did you?" And she said "What do you think? Who wants to remain friends with exs and have them around when you are dating somebody else?" So, next time you hear "friends", safely assume it is synonymous with "f@ck off" and do just that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 To be really honest, im 100% sure she has no idea i have her fb password, that kind of torture is beyond her, (and ive seen her worst) but yes, im learning to control myself. This morning, we had a chat over coffee and she said she cant join me on the commute home after work. I asked her why and she just told me she had plans. I immediately told her "youre going out with him again arent you?" she hesitantly nodded with a bit of guilt in her eyes. They had a date tonight, but somehow, for the first time in months, my chest hasn't been acting up. I take this as a milestone. HURRAY FOR ME! When she arrived home, i didnt speak to her nor asked her about her date. But silly me, i still called her later to ask how the date went... stupid me... but again, my heart didnt pound as much as before. Still took wine though to spin my head a little and to help me sleep faster... Im glad she's moving away next week. i wont have to worry about seeing her everyday... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 (edited) Yeah, dude, that whole friends thing was a bad move. 99% of the time people don't even mean it. A couple of years ago I had a girl extend me this generous offer which I declined. Almost a year later, when she was begging me to give her a second chance, I asked her "You really didn't mean it when you said you really wanted to remain friends, did you?" And she said "What do you think? Who wants to remain friends with exs and have them around when you are dating somebody else?" So, next time you hear "friends", safely assume it is synonymous with "f@ck off" and do just that. Youre right! i never really understood the idea of staying friends after a BU. I was the dumper in a previous relationship and i really didnt want anything to do with my ex. I didnt want to contact her, look her up, or even care a little what she's been up to... i guess im in that situation now and recalling how i acted with my previous ex, i could say i was an as*hole. What can you do? Edited January 27, 2015 by SethDamien Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 To be really honest, im 100% sure she has no idea i have her fb password, that kind of torture is beyond her, (and ive seen her worst) but yes, im learning to control myself. This morning, we had a chat over coffee and she said she cant join me on the commute home after work. I asked her why and she just told me she had plans. I immediately told her "youre going out with him again arent you?" she hesitantly nodded with a bit of guilt in her eyes. They had a date tonight, but somehow, for the first time in months, my chest hasn't been acting up. I take this as a milestone. HURRAY FOR ME! When she arrived home, i didnt speak to her nor asked her about her date. But silly me, i still called her later to ask how the date went... stupid me... but again, my heart didnt pound as much as before. Still took wine though to spin my head a little and to help me sleep faster... Im glad she's moving away next week. i wont have to worry about seeing her everyday... That's good. Just close the door. Still ensure to stay off any social media where you know about her daily activities. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 why don't you just change the password, and that way, you won't be tempted. that will do a few things: 1) She'll change the password 2) She'll help you with that no contact 3) You won't have to watch her fall in love Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Dude. I'm going to be the rude guy here. You needed to vent. That's a normal and healthy thing to do. Six months after that she dumps you for it and wants to be friends. So much anger there... Just not really. Gather your self respect and grab your nuts. Start blocking, ignoring and then start dating other Women. The emotional distance will come. You are the cause of your pain now because you're not taking the appropriate steps. You have the power to heal yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts