She left me after 12 months for someone else

[Brokenpenguin]

There is so much I could say but I'll try to keep it short. Firstly I know I wasn't the best of boyfriends and our relationship wasn't the greatest, we argued every now and again and I did things I shouldn't have. However I loved her and I thought she loved me and I did everything i could to make her happy.

 

Two weeks ago she left me over text, I was devasted and heart broken, it was just out of nowhere and I did everything to try and get her back or at least talk to me. She was having non of it and made me seem like such a horrible person, she claimed she did everything she could and I threw it back in her face which is really not true, I did everything to make her feel loved. She knew how much she means to me and how much I care.

 

I was so upset and confused but i just wanted her to be happy, I felt like everything was my fault she convinced me I was a horrible horrible person and i started to hate myself for it. So with everything I had left I apologised and thanked her for everything, wishing her good luck in the future etc etc

 

The way she responded I could tell there was more to it, and she then admitted to have liking someone else for a while and she was really leaving me for them. This has destroyed me, it felt like she had been lying to me all this time I don't know what to do, I have cut contact but I have to see her with him everyday at school and I can't cope. After all we went through and everything I did for her I don't deserve this

 

The thing is I knew this was happening, I saw the way she was with him and she chose to spend her time with him rather than me although I was only 40 metres away, but I never really believed it, she told me she loved me and would never like anyone else while with me and I fell for it

 

However yes sometimes it made me moody and untalkative, and part of the reason she broke up with me was "I got jealous and treated her like **** because of it" she didn't realise I could see what was happening , I should have said something but I just couldn't

 

She's tried to make me look horrible so horrible and even after admiting the truth she still claimed it was all my fault, that I pushed her away. I realise for a while she has tried to convince me to brake up,with her so she doesnt seem so horrible to everybody, so she tried this instead and thought she could get away with not telling me.Needless to say I don't want her back anymore, I hate what she did to me and I realise what person she made me into but I'm just so hurt I don't know what to do and i still love her. I don't know how to cope with seeing her with him everyday

[Farid]

Move on buddy.

You'll never be able to trust her, and she doesn't deserve it, even if she came crawling back to you.

Your feeling more jealousy than love.

Do some good soul-searching and see if you envy seeing them happy or would you really love such a person?

Find someone you can trust.

[LovelyDaze]

I hate what she did to me and I realise what person she made me into but I'm just so hurt I don't know what to do and i still love her. I don't know how to cope with seeing her with him everyday

 

I know you may want to let her know how she has hurt you but don't let it show to her especially with her being with a new guy. Just go around to your classes normally. At home/private, grieve the loss of the relationship as much as you want. Create as much distance as you can in your situation and definitely don't get caught up in any kind of "triangle". There is one particularly on this forum that is leaving one of the members so utterly heartbroken that it is almost horrific to read his updates. It WILL get better. That's a fact.

[Chi townD]

Are you at University or High school?

[Brokenpenguin]

Are you at University or High school?

 

I'm in the last year of highschool, it's just hard seeing them everyday, it basically sets me back to day one

[Chi townD]

Yeah, that's a lot harder. If you were in university, you could work your schedule around them. Unfortunately, you don't get to do that. You just need to avoid them as much as possible. If you can take the long way to get to class then do it if it's going to lessen your chances of running into them. Always keep in the back of your mind that the school year is more than half over. You're probably graduating in May which is only 4 months away.

 

 

Start focusing on you. Are you planning to go to University? Have you applied? Do your research and explore your possibilities. See if you can visit some campuses. Start looking forward instead of being stuck in the past.

 

 

You got spring break coming up in two months or so. Start saving and make a plan to take a trip somewhere. Grab a friend or two to go with you. DO THINGS TO KEEP YOU BUSY! That is the key!

[Holmes85]

Brokenpenguin,

 

Firstly I know I wasn't the best of boyfriends and our relationship wasn't the greatest, we argued every now and again and I did things I shouldn't have.

Even if you were perfect, I can guarantee you that she would still would have found an excuse to leave the relationship.

 

However I loved her and I thought she loved me and I did everything i could to make her happy.

I am pretty confident she put less effort than you in the relationship, basically she took your love for granted.

 

She was having non of it and made me seem like such a horrible person, she claimed she did everything she could

Signs of an emotional cheater (or physical), blaming you for everything, feeling guilty and try to justify her reasons. Doesn't matter what she said, it was still her who ended the relationship, not you.

 

I was so upset and confused but i just wanted her to be happy, I felt like everything was my fault she convinced me I was a horrible horrible person and i started to hate myself for it.

A person who truly loves someone, does not put blames on other person, in fact they try to talk it out. A smart girl / woman does not complain, but offers you alternatives. Your Ex Girlfriend is emotionally immature.

 

So with everything I had left I apologised and thanked her for everything, wishing her good luck in the future etc etc

The best thing you have done so far.

 

T

he way she responded I could tell there was more to it, and she then admitted to have liking someone else for a while and she was really leaving me for them. This has destroyed me, it felt like she had been lying to me all this time I don't know what to do, I have cut contact but I have to see her with him everyday at school and I can't cope. After all we went through and everything I did for her I don't deserve this

Cheaters give you minimum information and keep you hanging, the chances of her admitting that she killed someone is higher than admitting that she cheated on you.

 

The thing is I knew this was happening, I saw the way she was with him and she chose to spend her time with him rather than me although I was only 40 metres away, but I never really believed it, she told me she loved me and would never like anyone else while with me and I fell for it

Never pay attention to what a person says, watch their actions.

 

 

She's tried to make me look horrible so horrible and even after admiting the truth she still claimed it was all my fault, that I pushed her away. I realise for a while she has tried to convince me to brake up,with her so she doesnt seem so horrible to everybody, so she tried this instead and thought she could get away with not telling me.Needless to say I don't want her back anymore, I hate what she did to me and I realise what person she made me into but I'm just so hurt I don't know what to do and i still love her. I don't know how to cope with seeing her with him everyday

She basically wanted out of the relationship and searched a bunch of excuses to make her feel less guilty, she's trying to convince herself that she did the right thing. She is not even taking your feelings into consideration and is already in the honeymoon period with the next one.

 

If you want my honest opinion, I would try my best to avoid this girl for a couple of months to a year, regain your confidence and stamina back, score well in your classes and pick up new hobbies or revisit the old ones that you didn't get the time to since you weren't single. Avoid this emotional mess of a girl and get your life back on track, once it is and you keep rolling forward, one day you would look back and say "what was I thinking?" or if she comes back, you would be in a fully stable state to make a decision that you want her back in your life or not.

[LoveIsMyReligion]

Happens to the best of us. It will probably sting for a while but the best advice I can give you is to work on yourself and move on - don't pine over someone who gives zero ****s about you.

[Brokenpenguin]

Thank you so much for all the advice and the explanation it makes a lot of sense. I know it isn't a good idea but part of me wants to break NC to tell her this, that I know why she was like that now, that I know she felt guilty and just tried to place the blame on me. I see it all now, she felt guilty, she would constantly say I don't trust her for no reason, she accused me of liking my best friends girlfriend more than once and on numerous ocassions she tried to convince me to leave her, she wanted to leave Me for him but just wanted me to do it so she doesn't look bad

 

I realise now she has liked this other boy for a while now and felt nothing for me, all the red flags were there, I just didn't want to believe it. However part of me blames myself, what ifs and all that, part of me thinks maybe it was me, maybe I pushed her away.

[mightycpa]

First of all,

 

I wasn't the best of boyfriends and ... I did things I shouldn't have.

IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM MEANS

 

I did everything i could to make her happy.

You should start learning how to tell yourself the truth. Doing that isn't as easy as it sounds. It's pretty difficult, especially when you feel like you do.

 

However, being able to do that will get you to the finish line a lot faster.

[Chi townD]

Thank you so much for all the advice and the explanation it makes a lot of sense. I know it isn't a good idea but part of me wants to break NC to tell her this, that I know why she was like that now, that I know she felt guilty and just tried to place the blame on me. I see it all now, she felt guilty, she would constantly say I don't trust her for no reason, she accused me of liking my best friends girlfriend more than once and on numerous ocassions she tried to convince me to leave her, she wanted to leave Me for him but just wanted me to do it so she doesn't look bad

 

I realise now she has liked this other boy for a while now and felt nothing for me, all the red flags were there, I just didn't want to believe it. However part of me blames myself, what ifs and all that, part of me thinks maybe it was me, maybe I pushed her away.

 

 

 

 

Dude, stop. You didn't do anything wrong! This wasn't your fault! She was the one trying to push you away.

 

 

She accused you of cheating on her for apparently "wanting" your friends girlfriend. She had to convince herself of this to ease the guilt in her head. She was saying to herself, "well, if he can flirt and like other girls, then I shouldn't feel bad about liking and pursuing this other dude."

 

She did everything she could get you to break up with her so she didn't look like the bad guy. And when you didn't take the bait and she felt the other dude slipping away, she pulled the trigger on you. And she did it the cowards way, she did it OVER TEXT!!! She didn't even have the balls to do it face to face.

 

 

Okay, so avoid her at all costs. If she see's you, you need to put on a brave face and act like you don't have a care in the world. And, above all else, DO NOT BREAK NC!

 

 

Sooner or later, she's going to think back and realize that she treated you pretty crappy. A lot of girls can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think they're not a nice person. So, she's going to reach out to you and see if this is the case. IGNORE IT! You're going to get to the anger stage and want to blast her for understanding the real reason why she broke it off with you. DON'T DO IT! If you blast on her, then the ONLY thing you did was give her permission to forgive herself. "Wow! If that's how he feels and that's the way he wants to talk to me, I'm glad I got rid of his ass!" So, don't do it. Just ignore her.

 

 

She's going to send you a text in the future or get one of her girlfriends to call or text you (because she's a coward) just ignore it. She's going to want to ease her guilt. If she talks to you and you're civil and friendly then she can say, "Oh! He's not mad. He doesn't hate me. I can move on now." You eased her guilt and she'll walk away.

 

 

When you go NC, you give her NOTHING! She doesn't know if you're happy or sad. She doesn't know if you're calm or angry as hell. She doesn't know if you're a blubbering pile of goo or if you're indifferent towards her. She knows NOTHING! Therefore, she's forced to hold onto that guilt. And we want them to hold onto it. Not to torture them, but to have them learn from it. That you can't treat people like she did and expect folks to be okay with it!

 

 

MAKE SURE YOU BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK! VERY IMPORTANT!

[Nolan 93]

Sorry man, my story is similar in a way.

 

Was with my current ex all together for eleven months, and boom she gets confused on what she wants and dumps me for her......ex sigh. Honestly that's ****ed up, how can one do that to someone? It's understandable to dump you to be single and ****, but not for someonelse. She basically did to me what her ex did to her, and for that she lost out on a great guy.

 

I feel sorry for her she would rather settle for a loser, than be with a great guy like me. It's their loss man, my break up happened in November and right before that holidays that hurts lol. So NC is the best for me I think, she knows it was ****ed up to treat a guy who treated her how a woman should be treated in a relationship.

 

But the pain is going away and I'm doing my thang working out, and just me time. Plus the guy she went back to works out at the same gym and man do I get pumped when I see his tiny ass haha. She wanted a boy over a man, it's pathetic, and I'm my eyes I veiw it as she downgraded and I mean DOWNgraded lol. Kid can't even bench 135 pounds repeatedly, oh well she can keep him. Some other lucky girl will be able to have me.

[noob_saibot]

hah been there twice now. 12 months isnt very long. but my best advice is no hatred. its ok to be upset. and let her know ur upset n broken hearted. then leave her alone. shell give you bread crumbs here n there. what i would do is mushrooms. i did shrooms when i felt like there was no way to get my gf back. i was destroyed. but shrooms made me halucinate and i had an epiphany n it showed me how to get her back. it was hard work. harder then the break up. but true love is unconditional. so i worked hard. i never gave up. n i got my gf back. n now its lime we were before. i the beggining. i had to let go of the betrayal. n once i did. i forgave. but i will never forget. follow your heart man. its never too late

[Nascarfan]

Hey man, I'm in a similar situation as you. My ex left me about 2 months ago for her friend after 2 years and 4 months. I treated her like a queen and was with her through everything (graduation, her self-harm, 2 proms, her father's suicide). Now that she got to college with me, she took an interest in her friend from high school (of course, she didn't tell me that though) and left me just like that. No warning, no second chance. I've removed all methods of contact and haven't talked to her since Dec. 12th.

 

As a matter of fact, school started on Monday for us and I ended up seeing her already.We took the same bus home today. She kept her back to me the whole time and never looked me in the eye.

 

I'm definitely still healing, but I can tell you that things are getting better little by little. We deserve much better than that, and I truly believe that in time, we're going to meet the right woman. A woman that will make us laugh to think that we thought our ex was right for us. Someone who will realize that love isn't a feeling; it's a choice.

 

I know (at least for me) that things probably don't seem fair right now, but believe me, karma exists and it will catch up to them. Until then, I think Chi TownD put it best, "lead a DAMN good life".

Edited January 28, 2015 by Nascarfan

[Nolan 93]

I'm definitely still healing, but I can tell you that things are getting better little by little. We deserve much better than that, and I truly believe that in time, we're going to meet the right woman. A woman that will make us laugh to think that we thought our ex was right for us. Someone who will realize that love isn't a feeling; it's a choice.

 

I know (at least for me) that things probably don't seem fair right now, but believe me, karma exists and it will catch up to them. Until then, I think Chi TownD put it best, "lead a DAMN good life".

 

Amen to that!! Love is a choice, and I hope karma does exist. I thought I met the right girl but sadly in the end I wrong ha. It will be a wonderful day when we all find that girl who gives us their all just as we do.

[Brokenpenguin]

You're going to get to the anger stage and want to blast her for understanding the real reason why she broke it off with you. DON'T DO IT! If you blast on her, then the ONLY thing you did was give her permission to forgive herself. "Wow! If that's how he feels and that's the way he wants to talk to me, I'm glad I got rid of his ass!" So, don't do it. Just ignore her.

 

Im pretty sure I am already nearing this stage, the more I realise the more I want to tell her I understand what was happening. Although I'm not planing to break NC anytime soon, I feel like i probably will in the future to tell her this, so is there a way to tell her? Because I feel like I'll have to get it off my chest and that it could help me in some ways. I want her to know that I know, but I understand what you mean.

 

I think I have already broke this, when she admitted to liking someone else about a week after the brake up (last Sunday, on text) I got very angry very quickly, I said I hated her and that I should have broken up with her last October (another long story but she said she didn't know what she wanted anymore, it hurt badly) and now part of me regrets it, and your right she probably feels glad to have got rid of me. I really don't wanna brake NC but should i to fix it, because I don't hate her, maybe I should apologise?

 

Thank you everyone for the help and advice, i really appreciate it

[Chi townD]

Im pretty sure I am already nearing this stage, the more I realise the more I want to tell her I understand what was happening. Although I'm not planing to break NC anytime soon, I feel like i probably will in the future to tell her this, so is there a way to tell her? Because I feel like I'll have to get it off my chest and that it could help me in some ways. I want her to know that I know, but I understand what you mean.

 

I think I have already broke this, when she admitted to liking someone else about a week after the brake up (last Sunday, on text) I got very angry very quickly, I said I hated her and that I should have broken up with her last October (another long story but she said she didn't know what she wanted anymore, it hurt badly) and now part of me regrets it, and your right she probably feels glad to have got rid of me. I really don't wanna brake NC but should i to fix it, because I don't hate her, maybe I should apologise?

 

Thank you everyone for the help and advice, i really appreciate it

 

 

Don't apologize. Why? She did you wrong and you had every right to be angry and upset. That's NORMAL!

 

 

Dude, you need to be a ghost. You need to disappear from her life completely. That was her choice to have you out of her life, so you give her exactly that. Let her think that she's a non-issue in your life.

[Brokenpenguin]

Okay understood thank you

 

But I'm just getting angrier and angrier, today I found out she has been telling people, our mutual friends and such, we broke up because I treated her like s**t. How can she say that? Sure I made mistakes, but I never treated her like ****. I haven't said a single bad word about her to anybody.

 

How can she lie to me for months and how could I be stupid enough to believe it? And now how can she make me out to be so horrible, like it's all my fault? But the thing is I think she believes it, I think she has convinced herself its all my fault.

 

I get told about my ex and him often now, some have even said I should have saw it coming. They are right, how didn't I?

 

Thing I's a part of me still thinks we have a chance in the future, that she will come back. When we broke up she made out we had a chance in the future. She repeated in time things might change, and used the words right now a lot eg I'm not coming back you right now, why?

[Chi townD]

Okay understood thank you

 

But I'm just getting angrier and angrier, today I found out she has been telling people, our mutual friends and such, we broke up because I treated her like s**t. How can she say that? Sure I made mistakes, but I never treated her like ****. I haven't said a single bad word about her to anybody.

 

How can she lie to me for months and how could I be stupid enough to believe it? And now how can she make me out to be so horrible, like it's all my fault? But the thing is I think she believes it, I think she has convinced herself its all my fault.

 

I get told about my ex and him often now, some have even said I should have saw it coming. They are right, how didn't I?

 

Thing I's a part of me still thinks we have a chance in the future, that she will come back. When we broke up she made out we had a chance in the future. She repeated in time things might change, and used the words right now a lot eg I'm not coming back you right now, why?

 

 

Dude, ignore that. If you're angry, vent here! But, don't do it to her.

 

 

Here's the deal. Your mutual friends aren't stupid. You were with her one day and the next she's got another dude next to her? They know she cheated on you and I think they were calling her out on it. Therefore, to save her reputation, she's trying to demonize you to them. But here's the rub, your friends aren't stupid.

 

 

If something that she's telling them doesn't add up, they should have no problem asking you about it. Just be honest and truthful when they ask you.

[Brokenpenguin]

Dude, ignore that. If you're angry, vent here! But, don't do it to her.

 

 

Here's the deal. Your mutual friends aren't stupid. You were with her one day and the next she's got another dude next to her? They know she cheated on you and I think they were calling her out on it. Therefore, to save her reputation, she's trying to demonize you to them. But here's the rub, your friends aren't stupid.

 

 

If something that she's telling them doesn't add up, they should have no problem asking you about it. Just be honest and truthful when they ask you.

 

Thank you for all the help, it's really appreciated and means a lot more than you might think, thank you.

[Brokenpenguin]

First of all,

 

IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM MEANS

 

You should start learning how to tell yourself the truth. Doing that isn't as easy as it sounds. It's pretty difficult, especially when you feel like you do.

 

However, being able to do that will get you to the finish line a lot faster.

 

I thought about this for a while and I'm really torn, is it my fault? Did I push her away? We both did so many things we shouldn't have done. Our relationship wasn't all that great, however we never had a single problem in person everything was really good, all arguments occured over text, which I know is pretty stupid. So I don't really know what the truth is I guess, it's a lot easier to blame myself though. I have problems I know I do.

 

Although she has done this to me and Im stil very much in a state of shock and disbelief, I do love her with everything I have and as much as It hurts to admit it deep down I know she would be a lot happier without me, with me like this anyway.

 

But I don't think I really deserve what I got, I did try to make her happy and was always there for her. And we were really close we texted 24/7 and saw each other 4 times a week. But do I? I have done things I really regret and I'm ashamed by some of my actions.

 

But I still have this sense of hope, after all that's happened I still think some day we will be back together, how do I get rid of this? After all she left me for someone else, I don't think she really gives a damn.

 

Even if or when I get over her im worried I'm going to fall back into the depression i suffered from before meeting her.

[Brokenpenguin]

Hey guys,

 

 

I wasn't sure whether to just post here or to start a new thread so I decided to just post here.

 

 

Anyway my now ex girlfriend left me around six weeks ago for somebody else, I believe I have been coping relatively well, kept to no contact and all that stuff.

 

 

However I just found out they have just broken up and for some reason this has made me feel quiet a bit worse and im not sure why? I guess I maybe have a sense of fake hope? I just don't know.