GF contacted me during NC

[marcelo.santos]

sorry: Poor english:

 

Had this girlfriend for about 7 months. We were doing well but after a holiday we had a hard discussion. After the discussion we talked and everything was ok.

 

The next day after the discussion we went together to her home ( in a different city from my home ) I stayed one planned night there with her - everything looks fine between us. But when I attempt to extend for one more night in her home like I did in the past, she acted like she doesn't want me there - I tried to confront here but she denied that do not want me there, was very polite but told me that if I don't feel ok there, she understands and the best to do is to leave her home and return another day - for me she acted extremely indifferent with me and with my concerns in that moment.

 

I left and right after I sent her a msg telling that is ok if she wants to stay alone a bit, I was just asking for explanation why she wants to stay alone and she told me that she was sad but she is not asking me to go out of her home - normally when I ask her to stay more at her home she becomes happy, but this time she was obviously different and was happy that I were going out there... I told her that I was humiliated with her attitude and she became indifferent in her replies.

 

I sent a last message telling that I was very disappointed with here attitude of not telling me what is going on and asked her to decide if she want to break up or not - she never replied 2 last messages I sent.

 

After 5 days, after no reply - I understood that it was a breaking for her - from there I decided to move on and removed everything, I decided to adopt NC - when I removed her from Facebook she lost the relationship status with me.

 

Now 3 days latter she contacted me by message and asked to call me, before I answered, she attempt to call me and I decided to not get the call and sent her a message to her saying sorry to do not answer the call and asking if we can talk by message first so she can explain what she wants to talk.

 

She sent a very long message denying that she want me out of her home - even I have not talked about it: she tried to explain her silence for the 5 days: She told that in the first day she was very sad so she decided to not reply and the other 4 days she was arriving home and was tired due to the job so she didn't replied me (we used to exchange messages 3, 4, 5 times a day).

 

She told me that she was disappointed that I decided to break up without contacting her (referring to facebook status after I removed her as friend. For me she broke up after ignoring me) and that she is now crying every day due this situation.

 

I use to like her, but I became very disappointed the way she ignored me and I'm going well until now

 

Now I'm a bit disappointed as she explained her 5 days silence in a stupid way: That she was very tired to reply me the message I sent on the day we had the fight.

 

I'm thinking in reply to her a short polite message that I don't remember to be the one to break up without contacting the other part - what you think?

 

Thank you.

Edited January 18, 2015 by marcelo.santos

[marcelo.santos]

sorry for replying my own post:

 

Update: I replied with a short explanation that I decided to moved on without contacting her due I understood that the way she ignored for 5 days me was a breaking up.

 

She replied with a long angry message trying to put the responsibility of her silence in me (it makes no sense to me).

 

She also told me that I were not supposed to remove her from facebook the way I did: she told that if instead i had contacted her we would manage the situation in a better way (she looks very very upset that I removed her from Facebook).

 

she finished the message with a farewell but saying thanks for me for everything I did for her.

 

At the same time she replied, five of her close friends that I've been introduced by her removed me from facebook as frined probably in a coordinated way.

 

I'm not feeling so bad, I'm doing well - I still miss her, but I think the best now is continue NC and continue moving on.

 

Do you thing I did something really wrong when I decided to remove her as friend from my facebook after got no explanation in 5 days as I explained on my original post? She last replied yesterday should I ignore her message or reply with an apologies for removing her from my facebook?

 

Thank you

[Brittney2015]

Yes, it is hard to do NC. That person was in your life for so long you can't just turn an "off" switch and forget them cold turkey.

 

My bf was so much a part of my life. The constant phone calls, visits, us sharing time together, it hasn't been easy for me either. You have to really change your whole routine to adapt to not having them in your life. It is almost like you suffered a death of a loved one.

 

But, I think contact during a period of NC doesn't mean we really wanna get back together. I think we do it cuz we just can't forget someone we loved. I'm hoping with time I will stop coming up with reasons to try to contact him.

 

I forgive myself for doing it over the holidays though. We broke up in September last year, so I think it would have been rude for me to not wish him a Merry Christmas.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

You did the right thing for yourself by breaking up with someone who saw no problem in ignoring you for nearly a week. Her actions do not reflect that of a caring, considerate and mature individual.

 

According to your post, there was no fight, argument or incident, so her behavior towards you is puzzling.

 

Imagine if you continued with the relationship and there were serious issues that needed to be discussed. Do you think you could deal with her communication skills (or lack thereof)? How do you think she would have reacted if you had ignored her when she was feeling hurt or need an explanation about something you did?

 

I think it's a good thing that you left the relationship before you invested any more of yourself. The fact that she was upset with you for your reaction to her silent treatment speaks volumes about her. (BTW: She was too tired to even text you? BS!) She's the one who should have been apologetic, remorseful and bending over backwards to get you back.

 

Instead, she got angry at you.

 

Stay NC and move on she is not worth your time or energy.

Edited January 19, 2015 by seekingpeaceinlove

[marcelo.santos]

 

Imagine if you continued with the relationship and there were serious issues that needed to be discussed. Do you think you could deal with her communication skills (or lack thereof)? How do you think she would have reacted if you had ignored her when she was feeling hurt or need an explanation about something you did?

 

Yes, this is a good point - I'm trying to at least dont be so rigorous and evaluate her for this mistake only as this is something that she never did before in 7 months relationship - anyway I put a red flag on this behaviour she had. I'm disappointed that she is not assuming her mistakes, at least for now.

 

Maybe I did a mistake when I've prematurely removed her from facebook as friend and she took this very serious. But at that point the NC was my best option and I was looking at her open facebook page every hour, today this issue will not happen as I dont have access anymore

 

Now I'm really concerned also of what she told to these four common friends (girls) we had that they decided to remove me from facebook at the same time - we all just had a 8 days holiday trip all together this month. Anyway I will continue to move on for now and will not look backwards.