smoothcriminal94 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Hi, my boyfriend & I just split up after a year of dating. At first it was the most amazing relationship I've ever been in and he treated me so well. However we started arguing in the last few months about really silly things and this lead to my boyfriend breaking things off as he said they did not feel the same. Even though we were arguing there was still lots of occasions where we felt completely normal and he agreed this. We spent one last night together after the split & moved out the next day. He told me that its for the best etc etc and I should focus on my career and other things. I asked if theres any chance of reconciliation and he said he doesn't know. He works offshore and has asked that we do not speak for at least the month he is away. What does this mean? Is he trying to move on asap or does he just need time to think? I just want to know if we will ever get back together as it's tormenting me. I don't know wether to delete him and his friends off Facebook, instagram, snapchat, & maybe block his number but I don't know if that is too drastic. I just can't deal with seeing statuses and photos etc from him. When I left he was crying and said 'goodbye... for now'. I just don't know if he's being genuine. He was really nice about the whole thing but I know he wouldn't be nasty to me like that. Just need advice. Should I hang in there for a while to see if he will get back to me after a month of no contact? Or should I cut him off completely and move on? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) You seem to want the relationship to work and you are happy, but he feels differently, him crying means he is also emotionally invested in it and obviously hurting. Just give him space to think... Him working offshore means going away and Long Distance Relationships are difficult to keep. He wants you to get better, focus on your career, keep yourself busy. A month really is not that long. He obviously just want to get his head straight and focus on his job while away. Edited January 15, 2015 by bigtrouble Link to post Share on other sites
Author smoothcriminal94 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Thanks, we lived together and I got used to him going away for a month at a time. I guess I just need to leave him to think as you said and focus on myself. It just hurts seeing him on Facebook etc... I want to delete him but don't want to at the same time Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 It's your choice, do whatever you think is best. But, if you really really want to heal and move on with your life, then read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 If you don't want to delete him, you can deactivate your account x Link to post Share on other sites
kacper Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Actually I deactivated my account in this sort of situation and it was helpful. First you realise what a huge waste of time Facebook is, and second, you save yourself quite a bit of torment by interpreting photos and status. It's less drastic them deleting them, and you can write it off as a facebook detox. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Well, I'll be the cynical jaded jerk of the lot haha, but in my experience, when someone says they need space or want a break, it's a cowards way of wanting out but not entirely sure yet and/or not having the cojones to actually end it. I see it as a selfish way of getting out, but keeping you around for a bit in case they change their mind and can come back with little to no effort. I'd assume the worst and cut him off. He knows how to reach you and if he wants to, he will. In the mean time..focus on yourself and feeling good ..and you're sending a very powerful message by cutting him off: "If you think I'm going to sit around wishing on stars and wringing my hands in despair while you decide if you want me or not, guess again!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 You need to block him on FB, delete his phone number and start nc ( to heal not to get back together). Dont wait for him, its about you now .. Link to post Share on other sites
FancyFace Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) ChinUp and David87 said it best! Do not wait for him! A "break" or "space" is a cowards way of saying I no longer want to be with you, but I am scared to let go just in case no one else out there wants me. In relationships, ish happens all the time and people process things differently, but one thing that is constant in relationships that work is a burning desire to make things work, a break means the exact opposite of that. A break means: as much as I claim to like/love you, I am not scared of losing you, I do not value you enough to stay right here in this relationship and do the heavy lifting to make things work Oh and it also means: thanks for giving me a free pass to go have fun and live like a single man without consequences and the added bonus of being able to waltz right back into your life like nothing ever happened. While you are sitting around, wasting your pretty, probably stewing and worried sick, waiting for some dude to essentially MAKE UP his mind about you as if he is deciding between beef or chicken, he is off silent doing God knows what, with God knows who. Think of the kind of message that you are sending him by sitting around waiting? The words that come to mind all point to the same thing, not valuing yourself enough to walk away from a confused person who does not see your value. Observe the rules of NC with military precision. Block/Delete/Avoid. Go ghost. Instead of waiting for him and essentially giving him the head start in healing and getting over you, start your process now. Good luck OP. Edited January 15, 2015 by FancyFace 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smoothcriminal94 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Thanks everyone for the replies. I deactivated my Facebook last night, and this morning I got a text from my ex regarding my gym membership. He pays for it so I honestly don't give a ****. I don't use the gym either as when I lived with him it was 50 miles away from where I'm from. Should I just completely ignore it? Link to post Share on other sites
FancyFace Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 IGNORE! Matter of fact, block his number so you dont have to deal with any more silly texts. Link to post Share on other sites
JonjMie Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 If you don't want to delete him, you can deactivate your account x I have done the same, until I feel I can go back on there I have deactivated my account and its actually quite refreshing not seeing the day to day drivvle that people post, havent really missed Facebook TBH Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Yes, ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smoothcriminal94 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Thanks for all your help guys. Basically since this was posted, he contacted me and I ended up replying. We would talk for a while but would just end up me getting upset and hurt again. He would say things like "I'm not sure if I've made a huge mistake or not" and kept telling me he's jealous of other guys writing on my fb etc. This really pissed me off. Whenever I would reply also he'd eventually say "we shouldn't be talking, it's too soon" Why start talking to me then?!?! I wasn't the one who broke NC it was you! So the last time I talked to him was the 23rd to wish him happy birthday. He's sent 3 messages since and I've ignored them all. I have him blocked on instagram, his number, whatsapp etc. And will probably block him on fb too if he keeps messaging on there. I don't know whats happened but over the last few days all I've thought about is how much I hate him and how much he's hurt me. He will have definitely slept with other girls too as he has been out past 2 weekends! I literally feel sick at the thought of him. So finally feel like I'm making progress and not crying over him (which only really happened after talking to him). Even going out for a drink with a guy on Thursday. Hopefully onwards and upwards from here Link to post Share on other sites
Kinetica84 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Hi, my boyfriend & I just split up after a year of dating. At first it was the most amazing relationship I've ever been in and he treated me so well. However we started arguing in the last few months about really silly things and this lead to my boyfriend breaking things off as he said they did not feel the same. Even though we were arguing there was still lots of occasions where we felt completely normal and he agreed this. We spent one last night together after the split & moved out the next day. He told me that its for the best etc etc and I should focus on my career and other things. I asked if theres any chance of reconciliation and he said he doesn't know. He works offshore and has asked that we do not speak for at least the month he is away. What does this mean? Is he trying to move on asap or does he just need time to think? I just want to know if we will ever get back together as it's tormenting me. I don't know wether to delete him and his friends off Facebook, instagram, snapchat, & maybe block his number but I don't know if that is too drastic. I just can't deal with seeing statuses and photos etc from him. When I left he was crying and said 'goodbye... for now'. I just don't know if he's being genuine. He was really nice about the whole thing but I know he wouldn't be nasty to me like that. Just need advice. Should I hang in there for a while to see if he will get back to me after a month of no contact? Or should I cut him off completely and move on? Thanks It sucks that he hasn't given you any real solid reason and that you have had to move out. I think right now, you're searching for answers, but you may have to accept there are no answers. He may have just fallen out of love which i know is hard to hear. He may need to just be on his on own, or the worst of the worst there may be someone else. I really hope it is not the last one. Whatever the reason, it is probably best you go NC and go on with your life. I know this is easier said than done, nothing in the world can make you feel better right now, no one in the world apart from him can make you feel good right now. I wouldn't try to analyse it too much and just go on with your life. Cut ties with him on any kind of social media. I am so sorry you are hurting, believe me i have been going through some of the worst emotional pain in the last 5 months i have ever experienced. The pain will come in waves, followed by anger, the a clarity of thought and the cycle will repeat. It's going to sting, that is the only guarantee right now. That and it will get better with time. I really hope you feel better very soon but prepare yourself for the worse. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) Thanks for all your help guys. Basically since this was posted, he contacted me and I ended up replying. We would talk for a while but would just end up me getting upset and hurt again. He would say things like "I'm not sure if I've made a huge mistake or not" and kept telling me he's jealous of other guys writing on my fb etc. This really pissed me off. Whenever I would reply also he'd eventually say "we shouldn't be talking, it's too soon" Why start talking to me then?!?! I wasn't the one who broke NC it was you! So the last time I talked to him was the 23rd to wish him happy birthday. He's sent 3 messages since and I've ignored them all. I have him blocked on instagram, his number, whatsapp etc. And will probably block him on fb too if he keeps messaging on there. I don't know whats happened but over the last few days all I've thought about is how much I hate him and how much he's hurt me. He will have definitely slept with other girls too as he has been out past 2 weekends! I literally feel sick at the thought of him. So finally feel like I'm making progress and not crying over him (which only really happened after talking to him). Even going out for a drink with a guy on Thursday. Hopefully onwards and upwards from here Try to find your strength to block his feed from your FB and go back to NC. It's only continuing unnecessary drama and hurt. If you don't mind feeling this way PLUS see something sometime on his FB that he is dating someone new and ALL of their status updates...then more power to you. As for getting the drink with the new guy. That's cool but remember that you're not over your ex. Don't make the guy you go out for a drink with a shiny, new boyfriend so fast. He would just be a rebound no matter how wonderful he is. The mistakes of the past have a way of haunting new relationships if there is unfinished business left. Finish it by working on your own healing from the past relationship first. Edited January 25, 2015 by LovelyDaze Link to post Share on other sites
Author smoothcriminal94 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Yes it's just a drink, definitely won't be dating for a while. My needs before anyone else now Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Hi, my boyfriend & I just split up after a year of dating. At first it was the most amazing relationship I've ever been in and he treated me so well. However we started arguing in the last few months about really silly things and this lead to my boyfriend breaking things off as he said they did not feel the same. Even though we were arguing there was still lots of occasions where we felt completely normal and he agreed this. We spent one last night together after the split & moved out the next day. He told me that its for the best etc etc and I should focus on my career and other things. I asked if theres any chance of reconciliation and he said he doesn't know. He works offshore and has asked that we do not speak for at least the month he is away. What does this mean? Is he trying to move on asap or does he just need time to think? I just want to know if we will ever get back together as it's tormenting me. I don't know wether to delete him and his friends off Facebook, instagram, snapchat, & maybe block his number but I don't know if that is too drastic. I just can't deal with seeing statuses and photos etc from him. When I left he was crying and said 'goodbye... for now'. I just don't know if he's being genuine. He was really nice about the whole thing but I know he wouldn't be nasty to me like that. Just need advice. Should I hang in there for a while to see if he will get back to me after a month of no contact? Or should I cut him off completely and move on? Thanks First of all, I think you should work-out CLEARLY (and only to yourself) just which direction YOUUUUUUUU want this to evolve. (that answer IS the number one priority) Then, IF your answer is (Yes, you want him back)... you really should do exactly as he asks, in affording you both that month of silence. You need to resist the (very human) urge to meddle in his life, and instead let your own appeal in his mind work on him from within him. If you don't want him back, then you are free to let any and every knee-jerk reaction you have play-out in real time. If you feel good about yourself, as an individual (and perhaps as a "catch"), then you can (eventually) convince yourself that your own appeal will be enough to inspire him back toward you. So just sit there, confidently, and find other things to distract your attention while you're counting down the days which remain in the month. Do it for you... either way. Link to post Share on other sites
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