Ex Moving in with new GF after 3 weeks?

[tampa1213]

Me and my ex have been together for 3 years (on and off) mainly on. we officially moved in together earlier this year in January. its was really hard finally living with each other, he didn't have a job so i was paying all the bills then about half way through our lease he finally got a job. we split the bills as best as we could. things were better i wasn't as stressed out because i was finally having help with bills. but we still fought because he was a bit of a slob and i work 2 jobs so it was harder for me to keep the house up to par and i would ask him for help and he would complain saying he would try but that was my job as his girlfriend to take care of those things. i was annoyed by it but i tried to do the best i could. all i know is the last week of our relationship we had a fight because i had told him that i felt like he was pulling away from me. he told me he loved me but things were getting him mad to easily and he didn't know what to do about it. we kind of came to an agreement that we needed to work together and talk about things because that was the only way things would get better from here. i thought things were good so i wanted to surprise him so i clean the house i made him breakfast (he works nights) so when he got home he was surprised. but when he got home he was actually in a mood and didn't come to the room to give me a morning kiss. i thought he had a bad day so i left him alone i got ready for work and before i left i gave him a kiss, i asked him if he was okay and he said yes so i went on my way. the next 3 days pretty much stayed the same. all i know is thursday (thanksgiving thursday) i got home early from the gym that morning and i walk in on my ex and this girl on the couch. they were just sitting really close and all i know is i flipped out i cursed them both out. the girl left really quickly and all my ex could tell me is that i had done this to myself, he told me that he had just met this girl and has only known her for a week and when we started fighting he went to her and he told me all they ever talked about was me. and it angered me because i felt like why didn't he just come to me to talk about things. i kicked him out and he eventually left, he really didn't want to because he felt like the only place he could go is to live with his parents that live in a one bedroom apartment who at the moment had his younger brother living on the couch. but i didn't care at that moment i just wanted him out of my life. i was upset, i felt stupid, i was hurt. i was feeling every emotion.

 

all i know is i went on Facebook and all this girl can post is how they are in love and that she is so blessed for her family. this girl is my age (25) and she has a 6 year old daughter. me and my ex always talked about how we were not ready for kids and we still had things that needed to be done (better job, better education etc) before we felt like we were ready for kids. so i was completely shocked because now on Facebook are photos of the 3 of them looking like the cutest family ever. i felt like i didn't know this guy anymore, like everything we ever talked about never happened.

 

i was cleaning up the apartment and i found of bunch of my ex's stuff. i tried to reach out to him and he ignored me. i confronted him at work and told him i needed him to get his stuff and sign off the lease because he's in love with his new girlfriend and has moved on. he then told me that he didn't love her but at least someone cared about him. i was annoyed by that and we didn't leave on good terms. about 2 weeks after that i texted him mother and told her i was going to stop by and drop off all my ex's things are her house. she told me not to stop by because my ex was there with his new girlfriend and she just started spilling all of their business to me. she told me that they found an apartment together and they seem happy together.

 

when i heard that i was so upset i couldn't help but cry because i felt like he literally just replaced me with this girl. like i didn't matter. then at the same time i was so confused because how do people go from only knowing each other 3 weeks to moving in with each other. i'm so confused the hateful part of me wants them to fail in their new relationship because of everything that happened, but then another part misses him and wants to work things out. like i don't even know what to think or what to do.

[Conners]

You've dodged a bullet, this guy is nothing but a leach who took advantage of you. He will now do the same to this new girl, give it time and I'm sure he won't be playing happy families with a 6 year old he will eventually have to take some responsibility for.

[tampa1213]

You've dodged a bullet, this guy is nothing but a leach who took advantage of you. He will now do the same to this new girl, give it time and I'm sure he won't be playing happy families with a 6 year old he will eventually have to take some responsibility for.

 

yeah that is what everyone keeps telling me, i guess idk if it's my ego i just want to be missed like i miss him and it just sucks knowing that this girl is "trying" to replace me. but everyone keeps telling me that what they have isn't real and its all him manipulating the situation. but i just don't really know.

[Diezel]

Your ego is bruised in the short-term. Trust me, you'll get over this and not all is going to be well in your boyfriend's fantasy land once reality kicks in of his situation.

 

You need to stop focusing on them and start focusing on you. Or else you'll be stuckin this rut.

[Lokin4AReason]

your better off w/o ( without ) him in your life ....

 

 

this is you time and focus on that ( as some have mentioned already )

 

 

things happen for a reason ( trust me on this ). it ll take time but it ll be a lot better. you ll see at when you least expect it ....

[tampa1213]

yeah i keep telling myself to move on. its just hard because i feel like i love him. the man that he is acting to be just doesn't seem like the boyfriend i knew. he's acting like this new girlfriend and her daughter is his new priority and like they are madly in love and they have only been together for 3 weeks. i just talked him his mother because she reached out to me and she told me that they got denied the apartment and now they are living in a motel. like everything i hear is just so crazy to me. he's acting like someone i don't even know.

[sober and dry]

yeah i keep telling myself to move on. its just hard because i feel like i love him. the man that he is acting to be just doesn't seem like the boyfriend i knew. he's acting like this new girlfriend and her daughter is his new priority and like they are madly in love and they have only been together for 3 weeks. i just talked him his mother because she reached out to me and she told me that they got denied the apartment and now they are living in a motel. like everything i hear is just so crazy to me. he's acting like someone i don't even know.

Tampa és portuguesa ou brasileira?! xD

Any way, look at what you are saying, "i love him. the man that he is acting to be just doesn't seem like the boyfriend i knew."

That says it all, you may be in love with someone who doesn't exist any more. The same happened to my now and I know it's very hard, but it's better for you that you are not with someone who isn't who is used to love.

 

Don't talk to his mother or his anything just move on, that's the best for you and you should be only thinking of you now. Let them be and someday you will have someone who is worth it

 

EDIT:Rest assure that their relationship is most probably gonna fail at some point I guess, but most importantly would you like to be with someone who is capable of doing something like this? Not with the old "he" but with the new on? I guess not, and as you may know, you can force nobody to change!

Edited December 24, 2014 by sober and dry

[FancyFace]

Consider yourself lucky that this man has left you and given you the greatest gift ever, the gift of freedom. That means that the pathway has been opened to let in a man who loves you, cherishes you and respects you.

 

The new girl and him are in the honeymoon phase and once the initial euphoria has worn off, he is gonna mess her about and maybe make her even more miserable than he made you. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. Trust and believe that.

 

Also, I am sure you have read it all over this forum, but you need to cut contact with this man. He is toxic and by keeping contact you are stunting your ability to move on.

[Satu]

He's totally selfish and untrustworthy.

 

When it goes belly up with this girl, he'll probably want to move back in with you and tell you it was a mistake, and how very much he loves you.

 

Do not believe him, and do not let him back into your life.

[tampa1213]

He's totally selfish and untrustworthy.

 

When it goes belly up with this girl, he'll probably want to move back in with you and tell you it was a mistake, and how very much he loves you.

 

Do not believe him, and do not let him back into your life.

 

That's actually a fear and a question I always ask myself. If he comes back will I let him back in. When It first happened, I was saying yes. Now it's been about 3 going on 4 weeks and I still feel I want to but then the rashinal side of me is yelling at myself saying "don't be a freaking idiot" because nothing will have changed and he isn't coming back for the right reason. I think right now I have so much bitterness toward them. I want them to fail and I want to see them crash and burn because they both texted me and rubbed it in my face that they are "happy" because I had texted my ex to get his stuff from my place and his stupid girlfriend started to text me on his phone saying that he is hers now and that I'm mad. So knowing what I know about my ex and how they started that whole thing on dishonestly I just want them to fail but I keep telling myself don't wait for it either. Don't waste your life on people that aren't caring about me. So it's like a constant battle inside myself

[winnerwinnerchicken]

When someone moves out and essentially replaces you, you feel pretty worthless. I am sitting here 6 months later and understand completely how you feel. My girlfriend and I were pretty much normal one day( we were together so long I knew her as good as I knew myself) and the next she moved out while I was at work, didnt answer my texts and just cut me from her life so she could move in with her new boyfriend as his mother. She blamed me and made me feel like **** so that she didnt have to assume any responsibility. I am at the point that you are. People say it will get better, it probably will.. it just hasnt yet. So I understand your pain. Many of us are going through the same thing as you are. Stay strong, drop contact with his family and friends and live your life. Because he and my ex are certainly living theirs without us. Lets get our revenge by living the best life we can without them. If they ever reach out to us, make it very clear that they went X amount of time without caring about us, so they could obviously live without us, when all we wanted was to be back with them. Never talk to him, i'll never talk to her. This is about you.

[welshbambi]

yeah that is what everyone keeps telling me, i guess idk if it's my ego i just want to be missed like i miss him and it just sucks knowing that this girl is "trying" to replace me. but everyone keeps telling me that what they have isn't real and its all him manipulating the situation. but i just don't really know.

 

Wow, this just resonated with me.

 

I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I am better off without my ex - he had a lot of baggage that would have meant a LOT of sacrifice on my part.

 

What I am struggling with is feeling like I didn't mean that much when our relationship was everything to me and I gave it my all. It would be comforting to know I was missed, or even validating. But that is unlikely to happen, certainly not in the short term.

 

Look, you know how much work this guy made for you. When we love for and care about someone, it doesn't seem like such a burden. But step back and look at how much extra time you can have for you. Start treating yourself. Actually count the hours you spend in work, the hours YOU need to do YOUR chores and then look at what's left. Where before you would have spent it tending to his needs, do something just for you. Have a nice bath, watch a TV programme he would have hated so you weren't able to watch, eat food you love, whatever. RECLAIM that time for you. It's what I've been doing. At first it seemed hollow, like taking a bath didn't change that I missed him, but after a while I started to feel differently. I have started to sigh when I sit down to do something just for me.

 

I also love that if my apartment is a mess, then so what? No one is there, stuff it - I pay for it, I leave it that way!! It's giving more of a sense of ownership of my life.

 

As for the other girl, yes, you are going to obsess over what she has that you don't. The answer is NOTHING. It will all end miserably and he will treat her like rubbish the same way he did you. But ask yourself - what do you have to gain by thinking about it? It is soooo hard to do, to push that out of your head, but as you spend more of your time on you and remind yourself that HE took that away from you with his demands, you will start to feel grateful that someone else is dealing with that and not you.