what do i do

[joebrown7]

I recently broke up with my gf of 3 years. We grew apart...we both didn't feel loved by one another. Words were spoken in anger. The relationship ended. We both agreed to be friends. But I don't think I can do that because I am still in love with her...and its hurts. And she reconnected with a high school friend/sweetheart...and now says she is in love with him.

 

I need to say goodbye to her for myself. But I want to do it in a way that leaves the door open for something down the road. Friendship...maybe more. Or maybe nothing...

 

I am at a loss...I feel so empty and sad. I am crying as I write this now.

 

I would appreciate anyone's advice who might take the time to read this.

 

Thank you.

[sober and dry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Trust me I know how it is and it's not easy.

First of all yes you have to let go of her right now, you cannot be friends with her, at least for now.

The way you need to say goodbye for yourself and leave a possible door open is "simple". Go NC now and start living your life just for you and your own good. This way you will heal and if something more is meant to happen with her again it will, but first you need to start your life and living it by your own.

Be strong!

[Marco Valerio]

Hello friend:

 

I do think so too, you should start by going NC, that will allow you the time and the space you might need to move on, or at least to be in a better place. You don't really know what's waiting for you right in the corner, so better not to hung on to someone who doesn't love you the same way. Maybe in the future you two can be BF or even more, but for the moment give yourself some time and space.

 

My best wishes

[joebrown7]

Yes. I want to go NC but want to do it after a final email to her. I'm at a losss on how to word it.

 

Any suggestions?

[Mi7522]

Yes. I want to go NC but want to do it after a final email to her. I'm at a losss on how to word it.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Do not send her any emails. The only way you can hope to keep the door open is by not contacting her. She is with someone else right now, she chose not to be in a relationship with you therefore you owe her nothing and you owe yourself everything. Focus on you for now and if there is ever a hope to open that door again you will be a better person not only for yourself but for her as well. If not then someone much luckier than her will get to experience the NEW you!

[lauri]

You want to leave the door open? Disappear. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but its the truth. You need to move forward and away from her...essentially let her go. If you do that, it'll open up the door for any future chance between you two.

 

However, if you beg, send her emails, explain yourself, etc., it will only make you appear weak and push her away. Live a good life man...it's the most attractive thing you can do.

[joebrown7]

So your saying just ignore her? After we agreed to be friends? I do want to go NC but send a final email before I do.

 

Maybe something like this.

 

I think its best we not pursue friendship. You are with someone else and I need to move on.

 

Then go NC.

 

Any other suggestions?

[Jimmyjackson]

So your saying just ignore her? After we agreed to be friends? I do want to go NC but send a final email before I do.

 

Maybe something like this.

 

I think its best we not pursue friendship. You are with someone else and I need to move on.

 

Then go NC.

 

Any other suggestions?

 

Yes ignore her, when dumpers say 'let's be friends' they don't mean it. It's just a way of making them feel less guilty about their decision as they want you to think fondly of them.

 

Don't even email, you don't tell someone you're about to go NC.

[Chatmonkey]

I understand you wanting to have a final goodbye. It is healthy. A lot of people told me not to do it when I was on here but I did it and I felt a lot better after doing so.

 

I did mine face to face and had one last catch up before I went NC. Maybe, if she is willing, a face to face would be better for you instead of an email.

[Simon Phoenix]

So your saying just ignore her? After we agreed to be friends? I do want to go NC but send a final email before I do.

 

Maybe something like this.

 

I think its best we not pursue friendship. You are with someone else and I need to move on.

 

Then go NC.

 

Any other suggestions?

 

No emails, no "last word", just go No Contact, heal, get yourself together and let life take its course. If she insists on hanging out, then tell her, but don't go up to her out of the blue and send her some "closure" e-mail, text, or have a "goodbye" meeting. That's corny and goofy and just not cool.

[joebrown7]

Strange. We are wrapping things up. One pending item is moving my cel phone from her shared plan. Out of the blue she asks 'Its probably not my business but why did you take today off?' I asked her why she wanted to know. She said I never did when I with her (not true...I told her that). Then it went back and forth...her questioning things that happened during the relationship, me responding...back and forth (I know..I know..not smart). Its almost like she is angry, maybe confused? Second guessing herself. I'm not getting my hopes up for anything. Just seems very odd that she even gives a f'n s#it at this point.

 

Gonna wrap up the phone thing and go NC and see what happens I guess. And I do understand the point of NC...healing myself...not with hopes of getting back together.

 

She know's how I truly feel. Not sure if she believes it. Just time to walk away and feel good about myself again.

[Ieris]

hello joebrown7,

 

I had the thought of sending a final goodbye message a while back and I'm glad I didn't! If someone wants you back, they will come back to you whether you leave the door open or not. If they are that determined to win you back, nothing will stop them even if you nail the door shut!

 

Just focus on yourself now and see where life takes you... don't stand there waiting for someone who may or may not come running back x

[joebrown7]

So...may I ask...what happened with you?

 

 

Also, I guess my main concern is I didn't let her know how I truly feel until the breakup occurred. And she is insecure about herself. And I'm not 100% sure I believe her high school sweetheart thing. Confusing times.

[Ieris]

Long story short, I was in love with my ex but he met someone new at his new job and got with her. I wanted to write a touching letter to win him back and let him know I will always care for him etc etc. but stopped myself because it would just come across as pleading/begging/wanting his attention.

 

Fast forward 3 years - he messaged me after his relationship ended and apologised for how bad he treated me back in the days and now knows how it feels because he is being treated the same way (lol!).

 

Anyway.. he is now one of my best friends believe it or not. So thank god I didn't send him no letter cos he would wave it in my face! Lol

[joebrown7]

Wow. Interesting ending. Thanks for responding. Yeah...once we get the phone thing squared away is NC for me.

 

Don't really have a choice at this point.

 

Time to find some new women to date!!!

 

[lauri]

Wow. Interesting ending. Thanks for responding. Yeah...once we get the phone thing squared away is NC for me.

 

Don't really have a choice at this point.

 

Time to find some new women to date!!!

 

 

Joe, anything you do in terms of contact with your ex will be a waste of your time. It'll emotionally drain you rather than recharge you. You'll get a "hit" from your ex like drug, get a short high and want some more.

 

Best thing to do is cut her out cold turkey. Its non of her business why you are moving on / not talking to her anymore. You guys are over and she is going to have to live with that.