DontBreak Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Day one completed on no contact!! Go me lol I honestly thought once I'd deleted any avenue of contact I'd all of a sudden stop thinking of her I don't know why She's going out to get drunk with her friends Saturday and all I can think about is her with other guys I'm messed up its still fresh ANY help would be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Invictus01 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Dude, going NC is like putting a blow torch on a open wound. Will hurt like a mofo in short term no matter what you do. But... it is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Ouch!!! Lol thanks I'll bear it in mind Any tips? Link to post Share on other sites
Invictus01 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Here is an advice for you - don't break it. If you are at the point where you think NC is the way to go, NOTHING you can say or do will change her mind for the better. But you can do a whole lot of things that could make her believe she made a right choice. Do whatever needs to be done - post here 100 times a day, talk to friends, get blackout drunk, cry, cream, punch walls, kick puppies (just kidding, don't do THAT)... but do NOT break NC. There is a 99.9% chance the outcome of that won't be what you have seen in Hollywood movies. Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Dude, going NC is like putting a blow torch on a open wound. Will hurt like a mofo in short term no matter what you do. But... it is worth it. For real though, just stick with it. I found when I really wanted to send a text, talk to someone first, be it on here or with friends. Worst case scenario, tell yourself 'Wait ONE more day. Wait until tomorrow.' When tomorrow comes, you'll usually find it's not that imperative that you get in touch. If you still feel you NEED to contact them, tell yourself 'I can wait ONE MORE DAY'. See how you feel tomorrow. Eventually you'll see that those 'One more day' postponements add up and you really don't need to contact them after all. If you must, you can get in touch with them at some point much later on (depending on the circumstance and your own needs etc etc), but you need to get your head straight first which will take some time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I am going on four weeks of NC. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but I think it is helping. My advice: Write down a few things about her or the relationship that made you feel bad or were reasons why it didn't work. When you start to feel like you want to contact her, read that again and remember some of the reasons why you aren't together. That has reduced my temptation to contact her because it reminds me why it probably won't end well. I am assuming based on this that she was the dumper? If that is the case, if there is to be any hope of reconciliation, you have to let her be the one who contacts you. The other way around is only going to do you more harm than good. Don't forget that. Finally, remove any reminders you have surrounding you of her that might tempt you to break NC. Pictures, books, momentos, etc., put them all in a box and put it out of sight. The less you have to remind you of her, the less you'll be tempted to break NC. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I'm messed up its still fresh ANY help would be appreciated Some tips and observations from my own experiences.. NC IS HARD. Seems simple enough. Don't contact them, or reply to meaningless contact from them. HA! There was days I was foaming at the mouth to send him a text lol fight those urges! You're going to be telling yourself all kinds of wonderful reasons as to why you should contact them, and you will even tell yourself that you're totally fine and will be cool with whatever they reply, if at all. It's BS. If you really are fine and over it, you won't be having the urge to contact them. In the moments you find you're trying to trick yourself into contacting her, come here and look up posts where people broke no contact. The excuses they made leading up to it, the response they got, if at all, and how they felt after..it's always the same, and never has a happy ending. In my experience, and from what I have seen here, evenings tend to be the worst. Stock up on things to distract yourself. Movies, books, crafts/hobbies, video games, exercise, social activities, whatever, etc. When you're feeling nostalgic and thinking about their good qualities, kick them out of your head and focus on YOUR good qualities and what an awesome person you are. Cuz you are! Might be just me on this one, but I also found NC milestones to be triggers for wanting to contact him haha. "woohoo! I haven't contacted him in 2 weeks! yeah!" (10 minutes later) "omg, I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks. . Maybe i should just send a little text saying..." ---DON'T DO IT! I still get urges to contact him, but not often and not as intense. It does get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 hi guys just wondering has anybody here actually not needed to go for NC started my NC few days ago - the ex got in contact regarding xmas and i wasn't bothered i know she is talking to another guy that doesn't rely bother me either ? is this normal? I'm actually warming to the idea of just hanging out every now and again - but I've no desire to want a relationship with her she has issues bear in mind we split up 9 mnths ago i just dragged my ass always hoping wed get back together BUT i was asking myself some hard questions last night what is she was with somebody? what if this ? what if that? i basically thought of every horrid situation and i wasn't that fussed if I'm being honest i feel ok - again is this normal ? this is knocking anybody here in any way shape or form but i feel if I'm doing NC I'm running away when i can face it and become stronger just a food for thought.. thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 You posted literally just hours ago saying she would be going out drinking this weekend and all you could think about was her with other guys. NC is hard and it sucks, especially at first. I think you're fooling yourself into thinking you can be in touch with her b/c it's easier than sticking to NC -- but given that you haven't even stuck to it for a day yet and were just stressed out at the thought of her with other guys -- I think you should give yourself way more time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 This completely contradicts what you said in your other thread. I'll reiterate my previous advice.. You're going to be telling yourself all kinds of wonderful reasons as to why you should contact them, and you will even tell yourself that you're totally fine and will be cool with whatever they reply, if at all. It's BS. If you really are fine and over it, you won't be having the urge to contact them. Is this sounding familiar? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 thanks again guys oh no I'm not contacting her I've just put all hat bad **** out of my mind what actual good does it do its just negative energy so i dispel it I'm not checking up on her have no desire to - i kind of just said SO WHAT!! a lot to myself seemed to help I'm not saying you gys are wrong but I've more gone MEH F**k it Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 she contacted me asking about guitar lessos if i knew anybody - it didn't light any fires i just said il ask my friend and passed on number Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 ok, well..if what you say is true, you should have no problem sticking with NC for 30 days. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 i feel if I'm doing NC I'm running away when i can face it and become stronger just a food for thought.. thoughts? Ah, the junkie mind. Only hours ago you were sick to your stomach about her going out with other guys. Then you received contact and suddenly you're feeling stronger. That was just the addict getting a fix. She boosted your ego with contact and it's given you a high. You feel you don't need NC. Meh, who cares. When that high wears off, trust me you'll be back to feeling sick about her with other men again. NC isn't about running away. It's about preserving your emotional and mental sanity/health. It's about prioritizing and focusing on moving forward with your life. And in that process you become stronger. That whole running away is the junkie mind trying to justify contact. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Again thanks guys appreciate the comments I feel good and still planning no contact I was just saying I felt different today didn't feel down afterwards I'm certainly keeping my distance though Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 ...but I've no desire to want a relationship with her she has issues So if this is actually true, why stay IN contact at all? If it's not NC to heal, I'd still stay NC if "she has issues." Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 Have you never had a friend that has issues ? No I'm not in contact with her as I said I've no desire to be in a relationship with Her - just because somebody doesn't want to be my girlfriend doesn't mean I can't ever bear the thought of a txt - so no I don't contact her If she ever got in some trouble or needed my help with something serious yes I'd help out and I know she would do the same for me Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 This site is very interesting & very helpful But I'm feeling good atm so that should count for something Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Have you never had a friend that has issues ? Of course. And I was always (and always will be) there for them. The difference is that there were never any romantic feelings involved. That's where the heart can get hurt. Not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 She's not a friend with issues. She is someone you're still emotionally attached to and her issues are the reason you're on LS today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 I'm not even gonna say anything more Theres no point Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Hey man, it's just advice from others who have experience with situations like this. You can take it or leave it. The advice is given for your benefit, i.e., to help you and protect you. Staying around someone for whom you have feelings but you're not involved with romantically can cause heartache. Not a guarantee, but likely. Your call. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 I'm not even gonna say anything more Theres no point You're getting defensive. What you don't realize is that we've all been there and we've all experienced the same denial and defensiveness, especially when you don't hear what you want to hear. You came here confused about presents for the kids. Then you started about how/when to be friends and a 60 day NC goal. Then you went on about feeling sick wondering if she is out with other guys. Then you posted about suddenly feeling strong and you couldn't care less. All within a day. See how all over the place you are. Again, we've all been there, through painful times and the advice being given is only offered from experience and in hopes to help you. If you can't see that, then maybe you just need to move forward the best way you know how. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 It's all good - I've a tough skin I don't mind abruptness As I've said Before I'm not in contact with her I don't live by her Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreak Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 I've actually done NC to a degree 1 txt reply about a guitar lesson That's all I've done - I'm more leaning towards me not bothered in small chit chat with her instead of NC I do appreciate your advice I think right this moment right this second I'm feeling strong and I'll work from there Link to post Share on other sites
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