Xidion Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Saturday, 11/29 will be exactly 30 days since my gf left me. We have had little contact.. but throughout the 30 days it has been every 5-6 days.. so I haven't had a full 30 days of no contact. The last thing I texted her was telling her to please come get her things from my apartment (a bag full of clothes and a crock pot) so that I can begin moving on. She hasn't responded to me since and has made no effort to come get her things. This was about 6 days ago. She has me blocked on Facebook.. so I can't see her profile. But I have a bad habit of looking at her instagram. I have been doing fairly well in my attitude and not being sad. Although I think about her in some way everyday.. probably at least 80% of my hours awake. I still have dreams about her almost every night. I have been doing great until today. I broke down and started crying for the first time in 3 weeks. I miss her terribly. The apartment that I now live alone in was ours together. She picked it out. We were beginning to build our life together and plan for our future. 2 months before she left me.. she did a complete 180 and I found her talking to another guy sexually. Found out it had been going on for 3 weeks. I forgave her for it as she promised she loved me and it was just a terrible mistake and that she just wanted more attention from me. 1 month later it happened again and she left me. She said she was unhappy and started seeking attention elsewhere. But she showed no signs of being unhappy to my face. Even the day she broke things off with me, she told me that she loved me and let me kiss her. I read about all the signs of BPD. She shows them all. As a young child she was the product of divorce and parent neglect. She was also raped at age 14 and was a cutter. She still has scars from it. She even did so once during our relationship. She went to therapy as a teenager.. but stopped as an adult. No matter how much attention I showed her.. it never seemed to be enough. I loved this girl with every fiber of my being. When she broke things off.. I was absolutely shell shocked.. because I was trying so hard to prove my love to her. I don't know what I'm asking. I am just struggling today when I thought I was doing just fine. I am going to start making a diary of my every day progress. Thank you all in advance for your support. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Feel for ya man. It being a Holiday today, I broke NC and wished my cheating ex a Happy Tday. She responded politely a few hours later. Went out to have a drink and found out that news that just destroyed me. My ex cheated about a year ago. We worked through it and she started getting cold and distant on me again the first of November. I felt that icy clench in my stomach. She dumped me 2 weeks later. The day before my birthday. The news I found out today was that she flew out of town yesterday to meet up with the guy she originally cheated on me with. 1st rate whore... And here we are picking up the pieces... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 Feel for ya man. It being a Holiday today, I broke NC and wished my cheating ex a Happy Tday. She responded politely a few hours later. Went out to have a drink and found out that news that just destroyed me. My ex cheated about a year ago. We worked through it and she started getting cold and distant on me again the first of November. I felt that icy clench in my stomach. She dumped me 2 weeks later. The day before my birthday. The news I found out today was that she flew out of town yesterday to meet up with the guy she originally cheated on me with. 1st rate whore... And here we are picking up the pieces... It astounds me how girls can throw you out like yesterday's trash because some other guy is giving them some attention. They act like everything you've ever done for them means nothing. I could never do that to another person. I have always been the one that has gotten dumoed... because I don't ever give up and I keep on loving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 There are so many things I left unsaid during the breakup. She came to my work on my 15 minute break and broke up with me. Then told me she loved me and asked if she wanted me to come over that night and stay with me so we could talk about things. I said yes. An hour before she was suppose to come over.. she texted me and said she couldn't do it anymore. Would it help if I were to contact her in some way to tell her all the things I left unsaid? Link to post Share on other sites
Ecko08 Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 It astounds me how girls can throw you out like yesterday's trash because some other guy is giving them some attention. They act like everything you've ever done for them means nothing. I could never do that to another person. I have always been the one that has gotten dumoed... because I don't ever give up and I keep on loving. Right there with you, man. I even said to my ex "you can so easily throw me away like a piece of trash". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 Okay, so today I broke no contact like an idiot. I feel so stupid. It ended up making me feel terrible. I feel like I'm back to square one with my recovery. I started with telling her that if she wants her stuff it will be in the dumpster, then it turned into me pouring my heart out and asking her to go to relationship counseling to fix things. She said no, of course. Said I should find someone who will treat me better. I told her all I can think about is her. I basically broke all of the no contact rules and hate myself for it. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 You've just set yourself back. Guess what, it happens, forgive yourself and stay focusing on her negative qualities and your positive qualities. Take her off of the pedestal. She's done and wants to be young dumb and free and lacks the character and personal growth that pain and life lessons will provide. It happened to me too in a bad way but I moved out to allow her to face her own consequences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 You've just set yourself back. Guess what, it happens, forgive yourself and stay focusing on her negative qualities and your positive qualities. Take her off of the pedestal. She's done and wants to be young dumb and free and lacks the character and personal growth that pain and life lessons will provide. It happened to me too in a bad way but I moved out to allow her to face her own consequences. I have a really hard time letting go. I hate her for betraying me (she left me for someone else), but I still love her at the same time. We were suppose to meet on Monday to exchange belongings, but I canceled. I'm not ready to see her face to face. Although part of me thinks I should get it over with so I'm not set back a month from now. What do you think? I've been exercising to get my mind off her. But I've had a dream about her every night for a month I can't get her out of my head for the life of me. I'm doing my best to stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Kill your hope. Box her stuff and just drop it off. Read until your eyes bleed and then keep reading. Learn and gain perspective. You will be okay. It just doesn't feel like it right now because those chemicals are not firing the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 Kill your hope. Box her stuff and just drop it off. Read until your eyes bleed and then keep reading. Learn and gain perspective. You will be okay. It just doesn't feel like it right now because those chemicals are not firing the same. What do I need to be reading? Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Watch the movie Revolver. Read about the Ego, go to www.alturtle.com and learn about becoming a real Man. That should be enough to start your own path. Help others however you can. You will be surprised by what you already know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xidion Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) So, last night I told my ex that I just wanted to get her stuff out of my apartment. So she said she could come after i got off of work. I asked her if she was coming alone. She said no. I said "I'm not in a position to see you with my replacement, so don't bother" She texted me about an hour later and said" He is not a replacement he is an upgrade, I dropped your shirts off on your doorstep, just throw my clothes away. Don't ever contact me again. You never treated me good. Sorry and Goodbye". What would trigger her to do this? Trying to impress her new blow up doll? We were civil to each other all day, then all of the sudden she says something very cruel like this. Mind you.. she shows all signs of an extreme BPD. Caught me off guard and made me feel like crap. Edited November 29, 2014 by Xidion Link to post Share on other sites
6Pack Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 So, last night I told my ex that I just wanted to get her stuff out of my apartment. So she said she could come after i got off of work. I asked her if she was coming alone. She said no. I said "I'm not in a position to see you with my replacement, so don't bother" She texted me about an hour later and said" He is not a replacement he is an upgrade, I dropped your shirts off on your doorstep, just throw my clothes away. Don't ever contact me again. You never treated me good. Sorry and Goodbye". What would trigger her to do this? Trying to impress her new blow up doll? We were civil to each other all day, then all of the sudden she says something very cruel like this. Mind you.. she shows all signs of an extreme BPD. Caught me off guard and made me feel like crap. I would just throw all her stuff out and then never speak to her again. There is no reason whatsoever for someone to speak to her like that (unless, you truly did treat her poorly for some reason). If she truly does have BPD, then you can rest assured that the so-called "upgrade" will fail at some point. And, either way, you need to find someone who doesnt have these kinds of disorders. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Holy crap, dude! BPD or not, that was just was just wicked mean for her to say that. Sorry man, but you should just swallow it and never speak to her again. It sucks. It sucks bad. But getting even, or trying to be nice is just never going to register with her. She is just that selfish. When my BPD cheating ex dumped me, I told her what time her stuff would be on my porch and to exchange it with my stuff. She did and left no note, no text, no nothing. 72 hours later she was on a plane going to meet the guy she cheated on me with. It majorly sucks because right now I know they are having the time of their lives, and I'm trying to process the pain... The only thing I can tell myself is that it is not me that caused her actions, no matter how much she says it is. She is a broken person. Very broken. Being cruel is a reflection of how she really feels about herself. I'm just a target of her deflecting her self hate. It sucks dude, but we'll survive... Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 It makes me laugh whenever I hear someone say a guy/girl has left them for another person and want to work thngs out with them. Do not hang on to what could have been because that will never happen. Especially if you're young, I bet my life the contributors on this site, if they're older, have done it at one time or another to someone else. Everyone has to deal with a broken relationship at one time or another but everyone will be on both sides of it eventually. Trust me ,if you take time to yourself and go NC until you are indifferent to them then ultimately YOU decide how your life proceeds. You have to take the power back for you own self preservation and that is when you can live a happy and fulfilled life with or without your ex Link to post Share on other sites
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