Relationships chewed me up and spit me out

[RealConfused]

My boyfriend and I were together for over 2 years when we had our first child together. Shortly after, things started to get real bad. My boyfriend and I would argue all the time. He started hanging out with his friends excessively, late into the night. Our arguments would get very aggressive, and sometimes became hands on.

 

As far as the arguments, they eventually got so bad that our neighbors could hear and we ultimately got kicked out of the place we were renting. While at that home, I became pregnant with his second child. While pregnant, things would be good one day and bad the next. One time while I was pregnant, we argued and he put his hands on me.

 

During this time, I had awesome girlfriends who wanted to go on a trip together, go out for drinks. I was usually at home or working, and when I presented these ideas to my boyfriend, he'd also have conversations with me about how someone in a committed relationship shouldn't be in that sort of setting at night and how drinking was wrong (this is after he stopped hanging out with his friends excessively).

 

At the present time, we are married, after 8 years together. He hasn't put his hands on me in over a year. The last time was when I was pregnant with our 3rd child. He hasn't argued with me as much. Emotionally, he is more present and in tune with me.

 

However, now, a big wedge in our relationship is me harboring those old feelings because I can't seem to forget it and totally forgive. Also another issue we have is financial. For most of our relationship, he's worked on and off. He doesn't have a college degree. But I have been going to school on and off and have worked consistently the entirety of our relationship.

 

My husband cannot secure a job anywhere to save his life. I have been financially supporting our family this entire time, up until I was on bedrest while pregnant for most of last year. So now, since he's been unemployed for so long, I cant keep our heads above water. We had to move in with his family, where we stay in 1 bedroom together. The house is bug infested and there are also the obvious issues that go along with in-laws.

 

After everything I've gone through and given the state our family is in now, I've lost respect for my husband. I regret marrying him. I regret being young and dumb, and the fact that I've been with him for 8 years. I told him the other day that I couldn't do it anymore, but he basically begged me to stay.

 

He loves me, takes care of our kids while I work, cooks dinner everynight. He has changed and matured in a lot of ways.

 

But I just won't know if this is the relationship for me. I'm just 24 years old.

 

Please share your thoughts!