Is the grass going to be greener?

[112358]

Ok, so I was dumped last month out of the blue. The relationship lasted two years. I don't know what to make of his behavior.

 

Let me start from the beginning.

 

The odd behavior started on his bday. We went back to his place after drinking and hanging out. I was sober, he was pretty tipsy but fine. All of the sudden, he makes a big deal about having kids. I am 25; he is 29. I was like, whoa whoa, we haven't even talked about moving in together or marriage. Slow down killer. I had also just started my first post-college job the week before, so my life was totally up in the air.

 

Well during that conversation we decided to call it quits, only to reneg on that an hour later. We agreed that we would reassess this in a year.

 

Over the next six months I noticed changes, he was a little bit more distant, and not that interested in doing BF related activities unless I suggested doing them and then it wasn't a big deal. Then he went back home in aug. two months after the kid talk. Home for him is two states away. After that we saw each other maybe 1-2 per week tops. That was reasonable at the time because he is a scientist doing his post doc, and had conference after conference so I didn't think much of it. But then, he started going out with my friends far more than hanging out with me and this continued for a few months until october. That's when we were out to dinner on date night and out of the blue blurted have you thought about kids anymore? I was caught off guard and recently went back on my anxiety meds the week before so I was already emotional. The rest of the evening was in silence, we went back to my place, and laid in my bed in silence, he asked what I was thinking. I replied nothing. To which he replied, you're thinking about something. I said I am but I don't want to tell you. Mainly because I was trying to make a decision on kids and deal with the sense that it was bothering him and I may be getting dumped. I don't really remember.

 

after that he left, and being the overanalyzer I am, I texted him and he blew up and claimed I had been lying to him about school and who I was for two years. Yes there is some truth to that, but it's mainly so I could finish school and not be homeless. Parents would have cut me off if they found out. So I covered my tracks in case he was spiteful. So, yes I did tell some lies about my parent's professions and where my hometown was....etc. It was stupid and in hindsight I should have came out before then. But it's irrelevant now.

 

So I got dumped, no real reason why. At first he claimed it's because I couldn't give him an answer on kids, then it changed to I lied to him. After that he refused to speak to me, and wouldn't give me my things from his house. I got them back after a month of telling him that I want them.

 

Unfortunately, yes I lied and fessed up immediately. It all became a huge catch-22. But, he didn't even give me the decency to talk about things. I was dumped through text. Lame. Then again, I didn't know all that I know now. After all he was the one who suggested that we be friends after all this.

 

After that I find out that he was out on a date and on scruff and grindr. The date was 4 weeks after our breakup and scruff and grindr was the next day.

 

I've sporadically been trying to reach out, a text or FB message once every week or two. Only to be met by his replying casually on some, to flat out hostility on others. Now he refuses to speak to me.

 

Today, I found out that he had been on those apps for at least the past six months.

 

Is this a case of grass is greener or is there no hope at this point? Advice? And yes, he is worth the attempt of reconciliation. Total catch: Ph.D, hot, fun, all same interests, same taste in music...etc.

 

I also came out to my friends and family after that was thrown up in my face in an attempt to salvage our relationship. Only to be met with I don't care, and silence.

[112358]

I'm just wondering if this is a case of GIGS, or we are through....etc. Im wondering if we will be friends eventually, if he will attempt to crawl back.....etc.

 

Advice?

[OwMyEyeball]

The grass is greenest where you water it

[jackinthebox1]

Id just worry about your own grass.

He may come back , he may not but ultimately he walked out on you so you have to start putting your life together

[112358]

I have for the most part. It's now a month and a half out, and my mind has started to be able to ignore him for vast swaths of the day. It's all a process yah know? I've also dropped 20lbs and look great.

[Ecko08]

I'm a little confused about...

 

" texted him and he blew up and claimed I had been lying to him about school and who I was for two years. Yes there is some truth to that, but it's mainly so I could finish school and not be homeless. Parents would have cut me off if they found out. So I covered my tracks in case he was spiteful. So, yes I did tell some lies about my parent's professions and where my hometown was..."

 

And...

 

"I also came out to my friends and family after that was thrown up in my face in an attempt to salvage our relationship. Only to be met with I don't care, and silence."

[112358]

It means that: I grew up in the south, had very socially conservative parents, was from a small town and grew up southern baptist.

 

Also, my parents were helping me with bills my last few years of college so I could finish. I required that help to keep a roof over my head.

 

Imagine, their only son a member of the LGBT community. Not going to approve of that one.

 

I also made this very clear in the relationship that this was my situation and for the time being; you don't get to meet my family.