english2014 Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Hi everyone, I recently found out that my girlfriend cheated on me. It was a couple of months ago. She has been acting quite wierd and I asked her if she had cheated on me to which she told me she had. She has recently moved to my hometown to go to university and in the freshers week she had a drunken one night stand. Absolutely devastated! We haven't spoke for a few days now as I told her I need time to think things through. She is really sorry and wants me back. We have been together for a year and a half and have never had any major problems like this. We have always been so close, have so much in common and are like best friends aswell as partners. I do feel like I could forgive her in time but whether I will trust her again I am not sure. Don't know what to do :s Please give your feedback Thanks Dan Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Sorry Dan, it sucks. Been there... but since I have the benefit of hindsight, let me pass on my two cents... anyone who cheats.. m or f.. anyone... is not someone I would want to trust my heart to. When you fall in love, you're trusting your heart will be valued. A cheater is someone who does not value that trust. Once a cheater always a cheater. It doesn't make them a bad person, it's just who they are. It's always easier to do it a second and third time. It makes it easier to rationalize. If you want my advice, cut your loss. Learn from it and move on. Plenty more opportunities will come along. Mend your heart and prepare yourself for a higher quality relationship at some point in the future. Good luck my friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Wow, a one night stand. Just think about this for a moment, she betrayed you for nothing and put your health at risk. Do you really want to be with a girl as impulsive and careless as this? I think it's disgusting to be honest with you. Anyone, man or woman who would forsake their relationship in such a way is not worth it. This behavior speaks volumes of a person's character. Link to post Share on other sites
Author english2014 Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 Thanks guys, appreciate the advice. Taking things a day at a time, coping okay but missing her loads. Still deciding on making a choice although swaying more towards not going back with her at the minute Dan Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Thanks guys, appreciate the advice. Taking things a day at a time, coping okay but missing her loads. Still deciding on making a choice although swaying more towards not going back with her at the minute Dan Dan, move on from this troubled young woman, shes not good for you. You're in college, and rather young, you'll find someone new. She hid this for months, and didn't even tell you from her own accord. She would be a woman I would most certainly abhor. Most men are better than me, they leave cheaters with grace, I on the other hand would throw this crap in her face. She isn't sorry about the action she did, If she was truly sorry, the cheating is something she wouldn't have hid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Dan, move on from this troubled young woman, shes not good for you. You're in college, and rather young, you'll find someone new. She hid this for months, and didn't even tell you from her own accord. She would be a woman I would most certainly abhor. Most men are better than me, they leave cheaters with grace, I on the other hand would throw this crap in her face. She isn't sorry about the action she did, If she was truly sorry, the cheating is something she wouldn't have hid. Ya know Dr. (how cool is it to say that!), you touched on something here that really never struck me the way it should. When my ex cheated on me, I worked for months on getting over the "act" of cheating. And I thought I did pretty darn good. Now that we are split-up for the final time, looking back on it, it's not the "act" of cheating that really burns me. It's the fact that she hid it from me, until I figured it out. OP, take the Dr's words to heart. As a person who was cheated on the fact that she hid it from you for months is really a great indicator of who she is. Not saying she would do something like it in the future, but if she kept it from you for months, it would be very easy to keep it from you for years... Having been cheated on, while I may have forgiven, I never forgot. And just to pour a little salt in the thoughts you may have (sorry) my ex ended up dumping me after I forgave her... Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I don't know... I knew this girl once, and she wanted to get married, but I wasn't quite there yet. Her way of breaking up was to go bang some guy at work, and she made damn sure I found out about it right away. That didn't feel too good either. Looking objectively, forget what has already happened. The fact that she's a freshman in college, that she is open to acting on her attraction to people she meets and that she's going to party like she's never partied before means that there is a pretty good chance that it will happen again, or that she'll meet somebody new and dump you properly (without cheating), or that she'll be a very good girl and get a bad case of GIGS later. In short, forgive her and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Taking a cheater back is never a good idea. It cheapens the relationship significantly and adds unattractive components such as distrust, insecurity, and resentment. You are too young so learn from this, most importantly learn to value yourself and to value what's important to you in a relationship. Being with someone you can trust who has similar values is a hell of a lot easier than having to deal with someone else's indiscretions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author english2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 Thanks everyone, got a message a couple of nights ago saying how sorry she was again and how she would never do it again. I know we are only in our early twenties but this was actually meant to be it for us. I know not everything is set in stone but we had always said we were soul mates and knew we wanted to be together for life. I completely agree with your comments in the respect that it's hard to stay with a cheater due to trust and yeah the fact that she kept it from me hurts just as much. She told me she wanted to protect me and thought not telling me would avoid the hurt in going through now, I think she's twlling the truth but at the same time I could just tell something was eating away at her. definitely the worst position I've ever been in Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Not the worst position you will ever be in. That will be when you are married with kids and she does it again. And how do you know it was a ONS. She told you?? And her words are credible now to you. Think about how you are going to be feeling when she hangs out with her girlfriends at clubs from now on. Find a new girlfriend 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I'm speaking as a betrayed partner who STAYED with her cheater: leave. I wish with all my being I would have left when I found out my ex cheated. I regret staying with him to the core of my being. We lasted 8-9 months after I found out he cheated and it was honestly the worst months of my life. The roller coaster you will find yourself on is not even mildly amusing. The trust you had? It won't come back. I turned into that girl who was always trying to look at his phone when he was texting to see who he was talking to. I went through his phone when he was sleeping. I questioned everything about him because when I found out, he turned into nothing more than a moral-less liar. I stayed because I "loved him" and thought we would get engaged. I believed him when he said he was so sorry and that he wanted to "kill himself" after he did it. I thought his remorse was real. Long story short? He did it again. You can't trust these people as far as you can throw them. Do it once? They'll do it again. I will never, in my lifetime, EVER stay with another person who thinks its ok to cheat on me. I don't care how much I love them or how much they beg or kiss my feet for me back. It's nothing but blatant disrespect for you, the relationship, your emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing. It's careless, selfish, self absorbed, impulsive, wreck less behavior displayed by people with no class, no morals, no integrity, and no care for anything but their own wants and needs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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