Having trouble getting over ex girlfriend, do female dumpers come back?

[Jimmyjackson]

I'll try keep this as short as possible.

 

I was with this girl for 9 months, I was 22 and she was 19. She was my first girlfriend and the first girl I had sex with. I think that this is what makes it more difficult to get over.

 

First 6 months were amazing, no arguments or anything. We only had one argument during our entire relationship. She was going to volunteer in Africa for 2 months in the summer, something that she had applied for before she met me. About a month before she left we started having some problems, getting irritable with each other and at one point she said she wasn't sure if she felt the same anymore, we sorted through this and went back to normal.

 

The weekend before she left we had a great time, told each other we loved each other and all that stuff, she told me to wait for her etc. I couldn't contact her while she was away other than half way through as phones weren't permitted, she was volunteering in poor communities; there wouldn't be any signal anyway.

 

This summer was the longest of my life, 2 months with barely any contact, checking my post every morning to see if i had received a letter from her, I missed her so much. She returns and seems very distant with me, she then tells me that she doesn't feel the same anymore and doesn't want to be in the relationship. She said it seemed like I missed her more than she missed me and that after two or three weeks away she didn't think about me as much.

 

I asked her if there was anyone else, she admitted to meeting another guy from Africa, she said she was 'involved' with him. She is adamant that she never cheated on me physically but said that if we weren't together something might've happened. I can't help but wonder if she did cheat, the fact I'll never know annoys me. I'd like to think she wouldn't as I know her pretty well but who knows. Anyway, she'll never see this guy again but they keep in touch via facebook.

 

So she dumped me, at first I was in denial, how could someone return and just dump me like that after 2 months of waiting for them? I begged for her back and did all the standard stuff that dumpees do initially. I then went no contact for 5 weeks and vented to her afterwards when drunk which I regret doing. It bothers me that she has moved on already, how can someone you were so close with just change and not want you anymore?

 

I go through stages of hating her and then missing her, it's been two months since we broke up and I'm still finding it hard whereas she doesn't seem bothered at all and is convinced she made the right decision. I've reflected on the time apart and realised that I got clingy during that month we had problems before she left, I don't know if it was because she was going and I got scared or something but I acknowledge that this definitely contributed towards her changed feelings, as well as the other guy. When we first got together she said she had a habit of getting bored of people she's dated in the past, but promised it wouldn't happen to us (haha).

 

So how do I get over this? do female dumpers ever come back to you? I can't help but think about all the great times we shared, the chemistry we had. I'm not sure whether I'm just in love with the idea of being in a relationship or the girl herself. It's annoying when you don't expect something like this and it just hits you like a tonne of bricks. I know the right thing to do is to get over her but I pine for the past, the stuff she used to say to me, she's the only person who ever made me feel appreciated.

 

Sorry for the long description, I hope I didn't bore you with the details.

[Chi townD]

Dude, she cheated on you. Sorry, no way to sugarcoat that. One thing about cheaters is that they will tell you the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what really happened. And besides, she knows that there's no way you can verify that nothing happened. She was on an entire different continent!

 

 

So, how do you get over this? You go NC and you start making positive changes in your life. Complete NO CONTACT! Don't answer your phonecalls from her, let them go to voicemail. Don't answer texts or emails. IGNORE THEM! And you need to block her on Facebook! She will probably start post pics of her in Africa and you don't see that crap. Plus, you need to know that if she cheated on you she cheated on you with a guy that's from an area with the highest rate of HIV/AIDS per capita in the world.

 

 

Start making positive changes in your life. Get a new hairstyle and buy new clothes. Be styling and profiling 24/7. Then, get to the gym. Run on the treadmill and push weight. If you eat right and get plenty of sleep, you're going to be working on that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are going to love.

 

 

Then, get new hobbies, join new clubs in your area. GET OUT AND START MEETING NEW PEOPLE! Don't close yourself up! There's a world out there and your Ex isn't it! Then, travel! Go see something that you've never seen before. Experience new people from different cultures.

 

 

Dude, time to heal and move on!

[Jimmyjackson]

I see your point, I have been going to the gym for well over 3 months now, I guess I just took a big blow to my self-esteem being dumped for another guy.

 

I'll never know for certain if she cheated and I guess evidence would suggest she did but things aren't always what they seem.

 

She said her intentions when she returned were to still be with me, hence why she claimed to have not cheated. When I asked if she had sex with him or anything she said she wouldn't have even if we weren't together due to risk of AIDS/HIV as you have mentioned.

 

Sounds evil but I kinda want her to realise the mistake she's made so I can be in control if that makes sense?