edgygirl Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 It's been 5 months. Not completely healed but starting to feel like I could maybe develop a connection with someone again although I'm incredibly disappointed with humanity. So I am online and looking. But... no one excites me. I could swear that suddenly there's only uninteresting people online. Where did everyone go? Or is it me, broken-hearted and losing hope and excitement? I want so much to be out there again and interested in people. But it's just not happening. Meanwhile he moved on. I feel pathetic. I would love to find a way to awaken my dead heart again. Any tips? How to cope and get there? :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I wonder if you're so quick to date again, because he has moved on already? It's not a competition. Your heart's not in it because you aren't ready, and fully healed yet. Once you heal, people will start to intrigue you again. Give yourself more time! It'll work out. On the other hand, I may be wrong, and you may have -unfortunately- just encountered people who aren't your type - in that case, switch it up; frequent places of interests, where you may meet others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Thank you Dontfindme. I hope it's true, I hope my heart didn't die and got disappointed forever... I know it doesn't make any rational sense and it comes from me being hurt and sad, but it does feel this way a little. It's not about him moving on per se, it's more about me being sick of suffering and feeling sad. I just don't want to wallow on this anymore. I want to be out there, interested in people again, feeling alive again. Also I am over 40 so it's not like I want to take a year break of dating. From previous experiences, I realize no one is worth such a waste of time and emotional effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Give it a chance. I personally don't believe in love at first sight. I think attraction is something that can be gained by getting to know someone, provided that they don't repulse you to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I totally agree Elle1975... I feel blessed for having finally understood this in the last 2 years. I wonder though how to go on dates when I still feel so... meh. Is it even fair to do it? :/ Oh my I just wish I felt alive, hopeful and interested again. In people. Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 if you don't want to wallow, distractions are your best bet. Are you seeing friends and family? Partaking in any hobbies? Doing things for yourself? I still think you're feeeling this way because it's too soon. So, even the act of dating, and your self-imposed pressure to find someone else is what's causing you to dwell more. If you distract yourself, you'll get a break- in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It just takes time don't rush into anything right now because you'll only hurt the other person. It sounds as though you're just lonely that will pass in time but and when it does you'll be able to give all of yourself to the right person 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jet Lag Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So I am online and looking. But... no one excites me. I could swear that suddenly there's only uninteresting people online. Where did everyone go? Or is it me, broken-hearted and losing hope and excitement? :/ Hey Edgygirl, Me too! No one appeals. I don't find people's personalities or looks even vaguely attractive. It feels like no one matches up...and I have a horrible feeling I may always feel like this. Also I find guys my age seem to be a lot lot older. Hoping it is just I am not ready...but will readiness ever come again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Your heart is just fine and alive :) You are a very sensitive woman, who experienced a hurtful break up, and your reaction is very normal. You've probably also lost trust in men, it's also very normal. You're probably feel that you should do more and faster, so you're pushing yourself to move forward faster than your natural inner tempo. That's why you think your heart is dead. I assure you that even if you find someone interesting now, you have a good chance to be disappointed again. Because you aren't looking for the right reasons, only because you force yourself to do it. It took me 2 -3 years to get over a woman i've known for one month. I fell deeply in love and it lasted only 1 month!! But she did something unfair to me, so I was totally out of balance for almost 3 years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 Thank you Jet Lag and lolablue17, I feel you both understand me and that feels good - although I'm sorry you had to go through this. Jet - I do think it comes back eventually. It has in my past relationships. I hope so at least. I hope a time where my heart breaks completely, out of one more disappointment, never comes. lolablue, thanks for the kind words. I did lose trust as when someone you think might be the one disappoints you, what else do you know? Like you can't even trust what seems real anymore. In a way my guy was also unfair, and I think it stings a lot more because of that :/ When I think about it, my hearts almost hurts. How can people do certain things? It's hard to believe. Hope you're doing better now. Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Lolablue17s advice is invaluable, he helped me alot i suggest you take from him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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