NC/LC - mixed signals - what's she thinking, and how to move forward?

[ssmith]

The Background / NC Period

 

My GF and I broke up about 2 months ago. We had a great thing going, but she started to have trust issues because of some stupid things I did. I didn't cheat or do anything like that, but it was emotionally pretty bad. I acted stupidly and she felt betrayed and like I make bad choices. We tried to make it work but fought a lot for a few weeks. Then we had to spend a few weeks apart, and during the distance is when it ended.

 

We texted and stayed close for a few weeks as if we were dating (though she'd find little ways to make it clear we weren't), but then we met up in person and I spilled my emotions out. That I wanted to make it work. She seemed confused and basically said as much, but she also said she didn't see me the same way after what I did. I asked for space to move on. But she didn't really give it to me...

 

For the next few weeks she'd send a text every 5 or 6 days. I never responded. They were generally about her being upset about the thing I did or being upset that we weren't talking.

 

Then her tone changed. She was still hurt, but I got a nice long text with emotion. She said that she knows I might not respond, but she's hurt that we haven't talked. She said she was really glad she met me and she still really cares about me. She also said she wouldn't reach out any more and would respect my space, finally. I wrote back to this and said she means a lot to me too and thanked her. That was it.

 

The next week I did something nice for her friend and so the ex sent me a little inside joke that we'd send back and forth to mean "I like you." So much for respecting my space. I didn't respond - I didn't know how, but this drove me crazy. Was she just being friendly? She didn't actually say the words

 

The Current Stuff

 

Right when it was looking up, nothing else happened... For the next few weeks we didn't talk or come across each other. It was the first time she finally gave me my space. But then I ran into her a good few weeks after that last text and I started up a quick conversation. It lasted a few minutes then I left. She texted me apologizing for being so weird in our convo (I didn't think she was weird, though.) And while I probably shouldn't have, I responded that it was good chatting. We quickly decided to meet up and talk again, but due to timing crap, it had to be a week away.

 

The next day I got a friendly text from her. I gave a neutral response that didn't leave her much to write back to, but she forced it. Her response was basically word vomit since my text didn't give much, but seeing her try was cute, like she wanted to keep talking. Nothing emotional or serious came out though, it was pretty lame stuff. We went back and forth about 3 or 4 messages then it ended.

 

I saw her in school the next day and gave her a 'hi' in the hallway. Maybe she was in mid-conversation, maybe she didn't see me until the last second, but when she said 'hi' back it just felt a little colder than I expected. No smile, barely any real acknowledgement. Like I was an acquaintance. It's dumb to read into that, but it made me start feeling really bad. This, of all things, is what set me back. First time since the breakup my emotions came flooding back, but they did.

 

A few days later I reached out for the first time since the breakup to send a fun little message. Nothing serious and nothing requiring a response, but it kept communication open and seemed like a chance to slowly advance. She wrote back a few hours later but very neutrally and in only a few words. Her answer didn't call for a response unless I word-vomited like she did. So I didn't... I let it go.

 

Questions / Plan

 

So my big question here... Does anyone have any idea what she's thinking? Does she miss me? Is she still confused? She never, in any of her messages to me, said she wanted to give us a second chance. I mean she really hasn't even hinted at that, has she? A few of her messages can be read that way because they're nice and emotional, but maybe she's just being friendly / needing attention. (Or maybe she's too scared to acknowledge her feelings? I hope that's it...) Maybe she's having second thoughts about meeting up, hence the coldness lately? Maybe she's just started feeling something for someone else hence her finally giving me my space / being hot+cold lately? Or maybe I'm reading into things I shouldn't be, considering we haven't talked in nearly 2 months? I just figured she'd have responded a little better to my first text to her and my hello if she had interest.

 

The truth is that I'm emotional again, surprisingly. And I'm tempted to take a step to get off this rollercoaster so I can move forward one way or the other... I just want to know if it's time to call it quits or to keep holding out hope. Should I just flat out ask if there's anything left, and if so, encourage her to take it slow and explore it? This is the adult conversation method... Should I tell her about the changes I've made and what I've realized I did wrong / apologize for my part in ruining things? I know all the experts say to just play it cool, but I'm feeling things strongly again and I'm not sure my stomach can handle that kind of uncertainty for so long. I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it - and only since we started talking again. (I thought I was ready... What did I know?)

 

I'd love some advice. Thanks