A Letter to My Ex Girlfriend...

[Natsu21]

I was thinking about my ex, and I remember a year ago, I promised myself that after a year has passed, I'd write a letter to her.

 

It's been over a year since we broke up. I'm ready to write the letter, but I won't send it to her. Instead I'll post it here for you guys to read. Maybe I'll inspire someone. So prepare to read a letter addressed to my ex that I would have sent if I wanted to contact her today.

 

 

Dear Ex

 

It's been a year, hasn't it? I would ask how you are doing, but I have no need to be socially correct. That was one of our issues anyway. I just want to get some things on my chest.

 

I still miss you, and a part of me hates myself for missing you. But it's different. I miss what we had. I remember that we first started hanging out through your friend. I was an awkward college freshman and you a junior at our liberal arts college. The rest is history. We talked as friends for 4 months and then I asked you out. Before I knew it, we were in a relationship.

 

It was beautiful. You were my first girlfriend. In reality, you were my first close friend. You and I shared similar interests, spent hours talking, and went on many different dates as college kids. I remember we said I love you to each other in a flowery patch called "Flower Hill" We even took each other's virginities. I loved to cuddle, hang out, work on projects together, all of it.

 

Then you left school and so did I, and you persisted on a long distance relationships. It lasted two years.

 

I used to be so angry at how it ended. I remember I thought I was being paranoid and clingy, as you told me "You're losing your mind, there's no way I'd cheat on you. I'm just going through a lot and need space"

 

But you did. You did cheat. Not only that, I was nearly convinced to go get myself checked in an insane asylum because you absolutely made me feel like crap. All in an effort to cover up your lies, which when you were caught, all you said was things change.

 

So I forced myself to try to move on. I got a date, and you went and tried to sabotage it. You told more lies to pull me away from the girl, and then I finally did. Once you did, you left again.

 

Before I knew it, I was left in the middle of nowhere, and hit with a police interrogating me as you reported to them that I was stalking you, throwing me completely under the bus.

 

At the same time, while you broke my heart, I have to accept that I had my faults in the relationship too. One thing I regret is that when you said you needed space, I didn't give it to you. I should have walked away immediately, but I was too afraid of being alone. I didn't feel attractive and in a way, I stuck around you because I had low self esteem. Maybe you settled for me. I will never know. But I made a lot of bad decisions trying to keep the relationship up, I didn't follow my own dreams and ambitions.

 

I made you my world. I left my friends and made you the center of my world. I put you on a pedestal. I didn't know what life was like without you. It's no surprise you lost respect for me. But I can't beat myself up for that. I learn from it.

 

If by some small chance you get on Loveshack and read this, and somehow recognize this, I want to say thank you for being my first love. I couldn't have asked for a better short-lived romance. It's going to be a cherished memory of how we met and fell in love, even if it ended with racist parents, complete fallout, lies, lies, and more lies, and a near arrest. I'll file this under "crazy ex gfs" congratulations! You're the first entry into the bat**** crazy hall of fame!

 

You're still human. People have done worse and they redeemed. I do not wish to meet you again. In fact, I'd appreciate it if you would stay out of my life forever. I am not sure if I am strong enough yet. Nothing would make me happier than us putting this behind us and I could be with you.

 

Even if you wanted that, life is never that simple. I may forgive you, but I can't forgot the immense hurt you caused me, and how nonchalant you seemed. Your selfishness and lack of regard for my feelings, is not what someone who I called a best friend acts. I trusted you and you let me down in the worst way. For that, you burned a bridge and it can not be rebuilt. You'll learn that you can't treat people any kind of way and expect them to grovel at their feet. There are consequences to every decision. If there weren't, how would we learn from our bad decisions.

 

Btw, I remember you saying cheating was a mistake that just happened. It wasn't, it was a continuous decision that happened for 4 months before I found out about it. Cheating and lying are never mistakes. You chose your own desire in place of our friendship. My heart may still long for what we had, but you are no friend of mine, and you never will be.

 

If you ever want to make up for your mistakes, then maybe learn from the experience and treat the next guy you fall in love with better. Then again, it's not my place to tell you how you live your life.

 

You were right when you said that I didn't belong in this state, and you encouraged me to go back up North and start over, because you loved your family and wanted to stay close to them.

 

I no longer hate you. I just want you gone from my life. I'm finally moving on. That's why I'll never send you this letter.

 

You were the best lesson I ever had. It went so wrong so fast, but I'll never forget you. I'll always love you, Snow Queen.

 

And I'll show the next woman in my life more love than I ever showed you, and I'll show myself even more than that, for when I was with you, I was so consumed that I lost myself.

 

Goodbye. May your life be filled with adventure and wonder amidst the struggles and hardships.

 

Love,

a person that still does.

 

 

 

 

This is a safe place. If you want to write a letter to your ex but don't want to send it here, this could be a safe place to post it.

 

Keep on keeping on.

 

Natsu21

Edited October 25, 2014 by Natsu21

[dclan]

I was thinking about my ex, and I remember a year ago, I promised myself that after a year has passed, I'd write a letter to her.

 

It's been over a year since we broke up. I'm ready to write the letter, but I won't send it to her. Instead I'll post it here for you guys to read. Maybe I'll inspire someone. So prepare to read a letter addressed to my ex that I would have sent if I wanted to contact her today.

 

 

Dear Ex

 

It's been a year, hasn't it? I would ask how you are doing, but I have no need to be socially correct. That was one of our issues anyway. I just want to get some things on my chest.

 

I still miss you, and a part of me hates myself for missing you. But it's different. I miss what we had. I remember that we first started hanging out through your friend. I was an awkward college freshman and you a junior at our liberal arts college. The rest is history. We talked as friends for 4 months and then I asked you out. Before I knew it, we were in a relationship.

 

It was beautiful. You were my first girlfriend. In reality, you were my first close friend. You and I shared similar interests, spent hours talking, and went on many different dates as college kids. I remember we said I love you to each other in a flowery patch called "Flower Hill" We even took each other's virginities. I loved to cuddle, hang out, work on projects together, all of it.

 

Then you left school and so did I, and you persisted on a long distance relationships. It lasted two years.

 

I used to be so angry at how it ended. I remember I thought I was being paranoid and clingy, as you told me "You're losing your mind, there's no way I'd cheat on you. I'm just going through a lot and need space"

 

But you did. You did cheat. Not only that, I was nearly convinced to go get myself checked in an insane asylum because you absolutely made me feel like crap. All in an effort to cover up your lies, which when you were caught, all you said was things change.

 

So I forced myself to try to move on. I got a date, and you went and tried to sabotage it. You told more lies to pull me away from the girl, and then I finally did. Once you did, you left again.

 

Before I knew it, I was left in the middle of nowhere, and hit with a police interrogating me as you reported to them that I was talking to you, throwing me completely under the bus.

 

At the same time, while you broke my heart, I have to accept that I had my faults in the relationship too. One thing I regret is that when you said you needed space, I didn't give it to you. I should have walked away immediately, but I was too afraid of being alone. I didn't feel attractive and in a way, I stuck around you because I had low self esteem. Maybe you settled for me. I will never know. But I made a lot of bad decisions trying to keep the relationship up, I didn't follow my own dreams and ambitions.

 

I made you my world. I left my friends and made you the center of my world. I put you on a pedestal. I didn't know what life was like without you. It's no surprise you lost respect for me. But I can't beat myself up for that. I learn from it.

 

If by some small chance you get on Loveshack and read this, and somehow recognize this, I want to say thank you for being my first love. I couldn't have asked for a better short-lived romance. It's going to be a cherished memory of how we met and fell in love, even if it ended with racist parents, complete fallout, lies, lies, and more lies, and a near arrest. I'll file this under "crazy ex gfs" congratulations! You're the first entry into the bat**** crazy hall of fame!

 

You're still human. People have done worse and they redeemed. I do not wish to meet you again. In fact, I'd appreciate it if you would stay out of my life forever. I am not sure if I am strong enough yet. Nothing would make me happier than us putting this behind us and I could be with you.

 

Even if you wanted that, life is never that simple. I may forgive you, but I can't forgot the immense hurt you caused me, and how nonchalant you seemed. Your selfishness and lack of regard for my feelings, is not what someone who I called a best friend acts. I trusted you and you let me down in the worst way. For that, you burned a bridge and it can not be rebuilt. You'll learn that you can't treat people any kind of way and expect them to grovel at their feet. There are consequences to every decision. If there weren't, how would we learn from our bad decisions.

 

Btw, I remember you saying cheating was a mistake that just happened. It wasn't, it was a continuous decision that happened for 4 months before I found out about it. Cheating and lying are never mistakes. You chose your own desire in place of our friendship. My heart may still long for what we had, but you are no friend of mine, and you never will be.

 

If you ever want to make up for your mistakes, then maybe learn from the experience and treat the next guy you fall in love with better. Then again, it's not my place to tell you how you live your life.

 

You were right when you said that I didn't belong in this state, and you encouraged me to go back up North and start over, because you loved your family and wanted to stay close to them.

 

I no longer hate you. I just want you gone from my life. I'm finally moving on. That's why I'll never send you this letter.

 

You were the best lesson I ever had. It went so wrong so fast, but I'll never forget you. I'll always love you, Snow Queen.

 

And I'll show the next woman in my life more love than I ever showed you, and I'll show myself even more than that, for when I was with you, I was so consumed that I lost myself.

 

Goodbye. May your life be filled with adventure and wonder amidst the struggles and hardships.

 

Love,

a person that still does.

 

 

 

 

This is a safe place. If you want to write a letter to your ex but don't want to send it here, this could be a safe place to post it.

 

Keep on keeping on.

 

Natsu21

 

Its a very beautiful letter man.

 

Its a shame you won't send it to her, although I can understand that you probably don't want to re initiate contact with her.

 

But still, the letter is very nice.

[Natsu21]

thank you, dclan. I held up my promise. I just won't send it to her.

 

I didn't mention in the letter that she slandered my name to her co-workers. Suddenly I was the crazy stalker ex boyfriend way before she broke up with me.

 

I was the last one to know. The boyfriend was the one who sat me down and told me everything that happened. Every detail.

Edited October 25, 2014 by Natsu21

[Exitleft]

Hope things are looking up for you Natsu. I can definitely relate to much of your letter, and how much your ex meant to you. Best of luck

[Natsu21]

Thank you. For the sake of my sanity, I feel as if trying to contact with her is just a waste of time.

 

I've heard some things about her. I'm not sure if they are true or not, but in case they are, if it wasn't obvious before, I dodged a bullet.

 

You can't just turn off your feelings so easily. But I'm a much better person, and not a sniveling mess I was last year.

[Exitleft]

You're welcome Natsu, I hear you. The combination of time and a dishonest persons character revealing itself does make contact futile, I agree. We get stronger but it's never quite over until it's over. At very least you kept your promise to yourself to not send your letter which shows your self worth has improved a lot, as it should have. That's progress.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

brought tears to my eyes bro.

[lauri]

This showed me how much of a stand up guy you are / have become. No joke dude, if it makes you feel any better, she made a mistake with you and the next girl who comes into your life will be very very lucky. Always remember that.

 

Although Id never send her this letter, its too bad she will never see it. Its nice to see such a transformation.

[Natsu21]

This showed me how much of a stand up guy you are / have become. No joke dude, if it makes you feel any better, she made a mistake with you and the next girl who comes into your life will be very very lucky. Always remember that.

 

Although Id never send her this letter, its too bad she will never see it. Its nice to see such a transformation.

 

As much as I would love for that to be true, in all honesty, she did the right thing in breaking up with me.

 

There was just SO MUCH AGAINST US. Her parents didn't want an African American in the family. Due to my financial struggles and me working low income jobs at 22, as I was just getting out of college, they wanted her(who was 24 at the time) to move out of the house with a nice man, get married and give them grandchildren, and they didn't think I was going to be a good provider, despite her wanting to be independent. As much as I didn't like her mom, she seemed to be acting in the best interest of her daughter, or maybe she just simply didn't want me in the family, as when I visited, they REFUSED to acknowledge me as her boyfriend, and referred to me as a "phase she's going through"

 

She loved her parents more than anything. Family was important to her and she wanted whoever she was going to marry to have her family's approval. I told her that I disagreed, for obvious reasons.

 

She wanted to go to graduate school for physical therapy and I wanted to go back for a CPA...meaning we were going to two completely different places, furthering the distance.

 

I was always straight forward and confrontational. She was more introverted and a conflict avoider. I've watched her lie her way out of a lot of messes in college, and it bothered me cause it didn't seem like it really got to her. But i figured "Hey, she would never do that to me. I'm her boyfriend."

 

I was 19 and just learning, folks. Things happen.

 

In the end, what tore us apart was our extremely polar set of morals. She wanted to do anything to look good in front of others, while I didn't really care how people saw me.

 

While she was introverted, I was affectionate.

 

Marrying her would have been the biggest mistake of my life. Dating her was not. It just taught me that while we had a great college relationship, we were still too young and inexperienced to transfer that to a mature, adult marriage. It was better to break up, I just wish she would have done it in a more honest way, and i would have been mature enough to walk away when I sensed it.

 

She's no evil person. She tried to help me out when I moved away from home to pursue work. She didn't just DROP me on the sidelines, but I was still emotionally attached and she kept leading me on, which didn't excuse it.

 

I don't want her to be miserable. A year ago I wanted her to suffer, feel the pain she caused me, and I wanted to bare witness, but doing that would have not gotten her back.

 

I made new friends that care about me, even some on here who helped me when I was going through a tough trial. I got out of my comfort zone and socialized.

 

It ended, but it was a beautiful relationship nontheless. I hope she has many more loving relationships in the future. But if she tries to come back into my life, I'm calling the authorities.

 

C'est la vie.

[Natsu21]

This showed me how much of a stand up guy you are / have become. No joke dude, if it makes you feel any better, she made a mistake with you and the next girl who comes into your life will be very very lucky. Always remember that.

 

Although Id never send her this letter, its too bad she will never see it. Its nice to see such a transformation.

 

She wanted someone else. That's not a mistake.

 

I'd just wish she would have acted more of a friend and respected my feelings. Maybe she felt like she was protecting me but in reality, it hurt me worse than being honest.

[Day.One]

This is a safe place. If you want to write a letter to your ex but don't want to send it here, this could be a safe place to post it.

 

 

 

 

This existing thread would be an even better place...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex

[Natsu21]

Not going to lie...reading this letter again just hit me with the realization that she's gone for good.

 

There's no GIGS, no question, she's gone and she's never coming back.

 

Trying to stand up for yourself is hard. Because you do miss this person. But it's for the best.

[somecamel]

Hi Natsu,

 

I read your letter yesterday and again this morning.

 

It's my ex's Birthday today so has brought up quite a few of my feelings again but reading your letter has helped.

 

She also cheated on me, more emotionally than physically from what I know and she broke my heart.

 

It was just over a year ago when it all first started but unfortunately I let it continue for 4 months after until I finally said enough is enough.

 

She's gone now and the chances of me ever seeing her again are very slim.

 

I'd love to write a letter to her but I can't promise myself that I wouldn't send it quite yet so I won't.

 

Gotta keep our chins up, some things are just not meant to be.

 

Peace