Girlfriend broke up with me because of school

[lawbstar]

I am looking for advice, help, and just people who will talk to me.

 

I am currently 19 years old, and I am in university. I have been with my ex girlfriend for about 2 years, and she is a year younger than me. I am quite a busy person. I really like to fill up my schedule so that I do not really have any time off, so since school started, things have been really hectic for me from juggling school with work and so on. Then, last week, my girlfriend broke up with me. She said that it was because I made her feel like she was my second priority while school was my first. She said she still loves me, but I feel like this incident almost came out of the blue. I did not know how she was feeling, and I was still seeing her 3-4 times a week, which was normal for us last year during school although I did see her more in the summer. Also, we did see each other less for the past 2 months because she started a new job and worked weird hours too. She also has a bunny that got sick a few weeks ago. I took her and her bunny to the vet, and stayed with her for a little bit after I drove her home, but then I had to go home to continue doing homework. She told me last week when she broke up with me that leaving her to do homework really hurt her, but at the time, I thought she was okay with me going to do what I had to do because I already tried to do as much as I could for her.

 

I have really mixed feelings about what to do. I fluctuate between wanting to talk to her and feeling like we cannot be together anymore. When I feel like I need to talk to her, sometimes I can't help it but try to call her. I talked to her on the phone very briefly a few days ago. It was basically small talk. Then, when I tried to call her yesterday, she just would not pick up. I am also close to her older sister, and her sister told me today that my ex thinks we might be able to get back together, but my ex just might not want to rush back into things. Also, her sister told me that my ex is okay with me calling her, it is just when I try to call her on FaceTime that she feels awkward.

 

She has been my closest and almost only friend for the time that I have been dating her. I have not been seeing my friends as much, and going to a big university is starting to make me feel lonely. Also, since many of my friends were female, I almost have not seen them at all since I started dating my ex because she was not comfortable with me hanging out with girls.

 

I feel like I want to be with her, but the longer I wait, the more confused I become.

[stillafool]

TBH you are doing the right thing by putting school first. Are you going to be a lawyer? If so you are going to be extremely busy with school and needs a person who understands and wants you to reach your goals. I think you should reconnect with old friends and try to make new ones at uni. I think you should go completely NC with your ex and move on. She has gone NC on you so do the same.

[lawbstar]

It is just that I had a really good thing going before she broke up with me. I felt like I could do everything. I was really focused on everything I needed to do. I was constantly working and doing the things I needed to do (like see her). Then, after she broke up with me, I lost my rhythm.

 

I feel like I am the type of person who really needs someone to go back to at night to talk about my day, to talk about everything I need to work on. I just need someone to be there all the time. Then, after she left, I have just been off. I guess you could say I might have low self esteem and confidence because I need support for me to be able to do well.

 

I am actually studying Computer Science, and I am busy because I really do not want to just pass school. I want to be on the Dean's List every year, and I also work part-time.

 

Also, I feel like I should get myself out there more at university, but I am not very outgoing, and I see myself more as an introvert. I want to come out and make new friends, but I am scared to. However, I do feel that the best thing I can do for this part is just to come out and break out of my shell and try talking to people.

 

By the way, NC means no contact, right?

[SoThatHappened]

Yes, NC means no contact.

 

Here's my advice since I've been in your shoes.

 

You're young. School comes first. The person you're with needs to be able to handle losing some time with you to pursue school. That's it.

 

She's young. If she pursues a college degree, she will realize that you weren't putting her second, necessarily, but that you were looking out for your future.

 

Getting a degree is very important.

 

You're pursuing a degree for your future, which likely includes being able to provide for a wife and family. If she can't see it that way she's blind.

 

If I were you, I'd tell her these things and see what her response is. If she keeps complaining about it, let her go.

 

You're young, working toward a degree, and have nothing tying you down. That's a Trifecta my friend.

 

When I was in college, I got a phone call from a telemarketer asking me to answer a survey. I had time, so I agreed to it.

 

He asked, "Are you single?" Yes

 

"How old are you?" 21.

 

"Any dependents?" No.

 

"Are you in school?" Yes.

 

Then he just stopped, mid-survey, and said, "Man, what I'd give to be you right now. I remember being 21, single, and in college. That was the life."

 

He didn't even complete the survey, but told me to enjoy what I have and drink a beer for him tonight.

 

You're just starting your life. Don't let anyone bring you down or derail your plans. If she's willing to adjust to your life, great. If not, her loss.

[lawbstar]

Thank you for your advice. That really helped me put some things in perspective. I think I still want to be with her, but only if she is willing to come back to me because she broke up with me. I would tell her those things you mentioned and more, but we have not really been in contact since the breakup.

 

I am a sophomore in university, and I feel like I may have been missing out in the university experience because I would always be with her instead of going to parties and meeting new people. I actually avoided people for her because she was not comfortable with me being around other women. I feel like I need to get myself out there more because I am really starting to feel lonely in a big school. The biggest thing keeping me from doing that at the moment is that I am shy, but I guess once I overcome that. In a sense, I will be able to do anything .