rubypixiwoo Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 my ex and I were together on/off for 4 years until last year found out he cheated on me with this other girl not long since we started going long distance due to his new job. They've only been together for 1 year and half, I saw on Instagram and Facebook that they are expecting a child together and since I've found out I'm really depressed and so upset about it. During our 4 years he always treated me badly with all his lies and excuses. It upsets me to think just after 3 months meeting her they were in a relationship, treating her well and now having a baby in short space of time. Why would this happen, was I not good enough for him? They've only been together for a year whereas I've known him for 4 years back then, why her? Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I assume you never married him... since you mentioned him treating you badly most of your years together, why believe there is something about you that is the root cause? To me he used you as a stepping stone, so be angry and never fall for a man that can't treat you with respect and love you properly. Stop thinking why... start believing in yourself and find enjoyment in life in general, so you are ready and willing to accept being accepted as a woman, when you find the right man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 You don't actually know that he's treating her well. All you know is that she's pregnant. You don't even really know that it's his. Social media shows the good stuff. Very few people post the bad stuff; it's bragging not the truth. I just had my high school reunion. One friend had been all over social media with his wife & kids. Lots of happy family pictures. They looked perfect. Then one day earlier this year . . . poof his pages were gone. A few months ago he came back . . . different screen name (still his but different); relationship status says Ask; no pictures of the wife anywhere (even though there had been hundreds) & he doesn't post very often. Page now looks like a way for him & his kids to share photos. We were all flabbergasted. From the outside they looked like they had the happiest marriage ever. None of us know the real story & that's OK because it's private. But my point to you is that social media is an illusion. For your own sanity, block him from everything & stop being a masochist & hurting yourself by looking. Go out & live your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire13 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 It's true, people can construct whatever image they like on social media. However, I know it's not nice to hear, but maybe their relationship is less volatile than yours because they're more compatible? If he's showing his decent side with this new girl, it maybe because they get along better. My ex and I were AWFUL to each other towards the end of our relationship - that's why it's always healthier to get out of a bad relationship, than to keep flogging a dead horse. If he is indeed an a**hole through and through, try and be the bigger person and be glad that he's seems to suppressing that side thus far and so another poor girl hasn't had to deal with crap that you've had to, especially if she has a baby on the way. I know it's torturous to see an ex happy with someone else...even if you block them on social media, info can still seep through and I completely understand how hard it is to resist the urge to check their open social media profiles. But it's good to keep yourself occupied, try new things and hang out with your friends.... I'm sure you'll meet someone yourself soon. Trust me, I have a very limited social life, and one reason why I kept holding onto my last relationship is because I knew how difficult it is to find someone that you have amazing chemistry with. Three months after that relationship ended, I met a guy randomly that I clicked with... sure, we didn't end up in a relationship or anything (bad timing) but I probably had more in depth conversations with this guy in the short time that we spoke than I did with my ex! Compatibility is so important and it's refreshing when you meet someone more on your wavelength. All of a sudden the ex that I was so hung up on didn't seem so great. So dress up, go out and be sociable - it'll not only boost your self-esteem, but you never know who'll you meet. And trust me, you will find someone else you're just as crazy about - I hate that I've collected a few exes over the years, but it's given me faith that you can always meet someone else that you're really into. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Hi rubypixiwoo, And I am sorry you are hurting over this. It upsets me to think just after 3 months meeting her they were in a relationship, treating her well and now having a baby in short space of time. Errr, reality check, who says that he IS treating her well ?? People don't change (unless they spend time in therapy/counselling and self examination - does that sound like your ex? no, I didn't think so) so your ex is still the same person, with the same coping strategies, the same tendency to lie etc etc. You should thank your lucky stars that he is now her problem, not yours. What you need to do, IMO, is think about why you allowed yourself to be bamboozled by a mans lies and bad behaviour for so long? Next time, set the bar higher, and don't accept lies or any other bad behaviour. Don't be afraid to say " I deserve better than that" and walk away. Good luck. PS And forget about all this FB cr@p. No-one ever posts bad stuff there so it's all an illusion really. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Rubypixiwoo, the question you should be asking is, " Why did I stay with a man who treated me bad for 4 years?" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 give it time ruby.. he will treat her badly too.. You need to move on from this, his life is a changing and you are not part of that any longer. Stop all contact with him, block and delete his from your phone and all social media.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubypixiwoo Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 When we were on/off, long distance in 2010 I was pregnant and had his baby. But he never knew about it. I told him I went travelling.... I was only 21, I was worried he would tell me to get an abortion or blame me for ruining his life. Once baby arrived I was never ready to tell him with the relationship on/off, him being unreliable. Tilly is now 4. This is why it hurts so much to see him treating that girl so nice and that they are so happy with baby on way through Facebook, Instagram. What am I going to do??? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 rubypixiwoo, Whoooaaaa! We need to rewind here. You have thrown some other information into the mix that changes things completely. You chose to have a baby with a man when you were in a long distance relationship and then decided to keep it a secret from him. This was not fair to him and not fair to your daughter. The question is what you want to do about it now? He has a right to know about his daughter and she has a right to know about her father. This new baby is a half-sibling to your daughter and has a right to know that they exist. Did you put this man's name on the birth certificate? I think you need to speak with a lawyer that deals with family law to see just what your position is with regard to these paternity issues.. I certainly cannot advise you what to do, which is why I suggested getting some professional advice here Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
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