losther215 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Hey, so this is my first time posting on a website like this. I've been to enotalone.com and loveshack.com and scoured the internet for ways to get my exgirlfriend back, get over my exgirlfriend, or understand my current break up. Let me tell you about my story, I apologize if it is a little long. So I met my girlfriend in my junior year of college in 2010. She is an artist and I am a Medical student. She has always stated that she doesnt want kids and I was never sure. This topic will come up later. We've been together for 4 years. We've had some up and downs. 2 summers ago she was going to a glass camp in seattle and i was going to europe and we both decide dona mutual break. I quickly decided I did NOT want a break but she felt like she needed one to experience other guys since we were our firsts. She ended up having sex with another guy but then he ended up leaving her for another girl. The whole summer I was so distraught with the news and couldnt take it. I begged her to stop. I went no contact because she felt like it was best for around a month. At the end of the summer we got back together after our trips. It was great. Until the thoughts thhat we had to break up again crept into my head that she didnt want kids and I did. I told her I thought we should break up after new years. We did for 4 days but then realized that it was a mistake. From January to May I was studying for my boards and she was stressed out about her Senior year. We still made things work but I also slowly started to pull away again for fear we wouldnt be happy together due to kids. I made some small mistakes like not helping her out with her senior show although i was quite busy studying myself. I broke up with her without much resistance from her which i wish she did stop me now. She left for the same summer camp for her art work. I bugged her all summer to get back with me 4 days after she left but she said it felt like the decision was final. She seemed like she had emotionally checked out already. I continued to pursue her all summer until she finally told me she had met someone else... IT KILLED ME. to know she was intimate with another guy. I went 2 weeks no contact til I wrote her a letter/begged/tried to do FWB/ hook up with her/ pleaded/desperate thing/ texting until she finally stopped responding a week ago. She said she didnt see us ending up together anymore. I've been reading books to help move on and what not. I KNOW I need to move on but I DONT WANT TO. Not yet atleast. IDK what i am holding out hope for, but she has straight up told me its never going to happen. She is still with this guy who lives across the country and they are doing LDR. What should i do now besides NC AND MOVE ON???? Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 What you can do now - other than NC, and moving on (which you should be doing) is realizing that you both have different life goals. Kids are a deal-breaker. I can relate to this, as I don't want kids, and my ex did. He ended up breaking up with me. At first, I resisted it, I considered changing myself to make the relationship work - but these are important decisions. If you are forced upon some decision that you are ultimately against, you will end up resenting your partner, and yourself. It's not worth it, and just prolongs the inevitable. You're a medical student, you must have lots going on. Focus on that, get out and exercise, distract yourself - do what needs to be done, but let her go. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author losther215 Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 Hey thanks for the response! I know I am trying to focus on the things I have going for me but I still think about her ~90% of the day and am always reading these forums and searching the internet for stuff to read. The thing about the kids issue is that I didn't know if I wanted kids or not. I never got to think about it. As we all know, society in general WANTS to have kids. All of my friends and family want kids. People who want kids tend to judge people who dont want kids in my opinion. Either way, I kind of had it drilled in me by friends and family that I wanted kids when I never thought about it for sure. Im 24 and shes 23. I dont think it was a good reason to break up right now... Also I have thought about it and realized I could be happy without kids because I am sacrificing so much of my life to school and my career now, I actually wouldnt mind having kids. I know you might think im changing my mind for her but im not! Anyways, She is with her LDR right now and the last time we talked was a huge blow up. She didnt seem like she cared to ever talk to me again and I told her I was mad at her for blocking me. I guess NC and moving is all I have. Thanks for listening though! Its funny how everyone thinks their relationship is different but in reality, everyone who posts on these things have SO MANY similarities. I cant help but think what couldve been a great future and relationship for us... sigh.. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I can't wait until you graduate medical school and become a doctor making those big bucks, because then, you'll be able to afford some paragraphs, and your stories will be much, much, much easier to read. Link to post Share on other sites
Author losther215 Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 hahaha that actually made me laugh. Yes, writing is not my strong point, science is! Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 You just have to remember that whether you think her LDR is valid or not, she's still going through with it. There's a reason for that, and why she blocked you, you know this, you just have to admit it to yourself. It is difficult initially, but trust me and everyone else who will tell you that it does get better. You'll just have to give it time. And just as we have so many similarities with relationships, and break ups - we share similarities in recovery. I'm sure you have seen those posts too, try adopting some of the suggestions offered: exercising, journaling, new activities, hanging out with friends, etc. You will recover. It's time you start focusing on you - better yourself. The pleading, the obsessing, that won't help you in the long run. If you must think about her/your relationship with her, think about where you can improve; this will help you in future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Sorry that you are having such a hard time, but NC (nom contact) is the best. She's your first love, so you don't know what's on the other side of recovery. You're not alone, we've all been through this type of pain. Hang in there. Keep busy. And with time, your grief will subside and you'll feel happy again. Just think, as a doctor, how important it will be to have experienced this type of pain when you'll treat patients who might share some of their own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sm2281 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 sometimes things dont work out between two people because of circumstances..... Im sorry sucks. atm contemplating a breakup Link to post Share on other sites
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