my exgirlfriend left me for another man

[trey]

Please help so confused what i need to do ex girlfriend of 5 years left a month ago for another guy. I'm sorry if this is long but i really need good advice.

 

Hello everyone I am new to this board and would like to share my story. I was in a 5 year relationship and lived with her for 4 years. In the start of the relationship we were in love and expressed it all the time. When she moved in even the love was still there and it lasted probably for 3 years then there in a sense some arguing fights not all the time but on average a couple a month. I would say horrible things as would she however I do think I went overboard in things I said to her but not in every fight.

 

I will admit that I drank alcohol too much however in the last 2 years I really stopped and have only really drank on weekends. I was never a lush when it came to drinking she just didn’t want me to drink at all. There were never any alcohol incidents in the reasons we fought we fought over small ridiculous things and I think mainly because we lived in a small apartment for 4 years but even if I had a few beers after work she would yell at me for it. The sex was good at times however sometimes non existant towards the end as I wasn’t really into it with her it became kind of boring and my attraction to her at times was not there. She never tried to be sexy seemed she was only dressed up when she went to work.

 

All in all she was my best friend though and we got along 80 percent of the time I would say. We just started disconnecting towards the end I just felt we were becoming more of just friends. But as I said we were in love for a long time up until 6 months to a year ago I think the living in small place and always spending time with her was breaking us. And she would say things like I want to grow old with you and marry you even saying these things just a few months ago.

 

In any case I really love her but here is what happened. 2 months ago we went to a concert she was talking to a guy at the concert while I was dancing I thought it was just friendly talk. Come to find out she exchanged numbers with him and a week later she told me she was going to Baltimore to visit a friend that I knew she had there when all along she went to see him. Even the week before she went she was disconnecting and acting strange to me. So she went came back after that weekend she said Im breaking up I need to move on and I need to pack my stuff and leave. She hadn’t admitted to the guy yet. I found out by seeing her phone that she was talking to him and met him and told her to just leave right away.

 

So she did and for few days we didn’t talk she claimed he was just a friend that she was at her friends and met him through her on a date and she didn’t even like him like that. So this was 5 weeks ago and the first week she had actually called me 2 times I did text her asking to talk and I wanted some closure this went on for a few weeks where I would text and she would ignore but at the same time she would call me on her own account at least 5 times herself. On week 4 she agreed to meet because I was gonna give her shirts she had left and I was going to walk her to the train station from her work (I live in NYC) so as soon as we see each other we hug kiss and hold hands she did as well and was very into me as I was her. We end up going out to eat and being very affectionate.

 

She says I should date still she said she is talking to someone she didn’t say that guy she just said someone else. But all in all throughout the month ive told her I will change my attitude I need to treat her better and to be honest I was going to I was going to do whatever it took because I love her. I needed to just better myself get in shape which in a month I have. I told her I was sorry for everything I never meant the hurtful things I said and I didn’t I just said them in the arguments. The next day I texted her I said last night was great she said I know. I then try to talk to her on the phone at night she ignores me. Next day I meet her to walk her (this is in 3 day span last week Mon to wed) to work and she says im sorry to send mix signals I am confused and emotional and when I saw you I thought of the good times but I just need time for myself. I in a sense begged her to come back or atleast just take a break and still talk.

 

She said she just wanted to be friends. This time she wasn’t affectionate and just kissed me on cheek when she saw me. At the end I said goodbye like I was never gonna see her and she said wait what about me and then hugged me kissed me on the lips. So I didn’t text or call for 3 days she texted me in 3 days and just said have a good weekend. I tried to text her Saturday she ignored me and 1 time asking why shes ignoring me Sunday and she still did. Finally Monday came she texted me I asked if I could just meet for coffee. She said she couldn’t Monday but she texted me back a little. So Tuesday came and I texted her trying to just be friendly no more begging back and she texted back. However I have to admit Ive checked her facebook its blocked but I can see her profile pics and there is a pic of her and the guy together.

 

I lost it at that point I said you really hurt me my heart dropped how could you be so quick to do this its only been 5 weeks and you’ve been in a 5 year relationship. She tells me to just chill calm down Im sorry for hurting you. I then left work because I lost it I just needed to walk. I asked her to just talk to me in person. She met me after work I didn’t touch her I said how could you do this she said I know I shouldn’t have put the pic up I just need to move on from you. I said what about Friday you know that wasn’t just us being friends she said I know I was just emotional it was an emotional night. It was a 15 min walk and at the end she just said give me a hug and I almost couldn’t I did and she left. Anger then set in with me because im sorry but it felt like shes led me on all month like ive been a backup in case this guy didn’t work out.

 

He probably makes more money than me (Dentist) and she sees him every weekend as he lives 4 hours from her. In any case the same day she called me we talked for an hour I was wondering why she called I told her why sex was bad I told her I just lost attraction to her at times our talk was just about the sex and about a little of us and me saying things like why did you leave and her really not responding so I just tried to make friendly talk. So I ask her to call me later she ignores me probably because now shes talking to him on the phone. I got pissed thinking of him and it all and how she did this behind my back so I did something childish I couldn’t message the guy on facebook to tell him about last week how she was all over me so I messaged the guys sister and told her that your brother is dating a girl who basically is a cheater she did this to her last ex for me and she cheated on me at the beggingning even though we were kind of dating for 5 months she still did it behind my back.

 

Anway I told her that she was kissing me Monday and I showed a pic of the text and said take it how you want. The sister never responded back nor did I expect. The next day yesterday my girlfriend called me and said im crazy I crossed the line im harassing her and his family. She said im the one whos texted and called her I told her I have the records of you calling me. She said the only reason shes called me is because im crazy and she didn’t want me to do something crazy. She then said leave me alone or im calling the cops ill get a restraining order.

 

So my question is what do you all think of this? Did she say that out of anger? Will she last with this guy? You may ask why wouldn’t I move on but I thought we had such good times together and im confused the whole last week thing made it worse. Did I do anything to affect her relationship with the guy? That was my only intention. Will she ever call me again or forgive me even to be a friend? Why do you think she even has called me for this month and the incident where she was kissing me last week? That had to mean something right? Was I being used as a backup. I think she sees a better future with this guy with more money and no drinking sober lifestyle and maybe she couldn’t see that with me. As far as the guy being better looking I am not in no way bragging but I do think im a better looking guy.

 

Id probably be more worse and jealous if he was better looking. Im sorry every one im just so confused by her to post a pic on her facebook 5 weeks into meeting this guy on the weekends is weird to me especially after a 5 year relationship I guess it shows me who she is. How can I truly move on and why has she done what she did this last month I really felt lead on. Why didn’t she just say from the start a month ago that she is seeing someone and that she wants to not talk to me? She told me because she didn’t want to hurt me or that I was crazy and I would message the guy. But why did she do what she did making out with me last week then decide to post the picture on facebook didn’t she think that would hurt me worse? Yes I would want her back that’s why I sent the message to begin with thinking it would turn the guy away but I don’t know if what I did made it worse then winning her back later. I know about the no contact rule but as I said she initiated phone calls with me.

 

Now we havent talked for 2 days i feel really bad i said bad things i probably could have been more affectionate to her and better she wasnt great all the time either but i just thought after 5 years we could work it out and make things better and still hope maybe after she hasnt talked to me for a while maybe she will start to feel feelings of missing me do you think?

 

 

 

Thanks for your help everyone.

Edited September 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[No Limit]

Go NC. Don't try to contact her ever again; let her go. She may come back after her new guy leaves her, but I suggest you don't take her back then.

 

 

Get your manhood back, you can do better than a cheater.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you need to move on from this. You said it yourself, she's a cheater. She cheated on you while you were in a relationship with her and she's cheating on her new man with you. Run for the hills, dude.

 

 

So, you want to know what's going on? Okay, dude lives 4 hours away and isn't available to her 24/7. So, she contacts you. She had the best of both worlds. She had you to fill her emotional needs, playing you because she knew you still desired her. Thus, giving her an ego boost. And she had her physical needs met by this other dude when she see's him on the weekends. So, how is that fair to you?

 

 

Well, you shouldn't have a hard time going no contact with her after the stunt you pulled. She scrambling trying to do damage control with this new guy and she's probably already taken care of that. She probably has him convinced that you are a butt hurt and jealous Ex that's hell bent on breaking them up. She already fixed that problem, but she won't make that mistake again. She now feels that any contact with you will result in you trying to dime her out to her new man. Don't you just love how she'll jump through fire to save what she has with him, but throws you under the bus? Time to move on.

 

 

You need to start making positive changes to your life. You need to not contact her anymore. And if there's a slim chances in hell she tries to contact you? IGNORE IT!!! DO NOT RESPOND!!

 

 

Make your life adventurous. Travel, get out of there as much as possible. Go see the world. You never know who you'll meet along the way. Go to the gym, work off those frustrations and stress. Plus, if you eat right and get plenty of sleep, you'll be working towards that rock hard and ripped bod that girls love! Get new hobbies And join clubs around there. GET MOVING!!!

[johnson_j]

Wow, just wow. That's a bummer man. That girl sounds like trouble and trust me I know how hard it is for you right now. That was not cool texting the new man's little sister, but it should be a warning sign for the new guy and if anything he should thank you for it. But Don't do that again. I highly doubt anything you've done is worthy of a restraining order though.

 

 

Let me tell you this - I had a girl do a similar situation about 10 years ago. Was with a new guy overnight everything changed. I did the usual begging/pleading, and after a while just gave up. Suddenly the new guy, who was so much better than I, was out of the picture and she was talking how she made a mistake, etc wanted to work it out. I said "no". Last I heard from her just a few years back her marriage had failed and she would wait for me until the "end of time". Hell she's the one who screwed it up, just like your ex. You'll be fine. BLOCK HER.

[trey]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I dont know why it is that i want her back so much maybe its the loneliness i dont know she lived with me for 4 years and she was my life and like i said we did have great times . As far as the cheating i mean was it she found him and left right away i mean she didnt do it for weeks behind my back? i said bad things like find someone else and really bad things i shouldnt have when we fought i told her i never meant them which i didnt i just said them out of anger but i think i did push her away in the end which is why i blame myself. In anycase yes i am doing no contact but i just had to send her an email today which i did below because she has my family members on her instagram and i asked her to remove them so they dont see pics of her new BF but she hasnt so i wrote this:

 

Im truly sorry for sending the message . I'm not texting or calling you just please block my family from Instagram I know this because she follows me and i see you follow them and they follow you. I messed up it was childish I shouldn't have sent the sister the message even though it was the truth. I should have kept a friendship with you I was just upset of how this all happened at the concert and how quick you claimed him after 5 years then 5 weeks later you have a whole new life and his pic on your facebook its bizzare and yeah i did want him to break it off with you I'm sorry.

 

I care for you and want the best for you. You deserve better and once I was it somehow my good intentions just got up and get. If you think after your weekends he's the one good for you and him I know we had love but I am and will move on I even met someone yesterday so it helped. I do want to know how your life is regardless of our relationship and fights you know we care and had love for eachother so that's all I'm saying. I'll let you email me next if you want i would hope you find it in your heart to atleast still care for one another even though i upset you i really emailed because my family. i dont need them seeing pics of your new BF that's not fair. Yeah i texted alot but you called me too so don't say I'm crazy cause you will see I'm moving forward I'm only saying keep in touch as a friend we had 5 years together. Bye

 

 

My question is do you think that this relationship she is having will last and also is it a rebound? being that she found the guy a week before she left me basically she met him at the concert they talked texted for a week and then she met him and left. I think i was treating her like **** there was a drinking incident one time where i was a lush at a party but 1 time in years . I think that all in all it was my fault but at the same time she was bad to with everything complained alot about little things even laundry i almost felt like i was the homemaker lol at times. She read my email but didnt respond i doubt she will. Thanks again sorry i am trying to man up but this is the first serious relationship and longest ive been in which is why its hard and there were very good times together i just think towards the end we lost touch. wish she could have told me she was upset.

Edited September 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Natsu21]

You sound new to this.

 

Welcome to the world of women.

 

No. 1 Rule of Dating: Watch what they do, not what they say.

 

No. rule 2 of dating: If a woman checks out of a relationship and calls a break, it's over. Move on.

 

No. 3 rule of dating: Women don't like men who are doormats, which is what you are. Being sweet to her while she's walking all over you is the very definition.

 

No. 4 rule of dating: Move on when necessary.

 

And most of all. Have fun.

 

If you're not getting anything out of the deal that you want, MOVE ON!

[No Limit]

Watch what they do, not what they say.

 

Keep this line in mind outside of dating, too.

[Chi townD]

Im truly sorry for sending the message . I'm not texting or calling you just please block my family from Instagram I know this because she follows me and i see you follow them and they follow you. I messed up it was childish I shouldn't have sent the sister the message even though it was the truth. I should have kept a friendship with you I was just upset of how this all happened at the concert and how quick you claimed him after 5 years then 5 weeks later you have a whole new life and his pic on your facebook its bizzare and yeah i did want him to break it off with you I'm sorry. I care for you and want the best for you. You deserve better and once I was it somehow my good intentions just got up and get. If you think after your weekends he's the one good for you and him I know we had love but I am and will move on I even met someone yesterday so it helped. I do want to know how your life is regardless of our relationship and fights you know we care and had love for eachother so that's all I'm saying. I'll let you email me next if you want i would hope you find it in your heart to atleast still care for one another even though i upset you i really emailed because my family. i dont need them seeing pics of your new BF that's not fair. Yeah i texted alot but you called me too so don't say I'm crazy cause you will see I'm moving forward I'm only saying keep in touch as a friend we had 5 years together. Bye

 

 

 

 

 

Wow...really?!?!?

 

 

Dude, I know you're hurting and not in a good way. But, I need you to open your eyes. That was pathetic. First off, contacting her because you want her to unfollow your family members? That's a weak ass excuse to contact her, especially when all you had to do was ask your family members to unfollow her! That's YOUR family! They are more invested in you than they are in her. If they know what's going on and see that you're hurting. Take a scientific wild ass guess where their loyalties are going to lie. Blood is thicker than water.

 

 

Second, YOU ARE NOT HER FRIEND!!!! I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a 5 year relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you are nothing than a really good friend to her. So, what do you expect to happen with this friendship? You expect to grab some coffee and catch up and then have her tell you that she has to go and meet up with her boyfriend for dinner? Or you can meet up at the sports bar with them! You at one end of the bar and them a few seats down from you and she's pressed into this guy, smiling and giggling at the things he's whispering into her ear? Would that be cool with you? I mean, you are "friends" and all....nothing more....shouldn't be a problem. Dude, you are not her friend.

 

 

Sorry dude. But that email was a bit immature and pointless. The best thing you can do is BE SILENT!!! Your silence would have spoken VOLUMES. When you don't say anything, you give her NOTHING! That email comes across as bitter, angry, accusing and childish. Do you know what she's saying right now? "wow, if Trey is going to act like this, I'm glad I got rid of his ass. Who needs that sh*t? I got a man that wouldn't say half the crap he just threw out there!" You just gave her an excuse to forgive herself for what she did to you.

 

 

When you stay NC, when you don't respond to ANYTHING you give her nothing. She knows she did you wrong, she know that what she did was evil and underhanded. And sooner or later, she would have started to feel guilty about it. See, most women HATE the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a good person. So, she HAS been reaching out to you to see if that was the case. We call them breadcrumbs. The little "Hi! How are you?" or "Have a nice weekend!". Those aren't for your benefit or an indication that she wants you back. She's gaging how much you hate her! If you respond back as if everything was cool, she could say to herself, "Oh look! We broke up and Trey and I are still good and I have a new relationship! I guess the break up wasn't such a bad thing afterall!" You just gave her a reason to ease her guilt. When you are silent, you give her nothing! She has no idea where your head is at. She doesn't know if you're happy or sad. She doesn't know if your laughing or crying, in pain or okay or even if you don't give a damn. She has no idea. Then, she'll have no choice but to hold onto that guilt.

 

 

We want our ex's to hold onto their guilt. Not because we are trying to be cruel. We want them to learn from their guilt. We want to show them that they can't treat people the way she treated you and expect people to be okay with it!

 

 

Dude, from now on! NC! If you want to vent, vent here! People will be here to help you through. Stop contacting her.

Edited September 19, 2014 by Chi townD

[oldshirt]

-living together with no future plans or discussions of marriage.

 

- history of alcohol abuse.

 

- history of verbal abuse.

 

- Your own admission of losing attraction for her and lackluster sex life.

 

If you are not familiar with the term "responsive desire" look it up.

Women have a hundred times more intuition and emotional intelligence than men. In her core, she felt you weren't into her and had no real future plans with her and were just keeping her around for some help with the rent and as a sperm relief depository. Whether you agree with it or whether it is even true or not is irrelevant, she felt it and women go by feel.

 

She fell out of love with you and lost attraction for you because you weren't into her. You keeping repeating "5 years" like it means something...it doesn't. If it's a dead relationship, why should she be obligated to stay for another minute.

 

The reason she connected with this guy so fast and their relationship took off so fast was she has disconnected with you a long time ago and she was just marking time untill the next one came along and then she did the monkey-swing to him.

 

Whether their relationship lasts or not is also irrelevant because yours is dead and now that she has had new life breathed into her, she's going to keep looking for someone new and won't be back.

 

This is over. Stop being a psycho-stalker and move on. Fix yourself up and get out and start doing new things and meeting fun people.

 

You don't have to hate her or feel ill will against her, just walk away and leave her alone to live her life in peace.

[sly_fly1]

well im going to tell you this and read closley. my first girlfriend who is my baby momma left me for another man after 5 years. she dumped him a month later for another man. and got married n pregnant with his kid 4 months after that. trying to be civil and have equality went out the window. now over 4 years later i am fighting in court still for my rights. i am not sure if you have a child. but if you do not ,. then thank god that bitch is out of your life. my ex is costing me so much money. its getting out of control.

 

next my current girlfriend left me for another man. situation slightly different. we started drifting apart because of my ex gf screwing with my life so much. she couldnt take it anymore and niether could i. i was so stressed from court i started turning into an *******. and she was so stressed from living back at home and us always arguing that she looked for a way out. as did i , she left with the first guy she saw. i was broken hearted, but i was more mad about my baby mom. months went on and me and my current gf realized how much we really did love eachother. there was nothing more than what we had ,. you know its real when you can stare into eachothers eyes and know what eachothers thinking. so i got her back

 

down side. im still dealing with my baby mom.

 

life is ****ed and the system and women and everything,. its a mess. once my courts done n over with, im going to renounce my canadian citizen ship and move the **** out of here.

[trey]

Thanks again everyone. I just wanted to give an uppdate to this story. so first off the reason i cant call my family is the fact that its not really my close family where i can just call them up. its my step moms niece and sister. i dont talk to them i dont want to have to tell my step mom to call them to have them unfollow i thought that she could simply just block them and that would be it. So as i said i sent the email Friday she then responded Saturday at midnight to my email saying

her: take care.

me: im just telling you sorry for sending the message

her:whatever whocares.

me: ok whatever that means.

her: glad you found someone

me: dating someone and finding someone are 2 different things im glad u did too

her: finding someone and seeing someone are 2 different things

me: well have fun!

 

So that was it and i left it alone then monday she still didnt block the instagram and i am telling you its not an excuse to contact her i dont want my basically 12 year old niece that doesnt even know yet we broke up to just see pics of her and this new guy. So Monday night (i havent texted or called her) i sent an email saying please block them i dont know how many times i have to ask. she then said ok i will. i said thank you you dont have to hate me im trying to just be cordial here. She then sent me a picture of herself, then she said sorry i was never good enough. where are you? i said thats not true i said mean things out of anger. she then said i know what you think of me. I then asked how she was she asked me i said good actually. Then 40 min later after i tried to keep the converstation going she started to play the ignore game and ignored me did say ok have to go she just flat out ignored me. i then ended the conversation by saying please just block them i dont get why your ignoring me its so nice you in puppy love what you could talk to me an hour ago now your on the phone with your new guy because now hes emotionally available to you so you can ignore me. she then just said nite and she never blocked them .

 

So what is this all about why did she even message me back especially like a cute pic of herself? is she trying to make me feel bad? im lost.

 

and to old shirt : i actually enjoyed what you said you seem right i did discuss a plan for marriage though and a future i told her as far as sex that she never dressed up or tried to be sexy. she never was one to talk out any issues she just let them build up inside. if she could have came out and said her are the issues lets fix them i would have gladly. but i agree with when you say she lost love because maybe she felt i wasnt in to her. i was i think we just maybe needed a break so i could get healthy which in the last month i really have ive lost 30 pounds in 5 weeks and look and feel great. My intention would be to start to see her again her and there and talk again to see if we could work this out. i want her to see a change in me and see i can be a different more postive person when im healthy and in shape.

[frigginlost]

Seriously dude, she is playing you big time. I know it's hard and it sucks, but you are literally placing the target on your chest and screaming "aim here".

 

Stop talking to her. About anything. It is so blatant obvious that she knows she did wrong, and you are allowing her to wean herself off you.

 

This is gonna sound mean, and please forgive me, but you need to hear it:

 

You sound absolutely pathetic when you talk to her. There is not a woman alive who could respect you after reading what you have said.

 

Get your self respect, your dignity, and your man card back. IGNORE her. Your silence will scream 10 fold that she blew it and allow her time to fight herself on the decisions she has made.

[Smarty Pants]

You are both being immature. Stop talking to each other and stop the bleeding. It's going to get worse if you two keep speaking to each other, trust me.

[trey]

as far as talking we really havent i mean the one time last week i did and suprisingly she spoke to me after i told her early that i lost attraction towards her physically i really said it out of anger that was the day i saw the profile pic of her and the new guy. But even when she talked to me she couldnt really talk about much it was quick and she didnt really say anything. it was more of a friendly type visit on the phone. Moving forward i am going to not contact her and as far as an update i emailed her today just saying that all i wanted was for her to block my family again which she still didnt and i dont know why. Then i said i dont know why she just cant talk like an adult. i mean is it so bad to just have a 30 min conversation about everything like where shes really going with everything why she sent me mixed signals?? i mean look are all woman like this yes this is my first seriously relationship in my 20s i dated short times didnt care to be serious. But why can she just not be an adult and talk once. if i had one good talk and she said this is how it is i would acccept it im sorry but shes sent me mixed signals. Also she removed the pic of her new boy toy i dont know if that means they broke up now or not i dont even care im just trying to get clarity from her. The ignoring part i dont get one day she texts little things and previously 3 weeks ago calling to say i love you 2 weeks ago making out with me i mean what the hell am i suppose to think? Is she bi polar? or she just doesnt know what she wants? i always thought she might be because of serious mood swings. So in anycase after today im staying away. Do i want her back yeah lol but first i only wanted to try to slowly talk to her again to see where we are both at. she just left called me here and there texted me saw me made out with me messaged me the other day and last night saying sorry i wasnt good enough for you with a cute pic. i mean come on is this normal? Ladies? she is 34 shouldnt she be able to call me on the phone and i want nothing to do with you i hate you yadi yada??

[frigginlost]

Yes it is all normal.

 

She is weaning herself off you and you are allowing it.

 

Stop talking to her.

[BulgarianBoy]

FIRST AND FOREMOST STOP ALL CONTACT WITH HER FOR A WHILE. No matter how hard it is, just f****ing do it. All the others that have posted are right you need to go NC for a while. This will achieve 2 things:

 

1. Will make you calm down a little, and it will force you to act upon yourself.

2. It will cause her to calm down as well. Right now she sees you as needy and clingy, both of which are qualities that no girl likes and will ultimately prevent you from EVER getting her back. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. Do NOT get into the what I call "unrecoverable zone".

 

I can definitely tell you why she is acting that way and I do know what the exact reason for your break up is. However, explaining it here will take too long plus you have to grasp it for yourself. There is a book a read after my girlfriend broke up with me that taught me a lot. Above else, it taught me what the reason for the break up was and it made me realize what I need to do before I can get into another relationship. It forced me to change myself and to become a better man and a better person.

 

The book is called "How to Be a 3% Man, Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams" by Corey Wayne. Search it on Amazon or download it off of the internet, I don't care. YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE. AFTER YOU READ IT, READ IT AGAIN. THEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU READ IT, READ IT AGAIN.

 

From what I can tell, you both had MAJOR issues in the relationship. If you want there to be even a slight chance of reconciliation, you need to realize the things YOU are doing wrong and fix them, or you will never be able to get her back or get any woman that you really love. The book I suggested really helped me to do this for myself, and trust me I was in a hole for a while.

 

AGAIN, DO NOT CONTACT HER. LET HER GO FOR A WHILE. Trust me, even if she hates you now, there will be a moment when she will no longer hate you or the hate will be less and she will not ignore her when you text her, but before that happens, you need to let her chill. The more you contact her with your emails, texts, phone calls, the more she gets pissed and you are only making the bridge between you two bigger!

 

READ THE BOOK before you do anything else in this situation, trust me you will not go wrong!!!

[trey]

ok thanks everyone i might as well close out this thread. after the last email i sent i did send another one she called me then last night first saying what are these messages about but she called to her my voice. otherwise she wouldnt she have just responded to the messages. she said i love you even , she said something about our sex life and what i said. she said i sounded sexy lol i said would you see me and really saying that because yes id rather see her to talk face to face then trying messages and texting . she said maybe in a month or 2 and i said come with me to my friends band this weekend she said ill see. she was drinking wine so maybe it was a drunk dial. she seemed to have broke it off with the new guy but l dont think that means anything now she would come back to me nor did i ever even think that i just wanted to see them break off for the simple fact of what happend at the concert that initiated us breaking up to begin with. she then hung up said i love you talk to you later. lol yeah i know no contact lol

 

All of this is very confusing but i look at it like this she loves me i love her she doesnt trust that i would change my ways with alcohol and she thinks that there would be no future with us because of that and also the hurtful things i said again that i said out of anger and never meant to say but it sticks in her head. But i know she thinks of the good things and great things about us. In all honesty it really took this to show me deep down the issue with myself for the last 6 weeks ive only drank socially with friends 4 times and not getting drunk. ive worked out alot lost 30 pounds i saw who i was and now who i need to be to better myself and 6 weeks is not long but its put me on the right path. i just wish it didnt take this incident to change me but it did and she probably doesnt believe it. I think when something like this happens (loosing the love of my life) it grabs ahold of me makes me see who i was and tells me i have to change for myself. so if anything it helped me change and get better and i cant see myself going back. i only wanted to show her but she thinks im the boy who cryed wolf. Even if we took space and called it a break not a break up i probably wouldnt have changed but being that its really over i am changing. i looked at my faults and told myself i cant be like that anymore even if she were to come back to me or not i couldnt do this to another woman. But like i said besides that it was not a picnic living with her negative faults as well.

 

With that being said what do you do when you love someone and are willing to forgive them even if they left you for someone else. Its like i didnt even blame her because i knew i had wronged her but if she loved me why did she never talk to me closely or try to really help me? Should she have ? im not blaming her at all but to me love is willing to be there for someone no matter what faults and really work with them to resolve them. why because you love them. Am i wrong here? I doubt i will be seeing her this weekend but i really didnt think i would. Ive been on 2 dates this month to try to see if i could get my mind off of her but they were short out for a drink dates and the woman were just not my type. they even called me after and i said sorry i cant talk because its hard for me to get her off my mind and they just werent fun to talk with. I dont know what the future will bring for me and maybe i will just find someone else who i do connect with but now i just need to keep focusing on me and keep busy with me 6 weeks now and i feel good physically but confused mentally. so ill close with just saying i still love her i probably always will as far as getting back with her i dont know if i could ever trust her i wish she could talk about these things even when we were together seemed she always wanted to talk and complain about her job but of course im just saying that we connected in many other ways and did have good talks. Sexually i think i just needed to get my stamina up lol get healthy and all i ever said was if she just did more for me dressing up even talk dirty to me during it lol it was never the attraction physically it was just those things. i just think we could have fixed our issues very easily if communication was used between us. i miss her and i do love her but it is what it is and i dont know what you all think and why she called me last night and said what she said or what her intentions are but if you know fill me in? but thanks for all the advice as far as now first comes myself and focus on me and who knows what will drift my way or if she will again but i cant change anyones thoughts im done trying to say anything like that i just feel i had alot of regret and just wanted to explain i could change. im just gonna go with the flow from here on out and live my life because i am getting back to doing things that i enjoy doing and meeting new people and playing music again. Thank you all!