Is it G.I.G.S. or rebound or what? :)

[FlyingCartman]

Good day! It is sooo difficult to tell anything, but i really need help. I am 24 years old and my ex-gf is 23 now. We were in relationship for 5 years. Btw, sorry for my bad English, I am russian I have graduated from the university and now working as a programmer. We have never lived together, because we had not enough money for the house. My girlfriend is very clever, she also graduated from the university.

 

We spent almost all time together. By saying all time i really mean ALL time. Because we only had a few friends of mine and we rarely spent time with them. Because we were comfortable by just being together. We understood each other with just one word. She always told that she wants children and to merry, i agreed, but didn't do it saying, that we don't have money for now. She was always saying, that i need to somehow develop our relationship. I said that i am now working, and when the project will be finished, it will be great! I really was going to merry her in about 2-3 months. Because of the reason above we were sometimes arguing, but we never left each other for more then one day.

 

When she was ill, she left our town for the hospital in 2000km away for half of the year. And i went after her and spend 2 month there. It was my first so long journey alone. I am absolutely rational by my life. I like everything to be thought about. And to have a plan for everything. In the end of August her mother went to another city for 10 days and i lived with her. It was amazing, amazing sex, amazing time(btw, i was her first sexual partner), but, unfortunately a stranger was coming to her work and spent some time with her. She works alone in the office(i found this job for her) and she is sometimes bored.

 

I was not against him, because she was saying, that he is stupid, but funny and she can have nothing with him. He sent her 75 roses. She was happy, but said, that he is an idiot to spend such amounths of money for just flowers. She was just laughing and saying - he is stupid and there was nothing cool in him. And after a week she told me that something happened to her and she suddenly got mad on him. They went to the cimena and after that he kissed her. I definitly know, that she knows him for just a week. There were no relations between them before. He is ABSOLUTELY opposite to me. He even didn't finish school. He is not her type. We are opposite in all aspects. Everything you can imagine is different in us. I can't say, that he is bad and i am good.

 

He is good in working with his hands and i am good at working with brains. We wear different cloths, we have different goals and so on. She sais, that she loves me, but wants him :/ It is some kind of madness she says. She says, that he gives her all i didn't give. She didn't tell me that she breaks up with me. She said, that she needs to come down and smth like make a choice. She said, that my slowliness for all this years was killing her and he is just a guy, who is not clever, she doesn't love him, but she feels like a princess. She said, that he is not her type. He was asking to merry her and to make children :/ She kissed with me after 2 months of relationship and she kissed him after 3 or 4th meeting.

 

Now she is ****ing making massage to him. She said that she wanted to break up or smth like this, but she was afraid to be alone. I was talking to her for some time and was coming to her house. But when i realized, that she gets best from both worlds, i said, that i can't hold it and asked for no contact. She was crying, that it makes my chances low to return her, but then she said, that she is afraid to lose me if we won't contact. I went no contact, but we are going to go to the theatre on the 4th of October as i already bought tickets a pair of weeks ago. She moved on so fast with someone ABSOLUTELY not her type.

 

When i said, that he doesn't know her and that she will eat him for breakfast during time with her heavy charachter and that they will have nothing to talk about she agreed and said, that she thinks so. When i told her, that i was going to merry her and that our life would have changes she said that it sounds like a fairy-tale and that she has no garantees, that in a few month after our new honeymoon i won't become the same. I really want her back badly. It hurts like hell. I think of it as a rebound, because there are a lot of signs. 1) Opposite one guy. 2) Really reactive relations. 3)No time past since our relationship. 4) She has her mood really changing fast. 5) When at the beginning of this situation i said — leave him or we shall never be friends or smth like that — she first said that i am in idiot and so on.

 

But that night at 2 o'clock she phoned me and was crying, that she won't contact him and she wrote about it to him. But in the morning her mood changed and everything returned to what it was before the call. It means that she still has fillings for me? 6) She is telling all her old-old friends that i am bad, and the new one is awesome, just like trying to convince herslef. Maybe i am trying to convince myself, that it is a rebound? Maybe it is not a rebound or G.I.G.S? But she was crying and embraced me when i said about no contant. I created a nice handmade lamp and she is using it. And he bought one and she pointed, that she likes mine and uses mine, but doesn't use his. I just can't imagine this idiot touching my girl :/

 

My question is — how long can this relationship go if they are reactively moving on and he is absolutely not her type. She even said, that she doesn't love him and will never be able to love him. But he drives her crazy physically.

 

Is it a rebound, G.I.G.S. or is it a true love? :/ I know all my mistakes and working on them. But i really need answers, help me, please :/ If you need more information, i will give it! Great thanks!

Edited September 19, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added much needed paragraphs

[preraph]

First of all, I'm sorry you are having to deal with this hurtful situation. Here are my main thoughts about it.

 

You are both still quite young to be trying to marry and settle down. It's true people's brains are not fully formed until at least about 25. These years in your 20s are years when you change rapidly. Most people only leave the control of their parents just a few years earlier and it takes time to leave their control and influence of you behind and grow into your own person. The 20s are that time.

 

You are convinced this guy is not her type, but the truth is she may have many types. She isn't old enough to really be completely settled on a type. And while you may only be thinking of marriage, she may only be thinking of having fun and dating different guys -- and I have to tell you that that is what you should both be doing in your 20s. She is not ready to be with only one man.

 

No, it is not fair for her to expect you to wait around and put up with this because you are so invested. You are the only one who can decide what to do there. I'm sure she cares deeply about you, but her drive to explore the world and meet new people very likely outweighs the need to settle down with you.

 

One positive thing I can say is that she at least seems to be being honest with you and not just leaving you in the dark here. She should have broken up with you before going out with this guy, though. She was keeping you for security reasons and because she feels she can.

 

Just from a lifetime of watching how relationships usually work, I would say the odds are against her coming back to you to stay. I think she's exploring and there's no turning back, though she may keep going in and out for some time. But if she was content, she wouldn't be seeing others.

 

Maybe the best thing is for you to go no contact for a few years and see what she's doing when she's about 30, in case she begins to want a more stable life by then. And you might meet someone you like even better in the meantime. I hope so. Good luck.

[FlyingCartman]

Thank you for answering! But i can't agree with you. She was telling me about marriage rather often. I think that the problem was in opposite. I was too long telling her - later, later, later. She wants to be a young mom and she sees, that all my friends and her friends already having kids and so on. She just doesn't want to wait, i think. My mistake, was smth like afraid of responsibility, but now i am not. But she sais, that she doesn't believe me, cause i am saying it just to return her. She is really hurt about break up, because she lost 8 killos in a week! Just as i did :/ Maybe i am not right, but she won't be happy with this guy. It is evident for me. She also thinks, that she won't make him happy, and he won't make her happy in all aspects. I made up my mind and really realized my mistakes, not just on words, but i am fixing them right now. Working on myself. I want to have another chance, but don't know what to really do. I am no contact now, it hurts, but, anyway, i think, that right now i can't change anything :/

[Fearful]

Sorry OP. Your gf is dumping a relationship of 5years for that of 3weeks because she is selfish and immature. She bug u with the marriage issue knowing fully well that u are not ready for marriage and now that you are willing to show readiness, she is doubting you because all she needs right now is a fling with the new guy. So, stop blaming your self over the failure of the relationship. If you had married her, marriage wouldn't have stoped her from exhibiting her immaturity, disloyalty and treachery. She was committed to you for 5years only because nobody show her much attention as you did. But now that a man whom you and her sees as 'less than you' and 'stupid' gifted her 70 rose flowers , attention and sex, she is transfering or have transfered all the love she have for you to him. She chooses him over you but isn't ready to communicate this to you because of the fear of the unknown. Stop blaming your self, stop, stop wasting your feelings on her and go complete NC with the intention of moving on not winning her over. Never allow her back into your life because she will only come back out of choice not out of will.