niceguy1847 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Hi there, I am posting here to get some advice and some other people’s opinions. To start off I want to say I really haven’t dated to many girls, so I don’t have much experience with dating. I met this girl on an online dating site about 6 months ago. We really hit it off, we had almost every little thing in common we would even text each other at the same time saying hi for the day. We either texted, skyped, or talked on the phone all most ever day this summer. Often talking for 4-5 hours late in the night every other. We got together for an few dates over the summer, which we hung out all day around her town and house, she even introduced to her mom/family. We really couldn’t get together to often because she moved home for the summer (which was over 2 hours away, and she does have an car) and are schedules would never work out so we could get together as much as we wanted. Well now she has moved back to school to an new apartment which is closer and hour away now. We don’t talk as much as we use to now cause she busy with school work (she told me she really needs to crack down on school work this year a week before school started). We still shoot an few text back and forth almost every day. If I don’t hear from hear from her or if she doesn’t reply she always says she sorry and makes up for it. We have talked once on the phone two weeks ago, which was like an 3 hour call that we both confessed that we really liked each other. Last week we went on an date, which went well. She said she had a lot of fun and was looking forward to it all week. Then we hardly talked for 4 days. She messaged me an few times, but it didn’t last more then a few text. I know two of the days she was busy cause she texted me so. Then last night I stupidly said how it was off-putting that she wasn't replying to my text or taking hours to reply which has been happening for a month. I know this was very stupid to say, I don’t know why I said it, I guess it just built up after 4 weeks of that happening. I kind of said I was sorry for saying that and hoped I offend her. Then she came out and said: (note: I changed her name to ag) “No you didn't offend me at all. And I was happy to see you on our date. I just idk maybe I just feel like maybe right now I shouldn't try to have a relationship because of how busy I am like it's tearing me apart how straining it is on you and like how we can't talk much and like I hate that I don't have much time right now.” “I just hate it all. But idk I hate doing that to you”” and none of it is because of you or anything like that. Like I've really enjoyed spending time with you and going out on our dates and skyping with you all summer. I just feel like it's so hard to do so right now with my schooling and everything.”” I just want to be 100% honest with you and up front with you. I don't want to be "that" girl and not say anything to you.” Then I Said: oh, ok. I enjoyed it to. Honestly Idk what to say. I wish your weren't so busy AG and had more time. AG:I know Cody, I am just so sorry about this. I really enjoyed our time together and it's just because I just don't have that extra time right now You are just such a great guy and we have so much in common, but idt it is going to work because of my lack of time I just hate it. Me: thanks for being honest with me Annie , I was really hoping we would make it to an relationship. I have never met anyone like you. We had so much in common. AG: I know I really hoped too. We had a lot in common, you are such an amazing guy and I just really respect you and I wanted to be 100 percent honest with you because that is exactly what you deserve. Me: Have you completely lost interest in me? Cause I am willing to work around you having no time. hoping that you schedule becomes less hectic AG:I just think I am not ready to be invested in a relationship right now in my life. And I would just hate it if my schedule didnt open up because I don't ever want to lead you on and have you get hurt in any way. Then we talked a little more after that, say it going to be weird not talking daily. She also said she definitely wants to say it touch with me. I honestly don’t know what to think of it, I really like and care this girl more than any other girl I have dated and I think she still really like me. I don’t think she has lost interest, but I don’t really know what signs to look for, because most of the ones I have seen are that she likes me. Is it an bad idea to tell her in an few weeks I really like her and I find it worth slowing things down and waiting till things got less busy or should I just give up on her cause it is over? Should I give her some time and see what happens? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Geography is working against you. many college students want to date people who are right there. That's why some many high school relationships don't survive the transition. The other person is too far away & there are too many new tempting people who are more accessible. Her work load is a an excuse but it is a valid consideration. Studying takes time. It was fun while it lasted but she's not willing to put in the work to keep relationship alive when it's not easy / right there in front of her. Circumstances happen. Try not to take it too personally; if you went to school together you might still be together but that is not meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author niceguy1847 Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 Your probably right, distance could be an issue, I never really thought of that because it wasn't an problem all summer. Also cause she is only about 45 mins away now, I do all driving cause she doesn't have an car. I willing to head down there any time because it is not an big deal to me, I use to do it all the time when I was still in school. I know she is pretty stressed out about college/ her apartment/ friends and having an hard time getting back grove of classes and going to bed early. She thought this semester was going to be easy like last one, but the work load is an lot more than she thought and her friends and roommates wanting to do things isn't helping either. She has had an rough time though out school, due to bad roommates, group of friends, and an bad relationship. At this point she has only an few friends Which makes it hard to talk to me like we use too. Which with the lack of talking, she thinks she is really hurting me which bothers her. Maybe she has loss interest in me idk, it really didn't seem it at all on are date 4 days before this all happened. I been thinking I would message her in an week telling her I am ok with just being friends at the moment while school is going rough for her and afterwards we still have feeling for each other we would try it, if not we could just be friends. She said many times after all those texts I posted she still wants to be in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
FeuFollet Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 How much can you really know someone when your interactions are primarily through digital media? I wonder about this. We all create a persona we want to show the person we want to be with - we maximize what we have going for us, and we minimize what flaws and weaknesses we posses. So much of it is a fantasy. A for instance. Long ago, when I was in the military - I met a girl online. We chatted, talked on the phone, communicated often. We shared interests, had deep conversations, and connected on multiple levels. Or so I thought. Upon reflection, her knowledge of many things I talked about was wikipedia shallow, I did most of the talking in our conversations, and that sense of connectedness was something I was craving so much that I realized I was creating it, myself. Of course, by the time I realized this, it was much too late. Link to post Share on other sites
serges Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 When she said she doesn't feel like the right time to invest relationship, she is implying that she is unsure if she likes you enough to be in a relationship with you. Other reasons like distance and college could be valid reasons but I believe those were not the deciding factors of her choice to stop going out with you. I feel that the main reason why she is like that is because she does not feel the sparks. Get what i mean? Just let her go. And move on bruh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author niceguy1847 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 Thanks, I might stay in touch once every week or every couple weeks just to see how she is doing. I realize I shouldn't wait around or bug her to often. I probably not going to wait around to long and get myself out there to find the right girl. Maybe she will want an relationship in an few months or so, I don't know. It just sucks we have just invested so much time in each other not to have it work out. We have to had over 150 hours of talk time on just Skype alone and at least 20 in our few dates. Our conversations weren't one sided at all, she started most of them and talked a lot. Oh well I will see what happens, I guess I have learned not to invest so much in somebody without knowing were it is going. Any more advice will be great also. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Sorry, but she's young and there's hot guys all over college. She'd rather try them right there than start long distance with you. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Thanks, I might stay in touch once every week or every couple weeks just to see how she is doing. Please don't. Whatever you had over the summer has run its course. Clinging is just going to make you even less attractive. Are you in school? Work? Hobbies? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts